What's it all about, Alfie the 13-year-old father?

The only British thing about this

... is the fact that the biggest slag in school looks like Vic Reeves.

― Bad Banana On Broadway (kenan), Sunday, February 15, 2009 12:35 PM (23 minutes ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

^^^worthwhile zing

Vic Reeves to play the mother in TV movie!

http://www.newsoftheworld.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00027/Goodsell4_280x450_27335a.jpg

This kid looks EXACTLY like my younger brother (well, if my younger brother didn't dress like a hipster).

she has such big boobs. shoulda breastfed, you silly twit

By leon norman. Posted February 15 2009 at 12:14 PM.

In the words of the famous song: "Theres no England anymore"

And the same socialist garbage is coming to America as we speak.

she has such big boobs. shoulda breastfed, you silly twit

Shoulda not assumed big boobs = ability to get loads of impressionable teenage boys into your knickers, you silly twit.

Ned, was that totally uncalled for attack at Americans a pathetic trolling attempt or did you really think it was neccesary?

― StanM, Sunday, February 15, 2009 4:56 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

I have no idea what you are talking about.

Guys, as I said upthread the whole Mary Kay Letourneau thing from the 90s is like 25 times more creepier than this, and the US then was all "oh wow weirdo creeppee, Leno's joke about it last night was so funny, anyway..."

I think the lolling is mainly at the 13-that-looks-like-he's-6yo guy's facial expressions regarding the whole being a daddy thing. This would have been awkward and kinda funny in any western country, but admittedly the UK outrage here is kinda adding to that a lil'.

I guess I'm used to having messed up shit like this going unreported all the time all around me, I dunno.

The papers here haven't finished with it yet. Melanie Philips has written her second column on it, the Mail has moved onto "what are social services going to do about this" and The Sun has Alfie (possibly) taking a DNA test. Meanwhile the eternally righteous British public get their monthly opportunity to poor scorn on the "chavs" and beat themselves up abut "broken Britain" as we have been doing since the 17th century (at least).

really excellent stanning on behalf of the labour party here, great work, wonderful party.

― ^^ one of enriques sincere posts (special guest stars mark bronson), Saturday, 14 February 2009 14:07 (2 days ago) Permalink

The rate of teenage pregnancies is falling, you fucking Tory cunt

― Vitbe Is Good Bread (Tom D.), Saturday, 14 February 2009 12:30 (2 days ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

really wish you'd stop posting

And still, the lads turn up with the "I've shagged her and so's me mate wanna make a documentary about us?" line.

Heartwarming, in a way

Whoops

... unless it is clearly in the child's interests".

Hmm, wouldn't getting a large sum of money by definition be in "their interest"?

Also, If "Teh Sun" reported themselves to the press commission, would that mean they 'couldn't pay' the money out?

^^^So cynical, this is The Sun we're talking about...

Do Brits really say "full sex" all the time?

this is what i was wondering!

http://i43.tinypic.com/16945jl.jpg

tinypic. heehee

Do Brits really say "full sex" all the time?

― Alex in SF, Thursday, February 19, 2009 12:49 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

this is what i was wondering!

― i like to fart and i am crazy (gbx), Thursday, February 19, 2009 1:22 AM (9 hours ago) Bookmark Suggest Ban Permalink

lol! no. or only as a joke, as in 'bridget jones's diary'.

"woman, shall we have some full sex tonight?"

"no darling, i am suffering from half a headache"

"can we afford full sex?"

"no we'll have to settle for Asda own brand"

not even "taste the difference" ?

Morrison's "The Best"

"full sex" is the cousin of "romp" in that it only exists as a newspaper concept.

Yes, I've never really understood 'romp'. Could be anything? See also "rumpy", "roll in the hay", and, thank you America, "relations".

'Romp' fits easily in lurid tabloid headline.

4 letters

so this is looking more and more to be a hoax?

it is?

yeah--turns out there is no country "britain" and the last several centuries have been an extended flashmob designed to shock people out of their dreary everyday existences

^^^love this guy

Alfie is, what, 4' something and looks younger than my nine-year-old nephew. No disrespect to the dude, but I'm not 100% convinced, on appearance alone, that he isn't a total stranger to puberty. In which case: something really fucking odd is going on here.

something really fucking odd is going on here

^ true in whatever case

Seems a hoax; on the "news" last night (on the other fucking side of the world, why would we care here? I guess that's what comes for having the union jack in your flag) a bunch of other lads have also had *ahem* 'full sex' with this lass and reckon it could be any of theirs. The Alfie angle is to net his dad (?) or someone some cash for flogging the story.

Yeah thats what I said about 2983742845 posts ago...

Trayce OTM (xpost x 2983742845)

lol

Cue "you're not the father" gif

News?

Britain's not broken after all?

They've done a £300 DNA test and Alfie's not the dad. It's in the Mirror, but I can't copy/paste the link since I'm on my phone

Sweet

"Best £300 I ever spent" said Alfie's dad's dad, probably.

If everyone started conceiving children at age 13, we would all be great-great-great-great-grandparents by our mid-80s.

ahhhh :(

you have to wonder why they didn't do this on the first day (at least of the news, of whatever, before that tabloid printed it)

Lucky little bastard! I hope he's learnt his lesson.

I guess he won't have :(

http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/03/26/alfie-truth-proved-by-a-300-baby-test-115875-21228412/