Tell Me About: Threesomes

Oh my.

Marc Almond, paraphrased from memory from his biography.

if you do, make sure to give more lovin to the gf than not significant other.

if your gf wants a threesome with another guy...go ahead and break up now then have your threesome.

There's a whole lot of baggage here, but good luck. Maybe check out some polyamorous forums or web sites. They're generally a bit more helpful and less cheesy than swinger websites.

Given the general agreement around here that threesomes are potentially hazardous to relationships, I'd say asking yourself why you want to do it is pretty important.

I'm not saying it wouldn't work out of course but there are risks, and if you're deep into a committed relationship it doesn't seem like it would be worth it.

if so, a fantastic experience
if not, a waste of time

Hahahaha.

I love from butter pecan to blackberry molass'
I don't discriminate, I regulate every shade of that *ass*
Long as you show class, and pass my test
Fat *fuckin* breasts, highly intelligent bachlorettes
That's the best, I won't settle for less
I wanna get a brunette, with unforgettable sex
I lay your head on my chest, come feel my heartbeat
We can park the Jeep, pump Mobb Deep, and just spark the leaf
It's hard to creep since I found Joe
Every pretty round brown *hoe* wanna go down low
But this Boogie Down pro-fessional, I'ma let you know
Once I quit the blows, get your clothes, cause you got to go
out the do' downstairs, little brown hairs everywhere
(You nasty Twin) I don't care
Round here they call me Big Pun,
Hit you with the big guns
Big tongue, known to make a chick *cum*

oh and sorry for butting in again and again w/o introducing myself!

http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/tv_pix/nbc/saturday_night_live_episode_photos/_group_photos/rachel_dratch53.jpg

This was all long ago, and I've been with the same person for the last three years (and very happily so). While the threesomes were a blast, I don't miss them at all.

You also need to look at and discuss all of the possible negative outcomes of the experience - don't think "well, we're not the jealous types" and leave it at that - you don't know how jealous or insecure or uncomfortable you might be until you're in the situation. How will you address these issues if they come-up in the middle of three of you frolicking around? How will you address them afterward?

You might want to consider (since you're coming from the "couple" end of things) setting some ground rules about what can and can't be done (I know that lots of people feel more secure if there are certain activities that are reserved for just the couple - like oral sex or whatever - something that shows that there's a bond between the two of you and that you're not going to share that with someone else). However, if you do choose to set such a restriction, you need to make that clear to the third person, so they don't overstep that boundary.

As far as bringing-up the topic with this other person, I'd recommend a public, though quiet, location - don't do it at yours or their house, as if there's a negative reaction, you're going to associate that with the place where it happened - you don't want them to always feel uncomfortable about coming to your house or you visting at their place. Depending on the dynamics, if this third person is closer to one of the partners than the other, the initial suggestion might be better brought-up with just the two of them, before the group discussion begins. (Oh, and as far as where to actually have the sex goes, you might want to think about some neutral place, so that if it is a negative experience the "marriage bed", so to speak, isn't associated with that.)

When it's the three of you talking, make sure that you're not all intoxicated or otherwise under the influence - you have to all have clear heads and minds. And, like it or not, you need to talk about some pretty uncomfortable things, like birth control, and STDs, and past partners, besides addressing all of the emotional issues. Make sure that during all of this you're not pairing off as two against one, which it can sometimes feel like is happening - this isn't a tag-team event, it's a sharing of something intimate and fun between three equals. Be sure to talk about limits and likes and dislikes (really, it's best not to have decided that anal sex will only happen between the couple and then to be in bed and suddenly discover that the third person only likes anal sex - or can't stand to watch it or think about it).

The three of you also need to talk about what happens afterward - do you all spend the night together? Or does someone leave? When do you all talk about what happened? If it doesn't go well, do you agree that you'll talk about what went wrong? If it goes great, when will you talk about that?

Don't have unrealistic expectations about the actual event - it's confusing, you'll end-up in uncomfortable (physical) positions, and there may be times where someone feels left out, because the other two are caught-up in each other. And you know how tough it can be to have mutual orgasms? Three of you coming at once - well, it can happen, but I think that's more of a fluke or a result of lots and lots of (fun) practice. It's not all going to be perfect and wonderful - the fantasy is never the reality - but the reality can exceed the fantasy, if everything goes well. Or maybe you'll need to do it a few times to learn what works and doesn't work.

A threesome can be incredible - physically and emotionally - it can bring people together and provide greater intimacy - it can strengthen bonds - it can be an excellent thing. But it can also be painful, emotionally destructive, dividing, and alienating. Ultimately, no matter how much you prepare for things, you won't know how you feel about it all until it's happening. (And you may discover that the negative emotions arise sometime after the incident, too.)

Talk and talk and talk. Have a sense of humor. Make sure that you all like each other (being physically attracted to someone isn't enough). Don't take yourself too seriously. Be open. Be honest. Admit your fears and concerns. Talk about your hopes and wishes, too. If you're at all uncertain, then don't do it. If you are certain that it's something that the three of you want, then go for it, with open minds and hearts and a resolve that no matter what happens, you're going to work through the after-effects together.

I stick by the idea that threesomes are best made up of three independents versus a couple plus one. While the later version can work out ok depending on the people involved, it is much more likely to backfire.

I don't know if it's better to have it be a couple and then a third person or three individual people - it's based on personalities and compatabilities, and I think that the odds of something working or not working are probably close - but that the ramifications of the working/not working could be more wide-reaching if two of the participants are a couple.

I've been in threesomes in both situations, and I can't say that either situation was particularly more successful or easy than the other - again, it's personalities and the situation at the time.

(Sniffs) Just asking.

This is why threesomes don't work.

(one other time was fun, but hey)

this is one of those things that deserves all the hype, imo.

*sings* we know what you've been dooooo-iiiiing...

just wanted to disagree with all the naysayers in the clusterfuck thread. Threesomes are worth the effort!

tmi bomb: my gf mentioned that she had one of these in college with another girl and a 'random guy'... and as someone who was never really able to manage to score random hookups ever, let alone more than one simultaneously, (and also as someone who has very very often fantasized about this sort of encounter), the thought of it is just seriously, nonstop haunting me since she mentioned it. i've become more depressed than i've been since high school, and i can hardly look at her and keep it together, i'm just constantly distracted by the idea of it. i feel like any attempt to talk through my feelings with her would turn into shitty emotional manipulation of one sort or another. and i don't think i should even want to try to arrange one with her and someone else (which she said she might possibly be into, with a number of boundaries) because i feel like even in the best case scenario, i'd find some reason to be disappointed that it isn't the same as the kind of freewheeling, no-strings hookup that she (well honestly, that 'random guy') had. i don't want to blame her or accost her for her sexual past, it's her life and her business and i understand that this is more of a deep insecurity thing that is my problem, not hers..... but i just can't seem to get over it. it's been almost a week since we talked and it's still literally the only thing i seem to be capable of thinking about when i'm not occupied by doing something. why is this such a big deal? ugh :(

Been a long time since we had a properly done logged out post. Well done

Coincidental FB update from a friend:
It's so cold hell has frozen over. The only possible explanation for me eating a mango.

the warmth of cuddling up with a mango or two

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vpsTQ786_I

There's this weird delusion that str8 guys have, that when a MFF threesome occurs, it is somehow all about the super-studly babe-attracting powers of the M in the equation. Of the MFF threesomes I've had, and all the women I've talked to about random hookup threesomes, 3 times out of 4, the threesome is actually about the ~bi-curious~ (or just plain bi) desires of the women involved, and the dude involved is pretty incidental / really only there as an excuse or cover to try out lady-love.

(Long term couples I have no experience with, but others' experience indicates 50/50?)

But if you are a dude asking yourself "why am I not the kind of guy who gets to have threesomes?" it is way less about you, and way more about the women you know.

TL; DR there's no guy in threesome.

i know one (1) guy who is in a literal polyamorous relationship with two girls (all three dating each other etc) and he is a person who once yelled at me for saying "dice" when referring to a singular die

Beer and pot make the threesome more casual.