Have you had your Christmas fuck yet?

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oh my god. I finally figured out what the term meant right before getting to the explanations....

say, would Vampires like red wings?

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:15 (twenty years ago) link

Dan. OMG. Jesus christ. Holy shit. OMG.

HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Are you sure she was on her period? It sounds like one of her fucking ovaries hemmoraged for god's sake.

OMG. Can't breathe. OMG. Holy shit. I totally missed that thread.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:23 (twenty years ago) link

YET STILL SOMEHOW THAT STORY IS BETTER THAN WHAT I HAD GOING ON IN MY HEAD.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:25 (twenty years ago) link

Heh heh heh. I'm not reading it again, no, but I remember the story all too well from its first telling.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:25 (twenty years ago) link

JUST DON'T BITE IT!

― Eazy-E (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:26 (twenty years ago) link

jesus h. christ on
a lemon popsicle stick.
holy flippin' shit.

― Haikunym (Haikunym), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:26 (twenty years ago) link

Whatever you do, Ally, DON'T THINK OF COOKIE MONSTER.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

ARRRGH DON'T GO THERE TAD I JUST GOT THAT IMAGE OUT OF MY HEAD AND REPLACED IT WITH A BLOOD COVERED DAN (COS I DON'T KNOW WHAT "HIS FRIEND" LOOKS LIKE)

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

*vomits*

― smee (smee), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

I'm going to go sit outside smoking a cigarette while sitting in a semi-fetal position rocking back and forth now, thanks Dan.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:27 (twenty years ago) link

NWA performed a public service to EVERYONE with that song

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.abc.net.au/central/stories/m473502.jpg

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link

(haha I am the dick)

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:29 (twenty years ago) link

a few years ago, my brother was tracking search results that brought people to his (personal, blog-y) site, and somebody arrived there via the keywords "chrismas fuck" (in that exact spelling). that phrase is forever burned into my brain, as is Dan's cunnilingus story now.

― Al (sitcom), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:31 (twenty years ago) link

i'd like to thank you all for putting me off going anywhere near anybody's nether-regions for the foreseeable future. sexually frustrated? see Dan!

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:31 (twenty years ago) link

Well I will no longer be having a Christmas fuck now thanks to this thread, being as I am too horrified to even contemplate sexual activity for at least a month. Slutty elf costume going to waste, etc.

I blame only myself. My boyfriend, OTOH, might blame you, Dan. Fair warning.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:36 (twenty years ago) link

no elf tart for x-mas!

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

Cookie cookie cookie starts with C

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:38 (twenty years ago) link

elf garb is not all that sexy, is it?

― stevem (blueski), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:39 (twenty years ago) link

i'd just like to take this moment to thank Dan for adding the phrase, "menstrual smell," to the ILeXicon.

(also: eat cookie = hahahaha)

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:39 (twenty years ago) link

stevem didn't you see the Good Stripping Songs thread when I revived it asking for Christmas stripping songs??! Trust me, it was hot! But now it is in the garbage.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:41 (twenty years ago) link

Between this thread and the "Cookie cookie cookie starts with C" thread, I think I'm losing my mind... AND I LIKE IT.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:42 (twenty years ago) link

santa's songs 2 succubi

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:42 (twenty years ago) link

no wonder santa's always so merry ... and those rosy cheeks and red nose.

and we haven't even gotten to rudolph yet

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:43 (twenty years ago) link

you can't see a menstrual mess on a red suit

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:44 (twenty years ago) link

Tad, once Ally comes out of her self-induced trauma coma she's totally gonna kick your ass.

― Dan Perry (Dan Perry), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:44 (twenty years ago) link

You're going to hell, Tad.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:45 (twenty years ago) link

she'll have to cross the hudson ... that shit's to ally what garlic and crosses are to dracula.

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:46 (twenty years ago) link

I cross the Hudson every other fucking weekend. Do not make me get off the Amtrak at Newark. I will have you, son.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:47 (twenty years ago) link

Charlie Brown: Why is he such a hippie?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 17:50 (twenty years ago) link

dear santa- please erase the memory of dan's uterine lining facial mask story from my mind forever. and why in my mental picture does the guy resemble christopher walken?

― Emilymv (Emilymv), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:29 (twenty years ago) link

when menses isn't yer kink, then there's always this i suppose:

http://www.cybercandy.co.uk/acatalog/680.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:34 (twenty years ago) link

or if you wanna mix the two:

http://www.mainegoodies.com/food/fluff/fluff.jpg

― El Santo Claus (Kingfish), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:35 (twenty years ago) link

AGGGGH STOP IT NOW I'M THINKING OF CHRISTOPHER WALKEN AND DAN COVERED IN FLUFF AND BLOOD FUCK YOU!! I AM JOINING THE NUNNERY AFTER WORK TODAY!! YOU'VE ALL RUINED MY ENTIRE LIFE!!

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:35 (twenty years ago) link

I don't want to click on it, I don't want to...

except I did.

At least I no longer want to eat the lasagne I brought for lunch...

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:37 (twenty years ago) link

Hang on hang on, they make raspberry fluff? That's the grossest thing I've heard so far on this thread, what is wrong with humanity??

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:40 (twenty years ago) link

it could be worse it could be blueberry fluff

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:42 (twenty years ago) link

Or lime.

― luna (luna.c), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:42 (twenty years ago) link

did i ever mention how my parents would take us blueberry picking in the poconos when i was a little eisbär?

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:43 (twenty years ago) link

That's very twee and stupid of them.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:46 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.trumptaj.com/images/entertainment/ringo-benatar.jpg

― TOMBOT, Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:46 (twenty years ago) link

ms benatar has not aged well

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:47 (twenty years ago) link

I don't understand these jokes anymore.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:49 (twenty years ago) link

Are Tad's parents Pat Benetar and RIngo Starr? Is Ringo Starr covered in blood and fluff? Are they all black robots? WTF. I hate everyone right now. Especially Mugsy Bogues.

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:52 (twenty years ago) link

http://www.switcheroo.com/Photos/marshmallowcreme.jpg

― Eisbär (llamasfur), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:54 (twenty years ago) link

http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/images/basketball/nba/players/knicks/31.jpg
Ally, why do you spurn my reckless advances?

― Muggsy, with Kisses (Nick A.), Thursday, 18 December 2003 20:55 (twenty years ago) link

He's like 4'3 isn't he?

― Allyzay, Thursday, 18 December 2003 21:08 (twenty years ago) link

two years pass...

HOLY SHIT we were all really insane a few years ago, huh?

― Dan ("Were") Perry (Dan Perry), Friday, 3 March 2006 23:02 (eighteen years ago) link

A noble tradition.

― Ned Raggett (Ned), Friday, 3 March 2006 23:06 (eighteen years ago) link

Wait, wait, there's such a thing as a "Christmas fuck"?? Dude, I have 29 Christmases to make up for.

― Laurel, Saturday, 4 March 2006 00:18 (eighteen years ago) link

Skipping 284 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

^^^^took me a few minutes, but I got it, excellent work Kate

― Expansion to Mackerel (Boring, Maryland), Monday, 25 December 2023 02:18 (four months ago) link

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