Not location specific, No rules: Welcome to ILX heaven

Love 'Alex aloof' shot.

OK, wrong country and wrong time but it could be a still from Jewel in the Crown. Or any number of Merchant Ivory films.

You know it's kind of a plus when ILx is this boring. I get more work done.

Ooh, pretty holiday pictures! And high five on getting work done.

That road leading up was the first pic that loaded, and I said "ooh, that's Rhodes isn't it?"

one dark path leading up! Made an impression on me that one.

I have booked my Italian course! It starts at the end of this month! I am very excited.

Oh cool. Who with?

Eden School of English, which sounds like a place you'd train pole dancers, but in fact was recommended by a couple of people in Mister M's workplace.

OK, some conversations I had with my parents on holiday.

(We are at the beach, on the second day.)
Ma: "Oh, you've brought two bottles of water?"
Me: "Aye, well, we thought you wouldn't think about it, so we figured we might as well."
Ma (starting to be in the huff): "That's right, think the worst of us."
Me: "Well did you bring any?"
Ma: "No, we never really thought about it..."

She bore that grudge all week, because on the final night we weren't getting picked up till 4 in the morning, so we were trying to get a bit of kip on the sun loungers - me specifically because it's a 3 hour drive home from Gatwick. She woke me up at half 1 to tell me she'd bought some water for the airport. Which she had told me 3 hours previously.

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(We are in a bar, watching the Arsenal-Blackburn match. Robbie Savage has just gone down in the box when, if he had stayed on his feet he was clean through on goal.)

Da: "There'll be none of that in Scotland soon. We're bringing in a scheme."
Me: "No, FIFA said it couldn't go ahead."
Da: "That's rubbish, it is."
Me: "Da, I run an internet predictions league. I made up a bonus round based on that very pilot, before I found out FIFA had said it needed a rule change first."
Da: "You don't live in Scotland any more, what do you know."

He then huffed for the next hour or so, then when we got our on-the-house-so-you-might-come-back drink (which was ouzo in this case) refused to pass it to F or I (who like ouzo) and forced himself to drink it, despite declaring it "vile" after the first sip.

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(We are in Lindos where, as we have suggested, it was bluddy hot. We have decided the kids will ride donkeys to the top because we don't know how far it is. The previous night my Da had told me they were in pairs, and we figured my parents would go up with them - not least because both of them have had high blood pressure and other health problems. This caused him problems, as he didn't want to go on the donkey, insisting the "donkey man" would watch the kids until we got up there.)

F: "Right, that's the queue for the donkeys. We're going to start up the hill."
(a minute passes)
F: "That's the donkey queue, we're off, see you up there."
(another minute passes)
F: "The donkey queue is there, we're starting to walk."
(another minute passes)
F: "WILL YOU JOIN THE FUCKING DONKEY QUEUE!"
Ma: "Oh! I didn't know we had to do that."

In response to this, my Da drunk all the water that was supposed to be for him and the kids on the way up. They then went into the Acropolis and left in under a minute, saying they had seen enough.

(I should also point out they didn't actually want to go to Lindos until a guy from our hotel with three Celtic tattoos, who only wore Celtic branded wear HIS ENTIRE HOLIDAY told him it was "nice". Our opinions counted for nothing.

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(During the walk to a restaurant in Faliraki, we are nearly forced off the pavement and into a sewer by a bunch of Glaswegian neds and nedettes. One of them is drinking simultaneously from 3 bottles of lager. One girl is wearing clothing that covers approximately 2% of her body. The remainder of the girls have eaten more pies in the last year than most people eat in their lives. We are now in the restaurant and a group of 17-18 year old girls come in. We do not hear them speak, but from the racial mix they are clearly not Scottish. They are wearing standard clubbing wear, albeit with a slightly IT'S BLUDDY HOT reduction factor in skirt length and amount of material in tops. The drink they are having with dinner appears to be one of the first of the evening.)

Da: "Girls like that will be on one of those telly programmes soon."
Ma: "Aye, Costa del Crime."
Me: "You seriously think that compared to those Scottish girls we passed?"
Ma: "I can't believe you said that, what a racist."
Me: "I'm using it as a descriptor, not as a pejorative."
Ma: "How do you know they were Scottish anyway? They could have been from anywhere."

I thought about telling her that one of them saying "you get tae fuck, ya fucking cunt that ye are" was a bit of a giveaway, but thought better of it. I don't think they spoke to us for the rest of the night.

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Ma: "All teenagers today think nothing of spending £75-100 on drink on a night out."

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Oh, then there was the time my Da waited till we were ready to go to lunch, before announcing he had to get changed. Which somehow took him over half an hour and included piercing blisters. The "waiting for grandad" picture comes from the wait.

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Or the time when we were accidentally put at different tables while we were in Rhodes town and ended up finishing at different times. We just told them to go down to the square and we would see them in twenty minutes. As we got up to leave, I spotted them in the place we had agreed to meet. By the time we got down there, they had wandered off. They came back about 10 minutes later, claiming since we were late it didn't matter whether they were there or not so they went for a walk.

There's lots more where these came from.

Sounds like a blast.

a shotgun blast

Jesus Aldo. Have you always had these problems with them or is this recent? Did you get any break in at all?

I've not heard of Eden, always a good sign. I only hear bad stories about places (selective negative deafness :) )

There was fun had by us and the kids in spite of them. It's telling though that they didn't phone on Sunday to say their flight had got in safely. And I haven't bothered to tell them that we didn't crash and die on the M4.

See, my middle brother wants all of us in my family to go on holidays to a villa in Italy next year or the year after. But this is because he lives in England and does not see my parents as often as I do. Don't get me wrong, I love them very much and get on much better with them than Aldo appears to get on with his folks, but I don't want to go on holiday with them.

Celtic fans are known for their Acropolis critiquing :)

Me: "I'm using it as a descriptor, not as a pejorative."

If I'd said that to my Dad I'd had got a good dose of the Chewin The Fat "ooooooohhhhh pejorative, you hear that?" wiggly hands treatment :P

I've been on holiday with my parents a few times and it's been a blast. My in-laws on the other hand...

Said Celtic fan was a class alkie btw - on the final day he walked up to the village to retrieve his wife's bank card from the machine that had swallowed it. He came back about 3 hours later. Pished.

His excuse? "Just think of the money I've saved you on crisps. They give you them free in Mike's Bar."

That's... brilliant. I must remember that excuse!

Sounds lovely. I don't think I'll go there on hols. I'm too much of a snob.

I've been on holiday with my parents a few times and it's been a blast. My in-laws on the other hand...

Oh my god, I'm sure I've moaned at length about the time we took Mister M's mam to Paris for five days. Jesus. She didn't bring her glasses, for a start. Which, you know, is grand, because it's not like there's ANYTHING TO SEE IN PARIS.

I haven't really been on hols with my parents abroad. I haven't lived with them since I was 16 so it's always a bit of fun going home.

I did travel with my dad around Myanmar shortly after I turned 21. One of the happiest trips of my life to be honest. My mum and I just drink and get giggly so not the most touristy of times to be had :)

I took my mother on a driving trip to NYC once and that's the closest we've come to a vacation together.

Ha! You know how when you go traveling, or go somewhere really great and life changing, you think that you will remember it forever, and then you look at a photo of one of the amazing places you saw (in my case, Doubtful Sound, New Zealand) and you realise that you don't really remember it. All you really remember is some stupid middle-aged Indian guy smoking on the boat and fucking his plastic cup over the side, like a cock.

^it's not places, but people & time...

aldo, what type of camera do you have? Yours pics are fab, great colour, contrast & clarity.

I've never been away with my parents, though they have invited me once or twice. They have a house in Spain. However I figured it's best to check it out with my girlfriend first so that will be my summer holiday next week. Can't wait, need some heat and good weather. Just want to read, swim, and have nice meals out for the entire time away.

Oh yeah, I meant to say I guess I would enjoy a holiday with my parents, I get along pretty well with them, even if we don't have much in common at all.

we don't have much in common at all

My Dad and I share an unhealthy appetite for alcohol and have been boozing together since I was at school. I suppose I should resent him for it but, you know, beer :)

Camera is a Sony DSC-N1. It's pretty damn fine, I must say.

I think the problems with my parents probably started when I moved to England. They seem to think I'm some sort of traitor to my country, or something, in addition to being a Class traitor.

They're right really. Poor Braveheart :(

So, you know that Irish guy who was imprisoned in Senegal for mooning? Am I the only one who thought he should have received a booting?

i feel crap.

My Dad and I share an unhealthy appetite for alcohol and have been boozing together since I was at school. I suppose I should resent him for it but, you know, beer :)

hehe...I do have an occasional drink with my parents though mainly on special occasions. other than that I bond with my Dad over sport!

Sorry to hear that Nath. Need to read the Irish Times this morning. Too busy :(

I have a very complicated relationship with my parents. I think a lot of that has to do with me.

Also decent wine and the enjoyment thereof has always been a good way to get chatting to my father. That and book collecting.

My dad is funny, he is very intelligent but he has not read a book, watched a film, or listened to a record in around 15 or 20 years I reckon.

What does he get up to in his spare time? My parents are quite insular so I can't really imagine them not reading or listening to music. It's admirable but at the same time a little worrying how much they do rely upon each other. Should something happen it would be an utter disaster for the other.

Unlike my father I think my mother is my traditional male role model. She decided in her middle age that she was sick of teaching and is now a full time wood restorer and French polisher which means that the only time I see tools or visit a hardware shop is with her. I go to the supermarket with my father :)

xpost WTF! Not one film? Not one book? Nor music? I have tried to make my dad read books, but in vain. :-( He did end up reading Lord of The Rings and a few Russian (!!!!) books but gave up after that. I think he did read War&Peace? Can't remember. Anyway, he does watch movies and listens to a crapload of shit. hah.

Disclaimer: did I say I felt crap? Well, I take it back. I feel hellacrap. I hate it when I feel this way without having gone out or not having had a drink/joint. Damn. It's like you feel crap for what?

Yep I know that feeling Nath, it's shit. Lately I've been trying to go out more just to at least say "well I had fun and feel shit" instead of just "I feel shit".

In his spare time my Dad golfs a lot, does work around the house, reads the paper, watches TV or goes to sports matches. He works very hard also during the week.

Fair enough.

I get that feeling of the occasion. I hate it. You end up feeling worse and worse. Best trick to shake it I've found is a good book somewhere quiet.

Ronan, are you going to E.P this year?

I ask because I want to brag about being all packed already.

Since I came back from hols, PSU has been making a bad noise and running hot. Failed during the night, forced it to work again this morning and it failed again.

Weighed up the cost of a PSU and putting it in a 5 year old computer.

I AM WEAK.
(but I has a new computer)

You deserve it, after the holiday you just had. What are F's folks like (or is that a tricky/sensitive/embarrassing question?)

Nath, when you feel crap without having gone out, isn't that just illness? Maybe you're getting a head cold. I know I am. All the kids are doing it.

Kev-lol, your parents are me and Mister M. (except more cultured and traveled). We too are very insular, and I sometimes worry about what will happen to us when we're old.

Ronan, your dad is like my dad, except that my dad doesn't work anymore because only one of his lungs functions and he sometimes watches films. But he doesn't read books or really listen to music at all. He likes to go to standup comedy shows, though, as long as they're not too shouty.

I used to think F's parents were worse. Now I am not so sure.

The closest my dad gets to books is the bookies. That's only two letters out.

I have remembered another one from the holiday. The kids are looking through the photos on my phone and there is one of me and my friends Gary, Colin and Mike on Mike's birthday. My Ma hears us talking - she has met Colin several times, Gary twice, and has not met Mike - and comes over to look at the picture.

Ma: "Who's Gary?"
Me: "He's the one on the left in the photo."
Ma: "I don't think I know him."
Me: "You have, you've met him more than once."
Ma: "Oh, was that him with his sister? He was nice."
Me: "No, that was Nick."
Ma: "Oh, I know where we met him. Yes, he was short."
Me: "No, that was Yuma."
Ma: "Oh, I don't know then."

Gary is about my height and thin, and from Liverpool.
Nick is about the six foot mark and has a beard. He is from Leicester.
Yuma is a couple of inches shorter than me and about the same build. He is from Nigeria.

CAN YOU SPOT THE COMMON FACTOR THAT I HAVEN'T MENTIONED?

Then re-read this to remind yourself SHE HAD ACTUALLY SEEN GARY'S PICTURE.

Gary. Isn't he the one who was at that party that time with that nice girl who used to like you? She was lovely. Why didn't you marry her?

That would have been preferable to the implicit "all blacks look the same" that was the actual answer.

Ah, black fella, eh?

I'm afraid my dad would be no better on this score.

I am reminded of the amusing argument my dad had with middle brother the other day about the directions to his house. Where he lives, and Dad has been once before. But Dad still insisted on arguing with him about how to get there.

My mother and I have a pretty basic relationship limited to phone calls and 2 or 3 visits per year. The only thing we really have to bond over are health issues.

I have no relationship or contact with my father other than the restraining order I plan to get against him in the near future. </debbie downer>

Man, I just got back from my first class. It was full of freshman and the dude sitting next to me was wearing his high school ring and not even bothering to take notes. Meanwhile I was busy writing down everything the instructor said or put on the board. Every now and then he'd stop and say "Is everyone getting this?" I didn't speak up b/c I was getting absolutely none of it. I stopped math with Algebra II and that was nearly 20 years ago.

I'm going to go over my notes and the chapter we covered in the book very carefully and slowly over the next couple of nights. If that doesn't wake up the highly capable intellect that has apparently fallen asleep in my brain, it's tutor time.

Your notes will make more and more sense as you reread them. Such an exciting time going back to learn something. It's like mature students always do well in Uni, they actually care about what they're doing!

I really admire anyone who tries to learn maths-based things later in life. It's HARD.

It's HARD.

*cries*

Hmm. That wasn't supposed to put you off, that was supposed to give you a sense of achievement when you do get it. Which of course you will.