Swanky hotels!! (and also not)

Bad, is a more common experience, I'm afraid. In Cyprus I had the worst, in Nicosia, we stayed in this bloody awful place - the room was a larger room divided into 2, the partition was so thin we could hear thee occupant ov thee other half breathing, and the pages of his newspaper turning. Later that night some German soldiers who were doing the UN peacekeeper thang came in, pissed up & w/prostitutes. They fux0red in the hallway outside our room. You may be aware that Cyprus is split pretty much by religion - muslim in the turkish north. Xtian in the greek south. Nicosia is split, like old berlin, and the mortheners have mosques w/hugely powerful, but tinny & distorted PA systems. Massed mullahs @ thee crack ov dawn is quite thee alarm call. Mrs K-rad left a pot full of pee under the wardrobe. Our first choice, and somewhere that was actually recommended to us by thee principal of mrs k-rad's college out there was this upstairs thing which was clearly actually a BROTHEL! When we got to the top of the stairs there were all these oriental women dressed in red outfits lurking around. We turned around & went straight back out. I must honestly report that there was an air of seediness & saucy decadence which was not w/o some appeal...er....
We stayed at a technically worse place in Limmasol, but that did have its pluses - it was a fascinating place - a courtyard surrounded by bedrooms above a garage. Most of the dwellers were european & australian/NZ illegal workers. Thee toilet was a hole in the floor, from which emanated the worst smell EVER. What made it not too bad was the cost - 1 pound per night.

So there's this new place opened in London:

https://www.thened.com/

I do not appear to be the Ned in question. This has not stopped them from this, shall we say, somewhat salaciously named offer:

https://www.thened.com/winanight