OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

When I posted it on the haim thread I hadn't realised it was by the same guy who did http://www.collapseboard.com/blogs/scott-creney/an-immodest-proposal

Overcoming the Haim vs Savages critical divide by shitting on both and congratulating himself for it.

And it’s not like I have a vendetta against any of your labels. I wrote very nice things about the recent Cat Power album. Same with Yo La Tengo and Fucked Up. Yeah, I made fun of Fleet Foxes and Stephen Malkmus, but not enough to ruin their careers or hurt your labels. And let’s just talk about the fucking emotional memoir I wrote for last year’s Interpol reissue. There was so much soul in that review that Collapse Board’s Mike Turner, a lifelong Interpol hater, was forced to reassess the band after reading my review, arriving at the conclusion that the record “actually isn’t that bad”.

As a writer, I am nothing if not persuasive.

Willing to bet that a disproportionate amount of the worst music writing ever is first person.

It seems I have angered the Collapseboard massive on Twitter.

No, the lines above are a sample of random lines from a book that came out earlier in 2013. Bough Down by Karen Green is one of the most devastating, beautifully created works of art ever created. I literally get butterflies when I read it — tiny little flutterings of a panic attack welling up in my belly. Because of the art, the exquisite design, it costs a little bit more than your average book. I had to wait all summer to buy it, until I was sure I had the money. Having it now, I realize it would have been worth twice as much.

I can't believe he got that far into that paragraph without writing, "You probably haven't heard about it."

Couldn't read that shit at all but I am glad I scrolled down to read Doran's comment at the end.

I literally get butterflies when I read it

Presumably involves a trip to the butterfly shop?

DL im sure being called a "dick" by everett true is a badge of honour

I literally get butterflies when I read it

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/19/Wendy_Craig_in_Butterflies.jpg

He stopped Savages dead in their tracks? Someone all to tell the people who keep buying tickets to see them.

He's a one-man truth machine.

lol at "(if this review introduces just one person to this book etc…)" because that review just made me want to check out Haim who I haven't heard before but I now like.

Look, I don’t deny the pleasure you get from this music, but your ability to be moved by it says more about the depth/breadth of your emotions, the thrill of being alive, than it does about Haim.

AKA: If you are shallow/young it doesn't take much (intellectually) for you to be moved.

unsurprisingly for a guy who appears to love the sound of his own typing, he seems unable to process any aspect of the music apart from the lyrics.

I haven't read the piece, but if it said "Haim suck and everyone who likes them is a fucking idiot who should be murdered", it's spot on.

>:|

haha

Heh. wk, as someone who adores the fuck out of this album, I'd be the first to tell you the lyrics are merely serviceable, but fine as such.

I always suspected emil.y was mr agreeabl.e

skimming the article I missed the part where Bough Down was a book so I threw it into youtube and the first hit was one of those pronunciation guide videos. clearly the real explanation is that this guy is horse_ebooks

He is in a band called Tunabunny.

He is in a fucking excellent band called Tunabunny, yes.

god I just wrote a post and then deleted it

I just listened to a couple of HAIM songs. I'll hold my tongue and just quietly OTM emil.y.

I like Tunabunny and Haim. :(

rapture about the memoir of DFW's ex seems exactly right for the middlebrow vibes going on in that prose, frankly

wait, this guy who doesn't hear anything good in Haim makes tuneless, rhythmically challenged music? that's a shock.

haw haw haw!

*smarmy chuckle, places hands on gut*

Bloke who plays in lumpen indie band tries to add to his own infamy/success by saying pop music is shite shocker.

lj is in a band called Tunabunny?

know some ppl that really rep for Tunabunny. not expecting them to care about the world's worst music writer being in the band tbf

i just looked at the comments on collapseboard and DL isnt too popular!

I like Tunabunny and Haim. :(

― polyphonic, Wednesday, October 2, 2013 10:31 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I've only listened to Tunabunny for the first time tonight, and it's 100% due to the Haim review being linked to in this thread, so if DS's P is correct this strategy is working

Heavy Metal is the genre Dorian Lynskey , from that twitter exchange, espouses in the guardian and the quietus I think?

Why does Dorien not have a go at the misogyny in heavy metal or the fact that 99% of fans of black metal (who are ALL white) are racists?

http://www.soulstrut.com/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/know.gif

Pretty terrible writer & it's embarrassing to witness the gap between what he is aiming for and what he achieves BUT I think DL's sexism accusation ("I find all kneejerk loathing of pop inherently sexist and reactionary") partly rests on a misreading of

So if I seem a little annoyed at their empty-headedness, the way people who should know better see their lack of anything beyond pure pop emptiness (the word ‘pop’ used in a backhanded way — as if Beyonce, or Taylor Swift, or Lady Gaga, or even Katy fucking Perry didn’t have at least something in their songs) as some kind of asset, well like, why should I have to read inanities like, See, they’re great BECAUSE they’re empty

which is a terrible sentence but does seem to be in favour of pop - at least some "non-empty" kind of pop - and against people who celebrate pop as "emptiness" i.e. he is offended by "the word ‘pop’... used in a backhanded way" rather than using it in a backhanded way himself.

I get the patronising of youth and the Rick Astley stuff - though of all briefly successful pop fellas Astley surely had the fewest young female fans. If anything, he just signifies pop as punishment i.e. rickrolling.

26 Responses to “Haim – Days Are Gone (Columbia)”

moOkie says:
October 2, 2013 at 7:09 pm

Slap my knee bones to the ground!

Ben Green says:
October 2, 2013 at 8:56 pm

GROSS VOCALS
Sarah says:
October 2, 2013 at 9:28 pm

This is less of a review more of a mental breakdown. You sound like a ranting baffoon Scott. If you have friends I suggest you get them to read this review, then look you in the eye and tell you what they think of it.

woot says:
October 2, 2013 at 9:33 pm

geez is there anything you like that isn’t predictable “smart guy” garbage? might as well call you tj for fuck’s sake. read Gass or Mossman not the pale imitations you dumb motherfucker, maybe you’ll learn something. YOU, to say nothing of Haim, desperately need to.

andy says:
October 2, 2013 at 10:09 pm

SO IF I CRY TO RICK ASSTLEY THEN THAT’S REALLY ME CRYING NOT RICK ASSTELY BUT IF RICK ASSTLEY HAD EMOTIONS THEN I WOULDN’T NEED TO HAVE ANY EMOTIONS BECAUSE RICK ASSTLEY COULD DO ALL THAT STUFF FOR ME. OR SOMETHING.

RJC says:
October 2, 2013 at 10:34 pm

But if Rick Astley moves someone to tears then surely that is Pete Waterman’s doing, not Rick Astley’s?! ITS ALL SO CONFUSING!!!
Steph says:
October 2, 2013 at 10:36 pm

Is Haim the marmite of the pop world. They just mildly bore me. Not enough to stir up hatred. Their winning quality is the bassist’s bass face. Best I’ve seen but not into 80s classic rock music.

RJC says:
October 2, 2013 at 11:25 pm

This isn’t about Haim though is it?

Tenbenson says:
October 2, 2013 at 11:53 pm

It’s always the fans of the shittest music that spit the most feathers when someone dares to criticise it.

Caroline says:
October 3, 2013 at 1:38 am

You’re right, RJC. It’s about the slow, depressing creep of society and popular music towards vapid, substanceless mediocrity.

Will says:
October 3, 2013 at 2:19 am

I don’t get the fuss over this review. The opening gambit is a bit…much imo, but there’s nothing sexist or out of order about this.

Haim’s record was made with the endless budget of Columbia/Sony, they were put into the studio with high profile co writers and producers and they came out with something that sounds like a Shania Twain b-side or some 80s one hit wonder. No spark, nothing interesting…just cookie cutter nonsense with an incredibly high marketing budget. Cynical in that it is all geared up to satisfy people who are scared of the new. I don’t even hear ANY production flourishes in this which could mark it out.

Manufactured pop doesn’t HAVE to be shit. All my beloved sixties girl groups, Spector stuff etc were manufactured, but by people who gave a shit, and had the talent to write and produce good music. This is not that.

RJC says:
October 3, 2013 at 2:33 am

I found this to be an interesting exchange

https://twitter.com/AndrewMaleMojo/status/385432851346255872

What is it about this piece (and the others) that so riles the Great British music journalist?

It might be helpful if some of the er, haterz came on here and joined the conversation as I don’t think Twitter is particularly suited to long form debate.

Hmmm…

Lee says:
October 3, 2013 at 3:34 am

Sarah – will do. I’ll tell him it’s an excellent review.

Dunno about you guys, but I certainly believe I deserve better than Haim. Way to go, girls, for perpetuating the airhead, glamor-girl stereotype (that, secretly, I’m sure my mum wished I could have been) and exploiting an old pop formula that’s already been played to death. If I had to listen to a whole album of this, I might sound like a “ranting buffoon”, too (and a less articulate one, at that).

Erika Meyer says:
October 3, 2013 at 4:20 am

Dorian Lynskey (in the twitter debate referenced above) referred to this review as “sexist” (also I think “stupid” and “reactionary”). When Wallace asked him to make an evidence-based defense of his accusation of sexism, he refused.

I’m not saying I agree with Scott that being childlike is a bad thing… even if too much pop music is too childlike too often… But I’ve never noticed Scott being in the slightest bit sexist in any of his reviews.

AFA their music… it seems like a “thing” now… new music that sounds like old music. In particular, the music we hated in the 1980s. THIS is how our children annoy us now.

My favorite thing about the review is of course the part of the review that was not about Haim, but about writer Karen Green.

So I think the pertinent question here is: how does Karen Green look in hot pants?

RJC says:
October 3, 2013 at 5:58 am

Caroline – this is indeed about the slow, depressing creep of society and popular music towards vapid, substanceless mediocrity, but it is also about pointing the finger at those complicit in this creep.

Wayne Walls says:
October 3, 2013 at 7:10 am

I would rather cut my ears off than listen to Haim

Stevie M says:
October 3, 2013 at 8:26 am

This is an excellent review and see nothing sexist about it at all. Uptight pc Brits don’t like pop music or anything with “girls with guitars” getting dissed no matter how bland they are and cry SEXISM if you dare to go against their expert opinions. Check the xx or coldplay for an example of bland UK bands of recent years all hyped initially by the NME and middlebrow media outlets like The Guardian. Rather than get behind creative bands like The New Puritans they have to go for safe and bland music.

What worries me with the state of critically adored rock and indie is that its so dull and watered down and SAFE which mean young rock fans might end up drifting to the awful actual misogynist sub-genre of rock -Heavy Metal than the once proud , intelligent bands in the rock genre. We need to save the kids from sweaty, spotty, sexless youths watching men in loincloths.
Heavy Metal is the genre Dorian Lynskey , from that twitter exchange, espouses in the guardian and the quietus I think?

Why does Dorien not have a go at the misogyny in heavy metal or the fact that 99% of fans of black metal (who are ALL white) are racists?

Tamsin Chapman says:
October 3, 2013 at 8:43 am

I don’t understand why a gang of established Smug 4 Life journalists are so up in arms about a review by an unpaid critic who writes purely because he cares about music. *Everybody* knows Haim are terrible. And they’re Tories to boot. They sound like Wilson Phillips except without their one good song & interesting back story.

I actually disagree that Haim make music aimed at young people – it’s patently aimed at middle-aged men.I also even disagree it’s pop music at all. It’s MOR. The only young people I can imagine liking them are members of the Young Conservatives who find the charts “a bit urban”.

Pop music is about the now and the future. Beyonce makes great pop music. Kanye makes great pop music. Haim are retrograde, reactionary piffle. Music for people who are *satisfied* with themselves and their lives. Music for people who don’t like music.

No wonder Tracey Thorn likes them – I love the Marine Girls but let’s face it, Everything But The Girl were MOR too. I also think Courtney Love is partly to blame for all this. She started the critical rehabilitation of Fleetwood Mac. Fleetwood Mac (who apparently Haim are supposed to sound like) are also tedious MOR bollocks. I’m sorry but they are.

Music journalism used to be rockist (and that was shit), in theory it’s now supposed to be poptimist. It would be great if that were so – I live for pop music. But it bloody isn’t, it’s dominated by the middle-aged and the middle-of-the-road. Today, the Tories announced that if they win the next election they’ll strip all welfare benefits from the under 25s, leaving those young people abandoned or abused by their families to die on the streets. And a music review that you disagree with is what you choose to get angry about is it Dorian Lynskey? Fuck the gerontocracy

Daz says:
October 3, 2013 at 9:04 am

I fail to see how people have interpreted this review as sexist.

Haim sound like Hanson for a new generation.

What actually makes me curious is why one of the band members stands up behind a couch for an interview while David Cameron and another guest sit on a couch. WHY?

RJC says:
October 3, 2013 at 9:32 am

Tasmin Chapman is correct – Haim do not make music aimed at young people. I don’t know who they make their music for. Perhaps, in time-honoured tradition Haim ‘just make music for themselves and if anyone else likes it that’s a bonus’.

This is less about who Haim make their music for, but rather who their music is marketed at. Their music is marketed at middle aged men. Arguably middle aged white men.

“And I know I’m not the target audience for Haim, but if that’s the case, how come I have to see/hear them all over the place? I haven’t gone looking for Haim. They’re everywhere this week. And this review is my response…”

This is the straw man. If Creney weren’t the target audience for Haim then how is it he sees them everywhere he looks? He is the target audience. Marketing has just attempted to become more sophisticated.

Before I logged on here, I checked my emails. Oh look, there’s one from Amazon telling me that I might be interested in the new Haim album. I am a middle aged white male.
Jodi says:
October 3, 2013 at 9:37 am

Even as a frothing, rabid feminist, I can’t see anything sexist about this review. I can’t even really spot any direct references to gender at all (apart from in the purely descriptive pronoun sense).

That being said, I don’t think this is up to your usual standards, Scott. It makes you sound like a bitter old man. If you’re going to hate the music, at least spend more time talking about the music. This review reads like you listened to three songs one time and decided that they’re everything that’s wrong with The Youth Today.

Also fuck you right in the ass Stevie M, when you make statements like “…the fact that 99% of fans of black metal (who are ALL white) are racists…” you are actively damaging our side of the argument with your fucking rampant stupidity.

Suzie2999 says:
October 3, 2013 at 9:38 am

A heated debate about Haim? Really?

RJC says:
October 3, 2013 at 9:53 am

Argh. This isn’t about Haim.

Lucy Cage says:
October 3, 2013 at 10:04 am

I’ve been puzzling over the extraordinarily rabid response to this review all day; it seems so uncontroversial, dissing Haim for being bland, for not being good enough… why is that so hard to swallow? Most odd.

As far as I can tell though, the sexism critique made on Twitter was a poor reading of the review through the eyes of a smarting Haim fan who assumed that because Scott was suggesting that their pop is not good enough (and also that much mass-appeal pop is reflective more of the listener’s subjective experience rather than innate genius) he was:

a. a Hater of Pop in general
b. making the fairly standard gendered critique wherein pop & its fandom is seen as female (and therefore lesser, dismissable, manufactured) and is set against high culture (worthy, complex, auteured).

To this crude view (even when made by white, middle-class, middle-aged, male writers with media-establishment platforms) pretty much any critique of female-produced pop = misogyny.
The fact that Scott’s review is not making that argument in the slightest doesn’t seem to have discouraged them in banging it out over and over.

If there is any more substance to the sexism accusation than this, I would like to hear it.

RJC says:
October 3, 2013 at 10:21 am

Something is happening here,
But you don’t know what it is
Do you, Mr Lynskey?

UnContainuhDrivuh says:
October 3, 2013 at 10:53 am

the old serious journos who are defending haim are probably just dudes who want to sleep with the band. i know that’s being a bit direct, but really that’s probably the case.

middlebrow media outlets like The Guardian

which one of you lot is stevie m? Im not rising to the bait!

No wonder Tracey Thorn likes them – I love the Marine Girls but let’s face it, Everything But The Girl were MOR too. I also think Courtney Love is partly to blame for all this. She started the critical rehabilitation of Fleetwood Mac. Fleetwood Mac (who apparently Haim are supposed to sound like) are also tedious MOR bollocks. I’m sorry but they are.

The two non-musicinternetppl friends I have who share my Haim obsession are both early-20s black lesbians, or, apparently, middle aged white men.

I’m sorry but they are.

Lol at poster Tamsin Chapman's unearned smugness. "I'm sorry to have to tell you the truth, but here you go, free of charge".

No winners on that thread

xp Heavy metal is pretty much the only genre I can't get into and I don't write for the Quietus but otherwise that comment is otm.

Impressed such a shitty review has so many fans though. He must be touching a chord with somebody.

I suspect Scott Creney himself is smart enough to know that if you write a provocative review and you provoke strong reactions then it's job done and not something to wail about.

It just makes me wonder why I bother spending months researching and writing well thought out pieces for my blog to minimal response, since I should obviously stamp my feet, stick my tongue out and sod facts and feelings to get attention because that's what people on the internet seem to want.

The only thing people want is soundbites and controversy. See also: politics, news, etc.