What's it all about, Alfie the 13-year-old father?

"full sex" is the cousin of "romp" in that it only exists as a newspaper concept.

Yes, I've never really understood 'romp'. Could be anything? See also "rumpy", "roll in the hay", and, thank you America, "relations".

'Romp' fits easily in lurid tabloid headline.

4 letters

so this is looking more and more to be a hoax?

it is?

yeah--turns out there is no country "britain" and the last several centuries have been an extended flashmob designed to shock people out of their dreary everyday existences

^^^love this guy

Alfie is, what, 4' something and looks younger than my nine-year-old nephew. No disrespect to the dude, but I'm not 100% convinced, on appearance alone, that he isn't a total stranger to puberty. In which case: something really fucking odd is going on here.

something really fucking odd is going on here

^ true in whatever case

Seems a hoax; on the "news" last night (on the other fucking side of the world, why would we care here? I guess that's what comes for having the union jack in your flag) a bunch of other lads have also had *ahem* 'full sex' with this lass and reckon it could be any of theirs. The Alfie angle is to net his dad (?) or someone some cash for flogging the story.

Yeah thats what I said about 2983742845 posts ago...

Trayce OTM (xpost x 2983742845)

lol

Cue "you're not the father" gif

News?

Britain's not broken after all?

They've done a £300 DNA test and Alfie's not the dad. It's in the Mirror, but I can't copy/paste the link since I'm on my phone

Sweet

"Best £300 I ever spent" said Alfie's dad's dad, probably.

If everyone started conceiving children at age 13, we would all be great-great-great-great-grandparents by our mid-80s.

ahhhh :(

you have to wonder why they didn't do this on the first day (at least of the news, of whatever, before that tabloid printed it)

Lucky little bastard! I hope he's learnt his lesson.

I guess he won't have :(

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/03/26/alfie-truth-proved-by-a-300-baby-test-115875-21228412/

Pretty sure Jeremy Kyle would've done this for nowt.

Slept with 6 boys ay?

To be honest, she’s doing the right thing getting it now as she ain’t going to get prettier.
Plus, she’ll be set up for life with a nice council flat waiting for her when she’s old enough, free money and some maintenance.

Still plenty of scope for Jeremy Kyle to get involved

But who WAS forming babbies with Chantelle then?

I don't know, but I expect we'll now be treated to another round of outrage and soulseraching from the media. Oh joy.

But who WAS forming babbies with Chantelle then?

That's what I meant about there still being scope for Jeremy Kyle to get involved

cartman's father style expose has real potential.

Oh, I wasn't aware of who Jeremy Kyle is. Sorry. (Xpost)

Oh boy. Was Alfie used as a cover-up? Hiding a dark perverted family secret? Inquiring minds want to know!

Plus, she’ll be set up for life with a nice council flat waiting for her when she’s old enough, free money and some maintenance.

― not_goodwin

Aye she's got it fucking made eh?

emphasis on "fucking"

no, she's a victim here of ___________

Mrs Thatcher

Aye she's got it fucking made eh?

― the innermost wee guy (onimo),

it was sarcasm

She's a victim of her whoremoans.

so was mine xp

You guys

babies having babies hurts everyone

'ow is babby formed, mate?

the REAL father:

http://www.computermuseum.li/Testpage/AlphieII.jpg

smiling.

Isn't Maisie pregnant yet?

Alfie's taking her out tonight to get back at Chantelle.

Alfie, the German version (Kathrin is 13, Christian is 15, they'll be Germany's youngest elders)

Zärtlich drückt er seine Freundin an sich, streichelt ihren kugelrunden Bauch.

sounds good in Deutsch!
;)

at least Kathrin looks like 25 to me. (also i'm willing to bet that Bild will feature nude photos of Deutschland jungsten Mutter, when she's 18 and in desperate need of some dough)

Christian has some bad 80s footballer hair going on there.

wow yeah i would have guessed she was 18-19 and he was 22-23