OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

http://www.regimebooks.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/Charles-Pitter.jpg

haha wow

it's sort of nice that in 2013 there is still someone naive enough to write an album review with the ghost of lester bangs as the main character

"Gaga is an artist that creates for the sake of creation, and this is her manifesto"

http://www.billboard.com/articles/review/5778227/lady-gaga-artpop-track-by-track-review

I found the original long-lost All Music Guide one-and-a-half-star review of Coldplay's Parachutes! And I thought it was Stephen Thomas Whatsisname all these years.

It is rarely a good sign when you can't tell if an album is on or not. From British indie-guitar mumbling to completely innocuous songwriting, Coldplay's Parachutes is an unhealthy sign of a musical subculture that is mired far too deep into its own anonymity. Yes, this is an album that -- aside everything else -- refuses to acknowledge it is even alive. The problem might be in the marketing aspect of the band. If Embrace was a competing label's answer to Oasis, Coldplay seems to be another label's answer to Travis. This time the response is to try and manufacture an album that is so riddled with even more indie-by-number blandness that it will be nearly impossible for any potential record buyer to be offended, because Parachutes is an album in love with the ordinary. The closest the album ever comes to anything interesting is on "Shiver" -- a wafer-thin mimicry of Ned's Atomic Dustbin that at least implies that the band can do well when they play around with usual verse-chorus-verse structures. Still, other than that, the album is bare of anything else very noteworthy. The core single "Yellow" sets up an interesting premise with rolling guitar riffs and vocal cracks, yet goes absolutely nowhere with any of it. Also, closer "Everything's Not Lost" (despite at times sounding like a Randy Newman throwaway) has a wistful atmosphere about it that feels like an epilogue to an event that never happened. Even the better songs prove that there is a large failure to peak on this album. This is a traditional case of wasted opportunity. Everything is just so determinedly middle-of-the-road, one can only picture a dotted yellow line while listening to it. -- Dean Carlson

why is it in this thread?

Because it sucks.

coldplay's parachutes? yes it does

not averse to colplay reevaluation or w/e but there's nothing objectionable about that at all, it's sort of a standard AMG pan

You guys know you're arguing with Mr. Snrub, right

i have a few mrsnrub.txt files but none of them are about this particular mr. snrub i'm afraid

you need mrsnrub.xls

remember that guy that wrote that really bad review of robin thicke? now he's done some really bad reviews for lady gaga and katy perry!

http://i41.tinypic.com/21bk2t.jpg

i don't like artpop or prism that much but the fact that somewhere someone is being paid to put music journalism this pathetic and lazy in print makes me irrationally infuriated

Literally the first thing I saw was "vaginal awakening"...

Duncan Sheik was never very good with sequels

"Perry almost pushes me out of the realms of heterosexuality"

i don't like her music but dude, GIS

This guy's a prize specimen. So much fear, ignorance and contempt masquerading as "yeah I went there" truthbombs.

that god-awful Crazy Frog

Finally someone's had the balls to call out Crazy Frog.

This guy is terrible as a music reviewer, but as a writer he expresses what he has to say - maniacal misogyny - with admirable vim and vigour.

"he's so good at misogyny"

WHY DOES HE KEEP ITALICIZING SONG TITLES

"If you see someone on a train wearing a Lady Gaga shirt you should probably give up your seat to them because they are clearly musically challenged."

http://gifrific.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/Tina-Fey-giving-herself-high-five.gif

the crazy frog album is really funny and "axel f" is a classic

WHY DOES HE KEEP ITALICIZING SONG TITLES

― my whole family is catholic so look at the pickle i'm in (zachlyon), Friday, November 8, 2013 2:15 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

think it would be the person who sets the house style of the paper that did that

This may say more about my UK suburban lifestyle but I don't think I've ever encountered a Lady Gaga fan irl.

otm:

This guy's a prize specimen. So much fear, ignorance and contempt masquerading as "yeah I went there" truthbombs.

― Deafening silence (DL)

we have a guy at my local alt-weekly who kinda writes like this. it's maddening.

like, what publication allows a Gaga review to go near the "is she a man" thing, much less quip "I've got $50 on yes." ugh, fuck this dude and whoever publishes him.

more:

http://i.imgur.com/70v73Dq.png

love this guy

TS: Thicke's "unambiguous misogyny" vs Tyson Wray's unambiguous misogyny

"their" right to choose.

like he's only talking to men

what % of people who have enjoyed the music of Robin Thicke in 2013 know or care who his dad is?

Tyson Wray doesn't seem to have much interest in how music sounds

Captain Save-a-Thicke

His songs amalgamate WHAT to the artistic creativity of a singing fish, Tyson?

Ugh. (Universal)

I'd love to see the research paper which proposes that rubber fish can sing.

you've obviously never met billy.

http://diztopia.typepad.com/photos/uncategorized/11152004.jpg

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dHchmWsrfUo

In Tyson Wray's world, every musician would be called Big Mouth Billy Bass.

now i have Robin Thicke singing "Tight Lines" in my head

re: Gaga / Perry, I wonder which is the higher rating: 1 star flush left or 1 star flush right

Want to read more tyson wray

http://thegrillandbarrel.wordpress.com/2013/10/20/what-the-music-industry-can-learn-from-the-ale-industry/

only 200 words but packs an impressive amount of chuckleheadedness into that small space

http://tysondwray.tumblr.com/

The title track is a vociferous number characterized by curling breakbeats, frantic snares and Taylor’s signature penchant for meticulously clipped R&B samples. “Werk” follows the lead with a breakbeat formation, but employs a bulbous bass line to lead the assertive vocals through a sea of skittering hi-hats layered over pulsing cowbells. The third original, “Give In To You,” is held together by a relentless drum roll powering through melancholic chords and inconceivable vocal cuts. French Fries’ rework of “Bash” is rendered with a big-room aesthetic, its marinated grooves edging delicately through more spacious territory. Rounding off the release is Isotonik’s take on “Give In To You,” which rings reminiscent of a 90s warehouse rave with frenzied synths and heavy bass lines; however the culmination wanes in authenticity and results in a maladroit number that falls misplaced amongst it’s more restrained counterparts. There’s arguably little innovation within Bash as Taylor simply weaves his regular aural artillery, but it’s his scrupulous composition and predilection for subtle progression that keeps his work emotive, novel, and authoritative over any dance floor — a formula that’s showing no signs of going stale.

the boy likes adjectives

Everything is just so determinedly middle-of-the-road, one can only picture a dotted yellow line while listening to it.

^ this is great

inconceivable vocal cuts

a formula that’s showing no signs of going stale