Did you really feel "welcomed" to the jungle by axl rose, or do you think that was sort of just insincere, halfhearted graciousness?

sucks that jimmy kimmel's show isn't actually live

http://cdn.beta.abc.com/service/image/index/id/d43a57c2-1789-4d82-a283-7454d9f227e6/dim/114x114.jpg

https://pbs.twimg.com/media/A6BRu6zCMAAV9Nk.jpg:large

cool, axl's into cosplay!

so surreal to see him do a tv interview

what was it like? should I watch it online? DETAILS

it was fine. rather bizarrely positive audience response to axl listing his current bandmates.

haha yeah big outpouring of support for DJ Ashba

http://dlvr.it/2N7TmS

lol @ http://cdn.beta.abc.com/service/image/index/id/d43a57c2-1789-4d82-a283-7454d9f227e6/dim/114x114.jpg

For those off-put by Axl's disingenuous welcome, here are two far more appealing jungle invitations:

"Jungle life, you're far away from nothing
It's all right, you won't miss home
Take a chance, leave everything behind you
Come and join me, won't be sorry, it's easy to survive"

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_r0n9Dv6XnY

"I was standing in the jungle, I was feeling alright...

Then a lion sang to me and smiled:
'Come join us if you so desire.'...

Pretty soon I knew the tune and
We sat and sang under the moon
And the jungle rang in joyful harmony."

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=swpv4k8YQRw

In that pic w/Paul Simon with the hat and stache and shit he kind of reminds me of... Beefheart?!?!

that's not Paul Simon is it?

Axl is very tiny if he and Paul are the same height

Axl is short, apparently.

Although a police report reprinted in this article says he's 5'9", which isn't that short. Also, I'm going to copy a hilarious block of text from that article, which had me shaking with laughter.

I'd been shuffling around a surprisingly pretty, sunny, newly renovated downtown Lafayette for a couple of days, scraping at whatever I could find. I saw the house where he grew up. I looked at his old yearbook pictures in the public library. Everyone had his or her Axl story. He stole a TV from that house there. Here's where he tried to ride his skateboard on the back of a car and fell and got road rash all up his arm. He came out of this motel with a half-naked woman and some older guys were looking at her and one of 'em threw down a cigarette, not meaning anything by it, but Axl freaked out and flipped 'em off and they beat the crap out of him. Hard to document any of this stuff. Still, enough Wanted On Warrant reports exist for Axl's Indiana years to lend credence to the claim that the city cops and county troopers pretty much felt justified, and technically speaking were justified, in picking him up and hassling him whenever they spotted him out. One doubts he left the house much that they didn't spot him, what with the long, fine, flowing red hair. Must have been sweet to be Axl.

I went to the city cops. They've mellowed along with the town. In fact, they were friendly. They found and processed the negatives of some heretofore unknown mug shots for me, from '80 and '82, the latter of which (the one where he's shirtless) is an anonymous American masterpiece. Then the ladies in the records department rummaged some and came back with this report, which I've never seen mentioned in any of the bios or online or anything. It's written by an officer signing himself "1—4." I took it back to the Holiday Inn and spent the rest of the afternoon reading. Let's call it The Sheidler Incident. It begins:

FULL NAME: BAILEY, WILLIAM BRUCE…

ALIASES: BILL BAILEY…

CURRENT PLACE OF EMPLOYMENT: SELF EMPLOYED—BAND

CHARGE: W[ANTED]O[N]W[ARRANT]BATTERY…

AGE: 18; HEIGHT: 5'9"; WEIGHT: 149

HAIR: RED; EYES: GRN; BUILD: SLENDER; COMPLEXION: FAIR…

Here's how it all went down that day—allegedly. I'm about to cherry-pick the pivotal bits. A little kid named Scott Sheidler was riding his bike in front of an older kid named Dana Gregory's house. He made skid marks on the sidewalk. Dana Gregory ran out, picked Scott up under the armpits, kicked over his bike, and ordered the boy To get on his hands and knees and scrub the skid marks off the sidewalk. The kid went squealing to his old man, Tom Sheidler. Tom Sheidler went to Gregory and asked if it was true, what Scotty had said. Dana Gregory said, "Yes and I'm going to beat the fuck out of you." The mom, Marleen, ran up to the scene and began to shout. Around the same time, Bill Bailey appeared, red, green, slender, and fair. And here I need to let the report take over, if only temporarily, as I can't begin to simulate its succinctness or authority:

M. Sheidler stated that Bailey was also arguing with Sheidler and that he was using the "F" word in front of her kids. M. Sheidler stated that she went up to Bailey and pointed her finger at Bailey and told him not to use the "F" word in front of her kids. M. Sheidler stated that Bailey, who has a splint on his arm, then struck her on the arm and neck with the splint. I looked at M. Sheidler and could see some red marks on her arm and neck which could have been made by being struck.

This matter of which hand it was subsumes the narrative for a stretch. Marleen Sheidler says "with the splint," and little Scott says "with a splint," but Dana Gregory's younger brother Chris 15 says "with the opposite hand that his splint is on" (adding that Bailey struck Sheidler in response to "Sheidler Strikeing [sic]" him). Bill Bailey himself then goes on to say that he "struck M. SHEIDLER in the FACE with his LEFT HAND the hand with out the SPLINT." Once again, this only after "MARLEEN SHEIDLER struck him in the face" (though seconds earlier, by his own admission, he'd told her "to keep her fucking brats at home"). The story ends with a strangely affecting suddenness: "BAILEY stated SHEIDLER then jumped at him and fell on his face, he then left and went home…"

The thing I couldn't stop wondering as I read it over was: Why were they so freaked out about the skid marks? Is making skid marks on the sidewalk a bad thing to do? It makes me think I spent half my childhood inadvertently infuriating my entire neighborhood.

I could totally see someone getting really uptight about that for no good reason.

surprised at how personable and cheery he was on kimmel

i was really hoping he would do the interview in screechy-Axl voice.

rod stewart denies the semen-pumping story.

The book also clears up the urban myth about Stewart once ingesting so much semen that he had to have his stomach pumped. Stewart writes that his former publicist Tony Toon made up the tale after he was fired.

Stewart says that Toon "fed the press a story in which, as a consequence of an evening spent orally servicing a gang of sailors in a gay bar in San Diego, I had been required to check into a hospital emergency room to have my stomach pumped."

He continues: "I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor... And I have never had my stomach pumped, either of naval-issue semen nor of any other kind of semen."

Rod wasted a perfect opportunity to use a seaman pun. I guess I shouldn't be surprised given that he threw away all his other opportunities at doing something cool

due to "you're in my heart" i always thought the rumor concerned his affection for manchester united

lol @ "I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor"

haha that's awesome

weirdly qualified that denial with 'orally'

Wake up maggie I think I got something to say to you - I have never orally pleasured even a solitary sailor!

omg tyler

really gives "sailing" a new lease of life

I must have heard this song 500 million times, but somehow I just heard for the first time Axl Rose saying "OH MY GOD" at the beginning. How did I miss that?

"either of naval-issue semen nor of any other kind of semen."

Well, uh, thanks for clearing that up, Rod!

What's not clear to me is why you'd need to have your stomach pumped after drinking a gallon of semen anyway. As far as I understand it, it is a perfectly healthy beverage though apparently its consistency is that of warm snot.

maybe you have your stomach pumped for other reasons and thus FIND 1 liter/gallon/hectare of semen in yr belly as a result

what's important is that i am so jealous of rod's way with the ladies that he is gay

I don't really buy the "semen is healthy! drink up, ladies, amirite?" thing

well I try to have 8 glasses a day but I struggle with that

It's full of protein, isn't it? That's why I heard Boy George named his record label 'More Protein', anyway!

The worst variant of the Guinness Diet ever.

http://alecguinness.com/starwars2.jpg

well played!

Damn, should have responded with

Brilliant!

if you suck me down, I shall become more powerful than you could possibly imagine

oh god

"It's what gives a Jedi his power. It surrounds us and penetrates us; it binds the galaxy together."

ruined

everything ruined

look you started it

midichlorian necklace

boom

so to speak

look I was fine with the whole conversation until you brought in Alec Guinness

which says an awful lot about me, none of which I'm proud of

oh my distorted smile

it's a sociopsychotic state of bliss