Let's Win the New Yorker Caption Contest

"Don't worry, we've managed to extract your mashie whole."

(hrm, it's obvious that all I know of golf I learned from Wodehouse. Should perhaps substitute "five iron" or something for mashie. I love those old names though. Mashie niblick, I think? Wonderful!)

I suggest you try to fix that slice

Im sorry is this not a golf course lol

Look dr simpson it is a gentleman in full golfing regalia, dont allow it to distract u from this vital procedure i shall deal with the ruffian fortwith lol

They said greens dress code have i fucked up oh lord first day eh lol

There's an "unplayable lie: one stroke penalty" joke in this but I can't quite shape it.

Heh i didnt actually spot the ball there tbh

Surgeon: no i wont hold the fucking door for you

Eh the patient is dead y/n

"let's start with the good news - you're 101m from the green and i'd say a 9-iron out the window with a good bounce and you can still make par."

"god damn it, i'm a brain surgeon, not a caddy!"

"no golf shoes in the theatre ffs"

This was all fields when I were a lad

"apologies for my lateness. I was........stuck in traffic?"

"is this where i get handicapped?"

"yes i'm tyler goode"

"Please remember to repair any divots before you leave the course."

no, ophthalmology is on the ground floor

"Fore-ceps!"

"this is not what i was expecting but i guess it is pretty crazy"

"she says she wants to go back to thailand"

"a good operation spoiled"

"When I was told by the secretary that this golf club was a hip operation, this isn't what I had in mind."

"well don't just stand there! give me the driver!"

Surgeon: "How did you get in here?"
Golfer: "I used a pitching wedge."

Thailand one has pitched right over my head tbh

i assumed it was just a ref to old man golfer having a thai bride?

I may be out of bounds here but are you sure this operation is totally necessary?

I'll be honest lads I'm in holiday mode already

have a nice time

No that was an entry

Yeah, you can have your ball back, but that's a one stroke penalty, and i hope you remember to call "fore!" next time.

or some shorter/better combination of

"Bugger Off!"

"Lol."

"Alright, the chest is open, you may putt in the donor heart."

"Let's get this over with, I tee off in an hour. I'd didn't wash up... yes, I did, I took a shower."

I thought it was, "Yesterday I took a shower?" Either way, A+.

"No, I did NOT say play through!"

"sir, we're operating on ms. ryder"

"Dr. Livingston, I presume."

"Golf, amirite?"

"GOLF, MUTHAFUKKAZ!!"

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/08/g290/130708_contest_g290.jpg

• "Wow, the Moscow airport—what a wacky idea for a first date!"
• "I need someone without baggage."
• "You have really kind eyeholes."

http://www.newyorker.com/images/2013/07/29/p465/130729_contest_p465.jpg

"Well, I'm supposed to be your dinner, but as you have no mouth, howabout I sing you "Don't Worry, Be Happy", would you like that?"

"So the Job Centre told me to apply for this job at a raw pescatarian restaurant and here I am. But on the bright side, now I'm a contributing member of society and no longer a drain on the welfare state."

"Put your hands where I can see 'em, pervert"

lol mark