people that YELP are scumbags

"aghast" is good too

when looking for really corny, fawning ones try "faint"

"amazeballs"

Barf.

"Rolled her eyes" is always a good one when seeking out unreliable narrator reviews

Naperville, ffs.

i've had brunch at that place, it's pretty cool

I drove down to San Jose today for a meeting at Cisco. Skipped lunch 'cos I was late, obviously, but arrived on Zanker half an hour early - ah great, I'll grab a bite - I'm so starving. I drove for 15 minutes down Zanker, down E. Tasman, down Cisco Way, down a bunch of other roads and no Starbucks, no stripmall of any kind. How can that be? I know they're there, somewhere, but they should be more obvious to a newbie without a map, like everywhere else in America. Has the Sierra Club taken over Silicon Valley? How can I express my disapproval?

hahahahhaha

okay, that is onion-level

what exactly was this person reviewing?

http://www.yelp.com/topic/san-francisco-can-i-give-a-non-place-zero-stars-for-not-being-there

(Category: Humor & Offbeat)

had the worst brunch experience of my life today, was real tempted to give in and join the scumbags for an hour or two

keep the faith

http://www.yelp.com/biz/lew-sterrett-justice-center-dallas

that is unbelievable

amazing find

You aren't supposed to like it you idiots!

new board descrip amirite

more sad than funny imo

"this detainment facility is terrible, I'm going to give it a bad Yelp review" I mean, waht

I feel like the lawyer at least is coming from an understandable context

tbf, the inmate who suggests grabbing the nearest roll of toilet paper and stuffing yourself with bologna sandwiches ASAP also seems to have a pretty reasonable take on the situation.

fair point

that's what i do before i go to most restaurants i find on yelp

I SMELL LIKE JAIL.

My first visit.....

It's difficult to give a full review when you've only been to a place once. There is so much to consider that one visit may not be representative of what a place is really like. I want to be fair. So, I'll tell you about my one and only visit and will update if I go a second time.

There was no music, so I can't comment on that part of the experience, although it may have changed it quite a bit for us.

We stopped here for lunch before an afternoon matinee because we wanted to sit outdoors on this beautiful-weather day. There are only about 5 or 6 tables right off the street and we were the only ones out there. The waiter was pleasant and attentive and took care of us immediately. The sitting area was relatively quiet considering it was right off the street.

We ordered the sea scallop dish and I saw that it came with some greens so I didn't order a salad as appitizer. The waiter confirmed that the scallops did come with "some salad". He encouraged us to have the garlic bread which was a $6 starter. Since I thought we were getting salad, I didn't order a salad starter to share as I thought I would.

Well, the bread was a large order and would have been better for four people to share. Waiter should have said that.

The scallops were beautiful, seared perfectly and were very tasty. Unfortunately, the salad portion was small! Had I known that, I would have ordered some side to share. I didn't enjoy eating just the scallops since they came with noting else. Good dish, but it could have used something else. Maybe some broccoli or asparagus? I don't know, but it was lacking something.

So, I guess my biggest reason for not giving this 4 or 5 stars was the lack of information from the waiter. He was a young man and probably doesn't know "food' as well as some other seasoned waiters.

I don't like rating just on the service of one waiter, so the three stars was for the delicious scallops that are often difficult to cook just right.

As we were leaving, I saw the sign that said they had a "prix fixe" menu. Why didn't the waiter mention that too? We paid all "À la carte" and could have had another starter for a less expensive price. I was tempted to go back and ask the waiter to adjust the bill, but we had already paid and my husband didn't want to make a fuss. I left feeling cheated. Not a good experience for me.

Maybe you can learn something from my mistakes. Have the waiter describe the dish in detail and ask if there is a "pix fixe" menu. It could have been a 5 star rating.

Hope that helps!

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oh my god with these people

it never ends

i know what I would like to do with those scallops

IT CAME WITH SALAD YOU ASSHOLE

he must not know "food," he thinks salad is actually salad

scallops with some salad = GIANT SALAD WITH SOME SCALLOPS

very characteristic of an unseasoned waiter, not knowing how much garlic bread it too much and how much salad is too little

Why the fuck is eating out always such a complicated ordeal for these yelp turds

http://25.media.tumblr.com/1e237301833b7b8d4a3bbe2670a315ea/tumblr_mk01op5wuA1qbdw1zo1_500.gif

otm

Have the waiter describe the dish in detail and ask if there is a "pix fixe" menu.

i so want to do this now.

maybe a menu like this

http://cdn.hoboken411.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/nj-pick-six-lottery.jpg

ask if there is a "kid pix" menu

I was tempted to go back and ask the waiter to adjust the bill, but we had already paid and my husband didn't want to make a fuss.

your poor fucking husband

I got one thing to say about this place: COUGAR DEN!! Typical Roseville female patrons at the bar. The women in Roseville are NOT shy. Even when I'm with a date, they lock their eyes onto me then point their crotches directly at me like they're about to launch biological missiles at me. If I weren't too busy being a typical man loving this attention I'd be offended by it all. This restaurant is lively, classy, has a very well stocked bar, and makes picking up hot crazy chics like shooting fish in a barrel! High five! I like!

._.

lol

"point their crotches directly at me"

Certainly sounds like a classy joint

"point their crotches directly at me"

Unless they are doing gymnastic backbends on the bar stools, I wonder if he just means "facing me."

maybe he means
http://img9.imageshack.us/img9/3742/rszcrutches21.jpg

lol

chucklez

We were on the hunt for a terrific Bloody Mary yesterday. Our go to brunch restaurant changed their recipe so we sent our cocktails back and decided to go to Abilene. Their version was so much worse. Tasted like they poured a ton of celery salt in the mix and I saw the bar person top it off with Guinness Stout. It was horrible!!! Why is it so hard to get a traditional Bloody Mary these days. All the extra bells and whistles aren't necessary. After two sips we couldn't force ourselves to drink anymore so we left to continue our quest to find a decent (at that point) Bloody Mary.

mind-blowing

idgi. seems reasonable?

leaving your fave brunch spot because they changed their bloody mary recipe sets off a lot of red flags for me tbh. also, guinness in a bloody mary is a pretty common thing?