people that YELP are scumbags

IT CAME WITH SALAD YOU ASSHOLE

he must not know "food," he thinks salad is actually salad

scallops with some salad = GIANT SALAD WITH SOME SCALLOPS

very characteristic of an unseasoned waiter, not knowing how much garlic bread it too much and how much salad is too little

Why the fuck is eating out always such a complicated ordeal for these yelp turds

http://25.media.tumblr.com/1e237301833b7b8d4a3bbe2670a315ea/tumblr_mk01op5wuA1qbdw1zo1_500.gif

otm

Have the waiter describe the dish in detail and ask if there is a "pix fixe" menu.

i so want to do this now.

maybe a menu like this

http://cdn.hoboken411.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/nj-pick-six-lottery.jpg

ask if there is a "kid pix" menu

I was tempted to go back and ask the waiter to adjust the bill, but we had already paid and my husband didn't want to make a fuss.

your poor fucking husband

I got one thing to say about this place: COUGAR DEN!! Typical Roseville female patrons at the bar. The women in Roseville are NOT shy. Even when I'm with a date, they lock their eyes onto me then point their crotches directly at me like they're about to launch biological missiles at me. If I weren't too busy being a typical man loving this attention I'd be offended by it all. This restaurant is lively, classy, has a very well stocked bar, and makes picking up hot crazy chics like shooting fish in a barrel! High five! I like!

._.

lol

"point their crotches directly at me"

Certainly sounds like a classy joint

"point their crotches directly at me"

Unless they are doing gymnastic backbends on the bar stools, I wonder if he just means "facing me."

maybe he means
http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/3742/rszcrutches21.jpg

lol

chucklez

We were on the hunt for a terrific Bloody Mary yesterday. Our go to brunch restaurant changed their recipe so we sent our cocktails back and decided to go to Abilene. Their version was so much worse. Tasted like they poured a ton of celery salt in the mix and I saw the bar person top it off with Guinness Stout. It was horrible!!! Why is it so hard to get a traditional Bloody Mary these days. All the extra bells and whistles aren't necessary. After two sips we couldn't force ourselves to drink anymore so we left to continue our quest to find a decent (at that point) Bloody Mary.

mind-blowing

idgi. seems reasonable?

leaving your fave brunch spot because they changed their bloody mary recipe sets off a lot of red flags for me tbh. also, guinness in a bloody mary is a pretty common thing?

not a good thing, common as it may be

maybe this is a totally normal thing to do, but sending your cocktail back and then leaving because the recipe changed is not something I'd be comfortable doing.

does anyone here write bad yelp reviews for places they've worked for if they feel they've been mistreated? i've been tempted to do that but i didn't do that, it seemed passive aggressive, even though i wouldn't have said anything untrue in my review. in any case, how do you guys feel about the ethics/etiquette of doing that?

say it after me: "could you please have the bartender re-make this without guiness?"

so hard to decide whether to post this here or on hipster thread:

"It is not much to look to on the inside. It has a simple divey feel. It is likely a hipster haven. I am glad I was there at lunch before the hipsters awake to type out their poetry on their classic typewriters."

that dive bar seems amazing, assuming hoards of people with typewriters actually show up after lunch everyday to write poetry.

Noisy though.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g2LJ1i7222c

http://foodbeast.com/content/2013/04/22/sf-restaurant-calls-out-yelp-for/#.UXgWx1LLlM8

Still, Banks states that Yelp’s current “algorithm seems to me aimed less at protecting consumers than rewarding reviewer loyalty.”

Actually pretty interesting, maybe the conspiracy is less to do with extortion of restaurants for ad revenue, as it is the recognition that they get way more click-through money from their psychotic regular users of the YELP COMMUNITY than they do from people actually using Yelp to figure out where to go for lunch. Reminds me of the RedLetterMedia argument that Adam Sandler product-placement movies were like drug-front restaurants: you can go to the movie (or eat at the restaurant) but it's actually not what the business is making its money on or why it "really" exists.

is there a New Yorker article about drug-front restaurants somewhere that I can read? because that sounds fascinating

No idea, but some googling quickly turns up lots of great angles. I also remember reading a jazzed-up sensationalist bit in the Daily News a while back about a convenience store where they sold suspiciously no-name brands of cereal, with its own packaging and everything, that contained drugs hidden as the free toy inside.

fwiw i have a very good friend who owns a business and has never paid a dime to yelp but has an average 5-star rating with 50+ reviews

when you google "best [type of business] in [city where he lives]" his yelp page is the first result

when you google "[type of business] [city where he lives]" his yelp page is the third result behind a sponsored google link to one of his competitors and a yelp page listing all of his type of business in his city

on yelp when you search for his type of business (filtered by highest rated) he is usually the 1st result-- occasionally the 2nd result, behind one of his competitors with a three star rating that has a "suggested" note next to it, which i'm guessing means they paid yelp? (when i checked just now it didn't show up, he was at the top of the results)

he says he gets calls from yelp sales/account managers all the time asking him to buy their services but he says thanks i'm doing just fine not spending a dime on your services

my local coffeeshop just made a big expansion to make room for all sorts of artisinalism and customer petting and such

they ring you up on one of those ipad credit card scanners, i saw the other day that they were reading yelp on it : /

"customer petting"

would visit

<cigarette voice>well, we called it "petting"</cigarette voice>

love that tag

double iced caramel superfrapuccino and 20 minutes of petting, please

I also remember reading a jazzed-up sensationalist bit in the Daily News a while back about a convenience store where they sold suspiciously no-name brands of cereal, with its own packaging and everything, that contained drugs hidden as the free toy inside.

― Doctor Casino, Wednesday, April 24, 2013 8:53 PM (2 days ago) Bookmark

that sounds dope

hmmm, i seem to have jumbled some of the details but yeah, basically: http://gothamist.com/2013/03/16/east_harlem_gang_busted_for_selling.php

"crack"erjack (crack cocaine)

What I find most striking is that, having begun the process of looking for reviews of the restaurant, I find myself reviewing the reviewers. The use of the word “awesome”—a term whose original connotation is so denuded that I suspect it will ultimately come to exclusively signify its ironic, air-quote-marked opposite—is a red flag. So are the words “anniversary” or “honeymoon,” often written by people with inflated expectations for their special night; their complaint with any perceived failure on the part of the restaurant or hotel to rise to this momentous occasion is not necessarily mine. I reflexively downgrade reviewers writing in the sort of syrupy dross picked up from hotel brochures (“it was a vision of perfection”).

http://www.wilsonquarterly.com/article.cfm?AID=2292

How to Recognize a Yelp Review By a Person of the Lower Classes

haha yeah the context of that article in the midst of the rest of WWQ is hilarious.

"The ceaseless quest for redemption in politics and culture is one of the chronic infirmities of American national life. But God forbid we should ever give it up."

"One after another, arguments that non-Western countries are not “ready” for democracy have been upended by experience."

"Recent history in the countries of the former Soviet Union suggests that the appetite for freedom may not be as strong everywhere as we assume."

"Pulling back from America’s global commitments would amount to a “massive experiment.”"

"Did genetic diversity play a decisive role in determining which lands would hit the economic jackpot?"

"Moving poor people to better neighborhoods has a surprising effect."

"Americans, plugged in and on the move, are confiding in their pets, their computers, and their spouses. What they need is to rediscover the value of friendship."

the casually aristocratic but liberalizing attitude his has is spectacularly well curated.

o i c mad men is really MELODRAMATIC beneath all the attractive surfaces, now i kno the power of criticism

This is a critic at the top of his game, a few deft strokes forcing you to reassess your own judgment—and not in a purely “like” or “dislike” sense—of a show, one that comes bedecked with awards and other tokens of critics’ adoration.

very important to know when deciding what dvd to check out next week.

"this isn't criticism! it's just telling you what dishes taste good!"