i've never found a workplace crush particularly debilitating. i look forward to interactions w certain people, that's about it. if they want to chat, i chat. otherwise, i make myself scarce to forestall awkwardness.
― i know your nuts hurt! who's laughing? (contenderizer), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:24 (8 months ago) Permalink
There was one at my first job where there was most def a charge between us, but I was too young and inexp'd w/ men to do anything about it. (He was a freelancer -- in work, I mean.)
Then we met outside the office about 4 years later and, of course, went at it like dogs.
― Pangborn to be Wilde (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:29 (8 months ago) Permalink
I've never had one of these though I think I've been the object of a couple judging by the vastly inappropriate comments left by a few people in my goodbye card at my old job.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:32 (8 months ago) Permalink
Oh I did have one once but it was during a summer job in HS not a real adult job.
― (✿◠‿◠) (ENBB), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 16:33 (8 months ago) Permalink
I have to really work against mine own natural tendencies to catastrophise everything and keep it light, because it does make it fun going to work, and it does get me out of bed in the morning and actually look forward to going into the office which is quite a rare experience for me.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:20 (8 months ago) Permalink
my workplace crush-o-meter is continuously redlined as I work in a department where like 80% of the grad students are beautiful, intelligent, science-and-liberal-causes women who travel all over the world like it was nothing. also, I'm in a position within the department where being nice to me makes their lives a lot easier, so they're always flattering me and buying me drinks and cat postcards. it's rough. pity me.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:23 (8 months ago) Permalink
my office is 97.5% male...
― koogs, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:29 (8 months ago) Permalink
my personal office that I work in by myself isn't even that male.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:30 (8 months ago) Permalink
Mine lives two states away and probably likes basketball and is a bro and for the love of little green apples, works in Finance. FINANCE. What is wrong with me. But he has a shockingly great voice, I would probably do & believe anything that voice told me to. Physically he's kind of Hathaway-esque: not obviously good looking but...arresting. I will never ever ever tell him because letting people know you like them leads to embarrassment. And I couldn't bear for him to know and take pity on me--or avoid me. Either way. Show nothing.
― check the name, no caps, boom, i'm (Laurel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:31 (8 months ago) Permalink
Ha ha, sounds like a terrible life, f.hazel, but I suppose someone has to do it. Bastard. ;-)
I wish I knew how to talk to a crush without turning into a 9 year old. But basically the only way I know how to respond is to pull his pigtails and give him a really hard time, and tell him he's rubbish and he's making my job difficult. And then I worry that it's not fair to give him a hard time, even joking, but I guess he thinks I'm just a ballbuster who gives everyone a hard time. I should probably be less obvious about telling him he's crap at least twice a day.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:33 (8 months ago) Permalink
I will never ever ever tell him because letting people know you like them leads to embarrassment.
^but the one time it hits and its a match and the other person is up for giving you a chance makes all the times you get shot down in flames worth it. at least in my experience, and i have had plenty of "shot down in flames" (rip bon scott) moments.
― One Way Ticket on the 1277 Express (Bill Magill), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:36 (8 months ago) Permalink
There's getting shot down in flames, and there's getting shot down in flames by someone who you have to work closely with and interact with every day for the rest of your career at that office.
Plus I am terrified of making someone else uncomfortable, or creating that old ~hostile working environment~ so I think Laurel really has the best idea. Don't make it embarrassing or awkward.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:39 (8 months ago) Permalink
I kind of like it when women flirt by berating me. It feels appropriate.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:41 (8 months ago) Permalink
flirting by giving each other shit is fun
― rayuela, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:42 (8 months ago) Permalink
But it can lead to pretty epic getting shot down in flames when it turns out they're just berating you with no ulterior motives.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:43 (8 months ago) Permalink
sincere compliments make for terrible banter!
watching other people flirt by berating one another is so fucking weird
― i know your nuts hurt! who's laughing? (contenderizer), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:44 (8 months ago) Permalink
had a drunken argument last week with my secret crush about which of us scored higher on the autism spectrum
― just one little Tayto (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:44 (8 months ago) Permalink
It's true, there's really nowhere to go with a compliment.
― check the name, no caps, boom, i'm (Laurel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:44 (8 months ago) Permalink
It's kind of a conversational dead end.
― check the name, no caps, boom, i'm (Laurel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:45 (8 months ago) Permalink
wasn't really berating tho it was more professional discussion
― just one little Tayto (Noodle Vague), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:45 (8 months ago) Permalink
there's a difference?
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:47 (8 months ago) Permalink
what level of berating are we talking here? beyond giving someone shit? berating seems kind of harsh
― rayuela, Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:47 (8 months ago) Permalink
i'm envisioning "god, you really fucked up this report"
Or "when are you going to learn how to do your damn job correctly?"
He wouldn't dare give me shit. I'd bite his head off and he knows it. He cowers and smirks, I have him trained already.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:48 (8 months ago) Permalink
He cowers behind the desk to hide the tenting you are causing with your flirty beratings.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:52 (8 months ago) Permalink
That is extremely unlikely. He is half my age.
I have already said that when training young men to do the checking for me, the first time they make a stupid mistake, I shout at them so ferociously so that they will never do it again.
Basically his job is checking data, and my job is fixing data errors, so I complain that he is rubbish for picking up obscure errors that I will have to chase around and be unable to fix. And then I tell him that I hate him and he's ruining my job and ruining my beautiful database with his over-zealousness. And then his boss laughs at me and tells him that he is good for finding an error so obscure that I can't fix it. They are basically setting up the two new show-off know-it-all smart-asses in the office to catch one another out. Which would be quite funny if he wasn't so fucking attractive.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:54 (8 months ago) Permalink
That kind of tension can give excellent productivity results if handled properly.
― Ogni tanto mi piace un'occhiata del Tevere (Michael White), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:57 (8 months ago) Permalink
"handled"
― i know your nuts hurt! who's laughing? (contenderizer), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:58 (8 months ago) Permalink
thread of appropriate sexual innuendo
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 20:58 (8 months ago) Permalink
I am just awful at this kind of thing.
Last week, he kept setting up all these double entendres that I didn't even realise could be construed as such until it was too late to turn them back on him. Like, if I were slightly quicker, would have been an excellent "that's what she said" but I'm just slow and it didn't hit me until 5 minutes too late.
Or maybe I just have my nose put out of joint that he's new and clever and everyone is fawning over him because he can do a fucking pivot table ::rolls eyes:: and I just want to blow raspberries and tell him to come back when he's built a database or 6.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 21:05 (8 months ago) Permalink
I would actually hate him if he wasn't v v v pretty.
Curse his cheekbones.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 29 August 2012 21:10 (8 months ago) Permalink
We are interviewing for a position within our department and I am being very adult and not just crushing on the cute girl with a degree in textiles and awesome tattoos.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Thursday, 30 August 2012 16:13 (8 months ago) Permalink
I am not doing that.
Be very, very careful with crushing on people in the interview process. Especially if you have a hand in the selection process.
This is how it started for me.
Got to work one day and this 20 y.o. TY lookalike gets in the lift with me. Gets off at my floor. 30 minutes later, I hear my boss talking to some bloke in the conference room about complexity theory and Chinese linguistics and totally hott maths type stuff to the point where I asked afterwards "who was that?" because I had a ladyboner for his interview technique.
We all get together to discuss who we're going to hire. After making a crack about "hire whichever one is cuter" (I was all "ha ha, kidding, I'd be sacked if I were a man and said that" but boss grinned and said "well, which one would that be, WCC?") I tell them to hire whichever one it was talking about hott lingustics and maths geek stuff because that would make for fun office banter.
3 months later, it's "here's the new boy and we're seating him RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR DESK, WCC and making him work on your stuff" just so I have to stare at him all day.
^^^^^ do not do this. This way madness lies.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Thursday, 30 August 2012 17:43 (8 months ago) Permalink
Luckily the rest of the staff knows I am generally useless and directed wholly by passions, obsessions, etc. so they will weigh my input accordingly. As a professional however, I must try and remain detached.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Thursday, 30 August 2012 19:58 (8 months ago) Permalink
Just quoted XKCD at me in the middle of a play-argument.
He's one of you lot, pretending to be a hott boy, just to fuck with my head, right?
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Friday, 31 August 2012 09:08 (8 months ago) Permalink
Oh. I also discovered on Friday that he is exactly the same age (as in, born the exact day after) the daughter my partner and I gave up for adoption during my gap year. This makes me feel actually physically ill. It's been a long time since I hated myself so much for being attracted to someone. And it's dragged up a lot of complicated memories I've never discussed. I guess it just stopped being fun, and I need to step away.
Why can't anything, in my life, ever just be simple and fun? Even just a crush? This shit sucks.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Sunday, 2 September 2012 08:44 (8 months ago) Permalink
gap yar
― ^ sarcasm (ken c), Sunday, 2 September 2012 09:05 (8 months ago) Permalink
have never had this happen, thankfully.
― akm, Sunday, 2 September 2012 19:05 (8 months ago) Permalink
WCC, don't hate yourself for having feelings you did not choose and cannot control.
You already seem aware of these feelings as somewhat alien and unwanted residents in your brain/body. Just hang onto that perspective as best you can. It won't prevent them, but it will allow you to get angry at them, without being angry with yourself. That anger will neutralize them somewhat. Good luck.
― Aimless, Sunday, 2 September 2012 19:48 (8 months ago) Permalink
don't do this people
bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad bad idea
― the late great, Sunday, 2 September 2012 20:03 (8 months ago) Permalink
and don't have a work spouse either. equally bad idea.
back in the day when bookstores existed, they were dens of iniquity for their employees. of course we were young then, and could drink significant quantities on consecutive nights.
my current job is very very male and most conversations are undertaken via instant message although we are sitting in cubicles very near one another. there is a cute girl attractive woman in an adjacent room, but she has taken steps to make outlook render her emails in comic sans.
― mookieproof, Sunday, 2 September 2012 23:46 (8 months ago) Permalink
I actually disagree about the whole "cannot control" this thing. Although one cannot control to whom one is attracted, one can certainly control what one does with that attraction. And developing an actual crush, with all the silly behaviour that goes along with it, is certainly a choice. I don't *have* to act like this, I do so because I choose to, because I clearly get some kind of fun or rush out of it. These feelings aren't alien or unwanted, they have been carefully cultivated.
It accidentally dragged up an unpleasant memory I thought I had successfully buried, but no memories are ever buried permanently.
But thanks for the advice anyway. Sometimes it is helpful to have completely off-base advice because it puts things in perspective as to what is really going on.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Monday, 3 September 2012 08:13 (8 months ago) Permalink
I actually disagree about the whole "cannot control" this thing.
I think you misunderstood me.
You most certainly can control your actions, regardless of your feelings. However, if the feelings themselves were easily controlled, you would already have banished them from your mind and consequently would not have be having any difficulties over them.
However, if my advice made no sense to you, it is unlikely you can make anything of value out of it, so it's fine with me if you just dismiss it. I still wish you good luck in turning this into a much happier situation.
― Aimless, Monday, 3 September 2012 18:58 (8 months ago) Permalink
i have an inappropriate professional attachment that's never going to happen and would be the worst idea ever
I'm not sure I can really talk about it here (paranoia!), but I just need this space to bury my head in my hands and weep salt tears.
also - imploding speech centre.
― Fizzles, Monday, 3 September 2012 20:37 (8 months ago) Permalink
I am not sure if I am happy or slightly disappointed to report that he has done something utterly tragic to his hair over the weekend, but he instantly went from Bends era TY to Karma Police TY and I think that's done for the crush. My crushes can survive anything but bad hair. Why do attractive men do terrible, disfiguring things to their hair? I will never understand it.
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Monday, 3 September 2012 20:46 (8 months ago) Permalink
So.
Just when I thought I was safely over this.
Owner of the company (BigBoss) today came over and asked me how I'd feel about taking on {Project X type work} as an additional component of my job. I said yeah, actually that sounds really interesting and fun, and would take some of the pressure off MyImmediateBoss. Great! Fantastic!
BigBoss then tells me that from now on I will be working even more closely with OfficeBoy on Project X. MyImmediateBoss then rings me to tell me that BigBoss has told him that he thinks that OfficeBoy and I should work together more because he thinks we will "really get on well together."
basically: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
How do I nicely say that I don't want to work with someone - not because he's not capable and clever and good with numbers, all of which he is - but because I find it impossible to talk with him without staring like a mooning teenagers at his cheekbones? There's "get on well with" and then there's "have such an inappropriate crush on that working together is almost impossible."
Or do I just shut up and deal and act like an adult and keep it to myself?
If I were a man in this situation I'd punch myself in the face with how gross this is. :-(
― my god it's full of straw (White Chocolate Cheesecake), Wednesday, 5 September 2012 09:43 (8 months ago) Permalink
Italian, actually.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Tuesday, 5 February 2013 22:44 (3 months ago) Permalink
which is the Italian title of Love, Actually.
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Tuesday, 5 February 2013 22:45 (3 months ago) Permalink
grady, i have a feeling some of us possibly including me are half-hoping you say/said something enigmatic with a pleasant but slightly dodgy undertone on your way out the door and that if you do/did you will make a full and frank report.
she kind of beat me to this tbh!! all I had to do was give a knowing smile and nod, which was more than enough.
she took me out to lunch btw
― ❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Tuesday, 5 February 2013 23:12 (3 months ago) Permalink
<3 grady shows us how to leave
― estela, Tuesday, 5 February 2013 23:26 (3 months ago) Permalink
nice
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 5 February 2013 23:29 (3 months ago) Permalink
did i briefly meet the subject of this attachment? my visual memory has faded but i can recall that there was definitely cause for distraction
I don't think that would have been possible tbh (tho it is possible you briefly met an appropriate and perfectly sanctified attachment, who I also knew in a professional capacity - not quite such a catchy thread title).
Need to practice grady's nod and smile. way things have gone generally I'd look like a yokel with a twitch.
― Say Bo to a (Fizzles), Wednesday, 6 February 2013 07:59 (3 months ago) Permalink
but there can be no backsliding
correction: there can be some backsliding.
― Say Bo to a (Fizzles), Tuesday, 5 February 2013 21:37 (1 week ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink
― fizzle tics (Fizzles), Wednesday, 13 February 2013 18:36 (3 months ago) Permalink
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Saturday, 23 February 2013 16:40 (2 months ago) Permalink
The sun is hot stuff, fizzles. Next time epoxy yr feathers.
― Aimless, Saturday, 23 February 2013 19:02 (2 months ago) Permalink
she is nothing like the sun. more like a quasar.
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Sunday, 24 February 2013 10:35 (2 months ago) Permalink
need wings of elemental adamant from the core of Pluto.
and to flap very hard.
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Sunday, 24 February 2013 10:38 (2 months ago) Permalink
Damn bro that's a hell of a pedestal you're building
― new hope for orang-utan (GOTT PUNCH II HAWKWINDZ), Sunday, 24 February 2013 10:58 (2 months ago) Permalink
yeah, tell me about it. rest assured she's just a v nice person who I like a lot. not, idk, Cleopatra or anything, nor am I on some self-destructive jag like Bob in Hamilton's The Midnight Bell. but we're close professionally and like elliptical orbits seem to have times of great closeness and at other times for us to be distant from each other.
distance is safest and easiest to either envisage escaping from, or having escaped from, or in the process of escaping from the attachment, but is a lot less fun than the closeness.
basically I'm happier in her company than out of it, and I've resigned myself to being hooked until I'm unhooked. and well, you never know - we do have a ball from time to time.
in fact both Ezra and Icarus were chosen as much for their portrayals of indifference or embarrassment of the rest of the world (idk the story behind the durer - but that's what it looks like). obv such things are v important to the person going thru them - the most important thing - but to the outside world there is at best a bafflement. think Kipling's a rag a bone and a hank of hair.
I shd probably shut up rly, as it's been veering twds 77 territory for a while, but there is a large part of me that finds it not unamusing or without interest.
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Sunday, 24 February 2013 11:36 (2 months ago) Permalink
we do have a ball from time to time
if ever further clarification were needed
― c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre (imago), Sunday, 24 February 2013 11:55 (2 months ago) Permalink
(please answer in pictorial form)
― c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre (imago), Sunday, 24 February 2013 11:57 (2 months ago) Permalink
Just starting to experience this for the first time. Not sure I'd find my crush remotely attractive outside of the workplace environment, but I'm curiously unmoved by this realisation. If anything it adds a slight air of mystique to the attraction.
Fortunately I'm spared all the awkwardness that's supposed to be attendant on this sort of situation by the fact that she's married and a decade older than me, and I'm kinda viewed as the baby in the office. I'm not sure anyone takes me very seriously yet. To that extent I suppose this is more like crushing on a teacher than a colleague, even though she is the person in the office who's nearest me in age. Still, it's quite nice though. Again, as with teachers at school, I suspect it'd be near impossible to work in a office with more than a couple of members of the opposite sex and not fancy any of them even a little bit.
In fact, upon reflection, this is EXACTLY like fancying the teacher at school - the fact that she's married and unattainable is the whole point I think. Never really thought about it in those terms though
― Windsor Davies, Sunday, 24 February 2013 12:00 (2 months ago) Permalink
Miss Fenwick. I must have been about five or six. Distraught when she married a German. Genuinely felt the barriers were not insuperable. Feel WD describes appropriate inappropriate professional attachment and I shd listen and learn.
imago - ill have a think about a pictorial representation of our hi-jinks, but in the meantime you did remind me that I have a... inappropriate er... something attachment to the grouping of women at the far left front of Poussin's Triumph of David, that is at least partially informed by my IPA tho largely in spirit and deportment than featural resemblance:
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Sunday, 24 February 2013 12:29 (2 months ago) Permalink
I always figured lj would return, i forgot about the rules of the sequel- add spawn
― lance armstrong will have been delighted (darraghmac), Sunday, 24 February 2013 12:32 (2 months ago) Permalink
Aliens in Dulwich Picture Gallery. Examining catalogue nos etc. Ah balls, anyway. it's the thread for it after all.
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Sunday, 24 February 2013 12:43 (2 months ago) Permalink
xpost and, ah, easy there fella. I may leave trails but I prefer them of breadcrumbs than actual ID parades.
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Sunday, 24 February 2013 12:44 (2 months ago) Permalink
We should probably hang fire on this sort of judgement at least until I've got through a Christmas party or a leaving do or something. I may turn out to have feet of clay yet, definitely have previous with hugely inappropriate declarations of, if not love, then certainly affection/lust on these sorts of occasions.
― Windsor Davies, Sunday, 24 February 2013 12:52 (2 months ago) Permalink
Oh and how's N.5. getting on? Has he gone full Ralf Hutter yet? Never seen a man so preternaturally suited to his work - I think witnessing his neophyte mastery was what discouraged me from really trying
― c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre (imago), Sunday, 24 February 2013 12:54 (2 months ago) Permalink
actually, sorry to be self-important, esp after the self-important garrulousness itt, but do you mind if I get mods to redact the post? it's not so much g00gling as the fact that there are other people I know who go on the site from time to time.
― fizzles tics (Fizzles), Sunday, 24 February 2013 13:42 (2 months ago) Permalink
And so.
― c'est magnifique, mais ce n'est pas le beurre (imago), Sunday, 24 February 2013 13:44 (2 months ago) Permalink
Ah it's not quite a triple handjob but for nununuilx its enough to be going on with
― lance armstrong will have been delighted (darraghmac), Sunday, 24 February 2013 13:55 (2 months ago) Permalink
oh my god the women at my new workplace
― ❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Friday, 1 March 2013 12:04 (2 months ago) Permalink
Otm
― poll that whitey music pfunkboy (darraghmac), Friday, 1 March 2013 12:06 (2 months ago) Permalink
no joke one of the "br4nd's thr33 c0r3 v4lu3s" is "flir7y"
― ❏❐❑❒ (gr8080), Friday, 1 March 2013 14:34 (2 months ago) Permalink
lol
― :C (crüt), Friday, 1 March 2013 14:47 (2 months ago) Permalink
I dream of staying at a flirty hotel.
― give me back my 200 dollars (NotEnough), Thursday, 21 March 2013 16:09 (2 months ago) Permalink
developing IPA from grad student who keeps coming into my office to hang out/get away from studies (many of them do this, so not necessarily a sign of interest)
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Thursday, 21 March 2013 17:44 (2 months ago) Permalink
Your posts are invalid unless you write them in IPA http://ipa.typeit.org/full/
― and that sounds like a gong-concert (La Lechera), Thursday, 21 March 2013 19:24 (2 months ago) Permalink
does your glottal stop when walks in the room?
― Philip Nunez, Thursday, 21 March 2013 19:39 (2 months ago) Permalink
appropriate bar crush is go
― the girl from spirea x (f. hazel), Tuesday, 7 May 2013 05:41 (2 weeks ago) Permalink