pitchfork is dumb (#34985859340293849494 in a series.)

Heh. Yup. Other farty entries on Pitchfork include:

*Her voice-- passive, girlish-- sounds lost against the farty and broken-down guitars
*Its rollercoaster companion, "Yoshimi (Part 2)," scales a slinky, ascending wall of farty synth and distant Japanese babble before the bottom
*The pressure here builds and builds, but rather than taking flight, tracks like "De Javu" struggle with a misdirected explosion of percussion that flattens out into a farty bass riff smothered in layers of percussion.

AND a GbV review from two years ago!

*The farty flute kickoff to "Doughnut for a Snowman" nods to those sputtering constructions of old, but it feels a bit perfunctory, a sound effect where a fleck of dumbass brilliance like Alien Lanes' "Hit" might've otherwise gone.

all five of today's reviews would use the word "workmanlike"

bands are lazy, I respect labor tbh

*Many of her tracks sound similar to one another: A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beats and M.I.A. shouts lyrics of varying snark over them, sometimes even singing them.

A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beats

lmfartyao

I mistakenly ready that as: "A 505 Groovebox queefs out splatty, farty beefs"

I didn't think that sentence could get worse.

pitchfork coppin GOW*'s style

*Good Ol Waterface

queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs queefs out splatty, farty beefs

wait someone wrote "queefs out splatty, farty beats" in a record review on p4k? is that true??

all i wanna do is *QUEEF QUEEF QUEEF QUEEF*

and *splat* *fart*

and take your money

^ a new challenger enters the arena

omg stop

Fucked Up Smoke Weed, Skateboard, Eat Ice Cream in "Sun Glass" Video - 5h

lmao

http://cdn4.pitchfork.com/news/55147/03f7a1f1.jpg

Morrissey's "World Peace Is None of Your Business" Single Art Is Amazing

Exactly what is amazing about this?

seems to be going for some sort of early 70s Britisher Mandrax hard rock vibe which while I wouldn't call it "amazing" is a little surprising

Fucked Up Smoke Weed, Skateboard, Queef Ice Cream in "Sun Glass" Video - 5h

Morrissey's "World Peace Is None of Your Business" Single Art Is Amazing

hate this style of headline too, which we can probably blame buzzfeed or huffpo for.

8.3 Best New Art

"You Won't Believe What's On the Cover of Morrissey's New Album!"

*queefs*

reminds me of Lady Sovereign is fantastic

"Morrissey Creates Great Album Art With This One Weird Trick"

ann coulter is pretty

"Morrissey released the cover art to two new singles. When I saw the second one my jaw dropped. Yours will too."

11 Shocking Things about Morrisey's New Album Cover Art

what exactly is wrong with "workmanlike" again

not all men work

Nothing! But they used it in the top two reviews. Any editor worth their salt would have picked up on that and found a way to shoehorn it into the other three.

any editor with a workmanlike approach anyway

"workmanlike" is code for "not a super-special auteur genius you need to pay attention to in 2014 or you miss out, loser"

the non-pejorative is "craftsmanlike"

Michael Jackson has released more new music in the five years since his death than in the 12 years before it.

Yeah, for some strange reason I don't think he personally oversaw those releases. Call me crazy.

it doesn't say he did.

Michael Jackson, exhibiting a workmanlike approach, has personally released more music after his death than before it.

lol adam are u insinuating that the author of that piece isn't aware that michael jackson is dead?

It's just a little confusing jumping from "Michael Jackson" the brand to referring to the human being that passed on in the same sentence, using the pronoun "his". It's the first line in the review and sets a president that the person has complicity in these posthumous releases.

Add to this the picture of him hiding and the title of the album being escape and it's sort of, damn, even death didn't free this guy from people using him to make money.

I'm insinuating they could have done more to separate the actual human who has passed on from the eternal money grab over his name.

Michael Jackson, who died in 2009 and no longer has any creative input into his estate, didn't respond to inquiries about his latest posthumous release.

even though president reagan is dead, reaganISM is very much alive, so reagan has almost set a president for enduring beyond death, in the same sense that michael jackson does

even though president reagan is dead

waht?

OMG

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XN0HfYc5ho0

sets a president

More new Michael Jackson has released more new music has been released in the five years since his death than in the 12 years before it.

If they wrote that you guys would be bitching about passive voice.

Not even the worst thing in that paragraph, as it includes the following:

this strange, underfed, vaguely horrid eight-song record, inexplicably named after the group that had a hit with "Just Kickin' It"

Not "coincidentally sharing a name with," but "inexplicably named after." Like whoever runs Michael Jackson's estate was trying to do an intentional callback to that group.

i just assume that, like a sad modern and indie thomas aquinas, all pitchfork reviews are written via headset microphone dictation midst the stirring of velveeta into shells. it allows me to cut them more slack, and i am happier as a result.

^experimenting with a new aimless-style post filter. i actually like most of the writing on pitchfork.

It’s fitting that Sussegad, the first 12” offering from Moon B, was pressed onto wax whose swirl of black and gray resembled smoke. The Atlanta-based producer (also known as Wes Gray) makes music that has qualities similar to that peculiar element: the music obfuscates its origins, has an untenable aspect to its sound and, well, it sounds better when you’re smoking something on a basement couch, at once digging the beat while similarly forgetting just what it is you’re listening to.

Well that's good, because I just forgot what the fuck I was reading about by the end of that paragraph.

what is an "untenable aspect" of music