the most promising young american author is TAO LIN

hurting stole my joke

― waterface, Friday, July 12, 2013 4:15 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

stole? motherfucker I preemptively shocked and awed your joke.

a guy on the internet said I stole his joke
I said that I didn't
fart

treeship
treebutt
treeship
treebutt
treeship
treebutt

not a bad "strategy" i thought
scratched my bellybutton
considered what ilx would be like without "tweeshit"

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be a website

waterface:
your hostility toward me
seems excessive
and unwarranted
and "insane"

Treeships your idea of hostility
is kind of crazy
i was merely responding
to your joke about quitting ilx

sweet
makes sense
"tweeshit" sounds like a hostile nickname
i was bullied as a child
i think some of the stuff you say is funny
and loled when you compared me to malcolm gladwell once

i also reminded you
that you are the poem

if you can't laugh at tweeshit
what can you laugh at

sometimes i wonder what it would be like to be a website

if you don't write this poem, tao lin will. he's probably reading this thread right now.

there is a ninety-five percent chance
he is reading this thread right now
because
he reads all of his press
and shit
and tweeted to me once when i mentioned him
to clarify something

tao lin is reading every thread
right now

guys

hey guys

hey TAO LIN can i borrow some money i want to go to NYU

i like how in taipei
"paul" lives in williamsburg
off the graham street stop
because my friend lives there
and i am there all the time
and all of the public spaces
where
in the novel
they did drugs
were places i have been

Treeship
are you
"drugs?"

i used to live there
too,
treeship

i am going to move
somewhere like that,
probably not super close to the L
because that shit
is expensive

waterface:
i don't do drugs
anymore,
really

no Treeship
what I meant was
you seem to be all of the places
Tao Lin was doing drugs
so i was thinking
"Maybe Treeship is drugs."

maybe we can summon him to appear like the chrisagis brothers.

we must make an offering to him. we'll need insense, a plate of research chemicals, and an Apple product. with our collective dissatisfaction over 21st century urban life combined, I think we can do it.

taoooooooooooo
taoooooooooooo
taooooooooooooooooooooooooo

waterface,
shit
wait
hm
no,
i remembered:
i am not drugs
i am a human being,
who is male,
and born in the state of new york
in 1989,
according to my passport
and drugs
don't have passports

spectrum:
tweet a link to this thread
to tao lin
and he will probably make an account
and show up.
i don't want to do that though,
because he will act in his characteristic, schticky manner
and i will look insane
to other ilxors
for arguing that "this guy" is a great novelist,
which is something i believe anyway
and won't back down from
on the strength of taipei and
richard yates

are either of those novels as good as 'a game of thrones'?

hahahaha

these fake tao lin poems
all end wrong
my asshole itches

i have never read game of thrones
because i don't read fantasy, usually,
or haven't since i took an entire seminar
on the lord of the rings
in high school
so i can't comment on that.
however,
regardless,
i am going to say
yes
xp

fwiw I like this excerpt:
http://www.vice.com/read/an-excerpt-from-tao-lins-taipei

no it's just that i started taking photos of the floor, looking at the floor through my phone and zooming in on the carpet, which was kinda filthy and hadn't been vacuumed since last year probably, and you could still see where the stain where the fish tank had broken had spilled smelly algae fishwater everywhere and it didn't dry for a week and the whole place stan. that was the day when my brother went to the hospital again, but i was thinking about tao lin and how i never even read anything he wrote except for maybe a couple poems on a blog that was linked off a message board that i post on sometimes when i'm bored at work. it was weird to think about how i have been on this board so long, since i was in NYU actually, like tao lin actually, even though i left new york after college and still have friends there but don't think i want to live there again but then i started a lazy approximation of his writing style and posted it on the board and refreshed the page a few times waiting to see what people thought, if it was funny or what

it's funny but not "funny"

it has a breathless quality

remove bookmark
from this
thread

"Never trust a writer who whiles away their time reading bout themselves, while throwing one off". Some wise fucker once said that to me.

tao lin has a tattoo that says
"fuck america,"
allegedly.

http://www.taolin.info/2009/07/i-desecrated-my-body-to-promote-my.html

the comments on that vice excerpt tho

Andrew Goldspink Smith · Keele University
Looks set to be an important book.
Reply · Like · Follow Post · May 29 at 2:03pm

"i desecrated my body" wow edgy tattoo man but "whatever"

i just think its weird for him not to mention that james joyce had the exact same tattoo

ok this guy

i just paged through hsi tumblr and lol forever

ok, i'm done talking about tao lin on the internet till his next book. later.

Goodbye Waterface

“I won,” said Chelsea’s dad, and went to give Chelsea a high-five, but missed, as they were standing too close.

“My fault,” he said. “That was my fault.”

“Oh,” Chelsea said.

And he stepped back a little and tried again, but Chelsea, distracted now by something—maybe the plant in the far corner, standing and waiting like a person in a dream; or maybe the green shoe or some other thing that was out there and longing, to be looked at, and taken—wasn’t ready, and their hands, his then hers, passed through the air in a kind of wave, a little goodbye.

Goodbye TreeShips
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled
They crawled out of the woodwork
And they whispered into your brain
They set you on the treadmill
And they made you change your name

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Loneliness was tough
The toughest role you ever played
Hollywood created a superstar
And pain was the price you paid
Even when you died
Oh the press still hounded you
All the papers had to say
Was that Treeships was found in the nude

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

Goodbye Tweeships
Though I never knew you at all
You had the grace to hold yourself
While those around you crawled

Goodye Treesjits
From the young man in the 22nd row
Who sees you as something more than sexual
More than just Tao Lin's publicist

And it seems to me you lived your life
Like a candle in the wind
Never knowing who to cling to
When the rain set in
And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did

And I would have liked to have known you
But I was just a kid
Your candle burned out long before
Your legend ever did
You Stupid Fucks

much love to the young man in the 22nd row who sees me as something more than sexual.

this thread got me curious about the alt lit writer who went to my college and wrote an alt lit book which included a bunch of imagined sex scenes with friends of mine and he super-excitedly met alt lit superstar tao lin at a muumuu house reading and apparently he's pretty popular in the alt lit world now and did some thing with kitty pryde idk

i don't think becoming popular in this (very small) world involves much more than the right kind of self-promotion and i do think in 30 years lit scholars will revere it almost like the fucking beats if only because lit scholars need to cling to some evolution of lit (esp. young tortured male lit) that goes further than boring grad school novels/poetry and this is movement with the best branding

which is to say waaah waaah waaah i will never be as popular as these people