Shit Said by Every Libertarian Ever

13) any trope involving the "government putting a gun" to one's head to do something that the libertarian does not want to do.

Shit said by no libertarian ever: "Private property ownership is just like the government putting a gun to your head and telling you where you can go, what you can do, and what belongs to you."

14. "Judeo-Christian"

Same libertarian also said that crime would be controlled via something like, I shit you not, blood feuds. In lieu of the State, individuals would take matters into their own hands. Pretty soon, no criminals would to commit any crime! Something vague was also said about how this how the norm in medieval Iceland, the freest state ever.

Yeah, "vigilante justice" is used unironically by some of these people.

Ugh that post was typoed to hell and back.

I really couldn't believe what I was hearing. My jaw dropped and he just kept repeating ICELAND ICELAND ICELAND.

on the vigilante tip ...

15. "a well-armed society is a polite society."

16) I pretty much never have sex because I'm a terrible person and I wear bowties

Also, every interaction between everyone is to be determined by contractual agreement. I can't even begin to form a trope based on that one.

and though not even Clarence Thomas on his crankiest day would go this far, there's this pearl of constitutional "jurisprudence" that i've heard more times than i wish (and ALWAYS by white libertarians):

17. "the US Constitution guarantees the right for its citizens to revolt."

18) my social skills are appalling and my concept of human relations is distorted to such an extent that I cannot even make small talk with my barber without quoting ayn rand

Also, every interaction between everyone is to be determined by contractual agreement. I can't even begin to form a trope based on that one.

until one mentions the Social Contract theory -- in which the libertarian answer is always, "well, I didn't sign THAT Social Contract!"

19. Gold standard gold standard gold standard

20. "Why we making bills about violence towards women and minorities, violence towards everyone is already illegal!"

21) fill my dresser with rabid starving raccoons because I deserve to be thrashed to death by diseased rodents

22. i want to live in a post apocalyptic wasteland literally wouldnt that be the best

23. "Mad Max and Somalia are NOT libertarian paradises!"

24. http://img600.imageshack.us/img600/755/95724968.jpg

25. "Just you wait until Reddit Island is up and running."

26. "no, those aren't real libertarians, my version of libertarianism is..."

27. "the only reason most libertarians are white and male is because all those other people just don't understand how much it can help them"

nb: few things make me fume more than libertarian fucktards opining that they ... and they alone ... are the ONLY people who have read or understand the Constitution. few, if any, of these people have law degrees or anything like that ('cause lawyers and law professors are Negro-loving Jew communists liberals and socialists like duh). and none of them have any inhibitions stopping them from "informing" any lawyers that they know about their "correct" interpretations of the Constitution.

(yes, if you can't guess i've been the brunt of this stupidity more times than i wish)

28 "other people's money"

29. "my communist housemate's belief in collectivism is the reason our sink is always full of dirty dishes" <--shit said by my old libertarian housemate about me (i did the dishes more than everyone else)

plz tell me yr third roommate was a priest

the reason your sink was always full of dirty dishes is because it's impossible to keep a sink clear of dirty dishes in any communal living situation with non-integrated eating habits. It's just math, really.

30. (Pointedly ignored.)
"Why should the state of Texas subsidize your education at UT Austin?"

haha I wasn't posting a "things libertarians say" that's my actual observation of sinks in college apartments with lots of people in them

there's never been an apartment lived in by multiple college-aged people with a clean sink and zero resentment

31. "It's not a race issue its a class issue, and besides..."

32. "bootstraps"

31. "It's not a race issue its a class issue, and besides..."

― finally rich, fun-packed, fulfilling (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, January 3, 2013 1:10 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shit said by every college libertarian/anarchist/communist/SDS member...

33. [In response to any argument against libertarianism]: "Did you learn that in SCHOOL?"

34: "businesses and corporations will maintain roads and stoplights because they need their buildings accessible to customers"

35. "I've gotten to where I am on my own, without any government handouts at all"

it's threads like these that make me glad I don't have a Facebook. or talk to strangers.

everything that i will ever put in this thread is from my ex-housemate who i was once good friends with and convinced into move to mine and another friend's house, which happened about a week before he started to read atlas shrugged out of curiosity

things went south

36. "You don't understand economics."

I read the thread title as 'Shit Said by Every Librarian Ever' and thought it was all going to be like "Shhh!"

31. "It's not a race issue its a class issue, and besides..."

― finally rich, fun-packed, fulfilling (Whiney G. Weingarten), Thursday, January 3, 2013 1:10 AM (6 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shit said by every college libertarian/anarchist/communist/SDS member...

Libertarian unless the speaker knows/uses the word 'intersectionality'.

"Why should I have to pay for [X]?"

^^^uh, 37.

like clockwork the socialist philosophy major of my facebook feed posts a link to a WSWS review of brother ali's album and highlights this part

“'And if we say it how it really is/We know our lily skin still gives us privilege' raps Ali early in the album (“Letter to my Countrymen,” featuring West). This flies in the face of the depiction of American society presented elsewhere on the album, which strongly suggests that all sections of the working population and the poor are suffering. What privilege does 'lily skin' offer the millions of white workers losing their jobs and houses and seeing their conditions of life relentlessly attacked?"

i should remove bookmark before this becomes a thread of my least favorite people

Libertarianism is just white boys and their geishas trying to assert that the rules for everyone else *don't apply to them*, which I guess is a neurotic, guilty mirroring of their unearned societal privilege in [insert year here}. If anyone in my immediate circle/field of vision starts in with libspeak, I nip it in the bud by asking them when they plan to grow a neckbeard.

How come they don't quote Milton Friedman more? I'd like to learn something ....

Glad we don't really have libertarians over here in Yurp.

they don't quote milton friedman more because although he was very much a libertarian, he believed in a very active role for monetary policy (ie the federal reserve) and today's ron paul fans want none of that. ben bernanke is satan, hyperinflation is always around the corner, put all your money in gold and bitcoins etc. etc.

38. I don't usually agree with Alex Jones, but the timing of this Aurora/Sikh temple/Newtown/wherever mass shooting is kind of suspicious.

Glad we don't really have libertarians over here in Yurp.

not really true, btw. this guy used to visit the comic shop i worked for in the 1980s - he really was a massive Steve Ditko fan:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chris_Tame

39.) Climate change is a natural, cyclical process that has nothing to do with human activities.

https://twitter.com/ByronTau/status/737034372046524416?s=09

Libertarian nominee should be determined via strip-off

ew put it away.

Happy Holidays pic.twitter.com/ueTMW3Dgcj

— Libertarian Party NH (@LPNH) August 25, 2022

"Libertarian declines to pay fire department for saving his home"

lol at first I was like "wait, I thought I started this thread", then remembered Nino was one of my socks

Weird

Family is the last line of defense against the state, the most important countering institution to it. He's just going to continue to prove he doesn't understand the first thing about libertarianism. Some messenger for the movement. https://t.co/cm0XJDwg4R

— Toad (@TowerGangToad) September 6, 2023

never thought a thread I created w/ a sock would get any traction

right wing "libertarianism" sees to be in constant tension between its basically fascist commitments and its bullshit ultraliberal free market rhetoric and the true believers (or marks) are always getting into fights with the people who are just picking up the language for their own agenda maybe we can use this somehow

I used to check Reason magazine occasionally. A tension seems to have evolved between the staff and the commenters, the latter of whom are a nest of right-wing MAGA troglodytes. I guess it shouldn't be surprising that so many of these libertarian types flocked to Trump's banner.

"I want to own chickens but the county is now telling me that my property is not zoned for chickens. WHAT. THE. FUCK."

I'm pretty sick of whoever is making up these "time zones."

"I can't help it if you're low IQ."

I have devised my own math. I don't care if teh government insists 2+2 = 4

its basically fascist commitments and its bullshit ultraliberal free market

I don't really see this as a tension. Neither authoritarians nor libertarians have any time or use for laws

the tension is when the veneer of social liberalism slips I guess

I'm pretty sick of whoever is making up these "time zones."

― Beyond Goo and Evol (President Keyes)

do you know how many TIME ZONES there are in RUSSIA?

Neither authoritarians nor libertarians have any time or use for laws

i don't see it as a tension, but for the opposite reason, that fascists are big believers in state power, and that libertarians, once you scratch the surface, are too - to enforce property rights, tax breaks, patent protections, the right of their golf club to exclude whoever they like etc

Lots of libertarians also seem to be anti-choice, which does, in fact, seem to be a contradiction.

Right wingers are in favour of laws, rules, controls - and plenty of them - for and on everyone other than themselves.

Authoritarians are certainly big believers of state power, but that doesn't mean they are big believers in law. Authoritarians and libertarians alike believe in lawlessness as virtue. Power should be outside law

I just don't think that's right anvil. I think you'd find a whole lotta (American) libertarians strongly in favor of an extremely well resourced police department putting the clamps on everyone they disapprove of and enforcing their rights to "be free" of whatever they don't want to have to think about.

In Sweden, you can camp on anyone's land (private or otherwise) for two days, then you have to move on

I wonder how the idaho libertarians would feel about that

Yes, they want enforcers but not laws. Laws act as constraints on enforcers

In an ideal world what the enforcers are enforcing should be informal and flexible, understood but not documented

Yeah, there's that good quote about that (applying to conservatives, not libertarians per se, but same same). "Conservatism consists of exactly one proposition, to wit: There must be in-groups whom the law protects but does not bind, alongside out-groups whom the law binds but does not protect."

We should get rid of laws so I can do what I want / We should get rid of laws so the king can do what he wants

I've quoted Chuck Dukowski of Black Flag before: "Anarchy for me, fascism for you."

I don't think theres much of a tension or contradiction between libertarianism and authoritarianism because both believe power should be held by the person not the office, and bureaucracies such as institutions, laws, and office should be for display purposes only. Attempting to codify such things goes against natural order

But I think there IS a tension between libertarianism and fascism. Libertarianism and authoritarianism aim to depoliticize and de-energize, the public are just potatoes. While, fascists also believe power should be in the person not the office, its aims to energise and politicise the potatoes runs the risk of disrupting the natural order. Active participants can potentially band together, act unpredictably, or start to gain elements of power. I think the tension or contradiction is in whether the public should be activated or not, fascism isn’t necessarily as hierarchical as libertarianism or authoritarianism, with a potential danger of power flowing upstream as well as downstream