OK, is this the worst piece of music writing ever?

"The lead single from Ciara's self-titled fifth album, "Body Party," is an oozing, seductive R&B track

http://pzrservices.typepad.com/vintageadvertising/images/2008/03/15/vintage_ad_1975_copy.jpg

cap'n save-a-hack

i'm kind of relieved when i run across phoned-in robot articles written by people who have not spent any time analyzing pop culture, one less human being subjecting themselves to the grotesquery of caring in a sinking ship industry.

*puts cigarette out on palm, gazes balefully into the smoggy distance*

in any case, this guy answers the thread question pretty definitively; i can't imagine anyone else who gets this level of distribution and exposure who writes this poorly

it's a relief! phew, this person can care more about things that matter. good for them.

xp i beg to differ. i enjoyed the 'burly voice' line more than anything you've ever posted.

no offense. i mean it's a great line, not everyone can be a genius.

no offense taken. there are certainly plenty of would-be "genius" hacks who devote themselves to flexing atrophied muscles on the internet in misguided attempts to look clever.
why one of them could be in the room right... now.
http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/hand-gestures/crossed-arms-smiley-emoticon.gif

joan didion?

holy shit, joan didion is in the room?

she posts as "The Other J.D."

AP (New York) -- Wire service writes like wire service

katherine gets me as of late tho

Yeah, criticising someone who's probably a news reporter for not writing a great review is insufferably smug. Unless everyone here could write a perfect court report …

his work is factually incorrect, grammatically suspect and betrays little creativity or knowledge of the work he's writing about!

what standards would you LIKE me to judge that work on?

Everything in his AP repertoire so far is music/pop culture oriented, so I dunno where the idea that he's a news reporter comes from.

he says he's a music writer in his twitter bio

what's his twitter name again?

Leave him alone!

I imagine Britney saying that.

but shouldn't someone tell him that a bunch of people he's never heard of think he's not good at something?

so are we gonna be hand-wringing about poor music journalism in in-flight magazines next?

I wouldn't want his job. I imagine none of us would. But the idea that he's got it instead of someone who can write and actually knows things about music is irritating.

I know! Welcome to the world.

god get over yourself

rme at everyone in this thread stanning for this clown. If he worked at Wendy's, he'd be fired by now.

Wendy's publishes music writing?

irl lol

WHAT THE HELL

Bad writer writes badly. When has this ever been a taking sides issue on ilm before?

sorry that was flip - i think it's more an issue of should we be spending our precious outrage resources on this issue rather than something else

if you'd changed Wendy's to Subway otoh

seriously if this rote and harmless writing irritates you, i would suggest some self-exploration, it can only get better.

The customer ate his Foot-long Cold Cut Trio with ease, and at times slowed things down as florescent tubes hummed and adjacent heat lamps warmed the Provolone

Jesus fuck, this is the fucking AP, not some backwater daily. Forget about musical knowledge, this writer can barely put a sentence together.

"Mumford & Sons and the crowd were loud, but not unruly during the two-hour show. The band played their folk-rock tunes with ease, and at times slowed things down as red-orange lights shined and small light bulbs hung in the air. They (typo in original) boys were like mad scientists during "Dustbowl Dance" (they were? how so?) — singer Marcus Mumford was now on the drums and he kicked it (kicked what???) out of his way as he headed to the front of the stage to finish singing the song."

I'm not even heavily invested in this whole thing, other than figuring out the author's name. I was just amazed to come back to the thread hours later and see people arguing over whether or not his work should be taken in context and whatever other excuses are upthread. Dude has written one ill-informed piece, some other really o_O things, and all of the sudden he's a frustrated news reporter who's been forced to write about music (which doesn't appear to be the case whatsoever...he chose music, and he's bad at it!).

And then I was told to get over myself, to which I say get the fuck out of my face.

Seriously, Matt P. That shit was uncalled for and I hope you get a summer cold and don't sleep for three nights.

I'm not really particularly mad at the writer or that I'm not that writer, in fact I'm not especially mad at all -- what it boils down to is that this is just another thing to mock on the internet and kill a little more time before I die. But it's still a bit sad to see how grimey the bottom of the barrel is that is now being scraped by journalistic outlets unwilling or unable to pay living wages.

are we sure the AP this guy with is the Associated Press? if he was with Alternative Press he'd be one of their best writers.

Newspaper writing is an entirely discipline than "music writing."

Meanwhile I HAVE BLOG gang of twentysomethings are turning the regular music writing game into an outlet for shameless self-aggrandizing with no idea about "ethics" or "how to write a lede" and that shit runs rampant all day long and you guys aren't crying.

i have blog gang kill them all

That's because I don't read any of it. Ever. Unless something particularly good or particularly bad gets linked in my general vicinity, it might as well all take place in a parallel universe.

Newspaper writing is an entirely discipline than "music writing."

xxp - newspaper editing too!

"The two boxers went at it like mad scientists, hitting each other with gloves and sometimes putting up their own gloves to block the other guys"

I'm a news writer, not a sports writer.

Newspaper writing has a non-zero overlap with music writing in that you shouldn't accidentally write about Trent Reznor's weenis in either

what it boils down to is that this is just another thing to...kill a little more time before I die.

My guiding philosophy for at least the last 6-7 years.

Can we please go back over every piece of writing linked in this thread over the years and assess whether it is appropriate to compare it to didion (if not, y'all have wasted a LOT of time)

it's funny, because in trying to pull the "You guys are taking mediocre news writing a little too seriously" move, they actually set themselves up for the "you guys are taking INTERNET too seriously" move. Played yaselves.

it would be one thing if the AP were still just a wire service delivering raw data but they churn out so much crap now to fill sites with it ain't even funny. all kinds of non-news crap.

The problem with this guy's writing is not that it's hacky or that it isn't Joan didion, it's that it's barely even language. Hacks are baseline competent. Hacks can remember the clause before the one they're currently writing.

to be fair, most writers don't really know how to write anymore.