OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

i honestly can't think of an article where a guy debating a tune's value as fuckmusic came off well. it's just hilarious to be take a "no, for once ac/dc has truly failed as fuckmusic" stance on YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG. Like, the strip clubs have spoken, dude.

I almost want to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's just trolling rather truly that solipsistic

rather than truly that solipsistic, rather

though obv shame on me for even looking at an "Av club writers discuss songs they find lacking in the sexy dept" feature

it's probably hard to find any music sexy when you're stuck with the inner monologue of an AV club writer

"this is gettin kinda se -** IRON MAN BLOOPERS **- xy oh man I lost it"

by comparing a woman to a car (a metaphor so weak it deserves to be put on cinder blocks)

So what does he think of "Highway Star" and "Bang a Gong (Get It On)" and "Little Red Corvette"? I feel like this is a pretty common metaphor, also one that a genre like hard rock is practically made for.

Let me put some vinyl on
The we can get it on
Amanda
video games

Nothing says “bad bitch” like smoking an e-cigarette on stage – ask Lily Allen, who did just that in a sold out show at Festival Hall night. After a five-year long hiatus from the music industry, the ultimate anti-pop star is back with a bang.

http://www.tonedeaf.com.au/413201/heres-gone-lily-allens-splendour-sideshow.htm

"After a recent onslaught of mixed reviews"

What the hell did I just read

"Tonedeaf.com"

truly surprised #18 didn't chart higher

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/19-worst-things-about-woodstock-99-20140731

can't decide whether the tone-deaf conflation of "sucky band" and "criminal assault" on this list beats that SPIN "worst things about the nineties" one that had the jerky boys, heroin, rave fashion and the lapd on it

poll:

2 Skinnee J's, 3, American Pearl, Big Sugar, Cyclefly, DDT, Gary Durdin & The Clay Pinps, Mike Errico, F.o.N., Full Devil Jacket, Gargantua Soul, Chris Glenn, Beth Hart Band, Immoral Fibres, Indigenous, Sherri Jackson, Liars Inc., Moe Loughran, Chris McDermott, Old Pike, John Oszajca ,Chris Pérez Band, Bijou Phillips, Pound, Pushmonkey, Johnny Rushmore, Linda Rutherford & Celtic Fire, Serial Joe, Simmi, Sticky Pistil, Stormy Mondays or Sugar Daddy

We're they looking for listicle ideas and someone said "what about the awful things that happened at Woodstock '99" or did someone pitch a recap of Woodstock '99 and someone said "make it a listicle"

Wonder if clickhole will beat them to "10 dumbest things that happened at altamont"

"You Won't Believe What Happened at this Who Concert!"

"[Great White]'s headlining set was cut short when..."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sLw4xds3M_Q

this is gonna be hard to beat

http://www.philly.com/philly/opinion/inquirer/20140801_Keep_belting_out_the_inspiration__Piano_Man.html

"Unlike his other songs, the lyrics consist mostly of people or news events from 1949 to 1989, with the chorus "We didn't start the fire. It was always burning since the world's been turning."

Unlike his other songs

He has got songs which list news events from 1929-1938 though.

"I'm still listening to the Piano Man and I'm still writing."

Maybe have a rethink on both these activities?

I don't know how web portal philly.com will ever recover from a piece of friendly Billy Joel appreciation written by a PR associate at United Cerebral Palsy of Philadelphia

It was in today's Inquirer, I read it on newsprint!

i dunno, that's not like even in the top 200 on this thread imo

What are the top ten?

I will cut some slack for an actual Catholic schoolgirl writing about Billy Joel. It's like a girl in a flatbed Ford writing about the Eagles.

that sounds difficult

only when they're on a gravel road
which is pretty much always

xpost to that Lily Allen review. A "ready and rearing audience"? Cows on their hind legs? Or parents bringing up their children?

???

http://www.newyorker.com/humor/daily-shouts/sonny-rollins-words

Sounds like a fancy-schmancy Onion article, but shorter, so it doesn't run its one gimmick as deeply into the ground. Coleman Hawkins was almost that bitter.

I thought it was hilarious. But man, are the jazz dorks I know on Facebook weeping blood from their asses about it.

they eat at Chipotle?

That's actually pretty funny, particularly once it gets to the Dexter Gordon and Miles Davis parts.

With not-too-much tweaking, some of those Rollins quotes could be legitimate. Leading up to his mid-70s hiatus, Miles pretty much did what "Rollins" describes.

And if the joke about him wanting to be an accountant is "haha, because of COURSE Sonny Rollins has been happily making tons of money as a musician for years!" that's pretty fucked up, considering how many decades of scuffling he and his contemporaries had to endure.

Particularly Onion-worthy:

People take turns noodling around, and once they run out of ideas and have to stop, the audience claps. I’m getting angry just thinking about it.

Sometimes we would run through the same song over and over again to see if anybody noticed. If someone did, I don’t care.

Can't seem to open link, excerpts don't seem particularly clever.

And if the joke about him wanting to be an accountant

Believe at least one cat actually did leave jazz for a while to study to be an accountant- Ray Drummond, maybe.

No, not quite. He went to Stanford business school to work on an MBA then dropped out after one year to play bass full time.

http://jazztimes.com/articles/14542-ray-drummond

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYt8B2RkqrM#t=249

<3 sonny

i really don't get why people are piss and vinegar'd about this

seconded

It was fucked because they didn't mention it was satire + Sonny Rollins isn't enough of a public figure to telegraph the joke.

i mean it was in the humor section with a large-font byline that clearly wasn't sonny rollins

and sure sonny rollins isn't paris hilton--but isn't 'playing to people who get it' kind of the NYers whole reason for being?

artwork choice helped the perception too; using a photo and not an illustration made it seem more like a legitimate story.

i worked out it was a joke by reading it. also it was v. funny.

i didn't think it was that funny! i'm just befuddled by the outrage.