people that YELP are scumbags

2 people found it useful. Whew.

good example of yelp "inside baseball" kind of shit that no one really gives a shit about except for these loons

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Let me tell you what kind of a person I am. I am the kind of person that stops by this cafe on the way to her plastic surgeon's office. I'm the kind of person that gets easily addicted to things and doesn't mind paying $7 for a cup of coffee and an oatmeal cookie. I'm also the kind of person that puts salt on the oatmeal cookies before she eats them. So, when John M., Bradley S. and I made a date, I chose this location because of my addiction. It dictates how I lead my life and the places I go. So, even though I wasn't on the way to the surgeon's to become beautiful, just meeting up with a couple of Yelpers that bicker like Ike and Tina, this was the only place that would do.

We had a lovely time, which is the only thing that can happen when three self-centered people get together to talk about their opinions of other people. It's also fantastic when the Governor of the state walks in with his children and their pet rabbit. I guess when your dad is the boss of the entire state and a former Mr. Universe, you can walk around with your rodents in tow. Kinda pisses me off that I was born to a professional poker player and a baker.

We only had coffee, which comes in little pots, but they abandon it in front of you without any kind of sugar situation. That left Bradley and I fending for my Splenda and his copious, COPIOUS amounts of Sugar in the Raw. He has diabetes now, in case you're interested. Service was a bit slow, we had to flag our waitress down for refills, and I felt like we could've walked out the door at any time without paying our bill. We contemplated ordering food, but since everything in the place is over $16 and sounds organic, we skipped it.

I love this place, and if it were open past 7pm, it would be my hangout, that and if I could ever figure out how to pronounce the name.

i found that review useful

I dunno, that one is at least occasionally funny. And brusque, and a little less "OH DEARIE ME, I AM TOTALLY UNAWARE OF ANYONE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE".

wtf mcdonalds delivers

But, men, don't stay there too long and don't visit too often -- or you will develop a man-gina.

Four stars!

^^^^ i usually give top ratings to places that take away my genitalia too.

^^^otm

"That is a mini kok".

Yup. That's what she said - after observing it intently.

"Really?" (That's all he could say!)

She (speaking slowly): "It's pronounced coke. It's a pastry made with cake-type cookies that are filled with pastry cream, dipped in syrup, and topped with a chocolate glaze."

"Think of it as a Greek cream puff", the server added helpfully as I tried to keep a straight face and ignore naughty thoughts.

You either have it or you don't. And, by that I mean the ability to pick a winner amongst a hundred contenders ("But I like the way you're thinking"). Having introduced me to the fine world of (rich) Greek pastries through Omonia Café, Athens Café, and many others, my friend, a bonafide Greek, was astounded when I returned the favor by introducing her to Artopolis, a delightful bakery that would compete favorably with the very best that Athens has to offer - at the very least in the breathtaking variety of their products.

Cookie Monster let me introduce you to Melomakarona: this spice (Cinnamon, Clove) cookie is a Christmas tradition in Greece and is dipped in a syrup of honey and lemon juice and sprinkled with walnuts. *Poof* Wait, where did it disappear?

The Cookie Monster is not the only one who would go Kookie in the middle of so many cookies! I've discovered the only way to figure out what you do and don't like is to pick a pound of assorted cookies. After padding up my waistline, I've realized that I also like Kourambiethes (rich, walnut shortbread) and Kouroulakia (mildly sweet, coffee dunking) cookies. Oh, and the dark chocolate Florentines.

Recession worries got you beat? Try their traditional Greek pastries and feel rich, without pulling off a Madoff. You don't need to create a ponzi scheme when you can indulge in different types of Kataifi (shredded phyllo dough, walnuts, honey - including one similar to Knafeh), Galaktoboureko (custard filled phyllo where the custard is baked with the pastry as opposed to a mille-feuille), and Baklava (regular, almond, pistachio, chocolate, fig, coconut). Oh, and did I tell you about the 12 different kinds of glaces? Sinful.

Twisted minds seeking to atone for their sins (say, for being on yelp Talk), or merely needing sustenance for another harrowing time (say, on yelp Talk) can feast on the braided Soureki - traditionally served to celebrate Easter (and similar to Challah).

There are a few tables to sit down and enjoy the pastries with illy coffee. You should not expect to overhear dialogues of Plato or the plays of Aristophanes in a mini-mall of America - and you don't. Even though a narration of 'The Clouds' might be extremely relevant in these times. Who needs 'Shopaholic' when one can learn from Socrates?

I remember a very few number of things about the night of my visit to Slaughtered Lamb. Here they are in blurry order:

2. Bartenders make the taps flow like the mighty Mississippi in this joint.

1. I met Khalib B for the first time the night I came here.

3. I found some guy named Terry with a skateboard on the street outside this place and taught him yoga sun salutations A and B. I only know this because krafty KB has a video on his phone now. (For the love of your halal cart - delete that shiz!)

5. KB carried me out of this place and when he put me down, I walked a 5.2 feet, tripped and fell flat on my face on the sidewalk, ripped a hole in my tights, proclaimed to everyone on the street that the incident branded me as a drunken ho-bag and hobbled to a curbside stoop to show him how I "skinned my knee" and then passed out on tha brotha.

I'm gonna miss ya KB, but I can't really remember why so I just removed one star.okbye.

^^^ this one is pretty good actually

OH MY GOD IN READING THE DOUCHEY REVIEWS OF THE DAY I JUST FOUND A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE SHE IS AN ELITE D:

loooool

i dunno if this is the same with nyc but i'm noticing that out of thousands of yelp people, the reviews of the day seem to be chosen from a pool of about 50 people

these reviews make me think that most of these ppl read 'classy' magazine reviews all their lives and now get to be those 'glamourous' people going to places and writing about it. like, it's no longer 'oh hey i went to this place, maybe i'll write a quick review' but more 'i'm going to this place specifically so i can write an unwitty, cringeworthy review that makes me sound like the douche i am'.

her review of boxcar lounge is in the rotd section -- both she and that establishment are dead to me now

"the reviews of the day seem to be chosen from a pool of about 50 people"

If you give them your real name, you could be one of those 50!

schef im pretty sure i no two ppl thatve posted reviews but a least yr friend isnt "Aryan D"

Totally not what I expected coming from a local Chinese restaurant.

I went here on a weekend with a few friends and it was pretty dead. The place was extremely clean and the furniture still looked new. I did find it odd upon entering that the statues were holding U.S. flags....

Anyways, the menu differentiated itself from others in that they made certain that their "health conscious" business model was portrayed. Great selection and I ended up getting the Sesame Chicken lunch special which came with soup and egg roll for $7. Service was great but I'd like to see how it is on a busy day.

The only suggestion I'd make is to have fortune cookies that give you better...fortunes.

I'll admit that this review is a bit biased because my friend's dad owns this restaurant and I told her I'd give it a try. It was voted "Best of LA" this year and even had the Yelp sticker on the outside which surprised me. I had high expectations and it met them.

I hate to see your unbiased review dude.

Before you read my review and why I gave this place only two stars, I'm putting up full disclosure that I am 1) a male, so I would never be shopping here for myself - 2) a 4XL-sized male with a not-XS girlfriend, so the store refuses to believe any fat people could be "Forever 21" - and 3) a person who knows NOTHING about fashion and thanks the Lord every day to remember to wear a shirt and pants and couldn't give a rat's ass whether or not they "match".

See that grain of salt over there? That's what you should take my advice with.

That out of the way, this store apparently thinks that 21-year-olds (that you should "Forever" aspire to be like) are loud, obnoxious, whorish, antisocial, devious and horrifically disorganized. Either that or it doesn't understand what people think when they see a store labeled "Forever 21".

I always thought that the music system in a store/business was meant to entice the patrons and lull them into a sense of comfort, like casinos do. This place throws that notion out the window, then records the sound of all that window-glass shattering, and loops it at about 100 decibels until you're clawing at your ears to rip them off and end your suffering. I'm not at all a "hep cat" (or however the youths are saying that nowadays), but I do have a wide range of music knowledge at my disposal. And that sounds like a garbage disposal.

If there's one thought that undoubtedly runs through the minds of these clerks 21 (and forever) times a day, it must be "This place would be great - if it weren't for the customers!" Let me tell you something, Forever 21 executives. The idea of being "forever 21" is supposed to appeal to PEOPLE OLDER THAN 21 because they wish they could be forever at that perfect age without growing old, like they are currently doing. So how in the name of all that is good and right in this world did you pick a target demographic who is 14-18 years old? These pubescent sticks of hormones wouldn't know 21 without the aid of a time machine - so how can allow them to strive to be Forever 21?

This store would be 30 times better if there were a bouncer at the door blocking women who couldn't present a valid I.D. - and it would be 300 times greater if it served alcohol. Something for the menfolk - other than the clothes themselves...

Whorish (adj.): a word to describe the clothing at Forever 21. Done.

We wandered the store for about 25 minutes in total and I was asked ONE TIME, "are you finding everything you need?" I was not, because what I needed was for the store to sell more than 2 items in the size XL, neither of which I had located. Unfortunately, before I could verbally get any of that out, the clerk had been distracted by something shiny and walked away. Perhaps her hearing had been permanently damaged by the "music" and thought she heard me say "yes", so she was free to leave.

As for the deviousness and disorganization, it's rampant. Every "sale" sign in the place has those words "and up" attached to them, so by the time I've found something almost passable to purchase (after digging through stacks of items not sorted by size or anything useful or located near any similar items), I find out it's twice the price of the other stuff. I'm fully aware that more material is needed to create an XL shirt than an XS - but people who can fit in an XS are too young to be shopping at this store. Or need to eat something, please!

I'm frankly waiting for the revolution to begin. The overweight are outnumbering the underweight, and all of these stores selling to the "pretty people" and offer nothing above a size L need to be driven out of business. Yes, there will always be a size S in a department store for you - that doesn't mean we should have a nationwide chain of stores that ONLY sell size S. And yes - I plan on posting this in every review I write of businesses who think that they don't have the obligation to offer clothing in sizes that are becoming more of the norm.

Of course, those other stores might have a title that doesn't show complete disregard for itself like "Forever 21" does. Then again, if a store were built around my 21st year eternally, it would sell sweatpants and Nacho Cheese Doritos. So grab that grain of salt, because this is the end of my rant:

I guess I'd have to recommend this store to whorish teens who long to be 21 years old - and suggest that anyone who has survived that year and knows of the horrors of vomit-stained carpets from binge drinking that should not be revisited forever avoid this place like the plague.

http://g.imagehost.org/0180/m.jpg

http://www.yelp.com/biz/pedros-spanish-american-restaurant-brooklyn

there are two reviews bitching about how no one came and took their orders and how long it took to get waiter service in a joint that does not have waiters (and clearly says so in yelp's little summary up top)

search on the word "hipster" on a lot of these reviews and you'll see it's a worse strawman on yelp than it is on ilx.

"But after a few, we moved to the room with the DJ, and we couldn't stop dancing."

- from a yelp review of a place I go that doesn't have any DJs

i find myself looking at one-star reviews on yelp more than 5-star reviews, and if the 1-star person sounds like a douchebag, usually the place will be ok

^^^

yeah that is pretty much a truism.

yes - esp. reviews where the person talks about how much they spent/were going to spend at the place (works at all price levels).

one of the reviews of pedro's literally called the "waitress" retarded -- i mean, buddy, she's not the one who sat herself down on a bench outside a taco shack and then expected to have a waitress??

there was an article in my local (lol) alt-weekly abt how yelp manipulates the order of positive/negative reviews to try and sell advertising. tell them to screw and they'll put all the neg reviews of your establishment at the top. f dis service.

Maybe a retarded woman sat down beside her and tried to take her order.

i hate those bullshit reviews that are basically dialogues of what occurred at the restaurant, usually casting the server/manager/clerk as this incredibly irredeemable douchebag and the reviewer as this patient and rational customer. usually they read something like

ME: Do you have any steak?
WAITRESS (snooty voice): Sorry, this is a VEGAN restaurant.
ME: Uh, okay, just wondering.
WAITRESS (bitchy voice): I can make other recommendations.
ME (taken aback): Yeah, I guess.

I have a friend that is on yelp, and he mostly uses it to give low scores to places that close early or are not open during their listed hours. He also gave a 1 star review to the post office - one institution that is not going to give a rat's ass about yelp reviews.

that would explain a lot! such as my burning question, how the fuck did she get her order taken to begin with?

xpost yeah right? ppl who go into vegan places/steakhouses/burger shacks when they are not the person who would eat that should stfu forever -- how hard is it to NOT go to a vegan place or a steakhouse? i manage to avoid both very easily, all of the time.

xp call all destroyer: The East Bay Express or was there another alt-weekly yelp expose?

im a-ok with yelp giving reviews to hilarious stuff like post offices and bus stops and fire hydrants and schizophrenics

Yelp needs to implement a reviewer-quality ordering system for the reviews. Maybe color-coded too. Low-rated reviewers are at the bottom and have sickly vomit-colored borders on their reviews. High-rated reviewers get burrito-borders or something.

What were George W's yelp ratings like?

xp libcrypt: But who would be evaluating the quality - other yelp reviewers?

Maybe. Or maybe do it like Urbandictionary.com.

i dont think that would help anything, people are fucking retarded

We can always ditch this useless "democracy" thing and go back to reading reviews of restaurants written by people whose job it is to review restaurants.

sarahel it was in boston's weekly dig

food is the only area where i will put a decent amount of faith in a single critic over howling masses on the internet

This is a link to the East Bay Express yelp story

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/news/yelp_and_the_business_of_extortion_2_0/Content?oid=927491

and a follow up:

http://www.eastbayexpress.com/news/yelp_extortion_allegations_stack_up/Content?oid=946025

Of course, there are lots of comments!

We can always ditch this useless "democracy" thing and go back to reading reviews of restaurants written by people whose job it is to review restaurants.

much better way to go, imho

a good food critic is a hell of a thing

i hate those bullshit reviews that are basically dialogues of what occurred at the restaurant, usually casting the server/manager/clerk as this incredibly irredeemable douchebag and the reviewer as this patient and rational customer. usually they read something like

ME: Do you have any steak?
WAITRESS (snooty voice): Sorry, this is a VEGAN restaurant.
ME: Uh, okay, just wondering.
WAITRESS (bitchy voice): I can make other recommendations.
ME (taken aback): Yeah, I guess.

^ haha just found an actual one of these for a local place...

They actually SNEERED at me when I deigned to ask if they had milk to go with the coffee. Seriously, I get that you're a vegan, and that this is a vegan bakery, but there's no need to be mean.

there's this ex-coworker of mine who has a blog in which every single entry is in the exact same style as what i posted above, actually. like casting himself as the hero in his own life in mini-scripts like that. i think people who do this exact thing are the worst people around, basically.

there was a post on gawker today about some d-bag getting yelled at by hillary duff that was exactly that kind of story that made me irrationally mad, at, like, the internet

I really love target but food avenue suck there is a girl her name is ashlee or some like that she had a really but costumer service i went today and i say can i have a large ice cream and she is like you want 1 or 2 scoops i say large she keep telling me 1 or 2 and i say the sing say large or small i dont know how many scoops the large had but i wana large. Ok i also order a soda and the total was 5 dollars my boyfriend went to toll her what flavor and she is like and the other one im like i say let me have a large ice cream and a soda i never say 2 icecream and she is like no you order 2 she say that few time. but anyway this is not the frist time that she give us actitude but i love target anyway.

^^my favorite part of Finnegans Wake