OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

Justin Moyer
8/9/2014 2:52 PM EDT
Dear Readers:
The piece above is a work of parody and was not meant to be taken seriously. My apologies to anyone who thought it was real.

The reasons given for jazz being boring and overrated are ridiculously flimsy and ill-informed. Ask anyone who knows me--I do not feel this way. I might as well have penned a column that says, "I don't understand soccer and thus it's boring and overrated." Sure, some Americans may concur, but such an exercise would only serve as a triumph of ignorance.

Thanks for reading.

Soooooo...the takeaway here is that the WP actually pays untalented writers to troll?

Sorry, don't buy it

hahaha i buy it entirely

poe's law

is the post claiming the non parody is a parody itself a parody

*punches self in face*

I assume "pays untalented writers to troll" has been the WP's business model for at least a decade now.

https://s3.amazonaws.com/s3.weareultraviolet.org/images/G-will-cc.jpg

http://www.foxnews.com/images/595763/0_61_320_012210_han_thiessen_0.jpg

http://cdn.self-titledmag.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/12/edie.jpg

Whiney, based on this one piece, this guy seems like a poorly formed joke to me too but repeated callbacks of the "he wears MAKEUP haw haw" variety are nagl

yes, a straight guy who dresses in dragface and called himself "E.D. Sedgwick," and i'm the nagl one

how INTOLERANT i am for making fun of the goofy/terrible electroclash side project of a white cis male woking on his creative nonfiction MFA

co-opting someone else's sub-culture to freak out the squares, maaan [at sxsw]

dude, you can flail if you want but why when dealing with a dude who is making a public ass of himself with his writing is your inclination to focus on him in drag rather than focusing on his public ass writing

i mean, you understand that's how it reads to an observer right? all the other sidebar commentary you got going on there is inside baseball

i mean seriously, after reading through that JAZZ SATIRE piece, fuck if i'm gonna intentionally try to find out more about this guy

because both of his "internet infamous" articles are about the co-opting other cultures, something he literally does as a performer

also, straight dudes who dress in drag just to be wacky/weird/subversive in 2014 is "i have black friends" level of rmde

or I guess DeSoto wasn't servicing the T0fu Hut in 2005?

xp yeah but that's his POINT do u c and i daresay feeding into that in any way has you playing his game more than vice versa
oh wait E.D. Sedgwick, I get it.

public ass writing indeed

we now have multiple guys from Dischord bands debating jazz music in the pages of the Post:
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/style-blog/wp/2014/08/11/all-what-jazz-or-how-to-declare-something-dead-without-listening-to-it/

rolling jazz & satire are dead thread 2014

Waiting for Ian MacKaye to chime in in all caps.

COMPETE COMPETE DO IT FOR THE BOYS
JAZZ SAXOPHONISTS MAKE THE MOST NOISE

the #2 google hit for me for "are we being ironic" is
are-we-being-ironic-or-not-i-dunno anthems of a future generation

Eddie Sedgwick would have been better now that i'm thinking about it
i'd like to stop thinking about it.

filler review from All Music for Rigor Mortis's s/t:

" Review by John Book

One of the few death-metal bands to be signed by a major label with their first album, they were dropped due to "poor" sales. It's an amazing album."

Are there lots of 'community sourced' reviews on all music? I notice a lot of the more obscure reviews are way below the site's typical standards.

They seem to have less and less reviews every year now, and the length and quality is often dropping.

Before launching into his second song of the evening, D’Angelo took off his jacket to reveal his frame. Once almost shockingly fit – a tiny person could scale the abdominal muscles on the Voodoo cover, if one were able to survive the overpowering sexuality of it all – D’Angelo, 40, is carrying some extra weight these days.

And so is his music.

jesus

OMG a piece of writing about a male pop star* which treats his body with the same level of objectification that female pop stars are just routinely subjected to!!!1!11

*Yes, I know, before you all jump on me: Racial implications are complicated. But still.

I don't think writing fallen Mandingo fanfic is the route we want to go down to combat sexism but that's just me.

"And like his pendulous man-tits, D's newest joints wobbled in the deepening Brooklyn night before heaving skyward for a thundering and elephantine climax that left even his hungriest fans emitting soft burps of approbation"

Heavy beats, weighty lyrics, fat low end

Yeah, I know, it's racist tripe, and crossing another line into dismissive in a slightly sexist way towards his implied fans, in the way that "Serious Music Journalist Snides at Act Perceived as Popular With Women" always does.

(I still laughed though).

((I am admittedly a terrible person))

Exactly how much do you know about D'Angelo?

I don't feel like having that particular clusterfuck today, so point taken. Peace out.

I haven't personally seen reviews that drift off into dreamlike sexual fantasies mid sentence regardless of the gender in question.

pretty sure that sort of idiot shit happens more to non-white male artists than you might guess, esp in the coded "intimidating size/physically imposing" way applied to rap dudes that i see way too much. nobody every led off a review throughline with Glenn Frey getting paunchy.

"OMG a piece of writing about a male pop star* which treats his body with the same level of objectification that female pop stars are just routinely subjected to!!!1!11"

yes thank you for this sophisticated 'two wrongs make a right' analysis, well done

gonna go google "d'angelo tiny abdominal muscles" to find out whether this publication is bigger or smaller than a breadbox

ooh, bigger

I'm even struck by how his face has a vague resemblance to a Nazi helmet — that sleek, matte finish, that dull glans sheen.

oh gross.

shine bright like a cock head

well THAT was fun to google

how can sheen be dull and matte?

that's fêted pop critic simon reynolds btw, seemed relevant

to the discussion, I mean, obv