I'mma lay your LOLs on the dresser and EXCELSIOR them shits with a spiked bat!

6) Mitt Romney and his sons saved a family and their dog from drowning: Mitt Romney saw people in trouble and he didn't wait for the government to save them, he made a REAL gutsy call, and did what he had to do to save their lives.

He made a REAL gutsy call to not watching a family drown from the back porch of his lake house.

― Emperor Cos Dashit (Adam Bruneau), Wednesday, October 3, 2012 3:35 AM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

suck it phil collins!

― balls, Wednesday, October 3, 2012 3:40 AM Bookmark

sorry, misplaced italics there

lol

Anger: The Circuit Factory in Dubai sparked outrage with this insensitive advert using Auschwitz, where millions of Jews were starved or gassed to death, to promote weight loss

^ helpful and informative appositive phrase, tyvm daily mail

― goole, Wednesday, 3 October 2012 16:00 (6 minutes ago) Permalink

At least there were commas.

― pplains, Wednesday, 3 October 2012 16:05 (59 seconds ago) Permalink

I don't mind being submitted for analysis but I'm about as immune to charisma in politicians as ILM is to Libertines records. I mean, I never voted for Obama, and I've never fucked a bear, with or without an online ad.

― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, October 3, 2012 4:32 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

are we playing two truths and a lie

― iatee, Wednesday, October 3, 2012 4:33 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The brief period when this was fun is going to be forgotten by the time it's slipped into its infinitely longer lifespan of middle-aged regional sales managers doing the horsey dance at office Christmas parties. For ever. While stamping on a human face.

― Matt DC, Wednesday, September 26, 2012 9:33 AM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

the story of civilization

Romney: "Like the caddy I met the other day, who carries people's golf clubs in the hot sun so he can put food on the table, or the clubhouse towel boy, who works summers to supplement the meager allowance that his cheapskate dad gives him"

― has important things to say about gangnam style (Hurting 2), Friday, October 5, 2012 7:39 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's it; for the Caddyshack remake, Romney is Ted Knight, Bam is Chevy Chase

― cancer, kizz my hairy irish azz (Dr Morbius), Friday, October 5, 2012 7:42 PM (1 hour ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Biden is Bill Murray, Gingrich is Dangerfield, Osama the gopher….

― pplains, Friday, October 5, 2012 7:45 PM (59 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'd say Biden is Dangerfield, Nate Silver is Bill Murray and the gopher is the undecided voter

― da croupier, Friday, October 5, 2012 7:47 PM (56 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I'm alright, don't nobody worry bout me

― space dokken (Edward III), Friday, October 5, 2012 7:48 PM (56 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i want to see gross and jay-z travel around spain eating things instead of fucking paltrow and batali.

― Philip Nunez, Wednesday, December 1, 2010 7:23 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wow really didn't need the image of a Terry Gross/Jay-Z/Gwynneth Paltrow/Mario Batali orgy

― a big influence on me in a non-stabbing non-killing way (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, December 1, 2010 7:24 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Goat, camel, horse and water buffalo

― antexit, Wednesday, December 1, 2010 7:25 PM (1 year ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Every now and again I think to myself - "This 3-year-old is being completely unreasonable!!!"

― TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Friday, October 5, 2012 8:05 PM (8 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

one time, when i was walking the dog, we walked buy a house with a fenced in yard and the dog that lived there ran up and started barking at up, so my dog started barking and i listened to myself say out loud "Don't stoop to their level!"

lol

ha ha

I have said that to animals, too

"My dog would never act like this."

problem with a disobedient dog is that you can't claim that he's easily led

u_u

whineys too confrontational to be a really good troll

― lag∞n, Saturday, 6 October 2012 16:24 (6 hours ago) Permalink

can't still be standing at the door when it opens saying "yes, i'm the person who brought the flaming bag of dogshit that's here on your doorstep right now, you got a problem with that?"

― Guayaquil (eephus!), Saturday, 6 October 2012 20:03 (2 hours ago) Permalink

Hate King so much (folksy bullshit + can't write endings + illogical plot holes just to squeeze in gore), but really enjoyed the style of the poll!

― computers are the new "cool tool" (James Morrison), Tuesday, October 2, 2012 12:39 AM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that's a v reasonable critique of the old testament right there

― Randy Carol (darraghmac), Tuesday, October 2, 2012 1:27 AM (6 days ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

hahahaha
any darragh religious zing is all-time imo

"I'll have what she's having."

i don't know if this is about having the same thing as your dining companion OR about quoting a nora ephron movie but apparently doing either will cause your scrotum to immediately drop off and roll out the bottom of your trouser leg

― real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Monday, October 8, 2012

*plop*

omg

omar stop being otm

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, October 8, 2012 4:15 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shakey otm

― omar little, Monday, October 8, 2012 4:19 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

ty

― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, October 8, 2012 4:23 PM (3 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

d33j signs to anticon

i think we should just lock that thread because it's a modern classic already

I used to feel intimidated by openly Anticon men, but it was only because, secretly, I too was signed to Anticon.

― Cap'n Hug-a-Thug (The Reverend), Monday, October 8, 2012 7:09 PM (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

its all so good but this one slayed me

ashamed, secretly signed to anticon

i get it that people that grew up without computers aren't going to get it as quickly, but jesus fucking christ. it's like i go outside to grab a coffee but i accidentally take a left instead of a right. i realize that i'm at the wrong intersection. what do i do?! what do i do!? i could just recalibrate and walk the proper direction but instead i call a cab and go home, go to sleep, wake up again, go back to work, and then go back outside to get a coffee. THIS time i'll take a right instead of a left.

― Thanks WEBSITE!! (Z S), Monday, October 8, 2012 5:03 PM (5 hours ago) Bookmark

haha, what's the context of that?

cow-orker thraed

faintly curious about my suppose back-catalogue of religion zings tbh

And it's followed by this gem from pplains:

And here's what our co-workers do:

CO-WORKER: I think I'm at the wrong intersection. Could you give me directions to the coffeeshop?

YOU: Sure. It's fairly nearby. First, just go back to –

CO-WORKER: Okay, this bus just stopped and I'm giving the driver my fare. What next? *doors shut*

― pplains, Monday, October 8, 2012 7:57 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

can i point out that i am WEARING A VULVA RING in that photo and yet the notable thing is the room i happen to be in?

i have eaten a loooooooot of food cooked in that kitchen this week. mmmmmm

― lex pretend, Saturday, September 29, 2012 2:57 PM (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

a... vulva ring?

― Technology of the Big Muff (DJP), Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:31 PM (10 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

You know, for your hand vulva.

― Ned Raggett, Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:35 PM (5 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

wtf

in fairness, most vulvae aren't translucent

―Technology of the Big Muff (DJP),Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:50 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

I mean, I can't speak for Tilda Swinton

―Technology of the Big Muff (DJP),Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:51 PM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

forget it jho it's grimestown

anyway, Hitch bio shd be 30 minute 1-take scene of young Hitch getting locked up in the police cell and then cut straight to him throwing birds at Tippi Hedren

― thread lock holiday (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 11 October 2012 07:14 (2 hours ago)

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/d4/Hitch_poster.JPG/220px-Hitch_poster.JPG

Yeah, in hindsight, this was the wrong way to go. But hey, it's been seven years - franchise is about due for a reboot.

Every time this thread gets bumped I'm afraid that Marilyn Haggerty passed away. May she stay evergreen.

― pun lovin criminal (polyphonic), Wednesday, October 10, 2012 12:51 PM (Yesterday) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

"I died today. Or yesterday. I don't remember."

― the ones that I'm near most: fellow outcasts and ilxors (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Wednesday, October 10, 2012 1:00 PM (Yesterday)

One two three:

---

i didn't know reddit was owned by conde nast, haha

― there is no dana, only (goole), Thursday, October 11, 2012 8:31 AM (13 minutes ago)

conde totally nast

― there is no dana, only (goole), Thursday, October 11, 2012 8:31 AM (13 minutes ago)

Miss Conde if you're nasty

― Tom Hardy & the Batbreakers (Phil D.), Thursday, October 11, 2012 8:33 AM

What if the thing we've all been missing lo these past few years is that Romney is really schizophrenic?

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:02 AM (16 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Working on the Romney must be nightmarish in a Catch-22 esque way

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:13 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Or maybe like 1984. Just, you know, "up is down," "a square is a circle," etc.

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:16 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

do you mean schizophrenic or multiple personality disorder

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:18 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

The latter actually

― Raymond Cummings, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:22 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

could be schizophrenia, i saw him lookin into his hat

― lag∞n, Thursday, October 11, 2012 1:24 AM (15 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

was it full of peepstones and golden plates?

― Frobisher the (Viceroy), Thursday, October 11, 2012 5:00 PM (2 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

that was the joke i was makin fwiw

she can rappel into my bedroom at night anytime

― max, Friday, October 12, 2012 11:56 AM (34 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

what if it ends up being shot and edited like tree of life

― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Friday, October 12, 2012 10:57 AM (50 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

shot of OBL peeking out into hallway / cutaway to water rushing over a waterfall / elegaic handheld shot of the tip of a submachine gun grazing a blade of grass / close up of OBL wearing inscrutable facial expression / close up of navy seal looking pensive / "mother, brother, guide me..." / scene of OBL, wearing free-flowing white robe, walking on a desolate beach as unseen seagulls cry on the soundtrack

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:01 PM (30 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

...shot of american flag flapping in the breeze against a overcast sky / in long shot, a man kneels in a field / obama VO: "who started this?" / in a steadicam shot, a silhouetted obama wanders through a postmodernist beach house, randomly pressing his hands to the glass walls / in truncated handheld shots, revelers outside the white house hoist beers and cheer / obama: "who put this evil within us?" / another shot of water rushing over a waterfall / a lone sunflower sprouts in the courtyard of OBL's compound / fade to black.

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:06 PM (25 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

credits begin: "starring burt macklin, FBI"

― flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:07 PM (24 minutes ago) Bookmark

classic

I can't reconcile forks' description of his life with forks' level of progress in Tokyo Jungle.

― JimD, Friday, October 12, 2012 1:19 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

minor edits for lols:

I've never seriously thought of suicide, but if the button-device were just lying around the house... I dunno, I might eventually press it just out of curiosity, to see whether it was the real-deal, to resolve the tension of the unpressed button, because it's a forbidden button to be pressed.

― jim, Friday, 12 October 2012 07:48 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

i would throw it into the ocean (dramatically)

― ciderpress, Friday, 12 October 2012 07:49 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Seal in lead box, solder shut, tie to cinderblock, throw in ocean off cliff at tip of Patagonia where no one goes.

― purveyor of generations (in orbit), Friday, 12 October 2012 07:50 (2 hours ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

great, u just gave bear grylls the ultimate weapon

― Randy Carol (darraghmac), Friday, 12 October 2012 07:53 (2 hours ago) Bookmark

I can't reconcile forks' description of his life with forks' level of progress in Tokyo Jungle.

― JimD, Friday, October 12, 2012 1:19 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

― The Owls of Ja Rule (DJP), Friday, October 12, 2012 1:20 PM (19 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

lollll

so why does the re-woken engineer wake up and want to kill them

nothing in this movie makes sense unless you make up fanfic explanations for like 70% of the shit that happens

― Author ~ Coach ~ Goddess (s1ocki), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:33 PM (17 minutes ago)

did you guys watch that x-files movie fight the future? that had some black goo stuff as well, and also indeterminately motived aliens.

― Philip Nunez, Friday, October 12, 2012 12:33 PM (16 minutes ago)

have you ever woken me up from a nap? I kill people, too

― ɥɯ ︵ (°□°) (mh), Friday, October 12, 2012 12:33 PM (16 minutes ago)

people would come up to me and point and say "there stands the slowest person in the world" but of course it would sound like high pitched unintelligible squeaking to me

― 乒乓, Friday, October 12, 2012 3:51 PM (32 seconds ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink