OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

how is posing nude with a georgia o'keefe flower 'rejecting explicit sexuality' btw, like has this guy just never seen a vagina

he's putting the eureka in urethra

have to wonder how comfortable Kelela feels about being edited into sounding like she's intent on throwing shade at B and Riri

maybe that was her intent, maybe not, but she's hardly at risk of eclipsing either one of them any time soon

Throwing the shade in Sade.

"“There’s a generation out there who don’t have that many role models who aren’t using their bodies."

ARE BRAINS IN VATS SETTING BAD EXAMPLES FOR TODAY'S GIRLS

PL has always been very pleasant when we have communicated and I do think he has a genuine excitement about r&b, rap and pop music. Quite how he manages to maintain that excitement while disliking 99 per cent of what makes r&b, rap and pop functionally different from indie rock has always been a mystery though.

real life lol @ "brains in vats"

BRAINS IN VATS:

http://comicsalliance.com/march-modok-madness/

larf

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/75/75f0b2c7a64ca65b679dbe16b140aab6043d04f59eea1ae0db3f22a5630472a7.jpg

http://thirdculturecafe.com/2014/02/24/crackles-last-stand-by-david-a-singh-2/

Behind the cramped counter made for two, but manned by four, was always Amanda who would immediately reach for a pile of records stashed below as soon as she saw me. What then took place was purely non-verbal with her pointing to the pile, which meant, “Some new stuff in this week – I saved the good ones for you”, and me nodding and pointing to the shelves which meant, “No problems babe – let me just have a gander first”.

I have no intention of ever buying a turntable again – been there done that and I know it’s over. I live a stone’s throw from an Indie record store in Geneva. I never go inside – I don’t even stop. Like every fighter I know when to hang up my gloves. The future has never been clearer.

“No problems babe – let me just have a gander first”

...Amanda

It reads like he's trying to narrate some kind of music journalism noir. Like there are supposed to be big dramatic drags of a cigarette between sentences.

lol at capitalization of "Indie" for no reason

Who calls casual acquaintances/store clerks "babe," even telepathically?

Dick Tracy

Who calls casual acquaintances/store clerks "babe," even telepathically?

the chronically undersexed

every character Jason Sudeikis has ever played

infantilizers

When I finally did make it to the counter I was a regular which Amanda would tell anyone who happened to be there: “Sorry mate, my customer’s here and I need to take care of him right now – maybe Jimmy can help you out when he’s done”. Then we would begin a familiar interaction with her opening each album one by one and playing them track-by-track. The store was mine. In between the conversation went something like: ”I saw your little girl and your missus yesterday going into Sainsbury’s – she’s growing ever so nicely – she’s going to be a real cracker she will”. She knew my family and I knew about hers: her mom, nana, brother and useless dad who had buggered off many years ago for a woman half his age. There was also the boyfriend; Mick the builder, who preferred to go on the piss every night with the lads than spend time with her.

No man in Amanda's life ever did right by her, except for me, her customer.

well now Waylon Jennings "Amanda" is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day

I can only imagine that, while I gandered, she was waiting with breathless anticipation to see what I had chosen.

Waylon Jennings's "Amanda" is a great song to have stuck in your head. Now pick up a guitar and sing it. Key of D.

Let me put some vinyl on
The we can get it on
Amanda

When I finally did make it to the counter I was a regular which Amanda would tell anyone who happened to be there: “Sorry mate, my customer’s here and I need to take care of him right now – maybe Jimmy can help you out when he’s done”. Then we would begin a familiar interaction with her opening each album one by one and playing them track-by-track. The store was mine. In between the conversation went something like: ”I saw your little girl and your missus yesterday going into Sainsbury’s – she’s growing ever so nicely – she’s going to be a real cracker she will”. She knew my family and I knew about hers: her mom, nana, brother and useless dad who had buggered off many years ago for a woman half his age. There was also the boyfriend; Mick the builder, who preferred to go on the piss every night with the lads than spend time with her.

No man in Amanda's life ever did right by her, except for me, her customer.

― intheblanks, Friday, July 25, 2014 3:43 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Garth Merenghi reflects on his record shopping days.

Let me put some vinyl on
The we can get it on
Amanda

― Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Friday, July 25, 2014 1:25 PM

I was waiting for that.

Ugh so was I

http://www.avclub.com/article/acdc-proved-theres-nothing-sexy-about-muddled-meta-207094

Like, it's totally fine to not like a band's biggest hit, but please write as if you have some inkling that it's the band's biggest hit

The true failure of “You Shook Me All Night Long” is that it elicits the opposite emotions it’s attempting to champion. The song wants to be sexy and dangerous but, instead, it’s lifelessly limp. It may be a minor misstep on an otherwise classic album, but it’s one ruinous enough to bring any passionate proceedings to a grinding halt.

it's true! "you shook me all night long" is such a boner killer, no man you wanna get down with the ladeez you gotta put on side 1 of back in black, i mean "What Do You For Money Honey" into "Given The Dog A Bone" into "Let Me Put My Love Into You" GUARANTEED ACTION, JACKSON!

is a grinding halt really totally terrible now

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cz_lt8poAoM

i love that song but every time i hear it i think of Beavis and Butthead saying "don't forget to scrub your weiner," which is not especially sexy

i honestly can't think of an article where a guy debating a tune's value as fuckmusic came off well. it's just hilarious to be take a "no, for once ac/dc has truly failed as fuckmusic" stance on YOU SHOOK ME ALL NIGHT LONG. Like, the strip clubs have spoken, dude.

I almost want to give him the benefit of the doubt and assume he's just trolling rather truly that solipsistic

rather than truly that solipsistic, rather

though obv shame on me for even looking at an "Av club writers discuss songs they find lacking in the sexy dept" feature

it's probably hard to find any music sexy when you're stuck with the inner monologue of an AV club writer

"this is gettin kinda se -** IRON MAN BLOOPERS **- xy oh man I lost it"

by comparing a woman to a car (a metaphor so weak it deserves to be put on cinder blocks)

So what does he think of "Highway Star" and "Bang a Gong (Get It On)" and "Little Red Corvette"? I feel like this is a pretty common metaphor, also one that a genre like hard rock is practically made for.

Let me put some vinyl on
The we can get it on
Amanda
video games

Nothing says “bad bitch” like smoking an e-cigarette on stage – ask Lily Allen, who did just that in a sold out show at Festival Hall night. After a five-year long hiatus from the music industry, the ultimate anti-pop star is back with a bang.

http://www.tonedeaf.com.au/413201/heres-gone-lily-allens-splendour-sideshow.htm

"After a recent onslaught of mixed reviews"

What the hell did I just read

"Tonedeaf.com"

truly surprised #18 didn't chart higher

http://www.rollingstone.com/music/news/19-worst-things-about-woodstock-99-20140731

can't decide whether the tone-deaf conflation of "sucky band" and "criminal assault" on this list beats that SPIN "worst things about the nineties" one that had the jerky boys, heroin, rave fashion and the lapd on it

poll:

2 Skinnee J's, 3, American Pearl, Big Sugar, Cyclefly, DDT, Gary Durdin & The Clay Pinps, Mike Errico, F.o.N., Full Devil Jacket, Gargantua Soul, Chris Glenn, Beth Hart Band, Immoral Fibres, Indigenous, Sherri Jackson, Liars Inc., Moe Loughran, Chris McDermott, Old Pike, John Oszajca ,Chris Pérez Band, Bijou Phillips, Pound, Pushmonkey, Johnny Rushmore, Linda Rutherford & Celtic Fire, Serial Joe, Simmi, Sticky Pistil, Stormy Mondays or Sugar Daddy