Why Do (some) Men Hate Women?

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No, it's not A) because it is a statement of fact. Currently up to a size 36 in jeans, which is 2 sizes larger than the proper size for my height. And it's not B) because if it was, it would be something I obsess about constantly, writing my weight in my diary every day (when I don't even own a scale) and doing something about, instead of merely shrugging and reaching for another slice of pizza.

Kate the Saint, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Tarden, I'm *very* interested in fatherhood. It's my most URGENT and KEY ambition. I think you're way off the mark there.

Nick, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Knee jerk bitterness from either gender is utterly useless. One particular thing simply I don't understand tho, is how any man can feel valid to complain about how his feelings are 'repressed' in this society when it's evolved as such because it's a *patriarchy*. Other men have enforced that particular standard - so why be bitter about the fact that it doesn't apply to women or 'effeminate' men? So much resentment gets misdirected, when often it's our OWN gender that's doing the most damage - it's as if we're in total denial. Women do it too, of course. Like the trophy wife that engineered herself into the position on purpose because that's where she saw herself as most valuable. Fuck her, and you can bet I'm going to blame her for 'selling out' probably more than I'm going to bitch about some shallow bastard thinking he should be able to buy a nice peice of T&A to put on permanent display (or at least until she hits 35 - more proof of her stupidity). More men ought to be doing the same thing re: other men acting like Neandertals.

Kim, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

OK, then, Emma. In case I decide to beat you up, I'll give you a good head start to account for my being in trainers. ;-)

Besides, I think I'll be far too busy watching the DG/Mark S deathmatch to worry about beating anyone else up!

Kate the Saint, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Kim - I think the 'bitterness' comes from the perception that there used to be some Golden Age where at least the men got some COMPENSATION for being repressed, i.e. 'getting' to treat everybody else like chattel.

tarden, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Yeah Kim. get with it.

Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Kate - Well, my definition of "fat" may be a little more let-it-all- hang-out then yours, but I'm still vetoing the "ugly" :-p

Patrick, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Erm, waaaaay up thread, much of what's stated is reliant on existence of Universal Human Nature (a concurrent ILE thread), eg. all men hate women a bit & vice versa, or not. There's perhaps also distinction required between Garden Variety Mysogynists (eg. type Ally deals w/ who [as she sed] just need a good rooting, ie. they're bitter, not "real" woman-haters) vs. "real" mysogynists (eg. umm, rock icon J*hnny Thunders! Popular hit: "There's a little bit of whore in every little girl" [he may be right/different issue!]). To answer question topic/state obvious = sex.

AP, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Putting the obvious into words: Most men who are misogynists have few close female friends, but *very* strong bonds with other men. The amount of sex they get is coincidental, because the majority of sex is not between friends. I don't think it matters whether these people's experiences with women are one-night-stands or in porn mags, they're still rendered unable to communicate with women as anything other than giggling sex objects.

Graham, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Graham, that is probably one of the most thought-worthy things anyone has said on this thread. I really think you've hit the nail on the head.

Kate the Saint, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The worst misogynists I've known have usually been married, with a submissive wife who is in complete denial about her level of submission. And I'm not talking conservative Christian housewives - I'm talking people who have actually been in my social circle. So yes, they're "getting laid" on a regular basis, but not because they're so irresistable to women. It's more like (IME), they know how to take advantage of people's insecurities. It's usually someone who can convince a vulnerable person that he is more than he really is. All based on personal experience, of course.

Kerry, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

There is something to all this. Look at Greek society in the classical days. Strong value on male freindship and love, women devalued. Of course this isnt to imply gays hate women.

Mike Hanle y, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

So why can't people just talk to each other? Or so it seems the question is. And even better yet, could all of us be having this discussion if it was face to face?

I did like Graham's point as well. Who's doing the talking there? Or even attempting the listening?

What was interesting was growing up and thinking to myself that I'd never do anything horrible to a woman to make her cry, seeing as I was never going to be a wifebeater or hurler of sexist insults or whatever. And yet I did make people cry because of my own faults regardless. :-( Hopefully I've learned...but have I?

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Nick D: 1. Why is fatherhood your most urgent ambition? 2. What are you doing to fulfil it?

You don't have to answer, of course, and I don't mean to be impertinent about sth which is presumably very personal. I am just curious.

Are you, um, putting the cart before the horse?

the pinefox, Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Graham's point is valid, but I think it leaves out a whole other universe of casual misogyny. Plenty of men have female friends that they can legitimately relate to, but as tarden and mark s. discussed earlier, they harbor a lot of resentment over the fact that men have now assumed a sort of 'acceptable scapegoat' role in the media these days, and a lot of double standards have cropped up (or not been obliterated along with various misogynist dogma that was blasted into oblivion by feminism). Classic example, a female professor of mine actually said 'well, men *are* pigs' quite casually in the middle of class. No reaction. Imagine a male professor making a comment like 'well, women *are* sluts' in the same situation - they'd be fired, one would hope, or at least heavily censured by the class.
A friend's argument as to why the original comment really isn't a big deal is that men haven't been prevented from voting or getting jobs based on their alleged inferiority, and so this sort of statement isn't damaging to men, and therefore harmless. I disagree for two reasons: 1) hearing people get away with comments like this make some men really angry, which contributes to a backlash which I have noticed is on the rise; and 2) I always thought it was unacceptable to promote gross generalizations about any group, regardless of whether they were in the majority or otherwise. So should we as a society discourage casual man-hating talk as much as we discourage misogyny, or is man-hating both harmless and/or a woman's prerogative?

Dave M., Thursday, 19 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Dave M highlights why I have to be forcibly restrained when I hear someone say tht it is impossible for a Black person to be racist.

Dan Perry, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What prompted this thread was my friend (who shall remain nameless) on Wednesday saying he didn't like Eminem anymore because "the girls" have cottoned on to him, and only like him because he's "so cute". He often comes out with shit like this, usually along the lines of women aren't funny / haven't made any worthwhile contribution to music etc, and I don't know whether he's joking any more - he does like to shock, but sometimes I think it's a cover for something more serious. Also the divine LC is often one to complain about being patronised, often being told she's really clever, for a girl. Obviously these examples are not on the scale of actual physical or sexual assault, but it's just these insidious assumptions are the thin end of the wedge, as they say. This may sound really cheesy, but why can't people realise that people are just people, they're all different, and should be treated as such - it really would solve a lot of problems and unhappiness if people would just *think for a minute*. Obviously, this applies to man-haters as well - I don't buy this argument that because X has been oppressed at some point in time it's OK for them to attempt to do the same thing in one way or another to Y. Grr!

DG, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Gotta admit something -- whatever 'male bashing' I've ever encountered in these generalized senses I've always shrugged off. Never really bothered or affected me. Anyone trashes women, though, I get pissed. Go figure.

Ned Raggett, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

What makes some women hate men?

Mike Hanle y, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I think it's beard envy.

Nick, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

re: 'men are pigs" etc etc; a few years ago there was a humorous hallmark card insert in every issue of newsweek magazine (i.e., every issue had the same blank card inside it, probably a quite expensive promotion). the front read something like 'blah blah blah, you're a good friend, we're like sisters, etc. just don't worry if your boyfriend says you're smothering him ...'

the punchline, on the inside: 'that just means you aren't pressing down the pillow hard enough!'. the rising amount of unreported woman-on-man domestic makes this very unfunny to me. i'm too tired for it right now, but anyone want to theorize about 'goodbye earl'? the video, gah.

ethan, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't condone the man-bashing examples listed above (I hate even having to preface my statements with that), but backlashers really have no excuse for their behavior and attitudes. From what I've seen, a lot of it is simply the same old crap resurfacing.

Kerry Keane, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

None of that shit bothers me in the slightest, because none of it could ever be conceived under any stretch of the imagination as a threat to me. I think you need to have a certain streak of paranoia to start with to get into that whiney "men are scapegoats" mindset.

Patrick, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

It's a double-edged sword, though; why is it okay to make these types of jokes about men but not about women?

(For the record: I thought the joke was funny, but the humor has more to do with the inherent wrongness of it being okay to murder your SO. Gender wasn't a factor.)

Dan Perry, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

DG, I think repeatedly saying that sort of thing to shock is pretty crap anyway, even if he doesn't really hold those beliefs.

Richard Tunnicliffe, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Agreed Richard, problem is with Friend X is that a) despite these comments he is totally 'on the money' with practically any other issue you care to mention, which is why I'm so shocked as I would have thought he'd know better (and perhaps wonder if there are other forces at work), and b) he's one of my bestest friends so having a screaming row with him might not be a good idea. I will bring it up with him next time I see him, as it's beginning to *really* stress me.

DG, Friday, 20 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Re 'that' Hallmark card - some people get off on asphyxiation! Having been physically abused on a regular basis by a feisty redhead I used to go out with (who regularly slept around as well), I can tell you it was quite a turn-on!

tarden, Saturday, 21 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i think i might be a man-hater, but i'm not sure. what makes a person a man-hater? i don't hate men just because they are men. i don't hate all men, just the ones who hate women. i have mostly only met men who hate women. when i meet a man, i don't hate him until he starts spouting sexist crap, the problem being that he usually will. i guess what i should do when this happens is say "you're being sexist, here's why" but i've lost respect for the man by this stage and just won't bother dealing with him any more. this is a shame, because if i challenge him then it is possible that he will try to change. so what do you lot think? does this make me a man-hater? i wanted to point out that perhaps one of the (many) reasons why women can get away with saying things like "men are pigs" is because of the whole "boys will be boys" ethos that seems to be circulating western culture these days. what i mean by the "boys will be boys" thing is the kind of message that gets put across in shows like ally mcbeal: that men are pigs, that this is a biologically determined fact, and they are proud of it, and that women have to accept that men are pigs because they will never change. i am trying to express that it is also men who say things like "men are pigs" and they get away with it too. please note: i think the "boys will be boys" thing sux. i don't think that there is anything intrinsic to men which makes them pigs, and i think that if they are pigs they shouldn't be pigs, and i think that everyone is capable of changing. i also hate some women too. i hate women who hate women, and women who whinge that "men suck" but just accept the ones who suck and let them treat them like shit. i dislike women like a particular woman i know who campaigned for a men's room on campus (cos having a women's room is supposedly sexist), who is preoccupied with how her lip gloss is looking, and who can't stand any woman that she sees as competition in her mission for male adoration.

lady die, Sunday, 22 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

when i meet a man, i don't hate him until he starts spouting sexist crap

What's your defn of sexist crap?

A man-hater is someone who associates certain characteristics that they hate with being male. If one were to really dislike men who behave agressively, one wouldn't be a woman hater. On the other hand, if one really disliked men because they thought that all men behave agressively, they would be a man-hater. It's the same with misogynists: if one were to really dislike women who burst into tears at the drop of a hat, one would not necessarily hate women. On the other hand, if one were to really dislike women because one thought that all women burst into tears at the drop of a hat, they would be a misogynist.

Dave M., Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I like women who burst into tears at the drop of a hat. The question is, does this make me a misogynist (of course it makes me sexist, which I clearly am, since I'm all for promoting stereotyping of social roles based on gender).

Otis Wheeler, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I don't just dislike women who burst into tears at the drop of a hat. I dislike women who burst into tears ANYTIME. Parents died, plane crash, you name it - I like them to keep their composure!

Something a lot of men (okay, ME) have confusion with? What exactly is "being a pig"? And what is so wrong with being one?

tarden, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

tarden reminds me of those gothic punk kids who do school shootings.

Sterling Clover, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Except he doesn't wash

mark s, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Once a month whether I need to or not...

tarden, Monday, 23 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

No, man, it makes you *Otis*.

Dave M., Tuesday, 24 July 2001 00:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

six months pass...
Men hate women because women have it both ways. On the one hand women are able to either be taken care of or go out and work. Women can wear mens clothes, or womens.Women can use their gender for preferential treatment or blame their gender for treatment. Women can rape, mame and humiliate men with little or no reaction from the world. Examples are numerous, just look at mothers with their children, boys are exposed in front of females from the youngest of age and this continues typically indefinetely or until the boy is old enough to attempt to avoid this situation. Female siblings and relatives are afforded modesty. Mothers can discuss their sons genitals in front of the son to other women, a father who did this with his daughter would be hauled off to jail. Boys are pressured often into sex but unlike girls are not taught they have the option of saying no, it is "unmanly". Males have to fit into a very narrow gender role to be considered a normal male while females have an incredibly large and flexible gender definition. A teacher or older woman having sex with a boy means that she needs help, a man doing this with a girl needs to be castrated and locked up with the key thrown away. Why? We devalue males. Males are disposable, even Hitler sent boys, preteen, into war to die while women stayed home.Now why do some men hate women? I would venture to say that men that hate women have felt some of these things. Soicety needs to see that boys and men are also human and suffer from all the same problems that women do.

, Tuesday, 5 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Women can rape, mame and humiliate men with little or no reaction from the world.

Oh, come on. It's more that (in relation to the raping and maming bit, at least) it's comparatively very rare and even then, kept quiet (cause of 'unmanly' pressures you allude to later). If it *is* reported then it gets a BIG reaction from the world. It's like "WOOOOH! Dog bites man!" and then some women rightly make a fuss that it's ridiculous to give it so much attention when it happens all the time to women and this gives the women-haters 'see how they wish to censor THE TRUTH!' ammo and it all goes round in circles.

But some of the things you say need to be talked about maybe. It's just a shame they tend to get dressed up in one big Neil Lyndonesque seething tirade. The key thing is why do they have to add up to 'hating women'. Hating anyone is stupid enough. Let alone half the bloody population. I do feel fucked up by certain gender roles, yes. But sex wars are so passé. I've only just lightened up enough to enjoy Sex and the City on the grounds that it's all shit but it doesn't matter if there's a good joke every so often. Except it's not often enough. I'm with Julie Burchill on this.

N., Tuesday, 5 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

two weeks pass...
Nick, first point, you are a bit wrong. Women abusing boys and even men is not as uncommon as you think. In Thailand for example doctors have become very good at re-attaching male genitals caused by angry wives. If a man cut a womens vagina do it would certainly be another story. The most famous case I can think of regarding the molestation of boys was the Mary Kay Laternaeux case. If she was a man she had been sent to prison directly, but there was a great deal of sympathy for her for falling in love with this BOY. Likewise the UK, which I take it you are from, was outraged that the state of Florida wanted to prosecute the woman that ran off with her 13 year old sons 12 year old friend. Again, outrage would have been the reaction if it was the other way around. In fact, women that abuse boys, which is not so uncommon but rather under reported, get sympathy more often than not.

Regarding hatred of women, I have never advocated this, I ventured to answer the question raised in this forum, why do some men hate women.

Regarding the gender wars, I think a good step to end those would be the media, representing a very small segment of women, need to stop the war against men and in particularly boys in order to stop the gender wars. The media is guilty of denegration and degredation of males more than any single woman I know.

, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

In Thailand for example doctors have become very good at re-attaching male genitals caused by angry wives.

*blinks, shakes head*

What, at St. Bobbitt's Hospital for the Stupid?

Ned Raggett, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Hands up, any USAer here who remembers a big wave of sympathy for Mary Kay Laterneau?

Ally, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

That was puzzling me, too.

Dan Perry, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Lexerse if you think that men and boys are devalued while women have it "both ways" perhaps you should talk to women in Afgahnistain, Serbian rape camps or perhaps people in China who throw away girl babies.

Samantha, Wednesday, 20 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Firstly, Ally, yes there was a wave of sympathy. Have you ever seen anyone question why a male pedophile developed "feelings" for his victim? No, when a man molests a child then it is clear cut, he is caught and the maximum sentence is sought. In the Mary Kay Laternauex case not only did she receive a comparatively mild sentence, but article after article was written that was geared toward "understanding" her. To me this is sympathy. Male offenders are not offered this sympathy. Furthermore she went on to repeatedly abuse this boy even after she was finally given a somewhat more realistic sentence. What it comes down to, like it or not, is the disposability of males. Western society quite simply sees males as disposable as I have pointed out in an earlier post. In terms of sexuality males, of all ages, are seen as willing participants. I do not blame this solely on women, it is a part of our western social construction of gender roles that I believe needs to change.

As for Samantha's statement. Yes Samantha, there are places in the world like afghanistan and many arab lands where womens rights do not exist. This is a horrible situation and certainly needs changing. Look at Nepal where they sell their daughters as young as 6 to Brothels in India where they are raped and usually infected with Aids and die by 20. I will be the first to stand up for change on this front too. But what we are actually discussing here is more OUR society and our cultural perspective. And in our world it is a situation which we have been moving towards where we have made great strides for womens rights and changed many aspects of the former gender roles of females while we have stagnated in changing anything for men. Just look at Sweden, arguably one of the most progressive countries on Earth in terms of equality. In this country where over 50% of all members of parliament are women, 76% of all students at universities are female, males assume many responsibilities that were once thought to be part of the female gender role, men still assume primary responsibility for all perceived male gender appropriate activities. For example, in this bastion of equality it is still only males that MUST go into the military. Why has this not changed? Could it be that we as western societies still cannot accept the thought of disposing of our women as we are prepared to do with our men?

All in all my major point is that our perceptions of males in society is still not progressing. While we update our views on women we still live in the stone age with regard to our views on male gender roles.

, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

How come they have Women's rooms even at unis where there is a higher female population but they don't have Men's rooms at any unis, whether there are more or less male students than female? It's very strange.

toraneko, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

because space in our culture is coded as male. if this weren't the case, women would be able to walk around at night safely.

di, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

. if this weren't the case, women would be able to walk around at night safely.

i find it bizarre that people keep coming up with this one - its not safe for men to walk around at night either. Its fairly well known that most attackings on the street are committed against males (by males as well). Theres been heaps of time i've been threatened by sub-neanderthals for something a female companion has done or said because according to neanderthals ethics "you don't hit women". the other night i was walking along with a woman and these guys were getting agro in the street (strangely enough about putting down Di's hometown) and my female companion thought it was safe to loudly mock them. i doubt a male raised in our society would have done this unless they were prepared to join in a fight.

I'm not saying this for or against women's rooms at university, but i guess student politicians aren't the most sophisticated thinkers about gender politics.

hamish, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

The reason that there are many women's rooms at universities etc is that women have actively campaigned for woman only spaces.

There are few men's rooms, because men have not done the work involved in proving the need for a man only space, finding an appropriate area, obtaining permission to utilise it, dealing with opposition to the idea, furnishing it, publicising it, etc.

This may be because they are lazy, or afraid, or because they do not feel such a strong need for such a space because 'public' areas are more geared toward men than women, as Lady Die suggested.

In any case, women who enjoy having a women only space are under no obligation to provide a man only space also. If men feel the need for such a space, they can do the work .

gwendolin murdre, Sunday, 24 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Maybe they don't feel like ghettoising themselves and thus consigning their opinions to the crank corner

dave q, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

I 'like' the sound of the women only room in that new bar, which can have men in but only if they are invited by a woman peering out through the glass walls (I think there is also a limit on overall intake).

N., Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

i find it bizarre that people keep coming up with this one - its not safe for men to walk around at night either.

how does this make the streets any safer for women, hamish? perhaps the reason why there isn't a mens room is because a) men have not campaigned for one, and b) this is probably because a mens room will not keep men safe from OTHER MEN.

Theres been heaps of time i've been threatened by sub- neanderthals for something a female companion has done or said because according to neanderthals ethics "you don't hit women".

not where someone will see, at least. there have been several times when i have been walking home alone and been threatened by men because i refused to show support for the local rugby team. YES, men do get threatened by other men, i have seen this myself. but so do women, and just because you DON'T SEE it happen you shouldn't assume that it doesn't. its like assuming that a woman is lying when she says her husband beat her because she doesn't have a black eye - men are pretty canny about this sort of thing, they have learnt where and when they CAN get away with it. (sorry, i don't mean men in general i mean men who bash/rape women).

di, Monday, 25 February 2002 01:00 (twenty-two years ago) link

Surely, surely, surely we got this sorted?

poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:29 (seven years ago) link

in binders, iirc

brimstead, Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:30 (seven years ago) link

Hiyoo

poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:41 (seven years ago) link

Why Do (some) People Ask Overly-Broad Questions on Message Boards?

I mean, really now.

a little too mature to be cute (Aimless), Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:42 (seven years ago) link

It draws the crowd, eventually they get around to the pitch (which almost always disappoints)

poor fiddy-less albion (darraghmac), Thursday, 25 August 2016 00:43 (seven years ago) link

They see in women a constant, painful reminder of their own incipient boobage.

Two Kisses and Three Wet Mouths (Old Lunch), Thursday, 25 August 2016 04:13 (seven years ago) link

(not all) Men

socka flocka-jones (man alive), Thursday, 25 August 2016 04:14 (seven years ago) link


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