PROLAPSE: Classic or Dud

I hear tracks by Yeah Yeah Anorak Squid, Another Sunny Day, The Scringe, Nice Strong Arm, Blodwyn Pig, Holly Hobby, The Washing Up Liquid, Look Mum No Hands, and the Honkin' Nasal Twangsters also made Scotia's playlist.

Not forgetting The Haggis Collectors, Scraggle, Po!, Blessed Ethel, Rognor Begis, Henry Flaccid and the Steaming Coilers, Jefferson Starship and ELO.

As well as all this, to liven up the show, Scotia started telling anecdotes about the time he played on the dodgems with Brian Molko at the Spanish version of Reading festival, getting Charlie Nicholas to autograph a copy of Pointless Walks to Dismal Places, going to see QPR with Robert Smith and Sean Hughes, and the time he was he had a walk on part in panto (in Alladin!) with Tim Brooke Taylor.

Nova Scotia Mikhail did start to lose the crowds sympathy a bit when he mentioned that as a fully signed up Mormon he was planning to get into the Guiness Book of Records for the largest simultaneous polygamous marriage.

The marriage, which will take place on an island in the middle of Norways famous Black Fjord later this month, will involve the union of Mick, a spider monkey named Chichi, an Austrian lass he met in a pub in Oslo (name unknown) and the entire female population of a tribe of chimpanzees from the Congo.

Attendance open to all and the gift list is available at Threshers.

Apparently songs at the wedding will include 'Big Pink Cake' by the Razorcuts, 'She cries alone' by the Skeletel Family, Coil's version of 'Tainted love', 'Scared of Ghosts' by Discordia, 'The Don Diddy Song' by Fools Dance, 'Exercise is Good for You, Laziness is not' by the Wombles and 'Toni Macoroni' by the Krankees!

Unlikely but true pairing. Scottish Mick and Jay Kay from Jamiroquai have teamed up to record a 'funkay' version of Lionel Richie's "Dancing on the Ceiling" for Live 8. The video is hilarious, with Jay Kay able to bounce around all over the ceiling, while the confounded Mick just taps dances in confusion on the floor, like a dieing fly. Rumours are the pair got on great and exchanged hats/ceramic monkeys at the end of the session, and to celebrate went for a pretend grand prix race on the go karts at Wicksteed park! Jay Kay won, although generously gave Mick some of his fizzy white cider he got as the prize. Free Bevvy!

Does the large-livered one perform his famous coffee table tap dance at all? Or is he just dancing whilst wrestling with a giant beer tap behind the 10 foot high bar in homage to the Goodies and the Beanstalk?

His public needs to know!

Shock news is that Scottish Mick has asked Geordie Mick to be his best man at the forthcoming wedding. Unfortunately Geordie Mick can't make it as Ming Mang Mong are performing at Live 8 on the day of the wedding. He is planning on sending a man in a dead badger costume as a stand in instead.

Dead badgers are considered very lucky at Norwegian weddings and this gesture of goodwill could lead to the oft-mooted Prolapse reunion happening much sooner than expected.

It is unknown if Scottish Mick has invited Linda to be a bridesmaid, but Tim the drummer is believed to be doing the catering. I can't wait for one of raw fish vol-au-vents!

Just think of what great stories would've been in the the best man speech, tho.

The one about them trying to sell some old metal they'd found in the train graveyard to a scrap metal merchant in order to get the £1.42 needed to buy a half a pint of mild each would've been in there, I think.

Or the one where, in desperation, they drank after shave and orange juice one night. ("not bad" according to Scottish).

Does anyone remember Mick and Mick's one page fanzine that you got for 5p less if you had an emily badge?

Does anyone remember Scottish Mick's late-80s comic strip about Jaikies?

no but i can remember the special Prolapse guest appearance in an "Oor Wullie" strip. Fat Bob, Wee Eck and the gang wanted to go and see the band at the 13th Note, but they had no money. Scottish Mick was short of something to drink his beer out of, so Wullie lent him his pail. The whole gang got to sneak in to the venue in one of Micks giant hollowed out ceramic monkeys, but ran away holding their ears when Tim started pounding the drums (to general cries of "Jings", "Crivvens", "Help Ma Boab" etc)

And what did Wullie do with the tanner that Mick gave him? Fuckin' spent it on yo-yos!

A friend of mine is writing a biography of Larry Grayson and has uncovered paperwork about an album he was about to make before he died. Apparantly Cherry Red had persuaded him to make a follow up to his classic 1975 "Oh what a gay day" album, and it was to be a set of covers of contemporary indie tracks with slightly altered lyrics to reflect Larry's character. Title track of the album was to have been "Shut that Doorstep rhythmic bloc." Obviously his untimely death robbed us of a classic.

Scottish Mick's new children's book "The Day the Ceramic Monkeys Knocked Over the Clock Tower" is a numbah one best seller in Norway, with sales of over 400,000, outselling the new Harry Potter book by 2 to 1!

The plot revolves around a dream he once had which involved him and geordie braking into Threshers, out of date white cider, drinking perfume and aftershave in plastic glasses that took off all the enamel, male snogging, a coffee table, emily badges, the little fella from Comet gain that liked biting people, the drummer who i can't remember the name of out of Sperm Wails and headbutt, playing tambourine for Onionhead, and a chance encounter with the bloke who plays Kramer in seinfeld!

It's for adults too!

Not to be outdone, Geordie Mick has written his own book, and has had a stab a writing a Harry Potter spoof, based on a true event Mick once experienced, called simply, 'Harry Potter and the Itchy Carpet', in which Harry loses a bet after his spell goes wrong and has to sleep naked on the carpet in the Hogwarts school common room, which unbeknownst to many is infested with crazed fleas. It's going to be a long night!

Krazy Kesh Mongreilf has provided the illustrations for this one, altho' all the drawings are really just a barely concealed load of guff about algebraic number theorems!

Gosh-lo, algebraic numbers is gay you know. Solvy polly-wolly-nomials in countable one-to-one-tee with nature's numberings. Veg Tak, Nej Tak! Atomkraft oonst Nordsk.

Remembering Narvik.

There's some videos featuring various members of Prolapse at the "History of life" event in Leicester 10 years ago over on the video page at www.sorted-records.org.uk . See Scottish Mick interviewing a little boy about monkeys !

Hot news from the Ming Mang Mong camp. Not to be outdone by Scottish Mick's stint as manager of the Haggis Collectors, Geordie Mick 'pulls the strings' behind his own Newcastle/Noo York creation, Ming Ping. The Milli Vanilli influenced sexy synth pop duo, (that Mick found in a chance encounter when on a quick flight over to play golf with Jimmy Nail at Tupper Lake) have been persuaded by the Mickster to do a cover of both Coldplay's 'Yellow' and Prolapse's own 'Fear of Teeth'. Mick has clverely booked them in for a week of gigs around Leicester, to riase their profile, and he intends to join them onstage for encores at every one for low strung bass action!

For those interested the website is here:-

www.mingping.com

Or even:-

http://www.mingping.com/

I heard it on the grapevine that Geordie Mick has started a one man Bobby McGee's tribute band, calling it simply "The Geordie McMick's". They are due to play a garden party in Leicester very soon. Be there or be square. Rumours are that GM is also growing a moustache as a tribute to Wee Jimmy as well.

Details here:-

http://www.myspace.com/thebobbymcgees

Other Prolapse related news, Scottish Mick is spending all the profits from the ceramic monkey selling business. He's now changed his name to 'Emperor Fabulous' and has taken to dressing up as The Hemulen from Finn Family Moomintroll, starring in a amatuer dramtic version of November in Moominvalley (the sad one). Sadly it is unconfirmed at the present time as to who is playing Toft or Snufkin.

Albert Schweitzer cured my diabetes by playing Atomic Cock covers on his bassoon. After 48 hours of this me gall bladder went sideways and I wos oon thee mooon with a basket of ffjmnjchjbd cwqfcknc

Did anyone see 'Who the Fu*k is Scottie Mick' on BBC 3 the other night.
It was a warts n all doc profiling the turbulent career of an out of control ceramic monkey maker.
His ardent followers think he is the best thing to happen to pottery since Clarice Cliff.
He could break big,but tabloid tales of drunkeness and an on-off relationship with supermodel Moomin Moo Moo
have caused concern.

I just bought Backsaturday for 50 pee in Cancer Research on Kilburn High Road! Even though I already own it! I had to rescue it! It's great!

!

I didn't see the documentary, but I've got it on tape.

I heard it from you know who that Sorted Reciords are going to release an unoffical Ming Mang Mong compilation of the early stuff (liscensed from Tufty Club Records). Tracks include the famous "Theme from Ming Mang Mong", "The Flaming Zip", "In Search of Beans", "Like rubbing crab juice on Reg Varney (Is there order among imaginary numbers?)", "Measure vs calculation", and of course "Elementary Proofs". Also included will be a limited edition dvd, although this will only consist of a 3 hour diatribe from Geordie Mick, waggling his finger angrily at the camera, berating everett true for a bad review of a prolapse live gig written in Melody Maker in December 1994.

The projected title of the album will be Ming Mang Mong: Consuming All The Milk (2004-2005). It is so far unknown to everyone whether Kesh will be getting royalties for his maths lyrics.

Although Sorted have persuaded none other than Peter Unprounouncable Name from Heavenly (and later Marine Research!) to write a forward for the inlay of the album, to explain just how Geordie Mick 'consumed all the milk' when he came to stay at the Heavenly house.

>>Consuming All The Milk

The Sorted album has been put on hold after Dave Dixey received a cease and desist notice from Mongoose, Mongoose, Hat and Partners, the law firm representing "Kesh" Mongreilf. The one time milk depot clerk for Express Dairies had instructed his solicitors that he had seen "all the milk" and it was lots; more than a derelict indie wastrel could consume in a month of making tea while listening listening to Slowdive/Yes/Red House Painters. Even macaroni cheese wouldn't do it.

Did anyone see the reformed Happy Mondays on Top of the Pops tonight ? Bez looked like Turk dancing to I'm backing Britain at the Tube bar.

And according to the 'biggest selling records' thing on T.V. last night, Ken Dodd, Tony Christie and Engelbert Humperdinck were amongst the most popular singers evahh.

Looks like Turk was right all along...

I dont believe it thisistheworstdayofmywhooollllleeelooiiiffeeeee!

I love you all.

i've hread a rumour that Ming Mang Mong are playing the Sorted 10th Anniversary Show on the 6th at the Charlotte, Leicester ... i hope so cos it would add some class to a bill that includes The Ceramic Monkeys, Sophies Dalliance, El Hoggo Bongo and the Smooth Cigars, Nigels Pickled Leg, "Bleeding Face" Kesh and the Tearless Eye, Ghostface Sleepa, The Sinking of "The Able Fairgreul", The Mad And The Smiley, I'm Fucking Off to Gothenberg With All Jimmys Money To Open A Retro Furniture Shop etc etc etc.

I hear that Kesh Mongreilf, tired of sighing for not getting his royalties for the Ming Mang Mong lyrics, has formed his own band that will play the songs he wrote the words for, calling it simply Ming Mang Mongreilf.

They are due for a short set on stage at the Sorted fest, and rumours abound that they will have a face off with the orginal Ming Mang Mong in a big daddy/giant haystacks stylee, except instead of wrestling they will use their guitars as weapons and try and 'shoot' each other with each others plectrums! The winner (to be decided by Sorted Supremo Dave Dixey) will get to release a limited edition 10" album on Sorted in the the new year.

Geordie Mick for one, is positively trembling with excitement (or it could be really bad cider induced hangover).

Why has no-one mentioned T.C.R.?

Interestingly, An early version of TCR was available on this tape below which you got free if you could down 10 malt whiskeys in a row at the durham Ox pub in Leicester. Note the early dub version of Theme from Ming Mang Mong, also.

Various - Each Pillow is Tethered Like a Rock

SRC 003 Cassette
performance - killing time
stormclouds - shades of blue
lid - crooked finger
kooky monster - job club (demo)
wrinkly pink catsuits - live for today
the k-stars - old people are fucking rude
gonzo salvage company - wired
fish from tahiti - svengali
kevin hewick - drowned dream wreckage (demo)
the freed unit - supermalt/103.2
prolapse - TCR (american mix)
john sims - diatonic
the council - mind the death
noize 'r' us - surreal neil
theme from ming mang mong (write the feem toon, sing the feem toon, dub reggae mix) - ming mang mong

That tape's worth a fortune now. One went on ebay for £51 recently.

Scottish Mick has taken a break from flogging cermaic monkeys and has now become a fisherman counter in Oslo. He has his own coracle, which he is very proud of, taking to calling it "Egi" or "Ogi" depending on whether he is listening to the Krankies or Neu on his walkman at that moment in time.

His job is to make sure none of the fisherman fall in off the riverbank, and save them with the help of his coracle if they do. So far 3 fisherman have fallen in, one of whom was bizarrely Harvey Williams! (ex Another Sunny day, Field Mice)

And here is a picture of Mick and his lovely Coracle

http://www.data-wales.co.uk/corac1.jpg

weirdest rumour i've heard is that there is going to be a Prolapse float at the next Berlin Love Parade. Scottish Mick is growing his gay moustache again after arranging to meet up with someone from the Gay City Rollers for some "armpit fun"

kjøp deg en hyggelig nye 'coracle' fra micky derricksons coracle buttiken og få en kerammik aper fri!

Scottish Mick har en salg for hans butikk , " Kingston av det Gynge " selger av mange av hans ceramic apekatt under pari pris. Han har fremstilt ettall med en foto av geordie mick's ansikt opp på , og skal sende den å seg idet en aprilsnarren!

jeg ville gerne købe en coracle fra butikken. Er det et flot billede af Geordie? Jeg også sælger noget plastisk væsler og lækatter in min butik i København. De koster fem kroner et stykke.

Those nice people at Sorted Records ( http://www.sorted-records.org.uk ) have put up the video of the Inside ov a butchers shop live at the Rough Trade shop. This was a gig featuring Scottish Mick and members of the Freed Unit, which was invaded by a gun wielding maniac who threatened to shoot them all,(I didn't think they were THAT bad.) an incident which made the national press at the time.

Wow ! The Black Pope should be on The X Factor !!

I hated it when that guy pulled the gun.

I know how you feel. Imagine my predicament that time Geordie fell off stage singing "Theme from Ming mang mong".