PROLAPSE: Classic or Dud

Geordie Mick's Ming Mang Mong Mark Two had apparently recruited ex-Voon leader MJ Hibbett for the battle of the Landsdowne gig and were planning on renaming themselves Ming Mang Mong Mark Hibbett.

Sadly, MJ couldn't make the gig due to a meeting with his publishers, but gave the North Easterly one a pep talk saying he thought that the previous line-up of Ming Mang Mong were better than the Beatles or even Wings.

Meanwhile, Ming Mang Mong Minus One, realising that they were ultimately doomed without their leader Geordie Mick (or "Guru Mong" as he now insists the members of the band call him) woo-ed him back with a £50 phone card and a packet of Lemon Puffs. Analysts have predicted that it is now only a matter of time before the band start calling themselves Ming Mang Mongoose.

Geordie Mick was so pleased with the proceedings that he is considering an ill advised attempt at an upbeat version of Lou Reed's "Metal Machine Music".

It's 5.20pm (GMT) and the last notes of the new "Metal Machine Mongoose" album being recorded live have just died away. Local music journalist David "Dave" Davies was there whilst it was being recorded and had this to say:

"Who would have thought that music this innovative, this crucial, this insanely and intrinsically beautiful, yet ugly too (but in a good, non-ironic way) could be conceived, played and recorded within the space of sixty minutes?"

He continued:

"Guru Mong (née Geordie Mick) is at a creative apex, he's burning white hot, white as his beloved £1.99 cider and this cover of Lou Reeds unlistenable classic proves it. I'm overwhelmed with admiration and love for him and his beautiful art. He's a genius. Mong Mang Ming had better watch out."

So - there you have it, music has been reborn.

Roll on next saturday !

instead, theres a new ming mang moog tribute band, who will appear at a forthcoming pineapster communion. The australian yeah yeah nohs will headline.

This is the best day of my looooooiiiiiiiiiiiiife !!!

Psychedelic Mongoose has been put hold in favour of Medieval Mongoose. This "back to basics" album will include tracks such as: "My love gave me a codpiece", "sacks of spuds and curly kale" (a "downdating" of the Blockhead classic), "With cheeks as rosy as apples, I'd like to get in cider" and "The parsnip song"

Instrumentation is rumoured to rely heavily on lutes and recorders, but will not feature bagpipes. "I'm saving them for the 'Krankie Mongoose'" album said Geordie Mick, speaking earlier today from an Elizabethan dunghill.

"Ming Mang Mong's pounding, pulsating, power-pop opener boded well for their set - although it is the first time I have seen a bass guitarist stop playing, look bemused, down a pint of white cider, and scratch his head before launching into a blistering solo.
Their second song was possibly the highlight of a tight and refreshingly vocal-centred performance. "Theme from Ming Mang Mong" was three-and-a-half minutes of mid-tempo, sing-along bliss. Geordie Mick got the crowd to sing along to this toe tapping classic - surely if it were realsed as a single a top 10 summer hit awaits?

The refreshing emphasis on vocal hooks belied some seriously heavy guitar 'mingmongmangling' and made them a band to look out for in the future."

Can anyone suggest alternative entertainment in Leicester for tonight? I'm an eccentric millionaire so money is no object. I was thinking about havng a Geordie Mick themed evening and have bought myself four crates of 2 litre bottles of white cider. Will this be enough for one evening do you think?

If anyone else on this thread would like to join me later that would be a brucie-bonus. I will be wearing a kilt, flippers and frogmans top with a string of raw sausages for a scarf (it's cold out after all)

The 'Mickster' is currently trembling away in hiding, although there are some reports of a sighting in the chamapagne bar, quaffing away on a last bottle of champagne. (It gives you fizzy knees by all accounts!)

After this, Geordie and Scottish Mick had a huge row which ended with Geordie Mick pouring his pint of cider over Scottish Mick's head. Then, horrified after realising the bar had just shut, Geordie Mick spent the next 20 minutes LICKING Scottish Mick's head, an experience Scottish Mick was heard to say he found "strangely erotic". Shortly after that the pair left together, leaving three sets of bemused musicians unsure of their future.

So, the future of Ming Mang Mong, Mang Mong Ming and Mong Ming Mang hangs in the balance. Who knows what will happen next ?

It's as if he'd be quite happy spending the rest of his life drinking white cider and performing a series of increasingly marginalised vanity gigs.

I can't be alone in hoping that a night of rough sex with Scottish Mick will sort him out good and proper and get him back on track sharpish.

After the gig geordie mick made a quick dash for it, as the man from bunty records wanted to ask him about the video money, although it is understood gerodie mick is keeping the tapes of the new album 'hostage' until Bunty Records grant him a years supply of white cider!

He is calling the band "The Horridness of Noisy Guitars" and he wants the band members to wear pagan monk outfits in an attempt to look like Sunno))), although some dry wags have conmmented that the band - who all look like small versions of Geordie Mick and are called Geordie Dick, Geordie Rick, and Geordie Mick Jr (no relation!) - look more like Spinal Tap! Stooonennnge!

1) White Lightning
2) Special Red
3) Frosty Jack
4) Diamond White
5) Pulse
6) Blue Ocean
7) Spar own White Cider

A special promotional campaign is being orgainsied, which is being sponsored by all the brands mentioned on the album, who will be sending free white cider to all the gigs supporting the the tour.

Here is a press shot of scrumpy jack:-

ihttp://myspace-657.vo.llnwd.net/00596/75/67/596647657_l.jpg

http://myspace-657.vo.llnwd.net/00596/75/67/596647657_l.jpg

http://myspace-992.vo.llnwd.net/00596/29/98/596648992_m.jpg

Geordie has been begging Scrumpy Jack to allow him to play bass and "look after" the riders on the tour - Geordie wants Scrumpy to be in tip top condition and not get too drunk on all the free white cider that's available at the gigs. As a seasoned professional GM knows all about the trappings of fame and free drink and wants to keep Scrumpy on the the straight and narrow. "Short, professional sets are where it's at. We will leave the audience begging for more, just like at those early mary chain gigs!" said GM at the press conference unveiling his new star.

Although the favourites are amongst others, Peter Hook, Larry Clayton, Kim Gordon and Simon Gallup, Geordie is hoping that the fact he has only smiled 3 times in the last 5 years will count for something, and he has been practicing frowning in indignation and gurning manically in front of the mirror all week!

That's 'Irony' for you, folks!