OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

i have blog gang kill them all

That's because I don't read any of it. Ever. Unless something particularly good or particularly bad gets linked in my general vicinity, it might as well all take place in a parallel universe.

Newspaper writing is an entirely discipline than "music writing."

xxp - newspaper editing too!

"The two boxers went at it like mad scientists, hitting each other with gloves and sometimes putting up their own gloves to block the other guys"

I'm a news writer, not a sports writer.

Newspaper writing has a non-zero overlap with music writing in that you shouldn't accidentally write about Trent Reznor's weenis in either

what it boils down to is that this is just another thing to...kill a little more time before I die.

My guiding philosophy for at least the last 6-7 years.

Can we please go back over every piece of writing linked in this thread over the years and assess whether it is appropriate to compare it to didion (if not, y'all have wasted a LOT of time)

it's funny, because in trying to pull the "You guys are taking mediocre news writing a little too seriously" move, they actually set themselves up for the "you guys are taking INTERNET too seriously" move. Played yaselves.

it would be one thing if the AP were still just a wire service delivering raw data but they churn out so much crap now to fill sites with it ain't even funny. all kinds of non-news crap.

The problem with this guy's writing is not that it's hacky or that it isn't Joan didion, it's that it's barely even language. Hacks are baseline competent. Hacks can remember the clause before the one they're currently writing.

to be fair, most writers don't really know how to write anymore.

that's why the good ones stick out so much.

It's true. I remember going to some historic house in New Brunswick, NJ, and they had some copies of a local paper from the turn of the century in a glass case, and I thought the prose in it was as good as or better than most of today's newspaper writing. Granted a lot of newspaper writing from that era has a certain florid hackiness of its own.

"this is just another thing to mock on the internet and kill a little more time before I die."

^ solitary posts that effortlessly summarize etc

shd be criticizing dude's nonexistent copyeditor

http://www.avclub.com/articles/neko-case-the-worse-things-get-the-harder-i-fight,102717/

The a cappella tune “Nearly Midnight, Honolulu” tells the sad tale of a verbally abusive mother, but Case’s sweetly echoing “I’m sorry” only apologizes to the child for it happening. Maybe she should apologize for not intervening.

Yikes. Certainly sounds like an AV Club review, though.

Is it necessary to have heard the album in order to have any idea wft is going on in this review? Or was this originally a longer piece edited down into incomprehensibility?

2 Chainz is all hype. Me Time chronicles a rags-to-riches story, with touches of paranoia characteristic of marijuana users. It's slicker than its predecessor, in terms of production and enunciation of lyrics. "I Do It," a potential single, featuring interwoven verses from Ca$h Money family members Lil Wayne and Drake, ends with a gospel section calling for a little bit of "me time" for the song's helmer — a nice touch. Also, Mike WiLL Made It (the producer of the hour) delights, surprising listeners with a faintly recognizable diversion from his traditional trap sound; in fact, he goes backwards in time, borrowing Southside's wobbling hi-hats from Watch the Throne's bonus track, "Illest Motherfucker Alive." Even amongst all the talk of coitus and throwing it up on YouTube ("Used 2"), "first name, 2, last name, Chainz" takes the time on wax to give an official shout-out to his favourite household appliance: the stove ("Fork"). However, as charming as these progressions may sound, the heart of the project lies beneath the glitz and glamour of 2 Chainz's traveling circus act, which for the benefit of capitalist America, has made quite the stink in the papers recently. Whether it's the weight of Chrisette Michele's spoken word ode to imagination ("Black Unicorn") or the ATL wordsmith's confession ("Outroduction") that he gets profiled more now than when he was hustling, one thing's for certain: by the end of Me Time, the down-to-Earth, around-the-block-and-back 2 Chainz bores.
(Def Jam)

not heard it and that mostly reads OK to me apart from there's no explanation whatsoever why the reviewer finds it boring?

my god, the discussion before the jump. rmde

this thread has got a lot of nerve when some of the worst music posters in the world frequent this board

name naaaames

saving that poll for when i need some time away

What about the world's best music poster

pretty sure it's this one:

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-hIzag7ptdSg/Tzgt2JOlVhI/AAAAAAAAEeU/Q7bg0vXgMOk/s1600/DSC00014.JPG

I that John Paul ii above Whitney Houston?

yeah, he put a couple of solo records out on Metal Blade in the 80s iirc

outrageous nipple hat

The problem with being a pop star is that in order to continue to score hits — and hence, to stay relevant — it is imperative to adopt and incorporate current trends into one’s work. When the flavor of the day is something pure — as it was when Carole King was writing songs alongside Gerry Goffin in the ’60s or when she unleashed her masterpiece Tapestry in the early ’70s — the results can be magical and timeless. On the other hand, when the market favors style over substance — as it has, almost without fail, since the disco era — the outcome can range from being diminished to being lifeless.

http://www.musicbox-online.com/reviews-2007/caroleking-lovemakestheworld-09042007.html#axzz2gKHWUNv0

musicbox-online you've disappointed us this time

haha, that's what i thought when i saw that. they really lowered their standards over there at musicbox-online in 2007.

From the Haim thread: Rockist Agonistes.

http://www.collapseboard.com/reviews/albums-reviews/haim-days-are-gone-columbia/

Like Bryan Adams, Haim have mastered the art of writing a song composed entirely of lyrics from other songs.

T.S. Eliot did this too, you think you're better than T.S. Eliot do you mister crappy pop music critic?

When I posted it on the haim thread I hadn't realised it was by the same guy who did http://www.collapseboard.com/blogs/scott-creney/an-immodest-proposal

Overcoming the Haim vs Savages critical divide by shitting on both and congratulating himself for it.

And it’s not like I have a vendetta against any of your labels. I wrote very nice things about the recent Cat Power album. Same with Yo La Tengo and Fucked Up. Yeah, I made fun of Fleet Foxes and Stephen Malkmus, but not enough to ruin their careers or hurt your labels. And let’s just talk about the fucking emotional memoir I wrote for last year’s Interpol reissue. There was so much soul in that review that Collapse Board’s Mike Turner, a lifelong Interpol hater, was forced to reassess the band after reading my review, arriving at the conclusion that the record “actually isn’t that bad”.

As a writer, I am nothing if not persuasive.

Willing to bet that a disproportionate amount of the worst music writing ever is first person.

It seems I have angered the Collapseboard massive on Twitter.

No, the lines above are a sample of random lines from a book that came out earlier in 2013. Bough Down by Karen Green is one of the most devastating, beautifully created works of art ever created. I literally get butterflies when I read it — tiny little flutterings of a panic attack welling up in my belly. Because of the art, the exquisite design, it costs a little bit more than your average book. I had to wait all summer to buy it, until I was sure I had the money. Having it now, I realize it would have been worth twice as much.

I can't believe he got that far into that paragraph without writing, "You probably haven't heard about it."

Couldn't read that shit at all but I am glad I scrolled down to read Doran's comment at the end.

I literally get butterflies when I read it

Presumably involves a trip to the butterfly shop?

DL im sure being called a "dick" by everett true is a badge of honour

I literally get butterflies when I read it

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/1/19/Wendy_Craig_in_Butterflies.jpg

He stopped Savages dead in their tracks? Someone all to tell the people who keep buying tickets to see them.

He's a one-man truth machine.

lol at "(if this review introduces just one person to this book etc…)" because that review just made me want to check out Haim who I haven't heard before but I now like.

Look, I don’t deny the pleasure you get from this music, but your ability to be moved by it says more about the depth/breadth of your emotions, the thrill of being alive, than it does about Haim.

AKA: If you are shallow/young it doesn't take much (intellectually) for you to be moved.

unsurprisingly for a guy who appears to love the sound of his own typing, he seems unable to process any aspect of the music apart from the lyrics.

I haven't read the piece, but if it said "Haim suck and everyone who likes them is a fucking idiot who should be murdered", it's spot on.