What's it all about, Alfie the 13-year-old father?

OH DAN >:|

Foreplay was on the WII

(I am actually laughing btw)

Don't forget teabagging!

Listened to your sister
When she came home from school
Coz she was two years older
And she had boys in her room

people formed babby at this age for most of human history, and still do with some regularity. still family pic does give one big ol WTF heebie-jeebies

Chantelle’s jobless dad Steve, 43, and her five brothers in a rented council house in Eastbourne. The family live on benefits.
Dennis, who has fathered nine kids
a typical 13-year-old boy

The thing that's killing me about that picture is the probability that he rode home after that photo shoot on a Big Wheel.

Doesn't "Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun" mean it's probably just a stunt and not actually true?

It means they thought who'll pay the most for the story and who'll actually print it.

oh. ok.

I'm not so fixated on how young he looks, but how miserable.

I think that's his serious-father-is-serious-about-fatherhood face tbh

"and she looks just like her father!"

"When I saw these pictures this morning, I just thought how worrying that in Britain today children are having children.you fucking beauty - something else we can blame on the government"

To be honest, he could've done better, she's a bit of a minger.

"and she looks just like her father!"

hahaha

To be honest, he could've done better, she's a bit of a minger.

incapacitated over here

It's not his, is it. He's a patsy.

I wonder if that pink teddy bear is his or his kid's. Kid's kid. Uh yeah. Christ, that boy looks like he just outgrew his diapers.

To be honest, he could've done better, she's a bit of a minger.

I was afraid to say this. But yeah. She really scored with this little feller. Literally.

Then again at least they have one and not eight like that Angelina Jolie wannabe.

She looks a lot like Ben Linus from "Lost", doesn't she?

http://www.room111heroes.com/elizabethI05.jpg

inspired by queenie and shaved off her eyebrows in sheer desperation of having to take care of two kids

I'm quite sure the baby is shutting his eyes and thinking "where is mummy and daddy? why are my brother and sister playing with me?"

"These two people. Having sex."

I wonder if he asked her, after he came, "Was that an orgasm?"

I think that is Benjamin Linus in drag, it's another one of his crazy schemes!

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00466/Karen-Matthews_466240a.jpg

Doesn't "Alfie's story, broken exclusively by The Sun" mean it's probably just a stunt and not actually true?

I can think of less believable stories in The Sun recently.

I wonder if she breastfeeds and if she does, if the little feller gets jealous. "I WANT!" and has a crazy fit

It's actually her dad's. Alfie's gay.

"I've got me daughter up the duff; can I borrow your son?"

I keep looking at that picture and wondering... Actually are there condoms in his size?

No. Hence, the babby.

She can probably deepthroat everything and he can get his arm up to

You know what, nevermind.

Loot at the size of the onesie, it's probably his. Oops, put it on the wrong kid.

OK, the more I look at that picture it looks like there HAS to be some weird forced perspective thing going on, like she's 5 ft. closer to the camera. It's just completely unreal. Like, OK, she's a 15 year old girl, and he's a doll, and then the baby is an even smaller doll. I definitely need to start drinking soon.

That isn't actually her ear, it's a pink teddy bear behind her.

Too bad it isn't a jaunty hat; that would have been nice.

Stick a wooly hat on the kid = some kid who would be bullied by Eric Cartmann.

jesus christ even when i was 11 i knew to fingerblast skeezy older chicks instead of banging

I think that requires a photoshop thread.

xxp

the kid being the kid who got the kid pregnant, and not the kid they had.

Actually omar's would make a good photoshop thread as well.

pretty sure Eric Cartman would bully all 3 of them

Can one actually sit like this four days after giving birth?

http://img.thesun.co.uk/multimedia/archive/00732/SNN1305AA-380_732314a.jpg

MyView
By JANE MOORE
Sun Columnist

Jane, Jane, hold on there. What makes you think anyone cares?

Can one actually sit like this four days after giving birth?

From what I know, it's not like the baby is shooting out of a paper-maiche cannon!

All I can see is Ben Linus now...he's done some sort of jiggery pokery and turned Jack into a 7 year-old and Kate into a baby.

We really need Z_S here to be animating that photo.

xp serious lol

All I can see is Ben Linus now...he's done some sort of jiggery pokery and turned Jack into a 7 year-old and Kate into a baby.

This is totally how the show is going to end.

smiling.

Isn't Maisie pregnant yet?

Alfie's taking her out tonight to get back at Chantelle.

Alfie, the German version (Kathrin is 13, Christian is 15, they'll be Germany's youngest elders)

Zärtlich drückt er seine Freundin an sich, streichelt ihren kugelrunden Bauch.

sounds good in Deutsch!
;)

at least Kathrin looks like 25 to me. (also i'm willing to bet that Bild will feature nude photos of Deutschland jungsten Mutter, when she's 18 and in desperate need of some dough)

Christian has some bad 80s footballer hair going on there.

wow yeah i would have guessed she was 18-19 and he was 22-23

Christian has a shirt that says "GABBA" on it.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/8056700.stm

yeah, i was gonna post earlier when press gazette announced reporting restrictions had been lifted. but reading the thread, the mirror had let the cat out of the bag anyway. courts continuing to do an awesome job of maintaining press freedom in the internet age then.

Children's Secretary Ed Balls

LOL

oh man do I so want the inside story on how this one went down

my general advice to all pregnant women is that if you can either identify the father as a 13-year-old or a 15-year-old, go with 15, trust me

Poor Alfie ;_; He thought he was a man!

Damn Crutis beat me to the Ed Balls zole.

oh man do I so want the inside story on how this one went down

my general advice to all pregnant women is that if you can either identify the father as a 13-year-old or a 15-year-old, go with 15, trust me

― nabisco, Tuesday, 19 May 2009 00:19 (15 minutes ago) Bookmark

you know the general outline right? the parents colluded in saying the younger kid was the father because he looks even younger than 13 and they knew they could sell the story.

A+ parenting

A+ news reporting also

From the Mirror...

A downmarket newspaper reportedly paid Alfie’s dad Dennis, 45, for the story of how his son became one of Britain’s youngest dads after a night of unprotected sex with Chantelle.

>:(

"A night of unprotected sex with Chantelle."

This is just so sad. How do kids parent kids? :-( That said, I recently read that research has shown that teenage moms sometimes do better (than expected/girls without babies).

My brother (and sister-in-law) were teenage parents and their children are lovely. And had left home by the time my brother was 40.
MASSIVE WIN!

who will think of our children's children?

Ned, my parents as well: but there's a difference between 13 yo dad and 19 yo dad.

Yes, massive win of course. And becoming young grandparent as well! Unless you have a kid like me who waits till she's in her 30s. hah

My brother was 16 (17 when his daughter was born). It was hard at the time but being nice middle class people we did the right thing and had the child brought up by our servants as their own.

lol @ Mirror calling other tabloids "downmarket"

also lol @ this http://www.mirror.co.uk/news/top-stories/2009/05/19/tory-issues-apology-after-calling-labour-rival-a-c-115875-21371710/

"cunt" = typo for "councillor"