people that YELP are scumbags

tastefully decorated with a huge mirror on one side and a gigantic picture of a big apple on the other brick side wall.

i'm going to start yelping my bus rides

lol @ that last one

For a special Yelp-world event (my 200th review AND my 30th Birthday!!!), my wife and I scored a great table in the quiet back section of Osteria Mozza to celebrate my entrance into that magical and scary realm - my 30s!

Started with cocktails at the bar - I had a gin/cucumber concoction which was refreshing, bold, balanced, perfect - my wife had a prosecco cocktail which was also lovely, accented by a lime zest twist meant to tease and tantalize your nose as you sip.

After a short and incredibly pleasant wait, we were shown to our table. and let me just tell you this place really knows the meaning of service. Professional, pleasant, courteous, personal.

We brought with us, to commemorate my birth year, a 1978 Cos d'Estournel, but ordered several other tastes and quartinos to accompany our meal. The Cos d'Estournel was a revelation - we'd had several 1978 wines over the weekend at my birthday party the night before but this was on a whole other level. It's amazing that a wine harvested 30 years ago is just coming to it's peak. Remarkable.

The food here can only truly be described as hedonistic. The mozzarella tasting menu accompanied by huge slabs of scrumptious garlic bruschetta is just other worldly good. As is the burrata with leeks and mustard bread crumbs.

The pasta dishes were also brilliant. I had the gnocchi pomodoro which was light, pillowy, beautiful. Perfectly sauced and draped with julienned basil and grated ricotta. My wife had the raviolo with brown butter and sage, which was again, the epitome of hedonism. Lush, rich, dense but not too much so.

The desserts were glorious. Bombolini, little pastries, with berries and vanilla gelato, was the perfect combination of textures, the olive oil cakes with a buttery gelato with a rosemary crisp was so odd and revelatory that it was almost as impossible to comprehend as it was to finish, but in the end both were accomplished. The moscato d'asti we had with our desserts was the perfect balance of honey, apricot, and confectioner's sugar - a lovely sparkler to end a lovely meal.

It was quite possibly the best meal I've ever had, and certainly a series of dishes and wines that I will never forget.

Like her music, Mexico's food is sometimes hot, sometimes sweet, sometimes a blending of both; but it is never dull.

yes. yes it fucking is. like every other culture on earth, "her" food can be dull. unless you consider refried beans to be the epitome of exitement or something.

ack

sigh@lyfe

^^^ i want to know what makes that "review of the day" other than the fact that she spends the first 3rd sucking up to yelp

Opps...something very important that you inadvertently missed.....The Piece is .......... BASICALLY RETARDED!!! For all that it sucks... The yelp is nearly 42.00% less terrible than most...

As my friends and I drove into Memphis we realized one thing: we knew nothing about Memphis...

So we found a parking spot and strolled around a bit. Saw this place and decided to pop in for a beer. A few hours later, we were definitely more excited to explore the city!

The Flying Saucer definitely exceeded our expectations. I couldn't believe the length of the beer list, especially how many they had on tap as well.

Our waitress was such a sweetheart and the plates on the wall were really cool as well. Awesome place to hang out, comfy seating and fantastic selection. I'll go back every time I'm in Memphis!

^^ Guess which sentence in that review remains accurate.

I may not be perfect, but my evening here certainly was. As usual, the BF and I spent days figuring out where to go for a delectable dinner. We yelped, used menupages, and made lists. Yes, we take our meals quite seriously. That said, at 7:30 Sunday evening, we still hadn't picked a place. With so many choices of great places to dine, sometimes it's so hard to narrow it down. So what better place to eat than a tapas bar?
We read that it was BYOB, so we brought a bottle of wine and headed over, taking a chance that there wouldn't be too long of a wait.
There wasn't - yay! We were seated promptly in the candle lit, intimate setting and our server appeared to uncork our wine bottle.
We asked (or I did) for recommendations, of course, and our waiter was happy to oblige. We ordered the asparagus with manchego cheese, sweet potato fries, bacon wrapped prawns, wood oven flat bread, and socca cakes. We both enjoyed the first three immensely, but I didn't care for the flat bread, and my date wasn't sure how to feel about the socca cakes. Churros with chocolate sauce for dessert rounded out the evening. All I can say is that I held myself back from drinking the divine warm chocolate sauce, or asking for it to go for a little fun later. What can I say, I was feeling a bit naughty as my date kept staring at my cleavage and the wine was lovely enough that we polished off the bottle. The atmosphere and food certainly was an aphrodisiac. Not to mention my cute companion.
I absolutely see a return visit in our future. A perfect one. And in true form, my man and I have already picked out the dishes we want to order. Yes, we are quite the pair...

The food here can only truly be described as hedonistic.

LOLz.

what % of yelp reviews are more about the yelper and the yelpers life and friends than about the actual subject of the review

all spreading warm chocolate sauce on each other's torsos

http://static.px.yelp.com/photo/_WGjJznIeYo9yYC-cV0ddQ/m

Wow! I'm not into beer that much. My son is. He ordered some kind of flight over America sampler and I had a dark beer he said would be good (he was right). Like Forest Gump I would say, " I might not be a smart man, but I know what beer is." There was a lot.

I enjoyed the atmosphere. Especially the beer Goddesses (waitresses)all dressed up in cute little plaid skirts. The two hundred beer club has plates on the ceiling and the walls with your name on them and the date when you have drank two hundred different beers. In my naivety I asked my son if that meant in one day!

I had a good time, sat on a sofa and watched the beer Goddesses. I even got a picture with three of them. Boy, ain't life great!

"mmm this garlic bruschetta is. . . hedonisitic"

*meow, meow*

Of course a Cat like me would like it here. From the oysters to the caviar, how can you go wrong? This posh kitty filled restaurant was a great hot spot for a Saturday night out with friends.

We ordered a lot, maybe too much food. The waiter kind of took over on that part, so be CAREFUL they will try to add extras to your meal. Corkage here is $25 (which is a little much) and their stemware isn't amazing, however some dishes are too good to pass up.

My favorites:
Oysters on the half shell
The Paddlefish caviar
And the tempura fried oysters, water spinach, jicama, sesame seeds and ponzu.
Oh! And great apple fritters with caramel and sea salt.
We also ordered this drink that was special that evening that tasted like an Orange Julius, so GOOD!

This kitty was satisfied. *Purr* ;)

I could not resist the free short stack deal at IHOP yesterday and the invitations form my Harlem friends to visit the only one in the city. The line was terrible because we choose to go for 'breakfast for dinner' but after 20 minutes in the cold and a lot of pressure on the hostess we made it in. The syrup choices were a plus although I believe them all to be primarily high fructose corn syrup and not tree sap. I did buck the trend and split and extra order of hash browns with the free pancakes. So worth it. They even occasionally tasted like potatoes. Really, it is hard to make hash browns spectacular; if they are too good they become home fries.
Best part: even at the end of a long shift our waiter was super sweet and excited to get a tip.
I would only recommend this place one day a year for the free short stack. No more. No less.

IT'S FUCKING IHOP DUDE

lmbo

dear god in heaven that cat one :((((((

half of yelp reviews are girls using the wink emoticon and talking about their juggs

ok the one i found the most hilarious yesterday

i just moved to the 'hood, and am ISO really great pizza without the trek & crowds at Grimaldi's-
i got take out from Sam's the other night. I had no idea what the guy on the phone was saying, but he sounded italian enough to give me something delish. we had the eggplant pizza & a salad, and i loved it!
i will definitely go there again, and maybe next time go for the parm!
the only thing is there is a sign on the door saying 'no pets or strollers'
no strollers? i don't have a baby, or a stroller... (editors note: she only mentions babies, right) but isn't that justweird?

http://static.px.yelp.com/photo/AwPhvg-l0fMPE6ukvFwhJg/m

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=2BBPYdmHC1XOhWfBTm74kg

^^^ half of her profile is just shit for dogs

oh my jesus

This kitty was satisfied. *Purr* ;)

I hate working out and therefore never go to the gym.

But, once in a while, I feel fat and need to work off all the food and alcohol.

So, after a 5 week hiatus from torture class, I finally came back to Core Fusion last night. Trista is my fave instructor and she knows how to work you till you cry mercy.

The class was pretty full last night and there were actually 6 guys in there. Usually, its 95% women. But, hey, guys need to tone up too. At one point, after we did the killer arm workout, I really thought I was gonna pass out. Seriously, I was seeing stars.. OMG.

Well, 1 hr later, and feeling like a firmer cat, I was proud that I dragged my ass here. Torture or not, least I'm not as flabby as yesterday. :)

Classes are $20/session or $12 with student ID.

he sounded italian enough to give me something delish.

but after 20 minutes in the cold and a lot of pressure on the hostess

Don't even wanna know what this meant.

everything i am posting has been a "Review of the Day" just to be clear

It's a fun little hamburger place. Kinda like a Johnny Rockets vibe but more expensive. Our server was the happiest server in the world. I don't know what she was so happy about...but she had perma-grin on her face. You think she was drunk? Or high? It was in the middle of the afternoon~! I don't know but I guess a server with perma-grin is better than a server with a poopie frownie face.

They give you a sheet to mark what you want on your hamburger. I decided on the turkey burger. Very very dry. My lunch date had the mini cheeseburgers. Those were pretty tasty. The fries and onion rings were fresh and pretty good too.

Overall it was just okay. Not bad but I don't know if I'd come back unless I was in the neighborhood and someone else wanted to try it.

hahahaha a johnny rockets vibe!

I guess a server with perma-grin is better than a server with a poopie frownie face

^^ actually think she plagiarized this from gael green

It's hard being so Alpha all the time.

I know I make it look easy - what with my overwhelmingly pungent male pher-o-mones and my bo-honking machismo.

However, dear Yelpers, let me assure you that The Gar does power down once-in-a-Blue Moon, much like Michael Knight has to garage his high-performance, super-dope talking car K.I.T.T. every so often.

So in between episodes of vanquishing territorial nemeses and ravaging nubile nymphets, I like to tap into my more, shall we say, genteel side by tidying up my appearance and popping into Susina, which is oh-so-proper.

There I like to let the dulcet tones of Classical music dance into my ears and the sweet-sweet scent of potpourri waft into my nose, replacing thoughts of pummeling and smashing with ruminations of Les Beaux Artes and Haute Culture.

Instead of guzzling mead from goatskins and gnawing on barely cooked prey on the battlefields of Conquest, at Susina I can sip delicately-flavored Chamomile tea and sup on sumptuous panini and baked goods.

If you need respite from the madding crowd, lay down your arms and go to Susina. It'll give you the rest you require.

But, men, don't stay there too long and don't visit too often -- or you will develop a man-gina.

Four stars!

I'm embarrassed to be writing a reivew about Mc Donald's...but here goes.

The food is vomit worthy, as always. The main problem I have with Mc Donald's is the delivery time. The recalcitrant crack dealers they hire to deliver food either get lost after walking one block, or it apparently takes 2 hours to put 10 chicken mcnuggets in a carton. Either way, the service combined with the food is pretty atrocious. One delivery woman actually had the balls (or...well...whatever she has) to ask me for a bigger tip. I ended up giving her half of my laundry money. Bitch!

So why continue to order from and support such a wretched joke of a restauarant? Well, when I'm hungover, I don't want to move, and McDonald's food always seems like such a great idea after a night of drinking. After two hours of waiting for my food, occasionally I feel satisfied (thus, the two stars)....but the feeling is exceptionally rare.

Just stay away from Mc Donalds. Your body will love you so much more.

People thought this was: Useful (2) Funny (3) Cool (1)

2 people found it useful. Whew.

good example of yelp "inside baseball" kind of shit that no one really gives a shit about except for these loons

------------------

Let me tell you what kind of a person I am. I am the kind of person that stops by this cafe on the way to her plastic surgeon's office. I'm the kind of person that gets easily addicted to things and doesn't mind paying $7 for a cup of coffee and an oatmeal cookie. I'm also the kind of person that puts salt on the oatmeal cookies before she eats them. So, when John M., Bradley S. and I made a date, I chose this location because of my addiction. It dictates how I lead my life and the places I go. So, even though I wasn't on the way to the surgeon's to become beautiful, just meeting up with a couple of Yelpers that bicker like Ike and Tina, this was the only place that would do.

We had a lovely time, which is the only thing that can happen when three self-centered people get together to talk about their opinions of other people. It's also fantastic when the Governor of the state walks in with his children and their pet rabbit. I guess when your dad is the boss of the entire state and a former Mr. Universe, you can walk around with your rodents in tow. Kinda pisses me off that I was born to a professional poker player and a baker.

We only had coffee, which comes in little pots, but they abandon it in front of you without any kind of sugar situation. That left Bradley and I fending for my Splenda and his copious, COPIOUS amounts of Sugar in the Raw. He has diabetes now, in case you're interested. Service was a bit slow, we had to flag our waitress down for refills, and I felt like we could've walked out the door at any time without paying our bill. We contemplated ordering food, but since everything in the place is over $16 and sounds organic, we skipped it.

I love this place, and if it were open past 7pm, it would be my hangout, that and if I could ever figure out how to pronounce the name.

i found that review useful

I dunno, that one is at least occasionally funny. And brusque, and a little less "OH DEARIE ME, I AM TOTALLY UNAWARE OF ANYONE ELSE IN THE UNIVERSE".

wtf mcdonalds delivers

But, men, don't stay there too long and don't visit too often -- or you will develop a man-gina.

Four stars!

^^^^ i usually give top ratings to places that take away my genitalia too.

^^^otm

"That is a mini kok".

Yup. That's what she said - after observing it intently.

"Really?" (That's all he could say!)

She (speaking slowly): "It's pronounced coke. It's a pastry made with cake-type cookies that are filled with pastry cream, dipped in syrup, and topped with a chocolate glaze."

"Think of it as a Greek cream puff", the server added helpfully as I tried to keep a straight face and ignore naughty thoughts.

You either have it or you don't. And, by that I mean the ability to pick a winner amongst a hundred contenders ("But I like the way you're thinking"). Having introduced me to the fine world of (rich) Greek pastries through Omonia Café, Athens Café, and many others, my friend, a bonafide Greek, was astounded when I returned the favor by introducing her to Artopolis, a delightful bakery that would compete favorably with the very best that Athens has to offer - at the very least in the breathtaking variety of their products.

Cookie Monster let me introduce you to Melomakarona: this spice (Cinnamon, Clove) cookie is a Christmas tradition in Greece and is dipped in a syrup of honey and lemon juice and sprinkled with walnuts. *Poof* Wait, where did it disappear?

The Cookie Monster is not the only one who would go Kookie in the middle of so many cookies! I've discovered the only way to figure out what you do and don't like is to pick a pound of assorted cookies. After padding up my waistline, I've realized that I also like Kourambiethes (rich, walnut shortbread) and Kouroulakia (mildly sweet, coffee dunking) cookies. Oh, and the dark chocolate Florentines.

Recession worries got you beat? Try their traditional Greek pastries and feel rich, without pulling off a Madoff. You don't need to create a ponzi scheme when you can indulge in different types of Kataifi (shredded phyllo dough, walnuts, honey - including one similar to Knafeh), Galaktoboureko (custard filled phyllo where the custard is baked with the pastry as opposed to a mille-feuille), and Baklava (regular, almond, pistachio, chocolate, fig, coconut). Oh, and did I tell you about the 12 different kinds of glaces? Sinful.

Twisted minds seeking to atone for their sins (say, for being on yelp Talk), or merely needing sustenance for another harrowing time (say, on yelp Talk) can feast on the braided Soureki - traditionally served to celebrate Easter (and similar to Challah).

There are a few tables to sit down and enjoy the pastries with illy coffee. You should not expect to overhear dialogues of Plato or the plays of Aristophanes in a mini-mall of America - and you don't. Even though a narration of 'The Clouds' might be extremely relevant in these times. Who needs 'Shopaholic' when one can learn from Socrates?

I remember a very few number of things about the night of my visit to Slaughtered Lamb. Here they are in blurry order:

2. Bartenders make the taps flow like the mighty Mississippi in this joint.

1. I met Khalib B for the first time the night I came here.

3. I found some guy named Terry with a skateboard on the street outside this place and taught him yoga sun salutations A and B. I only know this because krafty KB has a video on his phone now. (For the love of your halal cart - delete that shiz!)

5. KB carried me out of this place and when he put me down, I walked a 5.2 feet, tripped and fell flat on my face on the sidewalk, ripped a hole in my tights, proclaimed to everyone on the street that the incident branded me as a drunken ho-bag and hobbled to a curbside stoop to show him how I "skinned my knee" and then passed out on tha brotha.

I'm gonna miss ya KB, but I can't really remember why so I just removed one star.okbye.

^^^ this one is pretty good actually

OH MY GOD IN READING THE DOUCHEY REVIEWS OF THE DAY I JUST FOUND A GOOD FRIEND OF MINE SHE IS AN ELITE D:

loooool

i dunno if this is the same with nyc but i'm noticing that out of thousands of yelp people, the reviews of the day seem to be chosen from a pool of about 50 people

these reviews make me think that most of these ppl read 'classy' magazine reviews all their lives and now get to be those 'glamourous' people going to places and writing about it. like, it's no longer 'oh hey i went to this place, maybe i'll write a quick review' but more 'i'm going to this place specifically so i can write an unwitty, cringeworthy review that makes me sound like the douche i am'.

her review of boxcar lounge is in the rotd section -- both she and that establishment are dead to me now

"the reviews of the day seem to be chosen from a pool of about 50 people"

If you give them your real name, you could be one of those 50!

schef im pretty sure i no two ppl thatve posted reviews but a least yr friend isnt "Aryan D"