asexual pride movement

idk, "I can't relate to this lifestyle and it can't really be real" or "I didn't have time and pretended I wasn't sexual, that is what this is" is kind of a bad look. We're just talking about an incredibly low as to be nonexistent sex drive, not people wanting to bang cartoon ponies

People identify as straight or gay and then realize they're actually the other. Doesn't make their lives any less real.

^

serious question: is there any actual scientific research on this phenomenon, or is a huffpost chart their shining moment thus far?

asexuality and esp. the "asexual spectrum" and the language that surrounds it rly interest me because they basically represent the next step (after homosexuality/heterosexuality) in creating fixed identities out of behaviors or desires that may previously have been experienced as contingent or fluid

Dear god let this be fluid.

flowing back toward youth and horniness

all the descriptions of asexuals i've found make them out to seem like boring, regular people ... but with a twist! the twist being something also shared by boring, normal people. i really don't know why this is getting me so worked up.

http://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/91640-i-have-a-foot-fetish-does-this-affect-me-in-anyway-being-asexual/

this is the kind-of shit. this person sounds like they're worried about being kicked out of the asexuality club for liking feet... and other people act like this is a perfectly normal line of thinking. totally backwards reasoning. god i need a life.

thanks wolverine

Yo just to course correct, it is not the case that self-identified asexual pl have always have low or no "sex drive," although we could be here all day probably defining "sex drive." From the article:

"People may ask, 'How can they be asexual if they masturbate?' I admit the finding did surprise me, too," said Brotto, the director of the University of British Columbia's Sexual Health Laboratory. "When you talk about masturbation, you may think of it as a sexual activity, but actually masturbation is not inherently sexual. [Asexuals cite] boredom, stress reduction, helping them to get to sleep, etc., as reasons behind masturbation."

Brotto's study indicates, however, that these lower levels are not caused by an "impaired psychophysiological sexual arousal response." As one asexual put it, "everything works, we just don't want to get somebody else involved."

Tellingly, most asexuals who masturbate say they rarely think about another person during the act, and even when they do, it's in a non-sexual context.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=foH7NC_V70Q

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RYEirOe5Lrg

evidently we could also be here all day defining "sexual act"

Does that really come as a surprise? It shouldn't.

did i sound surprised?

when asexuals come do they come as a surprise

xp to myself heh ok i guess i made the mistake of not reading the article itself

they come as they are

Demisexuals, explained Gwendolyn M., a 25-year-old designer who lives in Honolulu, are people who do not experience sexual attraction toward others unless and until they forge a very strong emotional -- and usually romantic -- connection.

Gwendolyn, who identifies as a panromantic demisexual, has been in a relationship with a sexual man for the past seven years. She says the bond generally takes a very long time to form, and even when it does, sex is possible, but it still remains relatively peripheral.

"I do have regular sex, and it is pretty nice," she said. "And I do feel some sexual desire under special circumstances … but I enjoy a lot of the sex with him only very partially from my own sexual desire, which is minimal. It's really from this secondary sexual desire, this desire to make him happy, that makes it enjoyable. That desire is a powerful force that stems from the head, rather than my libido. I don't hunger for sex the way other people might."

this...sounds like a normal person to me

sorry for use of "normal"

Gray-A's, on the other hand, are people who identify more generally in the gray zone between asexuality and sexuality. These include individuals who don't typically experience sexual attraction, as well as people who can desire and enjoy sex but only under very specific circumstances.

"Sexuality is so fluid, and Gray-A presents more of a possibility to be unsure. I don't understand all the intricacies of myself yet, so this is the closest approximation I've come up with," said Chris Maleney, an 18-year-old Pennsylvania high school student who identifies as Gray-A.

...

a lot of these ppl basically just have social anxiety disorder right

I completely lost my sex drive about six years ago at the age of 22 and it hasn't come back. I had my blood tested but there's nothing wrong with me medically. Honestly, I'm not sure whether to see it as a problem or just accept it. I did have problems with depression in my early 20s and it's certainly possible that it could be related to that. Thing is, my depression eased off but my desire never really came back. To a certain extent you don't miss what you don't feel. On the other hand, I do wonder what it would be like to feel that sort of desire again as I've forgotten it now.
I can't say I've any desire to attach myself to any identity movement. I haven't faced any discrimination, just one or two socially awkward situations like when a well-meaning friend started prodding me about not finding myself a girlfriend and I wasn't able to tell them the truth. I can see that it's possible I would be better off having these feelings again, but I'm not exactly sure what I could do about it.

asexuality and esp. the "asexual spectrum" and the language that surrounds it rly interest me because they basically represent the next step (after homosexuality/heterosexuality) in creating fixed identities out of behaviors or desires that may previously have been experienced as contingent or fluid

― 1staethyr, Tuesday, August 27, 2013 10:16 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

otm

a lot of these ppl basically just have social anxiety disorder right

― k3vin k., Tuesday, August 27, 2013 11:58 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i mean if the end goal is to pathologize all behavior, why settle for big tents like sad/gad

xp only if you think of your position on the spectrum as being permanently fixed (which it isn't)

or that it should be

i mean if the end goal is to pathologize all behavior, why settle for big tents like sad/gad

― max, Wednesday, August 28, 2013 6:22 AM (3 hours ago)

this sounds like a terrible goal!

i think identifying these different positions on this spectrum as equally valid variations of human sexuality is the opposite of pathologizing

Sexual identity is something we as a society trust to be self-defined

"Society" as a whole has not fully agreed on this yet.

know a guy who apparently told plenty of people he was asexual, but most of those people are pretty sure that he's gay and in denial about it.

― what happened? i am confused. (sarahel), Tuesday, August 25, 2009 4:20 PM (4 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

I didn't know you knew Morrissey!

― \(^o\) (/o^)/ (ENBB), Tuesday, August 25, 2009 4:27 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I basically identify as an ace, I guess. And it's not that I don't have sexual desires but that I don't want to have sexual relationships (so I am different from other aces in that regard). And an ilxor can tell me oh maybe you just have social anxiety if they want and I can politely tell them that maybe they should just tend to their own lives.

Ilxors come off like the equivalent of a bunch of homophobes on this thread, basically. Sorry I and others don't conform to your worldview.

Sorry if I'm generalizing - there are some thoughtful posts on this thread, but man...

there's nothing wrong with being asexual whatsoever - any stigma usually has more to do with the insecurities of the person casting the stone. and I apologize for dredging up bad feelings.

i can see how my comment could be perceived as insensitive, so i apologize

(i have social anxiety btw)

I came across as rather insensitive on this thread and haha joke's on me, turns out that I was an aromantic asexual in denial. In retrospect I was a grey in my late teens and twenties, gradually becoming darker and darker grey in my thirties, until it reached a point a few years ago when I had to admit to myself that I was asexual. The concious turning point was when I realised that by far the main reason I wanted to be in a relationship was so that people would stop asking me why I wasn't in a relationship.

looking back on it i was mean-spirited in this thread. sorry about that.

Ilxors come off like the equivalent of a bunch of homophobes on this thread, basically. Sorry I and others don't conform to your worldview.

― timellison, Wednesday, August 31, 2016 5:23 AM (thirteen hours ago)

Seriously. Ilx0rs of seven years ago, you were being dicks.

historically this board has been a little judgmental about TMI matters, particularly when something brings up a squick reaction, but i'd like to think folks here have gotten a little more open-minded over the years

Yeah, I also think as we have an ageing population, we're a little less likely to just find this sort of stuff material for puerile jokes and more likely to try to understand.

personally i have difficulty drawing a meaningful differentiation between asexuality and hypoactive sexual desire disorder, because hsdd only ever seem to come up in the context of relationships. would it be wrong to say that an asexual is, in many cases, a single person with hsdd?

sure, one can say that someone with hsdd might _want_ a relationship more than an asexual, but "want" becomes a complicated thing when one has hsdd. desire for emotional connection is offset by fear of being judged as inadequate. a lot of the driving force becomes fear of loneliness (never a healthy basis for a relationship).

The wikipedia page on hsdd specifies that personal distress at the individual's perspective on sexuality must be present. It also talks about criticism of the disorder that links it to earlier attempts to define homosexuality in this way. "It may also over pathologize normal variation in sexuality because the parameters of normality are unclear."

moderate masturbators pride mvmt

every sexual minority likes to compare themselves to homosexuals and while i don't want to dismiss the comparison out of hand i think perhaps they are a little too facile about it. i don't have to worry about getting fired from my job for not having sex. nobody's ever told me i was going to hell for not having sex. the worst you can say is that it's grounds for divorce, but nobody's needed actual grounds for divorce in my lifetime.

Nevertheless, AVEN's goal of more visibility, awareness, and acceptance is something I fully support.

Ilxors come off like the equivalent of a bunch of homophobes on this thread, basically. Sorry I and others don't conform to your worldview.

― timellison, Wednesday, August 31, 2016 5:23 AM (thirteen hours ago)

apologies for my own dumb contribution to this thread tim. striving to be less ignorant/more sensitive about such matters