Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z

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I really am a terrible employee.

― Fluffy Bear Hearts Rainbows, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear my life,

You're dragging me down, dude. Needs to stop. Don't you have better things to do than pulling me out of my happy place?

Also, I need a week/month/decade off soon, can you accommodate somehow?

Love,
Curtis

― Curt1s Stephens, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear small book and snack store down the hall from where i work,

So you've finally had one of those coming/going motion beepers installed over yr always open door. Good for you. What isn't is that it's beep is so loud i can hear it quite clearly down the hall, behind a closed door and with music going. Yeah, it's annoying. and I don't even work in the place. The next time those that do piss me off, I'm gonna station myself in yr doorway with headphones on and do the Ringwald skip in and out of the store till either the beeper blows or somebody breaks it. You the store are really too small and have too many employees to really need such a device anyway.

I'm just sayn'.

Love,
C.G-M.

― C. Grisso/McCain, Thursday, 29 March 2007 18:46 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Weirdos,

WTF with putting a Size 8 shoe and a Size 11 shoe together in a Size 10 package and then selling it to me?

I mean, it's okay, I was lazy when I was in college, too, but how does this even happen?

Curiously,

― nabisco, Thursday, 29 March 2007 20:36 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Williamshasidburg,

I know I come to you all the time for my basic times of drinking with friends, but this weekend you are going to SUCK IT UP because the fun is where I live. Happy Pesach.

― Laurel, Thursday, 29 March 2007 20:38 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear people working in that slice of bureaucracy who are going to read my grant application,

Please understand we can't afford to hire a fucking grantwriter. I realise my application doesn't look that slick, but I'm putting it together between jobs for free because I really really want to have a new radio station here and I would hope that if you're going to give anybody lots of money to buy radio broadcasting equipment that you would give us the money to buy radio broadcasting equipment. Don't be fooled and think that because we live on Martha's Vineyard that gold coins drop out of our butts. Because it's so fucking expensive to live here and most of the people who live here year round work in the service industry, many of the people here are below the state poverty average. It's reallyreally hard to get the year round people to donate the money we need. Please you give it to us so we can get our station going. We promise not to suck.

Thanks,

― Maria :D, Thursday, 29 March 2007 20:51 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Professor who works in the building where I am an administrative assistant,

I have been working here for almost 9 months and probably 40% of my time on the clock is spent doing odd jobs for you; specifically, sending me to the library to do things that are impossible and illegal (like checking 40 books out at once), so that I can get yelled at by the astonishingly rude library staff (who apparently don't understand that I am following orders) and, later, by you (I would never, of course, assume that you might understand that I didn't do the job you asked because you're not allowed to take out 40 books, not because I'm lazy or somehow incompetent).

So, given that, is it that hard for you to remember my name?

Love,
Max (that's Max, M-A-X, not "student")

― max, Thursday, 29 March 2007 21:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear boys,

STOP BEING SO CUTE IN THE SPRINGTIME. I ALREADY HAVE TOO MANY CRUSHES.

Fond regards and flirty eyes,
Kate

― Masonic Boom, Friday, 30 March 2007 11:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Jim'll,

Please could you fix it for us to eat popcorn and drink coke on a roller-coaster.

Yours sincerely,

The 2nd Westward Ho! Scout Troop.

― peteR, Friday, 30 March 2007 11:59 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Hangover,

I hate you.

Yours in emnity,

Sober Kv_nol.

― kv_nol, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:01 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear people from other companies who shar this office building with me,
You are wankers. You, the people who started the whole labelling-your-WHOLECOMPANY'S-milk-in-the-fridge thing, you are wankers.
Before we had one or two bottles of milk in the fridge. We didn't run out. I used to buy more than I used. But hey, it's milk, IT'S UNDER 50P A PINT.
Now due to the lamers who started writing the name of their company on the side of the milk bottle, the fridge is crammed with bottle of milk, most partially used with about an inch of cheese in the bottom. Due to the lack of storage space you have been storing milk bottles on their sides meaning the milk leaks and the whole fridge now smells of sour milk.
Guess who cleaned the fridge last time it got unbearable? Me. Guess who has stopped buying milk and is deliberately and meanly drinking the milk with a name on the side.
Just remember you started it and now I hate you,
A.

― Anna, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:06 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Workday,

JUST END ALREADY, END NOW SO I CAN GET TO THE WEEKEND FUN SINGING TIME

xoxoxo,
Dan

― HI DERE, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:13 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear HI DERE.

You are OTM. Have a cookie.

Yours,

Me.

― kv_nol, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:15 (seventeen years ago) link

dear dan and kvnol,
it is friday night here already!
xxestela

― estela, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:19 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear my typing ability,

Where have you gone? Please come back, I miss you.

A.

― Anna, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:26 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear this thread

You have given me more amusing and lovely insights into ilXors than possibly any other thread in history.

Thanks!

Love C4

― CharlieNo4, Friday, 30 March 2007 12:27 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Black Snake Moan director,

Don't you think you could have put some pants (or shorts!) and a longer tshirt on Christina Ricci in that movie? I mean she still could have been slutty and her tits would have been prominent but a little less flesh and a little less rib would have made your movie that less creepy. And that much better.

Thx,
Kind of disgusted

― Ms Misery, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:08 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ex-wife of the guy who lives one floor below me,

I'm usually hesitant to give parenting advice since I don't have kids, but I don't think it's a good idea to yell in front of your two young children that your ex-husband "better not come around lookin' for no more pussy no more."

Love,
The guy who can still hear you two arguing from a floor away, even while wearing headphones

― Brent, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:27 (seventeen years ago) link

she's right though. ex-sex can be a real dud.

― Ms Misery, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:28 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ned

I like that you said ". Y U BRAKE HART."

love
teh_kit

― g-kit, Friday, 30 March 2007 13:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Mister Monkey,

Please don't get zombie infected and come home and kill me.

Yours,

Monkey.

― accentmonkey, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:14 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear G-Kit

Thank you.

Love
Wonderful Me

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear everyone in America,

Please watch 30 Rock so that it does not get cancelled and I can continue watching it. My vote does not count in this.

Cheers,

AM

― accentmonkey, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:15 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Friday Off Due to State Workers Holiday In Lieu of Easter:

You are a fine fine creation of the law. Don't ever change. I think I will have a relaxed breakfast now.

Love
A Smuggo

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:16 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Ned,

Why the hell are you up so early on your day off???

Love,
ghost rider

― ghost rider, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Points of View,

Why oh why oh why....

Lots of love,

PeteR.

― peteR, Friday, 30 March 2007 14:18 (seventeen years ago) link

dear jergins,

i miss you.

love,
lxy

― lxy, Friday, 30 March 2007 17:55 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear fudge brownies w/the crust on the bottom,

I don't think we're good for each other, and I think we should stop seeing each other. Please make an effort not to flaunt your deliciousness during the workday.

Blood diamonds,
Jordan

― Jordan, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:05 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ghost rider,

Being conditioned to wake up regularly at 5:30 am for my job kinda means that I'm usually up and scrounging for tea or something by 7 am even on my days off. Why I don't try and break this habit = itisamystery.gif, but I thank you for your concern.

Love
Ned

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:12 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Pot,

Thanks for everything. Self-medicating with you may cost me my intelligence, drive and trim figure, but you've saved me untold thousands in perscription anti-depressants and therapy bills.

Love,
Your Friend,
Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:17 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Spelling,

Y U HATE ME

Love,
Max

P.S. "Prescription."

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:18 (seventeen years ago) link

dear max,

sorry for being a jerk to you yesterday. jfk, bro.

blood diamonds,
zr

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:21 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear zr,

When were you a jerk to me?

xoxo

Max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:23 (seventeen years ago) link

(i don't want to ruin the flow of this thread but i propose that all ILX posts start being constructed in terms of "dear X, love Z")

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:24 (seventeen years ago) link

oh on the penn. music thread, but wvs!

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:24 (seventeen years ago) link

Oh jeez well

Dear Bro,

Sorry I said your family sucks. I have a natural antipathy toward Pennsylvania, but that's hardly an excuse. I'm sure your family isn't Amish/stupid/ugly.

w fond affection,
max

― max, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:26 (seventeen years ago) link

dear max,

don't sweat it! i was in a terrible mood yesterday and you know, way overreacted. and no, my family isn't amish. sometimes they send me emails like this:

ZACK
HAY I HOPE THIS IS YOU! I THINCK I GOT YOUR EMAIL RIGHT.
I AM STILL TRYING TO PUT SHIT TOGETHER TO SEND YOU.
I AM A LITTLE COMP STUPID BUT I AM LEARNING.
FIRST I HAVE TO LEARN TO SPELL TO.
WE BEEN WORKING ON SOME GOOD BLUEGRASS STUFF YOU HAVE TO HEAR IT.
SOME OF IT GOOD SOME YOU WILL L.O.L. BUT IF YOU AND YOUR BAND GET GOOD THAT YOU THINK YOU CAN PLAY OUT I KNOW A LOT OF PEOPLE IN SCRANTON TO GET YOU A SHOW OUT HERE.MAY NOT PAY MUCH PUT THE EXPOSER WILL BE GOOD. HEY AGAIN IF THIS IS YOU EMAIL ME BACK AND LET ME KNOW. ITS LATE NOW 3:45 A.M. I JUST GOT BACK FROM FISHING AND I REMEMBERED I HAD YOUR E MAIL SO I AM WRITEING. EMAIL EMAIL ME BACK AND LET ME KNOW ITS YOU.
TELL MOM & DAD

& SIS I SAID HI!
MIKE

they're good folks.

live long, love strong,
zr

― pretzel walrus, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:32 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ILX,

I know you sometimes hate me, but I love you and I'm glad you're there,

Love,

Rumps

― rumpie, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:34 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Max,

Good idea about every post on ILX being formatted like this.

Love

Mr. Que

― Mr. Que, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:43 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear Upstairs Neighbors Who Stole my Storage Space,

So, yeah, I know it was you guys who stole my storage closet downstairs. Because, you see, my evaporative cooler was sittin' pretty down there and then one day I went downstairs and there was a padlock on the closet door. Yeah, and you had just moved in a few weeks prior. My deductive skills are stellar. Anyway, I seriously hate you people. You are a trashy, ex-meth addict looking couple who both seem to have no jobs, because if I am ever home on weekdays, there you are, sprawled out on the sidewalk smoking Winston lights. Also, I don't know if you know this, but since you live above me, I hear your every move. Girl of trashy couple, I hear you sobbing hysterically like a fucking mental patient at least three times a week. Both of you, you wake me up with your three hour-long fucking sessions almost every other night. Seriously, it stirs me from my slumber and I am probably the deepest sleeper I know of. It's really gross when you have parties and your disgusting friends come over. I bet your apartment smells like bong water.

Peace out,
Mandee

― homosexual II, Friday, 30 March 2007 18:50 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear downstairs neighbor who comes very loudly every morning at 7am plus or minus a minute so consistently than I have given you the nickname O.A.C. (Orgasm Alarm Clark) and talk about you on the internets:

Please take a morning off.

Respectively,
Sarah McLusky a.k.a. Apartment 1

― KitCat, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:00 (seventeen years ago) link

DAER INTERNET

STOP HAVING ME EVERYWHERE

YR PAL

ERROR

― 404 Error: Page Not Found, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:06 (seventeen years ago) link

geez, this thread makes me glad I live in a house and never have to hear strangers' orgasms

― Ms Misery, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear My Various Apartment Neighbors Over These Past Five Years:

Given the various stories reported above, thank you all for being polite and discreet.

Love,
The Guy in K105

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:11 (seventeen years ago) link

dear 114

will you come visit me in 7263 soon

love 600

― 600, Friday, 30 March 2007 19:17 (seventeen years ago) link

dear ilx,

hey, when nu-ilx crashes, would you mind not going to the sandbox? dc was trying to plan happy hour over there and then everything went down ;_;

thanks!

love,
ghost rider, who isn't sure if he'll be able to post this without getting an error message or if it'll end up a triple post or something

― ghost rider, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:10 (seventeen years ago) link

Dear ghost rider,

Fear not, it's all part of THEE CODE UPGRADE!

Love,
One of the Secret Team Behind It All

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:15 (seventeen years ago) link

It's not a secret any more then is it!

― Keith, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:16 (seventeen years ago) link

dudes,

check out the --.

I did that,

Me

― TOMBOT, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:17 (seventeen years ago) link

It's not a secret any more then is it!

Minor details.

― Ned Raggett, Friday, 30 March 2007 20:18 (seventeen years ago) link

Skipping 775 messages at this point... Click here if you want to load them all.

Dear Radio One

STFU!!!!!

Love,

Jarl.

― Jarlrmai, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:29 (sixteen years ago) link

Dear Silver Fox,

I just heard your dulcet tones in the corridor. You thrill me.

K xxx

― Hard like armour, Monday, 31 March 2008 21:45 (sixteen years ago) link

Dear Rain the Cat,

I just let you in 5 minutes ago stfu.

Love,

Guy with food who can open the back door

― nickalicious, Monday, 31 March 2008 22:20 (sixteen years ago) link

Dear Dear X, blah blah blah. Love, Z thread,

I just realized I posted almost the exact same thing on you 11 months ago. Please accept my apologies.

Love,

nickalicious

― nickalicious, Monday, 31 March 2008 22:24 (sixteen years ago) link

dear cat

wtf @ u

w/the 3 am yowling

what is yr deal homes

luv

hoos

― BIG HOOS aka the steendriver, Tuesday, 1 April 2008 02:05 (sixteen years ago) link

six years pass...

dear stomach,

"grrrwwwwwwaaaaaaaawwwwwllllSQQQUAARRRrrgggglllllffffffzzzz-zzz/z///zzz-z-z-fffsssshhhhburgleBURGLEBURGLEBURGLE..................BLORP"

this is a direct quote from you, during every meeting i ever have. i eat a normal breakfast. i don't understand why you do this to me. i understand that i drink a cup of coffee or three in the morning but you should be used to this by now. please change your behavior or i will replace you with a biotech-stomach whenever it is invented and is cheap enough for me to purchase.

love,

mind/body

― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 22:05 (nine years ago) link

can i just interrupt you for a second

― the ﬁnal twilight of all evaluative standpoints (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 22 October 2014 22:52 (nine years ago) link

Are you selling biotech?

― Karl Malone, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 22:55 (nine years ago) link

no i just remembered the other day that i insulted you in an argument in a boards of canada thread last year and i felt a momentary sense of unease and embarassment that i had got involved in an intemperate argument in a thread about boards of canada, of all things

― the ﬁnal twilight of all evaluative standpoints (nakhchivan), Wednesday, 22 October 2014 23:05 (nine years ago) link

Dear In C by Terry Riley,

I am really tired of your 50th Anniversary. Can't wait for it to be over.

Love, concert attendee

― sarahell, Wednesday, 22 October 2014 23:35 (nine years ago) link

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