people that YELP are scumbags

I've gotten better service at Carls Jr in a shady neighborhood than this.

Nothing like the canopy of some majestic oaks to scarf down a double jalapeño thickburger underneath, sheltering the delicate array of meats and cheeses from the harmful effects of the sun's rays.

I took pictures as evidence!

Boooo. I haven't been to Jamba in a while and never realized the prices went up so much! Anyways, so I walk in and there's no other customers and the server had a real bad attitude. The guy making the drinks seemed so whatever, taking his time and whatnot. At one point, we saw him drop something on the counter and scoop it up and put it back in the blender. How clean are those counters?

This Mexican restaurant is next to my favorite donut shop so it was only a matter of time until i stepped in for some tacos or a burrito.
Now i am no clean freak, just ask my wife but this establishment could really use a make over and deep cleaning from top to bottom.
Dirty floors, dirty windows, old sticky trays and i cant even imagine what the kitchen looks like!
So i was not comfortable eating the burrito i ordered, my friend ate it and said it was delicious.
So for that, i give it two stars.
Sincerely,
A possible Germ-phobe

http://www.yelp.com/biz/kozy-kar-bar-santa-rosa-2?hrid=x9MIY3lvZDO35diWTvQcTg

Oh man. The owner's comments about the status of their pinball machines a few posts down is worth reading too.

Dunno if anybody comes out of that looking all that appealing, bar sounds fairly gross tbh.

The whole thing was extremely bazaar.

Well, there's your problem. The place wasn't even a restaurant!

Yelp reviews of national parks: http://imgur.com/a/bwsrB

yes, 100% cashmere

the Nat'l parks thing is great.

And to our waitress that night, we sincerely apologize if we inadvertently hurt your feelings in anyway. We can't see how that's possible based on the conversations we had (again, we thought you were great and were joking), but if there was somehow a misunderstanding, we are truly sorry. And we are sorry about not leaving any tip in the end, but we had no option after Frankie called the cops.

oh now that's a teaser

can no longer search for anything at all in the entire universe without finding a yelp page, honestly i don't need to know that the pumpkin patch i went to every year of my youth is 3.5 stars

tbf you also didn't need to search for that

you don't own me

sorry, now that the orioles are out i've got nothing to do but snipe at people on the internet

take your mind off things with a visit to baugher's farm

Whoa! I just got back from autumn touristing in Carroll County. Showvaker's Quality Evergreens does not have any yelp reviews though.

So I order food. Just 10 wings. They bring me only 9. Yep I'm at bit pissed off. I pay for 10 I'd like to have 10. If I ever return to Pittsburg I don't think I'd come back. Service is like 90 percent of the dining experience.

but they brought you like 90 percent of the wings you asked for

"Service is like 90 percent of the dining experience."

I can't figure out who's eating at the wrong restaurants, him or me.

yeah that is pure savagery

It's pretty much the position of the typical yelper though.

they should have called it WatrFillr

"so are we ready to order?"
"oh no, thanks, i'm just here to check out the waiters"

yelpers are generally nouveau riche types who are suddenly "experts" about food and service, either because they come from pain-in-the-ass mcmansion families or they just got a job where their dress code involves a suit (which is on the nicer side of "off the rack" and you know they fought with the cashier over whether the coupon was valid).

i picture the typical yelper as coming from a newly affluent and republican part of the san gabriel valley, and when he or she comes into the big city, they haggle with the valet because the neighborhood is too "ghetto" for street parking.

a job where their dress code involves a suit (which is on the nicer side of "off the rack" and you know they fought with the cashier over whether the coupon was valid)

Honestly I have no reason to think that people who have a classier suit or suits are any nicer on Yelp than people who shop at Jos. A Banks!

These savages in their cheap suits...

xp I think the point is that rich people who are used to eating in nice restaurants aren't the ones going on yelp at all

First of all I would like to say that I went to have dinner with my family at Fuji buffet on 14 mile and john r n while I was eating I seen a nasty disgusting looking bug in my food it looked like a dead cooked up cock roach! I called my server n told her then she called the manager. when the manager seen the nasty bug in my food he said it's Cus the noodles then he said it's from the veggies but I didn't even have veggies on my plate...????? Then instead of him being a nice manager he started getting loud with me n said all hes gonna do is take 10 percent off my bill then my husband said sir it's not about the money it's that my wife just seen a nasty bug in her food that she was about to eat then he said it is about the money.. Like we don't have money or something he was just soooo rude!!! N I'll never go back to that place again He wanted me to pay him for bug in my food like a dumbass! N I asked for the owner n he said she's not here n later on I found out she was there n the manager turned out to be her Fucked up son N when I got home my stomach was hurting so bad fuck Fuji buffet they have the nastiest worst food n service ever !!!!

Posted in the review section for the Oxnard, CA Fuji Buffet but the user just copied and pasted their review for the Madison Heights, MI restaurant of the same name.

N N N N N

cock roach

And... seen.

He wanted me to pay him for bug in my food like a dumbass!

Last time I went to one of my favorite restaurants, I noticed a dead roach. It had become stuck in the frame of one of the pieces of art in the bathroom. I was so bummed. I didn't bring it up to the server or anything, or even anyone I was eating with. I had planned to send a letter or email to the manager or someone to let them know, but never ended up doing so.

(oh, point being: I didn't fucking YELP about it either)

http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/yelp-has-a-truly-staggering-number-of-dumb-reviews-1659501105

"racist against whites" site:yelp.com

About 1,060 results (0.23 seconds)

http://kitchenette.jezebel.com/yelp-has-a-truly-staggering-number-of-dumb-reviews-1659501105

― put your money where the maracas are (how's life), Thursday, November 20, 2014 8:39 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Didn't read this, but I generally kind of roll my eyes when blogsites do this sort of meme-compilation journalism. It makes me think of an 80s news anchor voice going "It's called Hardcore Punk Rock, and it may already be a craze at your kids' high school"

Yeah, it was really a disappointing compilation of reviews.

last one is v standard and not confusing at all but that might be because i read a million short stories by male college students and about 10% of them were written in that voice

yelp is a logical place for those guys to end up

Isn't the Jezebel piece the exact same thing we do here?

even a cursory read of this thread would have turned up dozens of far more horrifying and soul-sucking yelp reviews, and funnier commentary on them, sorry jez

yeah, it's like that buzzfeed thing that was like "LOOK AT ALL THESE HILARIOUS VIDEOS OF PEOPLE DANCING TO PHISH! WOULDN'T THAT BE WEIRD, IF THAT WAS WHAT REALLY HAPPENED, IN LIFE?!"

The crab guy was pretty funny tho

Calling this person out for giving my friend's awesome cafe three stars because even though the reviewer thinks it's really good, it apparently cramps her style

Jess T.
Brooklyn, NY

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3.0 star rating
11/25/2014

Not entirely sure how I feel about this place. It's not "Brooklyn" or "Williamsburg" style. It feels like it belongs in the financial district or the upper west side. But the food is tasty and the coffee is delish and the service is admirable... So... Three stars is my "could swing either way" rating

I also just don't know what she means, it's pretty Brooklyn-y, and a lot of stuff in Williamsburg looks like the financial district now anyway.