― Huckadelia (Horace Mann), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 20:36 (twenty years ago) link
But quite honestly if you really value your relationship the risk isn't worth it, since I know a couple that was essentially broken up due in large part to a threesome. She said she resented it after the fact, because she felt like she was objectified by him during it (even though she had gone along 100% beforehand) and he felt guilty for "using" her that way, felt weird while it was happening, and felt that the "sanctity" of their relationship was shattered a little bit. I guess that's just one example though.
― Gear! (Gear!), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 20:44 (twenty years ago) link
Foursomes are best when all four parties are bi, I think! I don't think swapping or same room sex is the same as a foursome.
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 20:49 (twenty years ago) link
― jaymc (jaymc), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 21:23 (twenty years ago) link
― DV (dirtyvicar), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 22:08 (twenty years ago) link
Oh my.
― miloauckerman (miloauckerman), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 22:18 (twenty years ago) link
Marc Almond, paraphrased from memory from his biography.
― the music mole (colin s barrow), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 22:19 (twenty years ago) link
― Bryan (Bryan), Tuesday, 3 February 2004 22:23 (twenty years ago) link
― the bellefox, Tuesday, 3 February 2004 22:32 (twenty years ago) link
if you do, make sure to give more lovin to the gf than not significant other.
if your gf wants a threesome with another guy...go ahead and break up now then have your threesome.
― Rod Rockwell, Tuesday, 3 February 2004 23:22 (twenty years ago) link
There's a whole lot of baggage here, but good luck. Maybe check out some polyamorous forums or web sites. They're generally a bit more helpful and less cheesy than swinger websites.
― Wanda, Tuesday, 3 February 2004 23:41 (twenty years ago) link
― Amity (Amity), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 00:16 (twenty years ago) link
― dyson (dyson), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 00:41 (twenty years ago) link
Given the general agreement around here that threesomes are potentially hazardous to relationships, I'd say asking yourself why you want to do it is pretty important.
― martin m. (mushrush), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 00:43 (twenty years ago) link
I'm not saying it wouldn't work out of course but there are risks, and if you're deep into a committed relationship it doesn't seem like it would be worth it.
― Gear! (Gear!), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 00:52 (twenty years ago) link
if so, a fantastic experienceif not, a waste of time
― voice, Wednesday, 4 February 2004 03:35 (twenty years ago) link
― strongo hulkington (dubplatestyle), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 03:36 (twenty years ago) link
― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 04:50 (twenty years ago) link
― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 04:51 (twenty years ago) link
― Emilymv (Emilymv), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 06:45 (twenty years ago) link
― the surface noise (electricsound), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 06:45 (twenty years ago) link
― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 06:49 (twenty years ago) link
Hahahaha.
― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 07:01 (twenty years ago) link
― Alex in SF (Alex in SF), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 07:14 (twenty years ago) link
― Casuistry (Chris P), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 08:55 (twenty years ago) link
― Matt (Matt), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 10:27 (twenty years ago) link
― Pinkpanther (Pinkpanther), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 11:12 (twenty years ago) link
― Ricardo (RickyT), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 11:27 (twenty years ago) link
I love from butter pecan to blackberry molass'I don't discriminate, I regulate every shade of that *ass*Long as you show class, and pass my testFat *fuckin* breasts, highly intelligent bachlorettesThat's the best, I won't settle for lessI wanna get a brunette, with unforgettable sexI lay your head on my chest, come feel my heartbeatWe can park the Jeep, pump Mobb Deep, and just spark the leafIt's hard to creep since I found JoeEvery pretty round brown *hoe* wanna go down lowBut this Boogie Down pro-fessional, I'ma let you knowOnce I quit the blows, get your clothes, cause you got to goout the do' downstairs, little brown hairs everywhere(You nasty Twin) I don't careRound here they call me Big Pun,Hit you with the big gunsBig tongue, known to make a chick *cum*
― Chris V (Chris V), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 12:25 (twenty years ago) link
― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Wednesday, 4 February 2004 12:46 (twenty years ago) link
oh and sorry for butting in again and again w/o introducing myself!
― Wanda (Wanda), Thursday, 5 February 2004 00:14 (twenty years ago) link
― queen G (nee Onassis), Thursday, 5 February 2004 11:08 (twenty years ago) link
― Tracer Hand (tracerhand), Thursday, 5 February 2004 12:31 (twenty years ago) link
― Martin Skidmore (Martin Skidmore), Thursday, 5 February 2004 23:16 (twenty years ago) link
http://us.ent4.yimg.com/movies.yahoo.com/images/hv/photo/tv_pix/nbc/saturday_night_live_episode_photos/_group_photos/rachel_dratch53.jpg
― Alex in NYC (vassifer), Thursday, 5 February 2004 23:25 (twenty years ago) link
― Momus (Momus), Thursday, 5 February 2004 23:46 (twenty years ago) link
― Chris V (Chris V), Friday, 6 February 2004 12:23 (twenty years ago) link
This was all long ago, and I've been with the same person for the last three years (and very happily so). While the threesomes were a blast, I don't miss them at all.
― Chris K, Saturday, 7 February 2004 04:39 (twenty years ago) link
― Matos W.K. (M Matos), Saturday, 7 February 2004 07:38 (twenty years ago) link
― Chris K (suzy), Saturday, 7 February 2004 17:12 (twenty years ago) link
You also need to look at and discuss all of the possible negative outcomes of the experience - don't think "well, we're not the jealous types" and leave it at that - you don't know how jealous or insecure or uncomfortable you might be until you're in the situation. How will you address these issues if they come-up in the middle of three of you frolicking around? How will you address them afterward?
You might want to consider (since you're coming from the "couple" end of things) setting some ground rules about what can and can't be done (I know that lots of people feel more secure if there are certain activities that are reserved for just the couple - like oral sex or whatever - something that shows that there's a bond between the two of you and that you're not going to share that with someone else). However, if you do choose to set such a restriction, you need to make that clear to the third person, so they don't overstep that boundary.
As far as bringing-up the topic with this other person, I'd recommend a public, though quiet, location - don't do it at yours or their house, as if there's a negative reaction, you're going to associate that with the place where it happened - you don't want them to always feel uncomfortable about coming to your house or you visting at their place. Depending on the dynamics, if this third person is closer to one of the partners than the other, the initial suggestion might be better brought-up with just the two of them, before the group discussion begins. (Oh, and as far as where to actually have the sex goes, you might want to think about some neutral place, so that if it is a negative experience the "marriage bed", so to speak, isn't associated with that.)
When it's the three of you talking, make sure that you're not all intoxicated or otherwise under the influence - you have to all have clear heads and minds. And, like it or not, you need to talk about some pretty uncomfortable things, like birth control, and STDs, and past partners, besides addressing all of the emotional issues. Make sure that during all of this you're not pairing off as two against one, which it can sometimes feel like is happening - this isn't a tag-team event, it's a sharing of something intimate and fun between three equals. Be sure to talk about limits and likes and dislikes (really, it's best not to have decided that anal sex will only happen between the couple and then to be in bed and suddenly discover that the third person only likes anal sex - or can't stand to watch it or think about it).
The three of you also need to talk about what happens afterward - do you all spend the night together? Or does someone leave? When do you all talk about what happened? If it doesn't go well, do you agree that you'll talk about what went wrong? If it goes great, when will you talk about that?
Don't have unrealistic expectations about the actual event - it's confusing, you'll end-up in uncomfortable (physical) positions, and there may be times where someone feels left out, because the other two are caught-up in each other. And you know how tough it can be to have mutual orgasms? Three of you coming at once - well, it can happen, but I think that's more of a fluke or a result of lots and lots of (fun) practice. It's not all going to be perfect and wonderful - the fantasy is never the reality - but the reality can exceed the fantasy, if everything goes well. Or maybe you'll need to do it a few times to learn what works and doesn't work.
A threesome can be incredible - physically and emotionally - it can bring people together and provide greater intimacy - it can strengthen bonds - it can be an excellent thing. But it can also be painful, emotionally destructive, dividing, and alienating. Ultimately, no matter how much you prepare for things, you won't know how you feel about it all until it's happening. (And you may discover that the negative emotions arise sometime after the incident, too.)
Talk and talk and talk. Have a sense of humor. Make sure that you all like each other (being physically attracted to someone isn't enough). Don't take yourself too seriously. Be open. Be honest. Admit your fears and concerns. Talk about your hopes and wishes, too. If you're at all uncertain, then don't do it. If you are certain that it's something that the three of you want, then go for it, with open minds and hearts and a resolve that no matter what happens, you're going to work through the after-effects together.
― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 7 February 2004 20:43 (twenty years ago) link
I stick by the idea that threesomes are best made up of three independents versus a couple plus one. While the later version can work out ok depending on the people involved, it is much more likely to backfire.
― Chris K (suzy), Saturday, 7 February 2004 22:06 (twenty years ago) link
― orange twig (Douglas), Saturday, 7 February 2004 23:51 (twenty years ago) link
I don't know if it's better to have it be a couple and then a third person or three individual people - it's based on personalities and compatabilities, and I think that the odds of something working or not working are probably close - but that the ramifications of the working/not working could be more wide-reaching if two of the participants are a couple.
I've been in threesomes in both situations, and I can't say that either situation was particularly more successful or easy than the other - again, it's personalities and the situation at the time.
― I'm Passing Open Windows (Ms Laura), Saturday, 7 February 2004 23:52 (twenty years ago) link
(Sniffs) Just asking.
― Curiouser, Tuesday, 8 November 2005 20:04 (eighteen years ago) link
― Tim Finney (Tim Finney), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 00:20 (eighteen years ago) link
This is why threesomes don't work.
― sugarpants: sadness is for poor people! (sugarpants), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 07:07 (eighteen years ago) link
(one other time was fun, but hey)
― Trr4aayceeOMG (trayce), Wednesday, 9 November 2005 08:47 (eighteen years ago) link
this is one of those things that deserves all the hype, imo.
― Matt Armstrong, Thursday, 31 March 2011 06:35 (thirteen years ago) link
*sings* we know what you've been dooooo-iiiiing...
― Yossarian's sense of humour (NotEnough), Thursday, 31 March 2011 06:36 (thirteen years ago) link
found out from a mutual friend that this radical couple in our college activist group was interested in having a threesome with me. they were really intense and often caustic anarchist types that intimidated the other activists, but they were always really really sweet to me and then i found out the likely reason why. i was kind of shocked since i was just this naive freshman and didn't expect many people to be interested in me. not sure if i would have done it though - it was rumored that the guy in the couple had his dick pierced and that doesn't interest me at all.
― marcos, Friday, 21 November 2014 21:04 (nine years ago) link
it all depends on the three
― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Friday, 21 November 2014 21:38 (nine years ago) link
*tera's story above built up so much tension and suspense.
― forbodingly titled It's True! It's True! (Eazy), Friday, 21 November 2014 21:41 (nine years ago) link
Coincidental FB update from a friend: It's so cold hell has frozen over. The only possible explanation for me eating a mango.
― forbodingly titled It's True! It's True! (Eazy), Friday, 21 November 2014 22:58 (nine years ago) link
the warmth of cuddling up with a mango or two
― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Friday, 21 November 2014 23:06 (nine years ago) link
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5vpsTQ786_I
― $0.00 Butter sauce only. No marinara. (Sufjan Grafton), Friday, 21 November 2014 23:24 (nine years ago) link
There's this weird delusion that str8 guys have, that when a MFF threesome occurs, it is somehow all about the super-studly babe-attracting powers of the M in the equation. Of the MFF threesomes I've had, and all the women I've talked to about random hookup threesomes, 3 times out of 4, the threesome is actually about the ~bi-curious~ (or just plain bi) desires of the women involved, and the dude involved is pretty incidental / really only there as an excuse or cover to try out lady-love.
(Long term couples I have no experience with, but others' experience indicates 50/50?)
But if you are a dude asking yourself "why am I not the kind of guy who gets to have threesomes?" it is way less about you, and way more about the women you know.
TL; DR there's no guy in threesome.
― Nicki Minaj - The Pink Floyd (Branwell with an N), Friday, 21 November 2014 23:29 (nine years ago) link
i know one (1) guy who is in a literal polyamorous relationship with two girls (all three dating each other etc) and he is a person who once yelled at me for saying "dice" when referring to a singular die
― linda cardellini (zachlyon), Friday, 21 November 2014 23:45 (nine years ago) link
Beer and pot make the threesome more casual.
― Brian Eno's Mother (Latham Green), Saturday, 22 November 2014 01:25 (nine years ago) link