OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

i dont want to be around anyone whose titties are crying, let alone their asses

why would you choose this thread of all places to take a stand about public breastfeeding? neither the time nor the place. smh @ u.

this is a good thread to take a stand on public buttfeeding, tho

straight from the asshole of the critic to the mouths of the music-loving public

wait, rewind for a second...sorry, I've been out in the woods for a few days. from that clip about the Ram show:

"sans-baby-faced individuals"

what in the world does this mean? does this mean...older people?

it means the author is trying too hard

honestly, that thing (Ram show) is the kind of terrible writing I read a lot of in the alt-weekly and student publications where I live. twisting, turning sentences, grand proclamations presumably to make the subject sound important, lots of hot thesaurus.com action, shit that just doesn't fit together well. and stuff like this:

"At risk of listing off the individuals on stage and their respective contributions, or overemphasizing any single person’s contributions, the set was extremely cohesive."

what

hahahaha

i think they mean it was more than the sum of its parts?

"At risk of listing off the individuals on stage and their respective contributions, or overemphasizing any single person’s contributions, the drapes were purple."

http://www.independent.co.uk/arts-entertainment/music/features/move-over-rihanna-a-new-generation-of-female-rb-singers-are-taking-the-lead-9615001.html

― ey, Sunday, July 20, 2014 5:23 PM (3 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

so glad someone posted this in here

one of the worst writers (with the worst taste to boot) around rn

They are recognisable by their soft vocals, an alternative to the brash singing and hyper-sexualised style of Rihanna and Beyoncé, yet their music is deceptively tough, even harsh. Or it can be gossamer and strange, putting the “ether” into Aretha.

literally every strawman of the indie-r&b fan who can't stand any other r&b

shouldn't that be "etha"

Putting the OSHA into Ke$ha

Sufjan Grafton types his articles with the fingers on both hands, putting the "les paul" into Pau1 L3ster

how is posing nude with a georgia o'keefe flower 'rejecting explicit sexuality' btw, like has this guy just never seen a vagina

he's putting the eureka in urethra

have to wonder how comfortable Kelela feels about being edited into sounding like she's intent on throwing shade at B and Riri

maybe that was her intent, maybe not, but she's hardly at risk of eclipsing either one of them any time soon

Throwing the shade in Sade.

"“There’s a generation out there who don’t have that many role models who aren’t using their bodies."

ARE BRAINS IN VATS SETTING BAD EXAMPLES FOR TODAY'S GIRLS

PL has always been very pleasant when we have communicated and I do think he has a genuine excitement about r&b, rap and pop music. Quite how he manages to maintain that excitement while disliking 99 per cent of what makes r&b, rap and pop functionally different from indie rock has always been a mystery though.

real life lol @ "brains in vats"

BRAINS IN VATS:

http://comicsalliance.com/march-modok-madness/

larf

http://www.quickmeme.com/img/75/75f0b2c7a64ca65b679dbe16b140aab6043d04f59eea1ae0db3f22a5630472a7.jpg

http://thirdculturecafe.com/2014/02/24/crackles-last-stand-by-david-a-singh-2/

Behind the cramped counter made for two, but manned by four, was always Amanda who would immediately reach for a pile of records stashed below as soon as she saw me. What then took place was purely non-verbal with her pointing to the pile, which meant, “Some new stuff in this week – I saved the good ones for you”, and me nodding and pointing to the shelves which meant, “No problems babe – let me just have a gander first”.

I have no intention of ever buying a turntable again – been there done that and I know it’s over. I live a stone’s throw from an Indie record store in Geneva. I never go inside – I don’t even stop. Like every fighter I know when to hang up my gloves. The future has never been clearer.

“No problems babe – let me just have a gander first”

...Amanda

It reads like he's trying to narrate some kind of music journalism noir. Like there are supposed to be big dramatic drags of a cigarette between sentences.

lol at capitalization of "Indie" for no reason

Who calls casual acquaintances/store clerks "babe," even telepathically?

Dick Tracy

Who calls casual acquaintances/store clerks "babe," even telepathically?

the chronically undersexed

every character Jason Sudeikis has ever played

infantilizers

When I finally did make it to the counter I was a regular which Amanda would tell anyone who happened to be there: “Sorry mate, my customer’s here and I need to take care of him right now – maybe Jimmy can help you out when he’s done”. Then we would begin a familiar interaction with her opening each album one by one and playing them track-by-track. The store was mine. In between the conversation went something like: ”I saw your little girl and your missus yesterday going into Sainsbury’s – she’s growing ever so nicely – she’s going to be a real cracker she will”. She knew my family and I knew about hers: her mom, nana, brother and useless dad who had buggered off many years ago for a woman half his age. There was also the boyfriend; Mick the builder, who preferred to go on the piss every night with the lads than spend time with her.

No man in Amanda's life ever did right by her, except for me, her customer.

well now Waylon Jennings "Amanda" is going to be stuck in my head for the rest of the day

I can only imagine that, while I gandered, she was waiting with breathless anticipation to see what I had chosen.

Waylon Jennings's "Amanda" is a great song to have stuck in your head. Now pick up a guitar and sing it. Key of D.

Let me put some vinyl on
The we can get it on
Amanda

When I finally did make it to the counter I was a regular which Amanda would tell anyone who happened to be there: “Sorry mate, my customer’s here and I need to take care of him right now – maybe Jimmy can help you out when he’s done”. Then we would begin a familiar interaction with her opening each album one by one and playing them track-by-track. The store was mine. In between the conversation went something like: ”I saw your little girl and your missus yesterday going into Sainsbury’s – she’s growing ever so nicely – she’s going to be a real cracker she will”. She knew my family and I knew about hers: her mom, nana, brother and useless dad who had buggered off many years ago for a woman half his age. There was also the boyfriend; Mick the builder, who preferred to go on the piss every night with the lads than spend time with her.

No man in Amanda's life ever did right by her, except for me, her customer.

― intheblanks, Friday, July 25, 2014 3:43 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Garth Merenghi reflects on his record shopping days.

Let me put some vinyl on
The we can get it on
Amanda

― Star Gentle Uterus (DJP), Friday, July 25, 2014 1:25 PM

I was waiting for that.

Ugh so was I

http://www.avclub.com/article/acdc-proved-theres-nothing-sexy-about-muddled-meta-207094

Like, it's totally fine to not like a band's biggest hit, but please write as if you have some inkling that it's the band's biggest hit

The true failure of “You Shook Me All Night Long” is that it elicits the opposite emotions it’s attempting to champion. The song wants to be sexy and dangerous but, instead, it’s lifelessly limp. It may be a minor misstep on an otherwise classic album, but it’s one ruinous enough to bring any passionate proceedings to a grinding halt.

it's true! "you shook me all night long" is such a boner killer, no man you wanna get down with the ladeez you gotta put on side 1 of back in black, i mean "What Do You For Money Honey" into "Given The Dog A Bone" into "Let Me Put My Love Into You" GUARANTEED ACTION, JACKSON!

is a grinding halt really totally terrible now