people that YELP are scumbags

I wish it was served more simply, perhaps with just some toasted brioche, I was dead

he shrugs, in the noncommittal way of people that honestly could not give a shit about what you are saying.

he shrugs.. comma.. (long explanation of what a 'shrug' signifies)

i know, what are the other kinds of shrugs?

he shrugs, in the abrupt, decisive way of people that have a firm opinion about punching you so goddamned hard in the face.

pulled taffy buzz of alcohol like a warm coat

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/515aI9MGdYL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

looking forward to the first yelp novel

warning, it'll be slightly overpriced and the person who sells it to you will have a snooty haircut.

lol

http://i.imgur.com/HZMug.png

i have this problem, see.

Useful

bitchues

between "chic problem" and "bitchues" I started imagining that review being read aloud in a terrible French accent

i like how it veers wildly from misogyny to talking to animals, rare combo

I assume it's a woman posting

I haven't got titchues for your bitchues, Gorilla Whisperer.

My Blog Or Website
http://eatmyblackpuss.ye…

i mean I don't normally hear guys using the word "bitchues"

interesting theory

well I don't normally hear guys saying that they have "chic[ k ] problems" or "bitchues" is what I mean

im not really sure what to make of it myself

I think that might be on account of the being able to talk to animals part

should i ask an animal

Dr. Doolittle was a dude

Says she talks to animals, they call her out by name.

yelper/otherkin/misogynist crossover: we have ilx gold

people that YIFF are scumbags

A+

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m70c1q5O0H1rnygojo1_500.jpg

Off-topic, but reminds me of this:

http://www.theawl.com/2012/03/our-week-with-marilyn
David: At any point did they describe a special to you and then present it as an opt-out? Like "And the Umbrian shrimp-n-cheese appetizer is really good, it’s fried shrimp inside fried cheese. How many can I put you down for?"

Maria: An assumption close? No, the guy was suspicious because I was taking photos of everything. But wait, yes, he kind of halfheartedly mentioned some vat of cheese or other.

David: FONDUTA. He wanted to serve you a bowl of various melted cheeses. It would be his pleasure to serve you that bowl of melted cheeses.

Maria: Vat O'Cheese! With sofa bits for mopping.

David: That way you can get some pre-cheese in before you move on to your after-cheese.

Maria: They try to grate it all over everything. Flailing the grater over everything. The soup, the salad, your head.

David: That app opt-out happened to me at a TGI Friday's recently and I was sort of taken aback. Just like, "No, that's not the way it goes at all. I was consciously not sending you any messages suggesting that I wanted the Malibu Rum Slathered Shrimp Jammers you just described."

Maria: Yelling with the grater, at every table. "Everybody up for cheese?" I wrote it down exactly because I was just, "NO you did not just say that." I sense they must get home and just collapse in despair at all they've been saying. All the mounds of endless cheese they've been grating. It's a hell of endless cheese-misery. Cheese Miz.

queso fundido >>>>>>>> whatever the fuck "fonduta" is

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1tJ336ZJqOM/S2KDaz6ZirI/AAAAAAAACLc/e0KW6KbRJ40/s400/IMG_5293.JPG

maggoty slime cheese

would eat

Last night I went to a comedy show. Before I left for the show I received a text message from a friend of mine saying that she was all dressed up and ready to go out but that nobody had contacted her back. She looked like a david bowie song about love in white bordered blue. She looked like a heartache bordered by pale brown hair. I told her I had to go to a local comedy show, but I'd much rather take her out to a diner to push around a piece of pie on a plate and talk about damn good coffee.

The comedy show was the kind of thing that you tell other people about over cigarettes outside a bar. My housemate, his guest, and I were pretty hungry though, and walked to sip n bite on the way back home to fell's point. The air was cold and crisp, and I imagined if I breathed deep enough I might breathe out a plume of smoke the color of my soul.

Sip n Bite has changed quite drastically in the last year or so[...]

people who yelp are scumbags

same guy:

I have many fond memories of this library. I used to come here after school to study before my mom picked me up, and as it was a popular pick up spot for various other high schoolers, I have a few stories that just came to mind. Let's see:

1)Emily Gould(currently writing for gawker, can be seen being made a fool of by Jimmy Kimmel on youtube) getting fingerblasted in the stairwell, cheating on her boyfriend(who was one of my friends) with this 13 year old swimmer dude.

2)Meeting this girl I had a super huge crush on, after she woke me up while I was napping in a library chair. With a vintage playboy covering my face. While I was drooling. Needless to say, I did not get anywhere with said girl, although she is still famously hot to the point where girls that went to other MoCo schools still know who she is when I say her name.

3)Some dude showing me some child porn in the stacks. He was like "Yo, check out these naked kids" and I was like "why are you showing me this" and he was like "it's art", which I found dubious.

4)This dude who is now a famous DJ in DC and NYC used to work there as a teenager. At one point he asked me to loan him 100 bucks so he could run away to new york. I was like "how would I get the 100 back?" His response was "I'll become a teenage male hooker. I can make a lot of money like that". I did not give him the 100 bucks.

Also this library has a good collection of movies and books and whatnot, plus the attendants are quite nice and polite, and helpful. If you are going to go to a library, why not here?

The arc of the sun is an inverted pendulum above that swings with the complacency of the sure and the true. The sky is a pale, bleached sapphire and mirrored in the pool in front of me. I am sitting in a small courtyard with the thick, cloying presence of nature like soldiers emanating from all around me - I am a prisoner at bay. I have a hangover that hides behind thick black sunglasses, but it rises from me in clouds of steaming agony. This is a Sunday morning, and I am firmly within it[...]

So the weather was grim today. My dad and I were in the office, trading, watching Ben Bernanke kill the market and then bring it back to life again, like a financial Jesus. The sky was grey as ash, like lukewarm coffee in my mouth. As the market turned red, then green, then red, then green again, we decided we had enough. It is the right of every man to decide that work, that business in all of its startling complexity, is less important at some point during the day than a well cooked piece of grouper[...]

have you ever just wanted to kill someone

my favorite part is when he gets a text and then describes not once but twice how the texter looks.

He couldn't decide which overblown conceit he liked better.

Worst service ever. Writing a full review on why my experience was so bad would be more time wasted because of Haiku. So disappointed and will never recommend this restaurant to anyone.

The end.

Thanks!

grouper

i know, of all the things

i hope e---y g---d beats the shit out of him tbh

seconded.

he is the full-on crepey. and i still can't get my head around the playboy-on-face-while-sleeping story.

like, does the library HAVE that, or did he BRING it to the library

i still can't my head around naming a woman and her current place of work to spice up a high school "fingerblasting" anecdote. fuck this guy.

"Fingerblast" is such a horrible word

It seems to imply some sort of windup