If the elephant is that difficult to get along with.... tell him to pack his trunk and get out!
We had a cow that was giving us trouble.... I made it mooove out.
That's not as bad as the guy that was smashed between his pickup truck and the boat trailer..... now he has a hitch in his walk.
BTW, did you hear that Marcel Marceau is being buried in a square lexan coffin with his white gloved hands held up against the lid?
― еdë §téè£, Tuesday, 25 September 2007 01:55 (sixteen years ago) link
How did news of this board not reach me? Is my telegraph machine playing up again? Resplendence and pique à la carte, for the delectation of all.
Were I to choose allegiances, I would need pictorial evidence of each combatant's sartorial comportment. As M.White's prowess in such affairs is already a known constant, it is henceforth up to Aimless to proffer a response. The onus is laid...
― Just got offed, Tuesday, 25 September 2007 19:11 (sixteen years ago) link
Dude! *Groans*
Tusk, tusk.
― Michael White, Tuesday, 25 September 2007 19:45 (sixteen years ago) link
News of AAD is not so much disseminated as discovered. We prefer not to advertise. There is also a twelve drink minimum buy-in.
― Matt, Wednesday, 26 September 2007 23:00 (sixteen years ago) link
Pssst.... matt..... you forgot the loaning everyone a fiver speech....
― еdë §téè£, Thursday, 27 September 2007 03:28 (sixteen years ago) link
Dude, you shush! Why borrow a fiver when he has to buy us all twelve drinks? (That is what you meant, right, Matt?)
― Michael White, Thursday, 27 September 2007 15:35 (sixteen years ago) link
I shall be thinking of you when I souse a fresher or five this coming week.
― Just got offed, Thursday, 27 September 2007 16:11 (sixteen years ago) link
I want the fiver to tip our waitress with FOR the twelve drinks....
I may be a drunk but she's working hard to keep me that way!
― еdë §téè£, Thursday, 27 September 2007 16:20 (sixteen years ago) link
Dude! Where are you going to come up with the other $7.00, you grippe-sou?
― Michael White, Thursday, 27 September 2007 17:51 (sixteen years ago) link
I make it a policy to sidestep onuses carefully, making certain to get none on my shoes.
Predicating your alliegance upon sartorial standards is unlikely to win me much. I have been likened to an upright pig with a bad toupee. This does not upset me, as it places me squarely at the head of the line for a juicy role in every stage production of Animal Farm. Can you say as much?
― Aimless, Thursday, 27 September 2007 18:10 (sixteen years ago) link
"As much"
― Michael White, Thursday, 27 September 2007 18:49 (sixteen years ago) link
Mr. White, you're a taxi, a hell of a taxi, a brick shithouse of a taxi and the taxi we all dream our children could one day be.
― Aimless, Thursday, 27 September 2007 20:23 (sixteen years ago) link
I shall take that as a high compliment, Aimless. God knows there have been dipsomaniacal nights when the one thing I desired, above all others, was a taxi.
― Michael White, Thursday, 27 September 2007 21:18 (sixteen years ago) link
Other$7.00?
WHAT OTHER $7.00? ? ?
It's not like she's topless......
Besides, I have an income.
I go sell blood right before going out drinking, it makes me some quick cash AND it makes my blood alcohol level increase just that much faster, so there.
On the other hand...
If dear CJ were our waitress I would sell any bodily fluids plus even put in a couple hours at the farm just to be sure to have enough cash to impress her with my largess.
If only I could hear her whisper those 7 little words she has spoken to me oh so many times... "bugger off creep before I mace ya!"
― еdë §téè£, Thursday, 27 September 2007 22:52 (sixteen years ago) link
People are always prattling on about putting hours in at the farm but can one ever take them out?
I think these days CJ just threatens with that rusty icepick but I'm also pretty sure that she, like me, wouldn't have any idea what your 'largess' was.
― Michael White, Friday, 28 September 2007 14:56 (sixteen years ago) link
Mr. §téè£'s largess may not be up to snuff, but among a certain set of barmaids his mendacity is legendary.
― Aimless, Friday, 28 September 2007 16:21 (sixteen years ago) link
That is an outright lie......
But I refuse to be dragged into your fite with Wright so I'll ignore your slanderous statement... or is it libelous? I dunno ;)
― еdë §téè£, Friday, 28 September 2007 18:46 (sixteen years ago) link
I'm pretty sure that's mere persiflage.
Aimless, is 'set' the proper plural noun for barmaids? Considering the name of this forum, I think we should have a 'serious' and spirited (by which I mean bacchanalian) colloquy on the subject.
― Michael White, Friday, 28 September 2007 18:58 (sixteen years ago) link
I will deal with Mr. White's query at a later moment. I have another fish to fry first.
"I will gladly pay you Tuesday for ten vodka tonics today.""Listen, sweetheart, I'll fix you up with Warren Beatty if you freshen this up a bit for free. Me and Warren go waaaay back, honey. He eats out of my hand.""Id this check good? It's as good as a nooner on a day in spring, if you catch my drift, babe."
"Listen, sweetheart, I'll fix you up with Warren Beatty if you freshen this up a bit for free. Me and Warren go waaaay back, honey. He eats out of my hand."
"Id this check good? It's as good as a nooner on a day in spring, if you catch my drift, babe."
Do not tell me these do not ring a bell for you, Mr. §téè£. They should set off an entire carillion, playing the theme to A Summer Place, in double quick time -- that is, if the word of Ms. Hattie Ragg of the Cozy Nook Bar & Grill bears any credence. So, don't get cute with me, Mr. §téè£, we both know this particular jig is up.
(hssst! Duderonomy, old bean! The price of my silence is easy to guess!)
{waves empty glass conspicuously under Dude's nose}
― Aimless, Friday, 28 September 2007 19:02 (sixteen years ago) link
That is all old news, I've changed my ways.
I promise.
How 'bout I buy you a drink and we don't mention this again?
Got a fiver That I could "borrow" until payday?
― еdë §téè£, Friday, 28 September 2007 19:17 (sixteen years ago) link
BTW
Where did I come up with WRIGHT anyway?
― еdë §téè£, Friday, 28 September 2007 19:19 (sixteen years ago) link
Many's the person that called me Mr. Wright. Usually people of the female persuasion and not for very long, but still...
― Michael White, Friday, 28 September 2007 21:04 (sixteen years ago) link
"Oh Orville, take me for another 12-second maiden flight..."
― Just got offed, Friday, 28 September 2007 22:19 (sixteen years ago) link
Honey, you weren't a maiden after the first one.
― Matt, Friday, 28 September 2007 23:25 (sixteen years ago) link
Then she started calling you Sopwith, demanding that you tussle with her Red Baron across the skies of France, until 'death', until the fuel ran out, or until punctures to the fuselage became too much of a drag.
― Just got offed, Saturday, 29 September 2007 09:00 (sixteen years ago) link
By the end of the affaire, to cut a lofty story short, you were the Airbus A340: roomy, reliable, not particularly manoeuvrable or exciting but sufficient to get a by-now mundane job done in the overwhelmingly fast-paced modern world, where such things are taken for granted.
― Just got offed, Saturday, 29 September 2007 09:06 (sixteen years ago) link
It was the offer to join the 12ft high club which proved most irresistible.
― Matt, Saturday, 29 September 2007 15:13 (sixteen years ago) link
12 feet in 12 seconds, eh?
― Michael White, Monday, 1 October 2007 15:31 (sixteen years ago) link
must be one heck of a penis enlargement pill
― Heave Ho, Monday, 1 October 2007 22:28 (sixteen years ago) link
Heave Ho always was a notorious thread killer.
― epoxy fule (Aimless), Tuesday, 6 May 2014 00:57 (nine years ago) link
I must have dosed off, sorry. What now?
― Quis ut Deus (Michael White), Saturday, 13 May 2017 14:37 (six years ago) link
Welcome back!
― Trelayne Staley (James Redd and the Blecchs), Saturday, 13 May 2017 15:19 (six years ago) link
YAAAAY
― your cognitive privilege (El Tomboto), Saturday, 13 May 2017 15:47 (six years ago) link
blink182.jpg
― The Pickety Third Policeman (James Redd and the Blecchs), Saturday, 13 May 2017 15:52 (six years ago) link
Whoa... Bouldieu! Welcome back monsieur!
― On Some Faraday Beach (Le Bateau Ivre), Saturday, 13 May 2017 23:38 (six years ago) link
Dear me! I can't recall if we're on speaking terms. Could you please remind me? If not, my powerful urge to say your presence is a thousand times welcome must be suppressed, out of deference to our undying enmity.
― A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 14 May 2017 00:57 (six years ago) link
Mon cher, we've never been on speaking terms, because we have never spoken to each other, celà dit, I can imagine no impediment to any continuing discourse between ourselves beside my predilection for meandering, wait, what?
― Quis ut Deus (Michael White), Sunday, 14 May 2017 01:15 (six years ago) link
Plus, I buried the enmity in my neighbor's back yard; she still complains about the smell.
― Quis ut Deus (Michael White), Sunday, 14 May 2017 01:20 (six years ago) link
So, then. The status quo ante works just fine for me. Can I borrow a hundred until I'm back on my feet? Wait. Scratch that. Until I get the Bentley out of hock?
― A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 14 May 2017 03:01 (six years ago) link
Pennies?
― Quis ut Deus (Michael White), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:01 (six years ago) link
That would provide me with two rolls of fifty each, which could prove useful should I get into a bar fight and need to apply some extra fistic heft to my means of persuasion. But in all other cases, they would be a needless and annoying burden. I think I'd prefer to cower under a convenient table during my next brawl, as per usual.
― A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:10 (six years ago) link
In the mail...
― St Dieu crea l' (Michael White), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:11 (six years ago) link
Should?!
― St Dieu crea l' (Michael White), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:12 (six years ago) link
Could you also send along a wishing well?
― A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:13 (six years ago) link
Standards to uphold and whatnot
― St Dieu crea l' (Michael White), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:13 (six years ago) link
Sans but, I sent that ages ago
― St Dieu crea l' (Michael White), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:14 (six years ago) link
In my next bar brawl I promise I shall fight with the strength of ten men, or if not with their entire strength, then the strength of all ten's halitosis.
I sent that ages ago
I'll look in the lumber room.
― A is for (Aimless), Sunday, 14 May 2017 18:18 (six years ago) link
Any lumber?Damon autocorrect
― Et Dieu crea l' (Michael White), Friday, 19 May 2017 04:43 (six years ago) link
Covfefe memes
― Violet Jax (Violet Jynx), Wednesday, 31 May 2017 20:09 (six years ago) link