Rolling 'this is sexist' thread

"can't say I did"

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/29/Leaderhulk.PNG

I am devastated and troubled by the allegations that my book, Above The Game: A Guide to Getting Awesome with Women, promotes rape. That couldn't be further from the truth. A handful of quotes were taken out of context and posted on Tumblr which steamrolled in a game of telephone where hardly anyone bothered to read the original version.

People took advice from a section on "Physical Escalation & Sex" and posted them online. Devoid of context, they appeared to be promoting sexually assaulting women when that wasn't the case at all.

The gist of the controversial advice is "Don't wait for signs before you make your move. Let her be the one who rejects your advances. If she says no, stop immediately and tell her you don't want to do anything that would make her uncomfortable. Try again at a later time if appropriate or cease entirely if she is absolutely not interested."

The thing that the commenters on social media are leaving out is that the advice was taken from a section in the guide offering advice on what to do AFTER a man has met a cute girl, gotten her phone number, gone on dates, spent time getting to know her, and now are alone behind closed doors fooling around. If "Don't wait for signs, make the first move" promotes sexual assault, then "Kiss the Girl" from The Little Mermaid was a song about rape.

That cherry-picked advice, without that important context, makes it sound like I am advocating non-consensual sexual advances on strangers. I would absolutely never do such a thing.

In fact there is an entire section on consent that the bloggers conveniently left out to paint me in a poor light:

These are copied verbatim from Above The Game:

IMPORTANT NOTE ON RESISTANCE:

If at any point a girl wants you to stop, she will let you know. If she says "STOP," or "GET AWAY FROM ME," or shoves you away, you know she is not interested. It happens. Stop escalating immediately and say this line:

"No problem. I don't want you to do anything you aren't comfortable with."

Memorize that line. It is your go-to when faced with resistance. Say it genuinely, without presumption. All master seducers are also masters at making women feel comfortable. You'll be no different. If a woman isn't comfortable, take a break and try again later.

Of course if you're really unclear, back off. Better safe than sorry.

---

You understand that honesty is the greatest aphrodisiac.
With great power comes great responsibility. You understand to your core that her heart will be broken if she ever feels manipulated by you. You literally have the power to color all her future interactions with men. As such, you demonstrate supreme desire without a drop of presumption. You make your intentions clear. She will never put you in the friend zone. You approach authentically. You leave her better than when you find her.

---

Additionally, the book contains an entire chapter on sexual assault & rape, preaching men what not to do. Of course no one has seen those parts yet because the book hasn't been released yet.

I realize these are delicate issues, but I ask people to lower their pitchforks until they take the time to hear the full story.

Thank you.

take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later take a break and try again later

I like that he doesn't actually recognize that the phrase Stop escalating immediately and say this line: is intensely problematic in and of itself since it reduces actually caring about crossing someone else's boundaries into a performance process intended to make it easier to make the person have sex with you later.

if a grown woman wants to put her hand on his penis, she knows how to do it and will do it if she wants to. does it get more complicated than that? it's such a particularly strange example.

― free your spirit pig (La Lechera), Thursday, June 20, 2013 11:28 AM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the whole PUA ideology is built on the assumption that women have no idea what they really want (what they really want is your penis, dear reader)

Squee!

"Reader, I touched his penis."

"Yeah, I'd like to suck on some of that!"

"Follow this advice and soon she will be tripping your nutsack in a frenzy of dikplay."

If at any point a girl wants you to stop, she will let you know. If she says "STOP," or "GET AWAY FROM ME," or shoves you away, you know she is not interested....take a break and try again later

Does the book tell you how long the break should be if she says "GET AWAY FROM ME?" Like, ten minutes, an hour, what?

"If she pepper-sprays you, get a quick eye rinse and regroup. There's always tomorrow!"

This guy reminds me all too much of Tom Cruise in Magnolia.

^Lolz.

Yeah, I mean obviously perseverance is an important trait when you're attempting to woo someone, but only if they've shown any level of interest in you!

Last year, I was at a wedding and we were all fairly inebriated and dancing. There was an attractive, shy girl on the dance floor who was really getting into it. I was interested in meeting her, but I was a bit nervous. At one point, "Bohemian Rhapsody" came on, and about five people in front of me simultaneously put their arms around each other and started swaying.

In an extremely misguided move, likely fueled by the alcohol, I tried to follow suit, and put my arm around her shoulder and started to sway, but she pulled back, and I apologized and walked away. Obviously, I made her feel uncomfortable (and had used very bad judgment), so I apologized and left her alone.

How foolish I was to not realize that I should have just tried again ten minutes later, and then whipped my penis out and made her touch it. If only I had read this book in time.

"Follow this advice and soon she will be tripping your nutsack in a frenzy of dikplay."

― DJP, Thursday, June 20, 2013 4:08 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

still lolling at this.

one thing that strikes me about the whole PUA phenomenon is that it seems to be as much about men not being able to talk to women as it is about men not being able to to talk to other men about women in a way that isn't totally degrading

I think those two things are related; they're both caused by not seeing women as "neutral" human beings.

the PUA phenomenon is about men who can't think

the thing that kills me about the PUA craze is that on Road Rules: Semester At Sea there was a castmate named Pua and every time I see the acronym, I think of her and wonder if this shit is haunting her

fp

I think they're fine at thinking, their problem is more with feelings and understanding them/acknowledging that other people have them and that they have real meaning for ppl and not just a web of protocols for reaching Point B.

i dunno, this stuff does not betray an thoughtful mind imo

the life of a "pick up artist" seems bleak.

Interstingly, thiswas in my feed from Brain Pickings today.

http://www.singledudetravel.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/02/2607927_f520.jpg

DOES THIS LOOK BLEAK TO YOU

https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcROqrni7V0DOl-AeOOxcyyr6-XVysITwiXfvm9Fe_uOsQXVO5OIeg

DOES IT?

http://www.pickupartist2.com/wp-content/uploads/alex-pick-up-artist-2.jpg

DOES IT!?!?

the outfits seem fun. the darwinian view of human social interaction does not seem fun.

Something unsettling about the combo of hat and crazy eyes

women love it though. all women think the same way and they all love that combination of hat and crazy eyes.

the hat says 'I will dominate you' and the crazy eyes say 'forever and EVER and EVER'

poor perry farrell

i'm a straight man and even i am a little turned on by the subtext of that hat and crazy eyes. it's just science.

What's the o/u on if his penis is out?

^potentially good pick up line

it's over if he's under you

Lol

that brain pickings link is fascinating. it also brings into relief how little the PUA thing seems to have with the idea of "seduction" it's talking about.

didn't I post something in here a minute ago? About the marvel that we men obviously don't understand anything about women EXCEPT that they all like to be treated poorly? I sure hope I accidentally posted that somewhere else.

the art of seduction is easy, really. you just need to look cool. wear sunglasses, etc.

look, the bare fact that the author to can see daylight between the concepts of "unwanted sexual touching" and "sexual assault" is enough to incriminate him in my book.

like as long as you don't slide something into an orifice then it's cool nbd ugh

Dear everybody,

On Wednesday morning Kickstarter was sent a blog post quoting disturbing material found on Reddit. The offensive material was part of a draft for a “seduction guide” that someone was using Kickstarter to publish. The posts offended a lot of people — us included — and many asked us to cancel the creator’s project. We didn’t.

We were wrong.

Why didn’t we cancel the project when this material was brought to our attention? Two things influenced our decision:

The decision had to be made immediately. We had only two hours from when we found out about the material to when the project was ending. We’ve never acted to remove a project that quickly.
Our processes, and everyday thinking, bias heavily toward creators. This is deeply ingrained. We feel a duty to our community — and our creators especially — to approach these investigations methodically as there is no margin for error in canceling a project. This thinking made us miss the forest for the trees.
These factors don’t excuse our decision but we hope they add clarity to how we arrived at it.

Let us be 100% clear: Content promoting or glorifying violence against women or anyone else has always been prohibited from Kickstarter. If a project page contains hateful or abusive material we don’t approve it in the first place. If we had seen this material when the project was submitted to Kickstarter (we didn’t), it never would have been approved. Kickstarter is committed to a culture of respect.

Where does this leave us?

First, there is no taking back money from the project or canceling funding after the fact. When the project was funded the backers’ money went directly from them to the creator. We missed the window.

Second, the project page has been removed from Kickstarter. The project has no place on our site. For transparency’s sake, a record of the page is cached here.

Third, we are prohibiting “seduction guides,” or anything similar, effective immediately. This material encourages misogynistic behavior and is inconsistent with our mission of funding creative works. These things do not belong on Kickstarter.

Fourth, today Kickstarter will donate $25,000 to an anti-sexual violence organization called RAINN. It’s an excellent organization that combats exactly the sort of problems our inaction may have encouraged.

We take our role as Kickstarter’s stewards very seriously. Kickstarter is one of the friendliest, most supportive places on the web and we’re committed to keeping it that way. We’re sorry for getting this so wrong.

Thank you,

Kickstarter

http://www.kickstarter.com/blog/we-were-wrong

good for them for responding; it would have been better had they acted sooner but better late etc

http://www.kickstarter.com/blog/we-were-wrong

Bit ambitious to assume this is the only time.

Elmo otm

http://jezebel.com/fox-news-talking-head-to-tamara-holder-know-your-plac-534569484

man, i can't watch that shit even just to be a witness

the PUA phenomenon is about men who can't think

― i didn't even give much of a fuck that you were mod (forksclovetofu), Thursday, June 20, 2013 8:53 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lol

not sure how to embed tweets on ilx but i enjoyed this one https://twitter.com/ceejoyner/status/339765081485238272