OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

she says "called up" but the really long responses and tone deaf questions and the fact that it doesn't sound like a conversation kind of points to email interview

What is thinkprogress anyway

It's a lefty news site

it's the journalism section of the Center for American Progress, a prominent liberal think bank.

think tank, I mean.

wow, that's fun

So am I fired up over nothing? I just think if I were Charli I’d be so annoyed that this song is huge and her name isn’t huge, too.
I think we’re both dating ourselves here.

prof must be thinking "well i guess if you want to be a public intellectual, you gotta start somewhere" poor guy

i still don't understand why a white woman jacking an African-American artform should be obligated to shout out another white woman

Totally the most puzzling part of the piece, most hilariously captured in this statement by the interviewer:

Well, Charli is Tai. I think Iggy is savvy enough to know, what with all the appropriation controversy she’s already stirred, that it would be a very bad idea to cast Charli as Dionne.

Headline writers at ThinkProgress, realizing comic inanity of article, give it the headline "‘I’m The Realest’: The Authenticity Of Rap’s Newest Superstar, Iggy Azalea" to reflect the article they were hoping would get written.

I still don't understand why Iggy shouting Charli out is going to help her get famous more than a "Featuring Charli XCX" credit is

I don't know, it's probably somehow related to the imagined rules of shout-out etiquette that this writer believes have been universally applied throughout the world of hip-hop for the last 35 years.

I want to give a shoutout to FunkMaster Flex and all the DJs across the world
I want to give a shoutout to my nigga Lupe, I want to give a shoutout to my nigga Suge Knight, to my nigga Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg
I want to give a shoutout to um,um, what's them niggas, Outkast
I want to give a shoutout to them crazy niggas in parts of the world that I never been too
I want to give a shoutout to the Eskimos, I want to give a shoutout to the submarines
I want to give a shoutout to the Army, Air Force, Navy, Marines
Know what I'm saying? Y'all playing my music in the submarines and the boats; play that shit know what I'm saying?It's called travelling music, bustin' ya ass style. Yo Big Baby Jesus; It's One Love.
I give a shout out to all the women, I give a shout out to all the babies, all the munchkins, all across the world playa. I want to give a shoutout to all the school teachers. I give a shout out to um,um, Charli XCX

wait until she finds out big sean is uncredited on "problem"

This thing is incredible.

i want lots of articles like this. would read them all day.

Why doesn't Geddy Lee shout out Aimee Man on "Time Stand Still"?

nobody wants to hear Geddy Lee shout iirc

He shouts like an ordinary guy

fact checking cuz to thread

wrt to the blog rock article, via ned http://www.cantstopthebleeding.com/guest-editorial-why-must-grantland-puke-all-over-my-rich-cultural-heritage

http://www.noiseporn.com/2014/05/music-piracy-remain-illegal/

Let me be clear: this IS theft. I’ve consulted with several attorneys about it and they concur.

I realize Clap Your Hands Say Yeah only sold a few tens of thousands of records, but every single person who bought one of those records went on to work in the tech industry.

Excellent

Surely there are more important things to worry about in a world rife with war, natural disasters and noise pollution compliments of Avril Lavigne

This zing makes me think he's been working on this article for about ten years now, revising and revising, killing his darlings

It took my tired mind a while to decipher what "noise pollution compliments of Avril Lavigne" was even supposed to mean.

sadly no: http://www.noiseporn.com/2014/04/avril-lavignes-hello-kitty-horrifying-racist/

So, when I heard “Hello Kitty,” the latest noise pollution spewed from Avril Lavigne, I was offended. I flew off the handle. I yelled “No!” I screamed “Stop!” but the radio kept playing the song. It was terrible…I tried to get away, but it was already inside my brain. It was the musical equivalent of waterboarding, and I’m pretty sure it violates article III of the Geneva Convention. I realize my opinion is subjective, but I’ve heard better sounds coming from dive bar restrooms (stay away from the chili con queso). I would compare this song to the dingleberries plastered on the ass of a mangy dog I saw wandering the street last night, but that would be an insult to dingleberries. I think I’ve made my point.

yeah I just mean his grammar made it hard for me to compute. Like I thought someone was paying compliments to her.

Good to see him rise above Avril Lavigne by invoking language I used w my friends while goofing off in 7th grade.

Self-satisfied "I think I've made my point" a nice touch.

I think he needed a third poop-related comparison to really nail the point

In the Minds of Evil, the 11th long-player from venerable Tampa, Florida-based death metal prognosticators Deicide, invokes the bluesy, blistering, and robust cacophony of early albums like Legion (1992) and Once Upon the Cross (1995).

so many things wrong with this sentence.

starting with Tampa, Florida

like 'death metal prognosticators'? Do they foretell the future of death metal a la Nostradamus?

noted blues metal band Deicide

Well I'm a lunatic of God's creation - and my baby she done gone
Well I'm a lunatic of God's creation - and my baby she done gone
But when she meets that caco-daemon, that woman gonna find herself dead by dawn

ok lol

loooool

http://elitedaily.com/music/how-one-generation-was-able-to-kill-the-music-industry/593411/

"What brands understand is that music is an important part of Millennials’ identity. It’s more than entertainment for us. The music we listen to can be as important as how we dress and influences who our friends are."

Well done millennials, you invented music as an expression of identity. For the previous 50 years it was just entertainment but you fixed that. A pity you can't label the axes on a graph so that it makes any fucking sense.

but cliff richards had 6.31 qed

"the small corner of social media that I’m forced to inhabit as a rock critic"

I can't work out that graph at all.
Coldplay's 80 million records in 15 years = 0.14 somethings
Cliff's 250 million records in a couple of centuries = 6.31 somethings

don't read elite daily.

http://www.theawl.com/2013/07/rich-kids-of-the-internet-inside-the-astounding-troll-hole-that-is-elite-daily

Oh

Ugh

"because the headlines and content are a combination of Thought Catalog's realness and The Huffington Post's breadth."

lol i am barfing and laughing all at once

kinda lol mostly vom

"California has a very direct and unforgiving steam beer called Anchor. But in Hollywood nobody drinks Anchor, because they prefer fresh peach Bellinis.

Since arriving here three days ago, every part-time actor I’ve met drinking these Bellinis, alone in the Chateau Marmont, says this feeling of dreamy detachment I’m experiencing is a spell well known to marinate your mind’s eye after a few days on the West Coast. I suppose you could call it ‘Californication’."

"Lana might feel like she stares down a barrel of inevitable adversity, but her new album carries no sign of apprehension. ‘Born To Die’, and its eight-track ‘Paradise’ extension, was a luxurious and impressive record, a real fresh peach Bellini, enriched in ’50s and ’60s Americana, with the grandiose string sections, the beehive hairdo, and the fallen angel narrative. But it was clearly a record that had been through the tinkering mills. Shaken, stirred and thoroughly mixed."