Oh god thank fuck I haven't been offered "career coaching" or "CV rewriting" because fuck that racket. I'm not convinced that any of them know more about the recruitment process than anyone who has actually... y'know, hired a body. I suppose the sheer volume of the CV pile (and how much people lie on their CVs) is the reason that managers don't do this. But when the headhunter is adding another layer of mendaciousness, rather than taking it away... I dunno. Half the ones I speak to don't understand technology, and the other half don't seem to understand that "office culture" is just as important (if not more) than tech skills, which can usually be taught.
I am well aware that I'm a tricky case, because with the right manager and the right environment I will work like a dog, and have certainly proved myself capable of it, but with the wrong manager and environment, I'm a complete fucking HR nightmare. And I have no desire to go into an HR nightmare any more than they do.
I think everyone's peak productivity is between 30 and 35 hours a week. I cannot think of a single instance where longer hours resulted in more work getting done. Work always expands to fill the available time, so you gain nothing by working longer.
I spoke to 3 different headhunters yesterday, and I'm at the point where I'm mixing up them and their jobs and which other jobs they're connected to, and I've started writing down some of it in a little notebook, but then as soon as you write it all down, you never hear from them again.
Anyway, here is a picture of Kessler, because this seems to be becoming a tradition:
http://37.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyaeoipkvE1qcuqzco1_1280.jpg
Oh, and just as I was complaining about headhunters, there was another one on the phone. I guess I have a phoner interview tomorrow so I need to go and do some research.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 08:36 (nine years ago) link
One of the best things I ever heard about productivity was during my scrum training; that their are only 22 productive hours in a week, less if you have any kind of management responsibilities.
The thing is about CVs is I reckon that I can do pattern recognition faster than an HR wonk. I'd always pass back my shortlist to HR for initial contact and phone screening but go through the pile myself.
Top tip, I use Asana as a sort of CRM to keep my recruiters and conversations with them straight.
― American Fear of Pranksterism (Ed), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 08:43 (nine years ago) link
If there truly are only 22 productive hours in a week (and honestly, it depends on the week, it depends on the task, it depends on the environment) what the FUCK were we expected to be doing those other 23 hours, at that awful "9 hours a day" place?
Laptop is so old (argh! I just remembered I had a dream I had to update its operating system, which I haven't done in... ooh about 4 years, ugh) that I can't install any new software on it. Probably first thing I do when I get a job is buy a new laptop and smartphone but ugh. I don't even like apple products any more.
I've got "please POH-lice me, I want you to POLL-ice" me stuck in my head and I'm laughing trying to remember if it's all Americans who pronounce "police" funny or just that particular one.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 08:48 (nine years ago) link
Who is this Kessler fellow anyway?
― Eats like Elvis, shits like De Niro (Tom D.), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 09:06 (nine years ago) link
some bloke
― conrad, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 09:10 (nine years ago) link
I gathered that
― Eats like Elvis, shits like De Niro (Tom D.), Wednesday, 16 April 2014 09:10 (nine years ago) link
a bloke is a bloke is a bloke
― conrad, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 09:12 (nine years ago) link
And while I am complaining, I would also like to air my irritation with the "No-Yes".
This is that horrible phenomenon whereby people manage to turn down something, without ever using the word "no" and in fact, while maintaining a cheerful air that they plan on doing something they never actually intend to do. I don't know what people get out of this. The idea that they are letting you down easy? The idea that they are not-negative, and positive, and Do Things, while all the time keeping you in this kind of suspense whereby you never actually get a "no" so that you can move on and make other plans, you just exist in this quasi-space of slowly decaying hope.
If I suggest to you, that I do A Thing for you, and you don't want to do the Thing, just say "thanks, but no thank you". Do not display enthusiasm and say "yes, let's do the thing, let me have a think and get back to you" and then... slowly ghost and then not get back to me. This is the second time this has happened in a month, with different people in different situations, and in this case, I should probably send another, more firm suggestion of instead of "I would like to do A Thing for you" I should say "I would like to do Thing X for you, I expect it will take this long" but good god I am sick of chasing people to no avail.
Also, Tumblr is failing in its appointed task of providing me with more pictures of Kessler being adorable this morning, and this is irritating.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 09:17 (nine years ago) link
This is a Kessler:
http://31.media.tumblr.com/ecdd82beeaf46415e7c91be908f50d0c/tumblr_n40ksdiONA1rjw8sqo1_1280.jpg
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 09:19 (nine years ago) link
...and another email from someone wanting to use my drawings in a local publication, with no mention of payment, but lots of mention of "exposure" and "promotion" and I am trying to get up the nerve to just write back and say "My rates for print publication are £30 for an original image, and £50 for a colour image" (which is probably actually incredibly low, because I've no idea what the market rates are, because everybody just expects you to work for free) and take it from there.
Because quite frankly, I've already had, this year, two rounds of people using my artwork for free because "it's great exposure" and quite frankly, at this point, I don't want more exposure. I want cold hard cash.
(Yes, ironic, considering that I was willing to work for the "no-yes" people for free but I'm running out of patience, not to mention cash.)
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 16 April 2014 11:59 (nine years ago) link
Went to Epping Forest yesterday, which was lovely (in the mist and the rain) but at the same time: disappointed by total lack of bluebells. Well, maybe one tiny small patch of bluebells the size of a bathtub, hiding under a bush.
Why no bluebells? Biggin Wood, locally, is a mass of bluebells!
Is this because London is always 5 degrees warmer than the surrounding countryside, so London bluebells are earlier than Essex? Or, because Epping Forest is mostly beech wood, there is so little ground cover, so no bluebells? (Though bluebells usually come out before the full leaf canopy has sprung in spring, so surely this wouldn't matter?)
Walk: lovely, but still somewhat dismayed by lack of bluebells. Where can I go (within reach of London) that has good bluebells?
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 07:42 (nine years ago) link
if you think about something very sad and then look in the mirror you might see a blue Bell.
― estela, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 08:42 (nine years ago) link
Only if I hold my breath.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 08:58 (nine years ago) link
that's a more efficient and less gloomy method than mine.
― estela, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 09:05 (nine years ago) link
Hampstead Heath or Highgate Woods for bluebells? Might also find the last of the season's wild garlic into the bargain.
― baked beings on toast (suzy), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 09:07 (nine years ago) link
Hampstead Heath in abundance, and there's an impressive display in a tiny park/reclaimed pavement beside the Royal Free along from Belsize Park tube
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 09:51 (nine years ago) link
I really wanted to go somewhere more exotic than Hampstead. Not that Essex is exotic but... well, ~not London~.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 10:09 (nine years ago) link
Wikipedia says that "The thicker the summer canopy, the more the competitive ground-cover is suppressed, encouraging a dense carpet of bluebells, whose leaves mature and die down by early summer."
One place that springs to mind is Coneybank Wood, nr. Great Missenden. There's a footpath running through the wood (it's a pleasant walk from Great Missenden to Wendover) and I remember the woods being awash with bluebells in early May 2009.
http://www.bing.com/maps/?v=2&cp=51.711544~-0.721207&lvl=15&sty=s&eo=0&q=london&form=LMLTCC
https://www.flickr.com/search/?q=%22Coneybank%20Wood%22
https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2444/3625834968_c232c89e2b_z.jpg
― dubmill, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 12:15 (nine years ago) link
Early May? maybe I am simply too early.
I shall have to investigate woods and walks and train times and things.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 12:36 (nine years ago) link
I am trying to get up the nerve to just write back and say "My rates for print publication are £30 for an original image, and £50 for a colour image" (which is probably actually incredibly low, because I've no idea what the market rates are, because everybody just expects you to work for free) and take it from there.
do this! exposure is worthless!! make the buggers pay! [and your rates are very reasonable]
― it definitely wasn't designed to be a pants pocket player (stevie), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 12:38 (nine years ago) link
maybe I am simply too early.
I shouldn't think so, it's nearly May already. They'll be out now.
― dubmill, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 12:41 (nine years ago) link
Maybe I just picked a bad forest! Except there were actual posters up, on the carpark billboard of "Epping Bluebells" so there surely must be bluebells in Epping forest; just not the bit I was in. I shall try another woods.
Stevie, I did do. They declined to pay, claiming they were new and just getting started and apparently the whole point of the magazine is... advertising for local businesses? I declined to do them any illustrations.
Weirdly, I got another local "community" magazine, also mainly advertising for local businesses, and it had this weird rant in the back of it, about how they were supposed to be a charity, and the printing press they run is to train and employ disabled people and apparently some people they got in to organise advertisers for them "realised how lucrative this was" and ran off with their advertisers to start their own magazine, and this is "stealing from a charity, which is just not done!" and it was all very outraged and weird and ~local politics~ and it makes me wonder if they were talking about the people that approached me? Whatever it is, it's very strange, and all quite ~local~ and kind of amusing and kind of sad in "two bald men arguing over a comb" territory.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 12:53 (nine years ago) link
"two bald men arguing over a comb"
No sexist comments please
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 15:35 (nine years ago) link
One of the worst examples of casual gender based derogatory stereotyping I've seen for a while on ilx
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 15:37 (nine years ago) link
Seriously, go fuck yourself. I'm not going to bother with a lazy zing, just get the fuck off this thread with that bullshit. You're not funny and you're not clever, you're just an asshole. This is not the place for you.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 15:40 (nine years ago) link
I am worried about going bald
― conrad, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 15:42 (nine years ago) link
Just cop to unconscious sexism - you'll feel better in the long run.
But I am buggering off, though.
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 15:45 (nine years ago) link
Branwell, I am pretty sure Trent Park has bluebells in abundance, if you fancy a trip to the northern end of the Piccadilly Line.
Just got back from Warsaw, visiting the in-laws. They live in Wilanów - fascinating place. It has a palace, which is kind of the Polish equivalent of Versailles.
They also have this at the end of their street - The Temple of Divine Providence:
http://warsawtomorrow.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Temple-of-divine-providence-Warsaw-Front-Wilanow-9.jpg
― Grandpont Genie, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 20:28 (nine years ago) link
And having considered for a few hours, I'm back to say:
BB - it's irritating that when you're called out on something that you just use the 'this is such a lazy zing, I'm not even going to answer this. Fuck you, seriously' response e.g. exhibit a
I don't know why men put up with overwork culture.
This is really ignorant and unthinking. The long hours culture is a massive problem that affects both men and women. You may have seen reference today to Nick Clegg's speech at the launch of the Cityfathers - a group established to try to effect cultural change in this area. It's a complicated area where men suffer as do women. I assume you'd be outraged if I said, 'I don't know why women put up with x, y z [e.g. part-time jobs, lower pay etc}]
exhibit b
kind of amusing and kind of sad in "two bald men arguing over a comb" territory is into belittling men territory, even if unconsciously.
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 21:36 (nine years ago) link
it's a common saying and it is most definitely not 'One of the worst examples of casual gender based derogatory stereotyping I've seen for a while on ilx' and you know it.
― kinder, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:07 (nine years ago) link
or is it a US/UK thing like "scheme"
― kinder, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:08 (nine years ago) link
It's a quote by Borges abt the Falklands War
― Ward Fowler, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:09 (nine years ago) link
Why don't you lecture me some more about this ~reverse sexism~, and how appalling this commonly used phrase is in conjunction with the terrible systematic gender-based oppression that men and their rights face, and then we can get into reverse racism, and how terrible white people have it in the UK, and how terribly discriminated against heterosexual people are in this culture.
Or else, you can leave a conversation you have been asked to leave, or maybe just go and fuck yourself you tedious little excuse for a human being.
No, seriously. You have all of ILX to play on, and you decide you're going to come on this thread, and have this discussion here. Spare me.
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:17 (nine years ago) link
Know what this thread needs?
Kessler, that's what it needs.
http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lyx6ptPVWj1qzk5i5o1_1280.jpg
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:24 (nine years ago) link
Plenty of sayings have gone past their use-by date.
Worth me clarifying that what i was getting was 'worst examples of casual gender based derogatory stereotyping' ..it's the casual unthinkingness of it....but let's not quarrel like two fishwives.
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:28 (nine years ago) link
Kessler making purple sex faces.
https://31.media.tumblr.com/31c30717b9c7412f11c2f40643bb097f/tumblr_n40cfmqX9H1qmmuqeo1_500.jpg
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:30 (nine years ago) link
Kessler looking like a demented creature from the pits of hell...
https://24.media.tumblr.com/7f55b2526f574b8b4ff95c58e17b746f/tumblr_n4gc8bh2W61qgze9ho2_500.png
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:31 (nine years ago) link
Haha, yes, this facial expression just about sums it up, Danny boy.
https://31.media.tumblr.com/8ca84c3c7b124c63d72ef56ba368f485/tumblr_n3n8iaPLyj1qfh80oo4_r4_250.gif
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:35 (nine years ago) link
This is toxicity in its purest form: someone asks you about something questionable that you said, and your response is to cast aspersions at THAT person and their motives, and proceed to make the entire thing ALL ABOUT YOU and how wounded you are by these terrible allegations that something you said might have been ableist, rather than just saying "OK, yeah, sorry I could see how that could read badly, I'll try to be more careful."
― "righteous indignation shit" (Branwell Bell), Friday, February 7, 2014 9:29 AM (2 months ago)
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:42 (nine years ago) link
It's raining Kesslers, hallelujah, it's raining Kesslers...
https://farm3.staticflickr.com/2814/12394739164_ff8e34fece_o.png
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:43 (nine years ago) link
giving the pathetic trolling exactly the attention it deserves, BB your beau reminds me of one of DuJour and googling it I see I'm not the only one!
― kinder, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:46 (nine years ago) link
DUJOUR MEANS POST-PUNK!
(I like it)
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:47 (nine years ago) link
There's also been EXTREMELY good news in the Cornish community tonight.
"At Midnight, Kernow Becomes an Offically Recognised National Minority of UK on par with Wales, Scotland and Ireland"
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:51 (nine years ago) link
(x-post)
Yeah:
maybe just go and fuck yourself you tedious little excuse for a human being
really deserves to be applauded.
― mohel hell (Bob Six), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:53 (nine years ago) link
To celebrate, let's have some Du Jour dance moves from Kessler...
https://farm6.staticflickr.com/5301/5640442078_368f6f86c0_b.jpg
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 22:55 (nine years ago) link
A cowlicked dude in need of a comb...
https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3283/2832362756_b8bf50907d_b.jpg
― Branwell Bell, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 23:02 (nine years ago) link
Hey BB I had a rich hairline like that Kessler when I was 26, since the male pattern baldness sequence began it far less impressive. Huh? how come people don't smile at me anymore? Oh yeah it is because I am oppressed obv !
― xelab, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 23:14 (nine years ago) link
Be more Kessler: grow sideburns!
― Du Jour means POST-PUNK! (Branwell Bell), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 23:19 (nine years ago) link
I blame Brandon for this. If he hadn't joined sodding Interpol and made me go see them my delicate sensibilities would never have been exposed to the dangerously masculine quiff of Kessler and my mind would remain unbesmirched. Damn you, Curtis! *shakes fist*
― Du Jour means POST-PUNK! (Branwell Bell), Wednesday, 23 April 2014 23:32 (nine years ago) link
His bro wrote for Select in the 90's, didn't google that just have a spergerish memory for useless information. Ted Kessler.
― xelab, Wednesday, 23 April 2014 23:38 (nine years ago) link