people that YELP are scumbags

I love that video so much.

oh my god

http://www.yelp.com/user_details?userid=cJnkFnjupZtgYpe0nFg_Ew

they're all like that

My Blog Or Website
hahaha no, the internet is gay

this cannot possibly be a real person

What isn't funny about getting as hammered as is humanly possible without dying or at least without looking like you are dying and wait a second there's a blonde with eyes like a coal miner's headlamp

So.... right in the middle of her forehead, then?

The food was all excellent, and I will break it down thusly:

1)My wahoo filet? Gorgeous. Risotto was fantastic, creamy without being overpowering in flavor.
2)My dad's prime rib + lobster tail was divine - excellent flavor, and the cut of meat was perfect.
3)My mom's crab dish was perfect as well - light, served with fresh bok choy and other vegetables.
4)My brother's steak was perfect. A truly perfect steak.
5)My brother's wife's lobster was also perfect, broiled to perfection and served simply with drawn butter.
6)Foie gras. I wish it was served more simply, perhaps with just some toasted brioche, but it was still delicious.

What else do you need? Oh, a lovely 1998 margaux margaux for only 140 dollars? Check. A perfect beajoulais for the main entrees, fruity and light, complementary instead of complimentary? Yeah, we had that too. Service that was attentive without being obtrusive? Yeah, we got that too.

The price was...within reason. Of course, I don't really care what the price was because my dad had a goddamn blast, and when it's your dad's 65th birthday, no amount of money can pay for the kind of experience that makes him glad that he's alive, and that his prodigal son is not a complete jackass. I'd give 5 stars but the prices were a bit high on the appetizers.

THUSLY

haha wait "who cares about price when the experience is so great (one star off for pricy apps)"

ye shalt yelp thusly

My brother's wife's lobster

no amount of money can pay for the kind of experience that makes him glad that he's alive, and that his prodigal son is not a complete jackass

He's got a point, you know. No amount of money will ever convince anybody of this.

haha wait "who cares about price when the experience is so great (one star off for pricy apps)"

― keeping things contextual (DJP), Friday, August 3, 2012 10:48 AM (13 minutes ago) Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

this is YELP

everything was perfect (four out of five stars)

I wish it was served more simply, perhaps with just some toasted brioche, I was dead

he shrugs, in the noncommittal way of people that honestly could not give a shit about what you are saying.

he shrugs.. comma.. (long explanation of what a 'shrug' signifies)

i know, what are the other kinds of shrugs?

he shrugs, in the abrupt, decisive way of people that have a firm opinion about punching you so goddamned hard in the face.

pulled taffy buzz of alcohol like a warm coat

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/515aI9MGdYL._BO2,204,203,200_PIsitb-sticker-arrow-click,TopRight,35,-76_AA300_SH20_OU01_.jpg

looking forward to the first yelp novel

warning, it'll be slightly overpriced and the person who sells it to you will have a snooty haircut.

lol

http://i.imgur.com/HZMug.png

i have this problem, see.

Useful

bitchues

between "chic problem" and "bitchues" I started imagining that review being read aloud in a terrible French accent

i like how it veers wildly from misogyny to talking to animals, rare combo

I assume it's a woman posting

I haven't got titchues for your bitchues, Gorilla Whisperer.

My Blog Or Website
http://eatmyblackpuss.ye…

i mean I don't normally hear guys using the word "bitchues"

interesting theory

well I don't normally hear guys saying that they have "chic[ k ] problems" or "bitchues" is what I mean

im not really sure what to make of it myself

I think that might be on account of the being able to talk to animals part

should i ask an animal

Dr. Doolittle was a dude

Says she talks to animals, they call her out by name.

yelper/otherkin/misogynist crossover: we have ilx gold

people that YIFF are scumbags

A+

http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m70c1q5O0H1rnygojo1_500.jpg

Off-topic, but reminds me of this:

http://www.theawl.com/2012/03/our-week-with-marilyn
David: At any point did they describe a special to you and then present it as an opt-out? Like "And the Umbrian shrimp-n-cheese appetizer is really good, it’s fried shrimp inside fried cheese. How many can I put you down for?"

Maria: An assumption close? No, the guy was suspicious because I was taking photos of everything. But wait, yes, he kind of halfheartedly mentioned some vat of cheese or other.

David: FONDUTA. He wanted to serve you a bowl of various melted cheeses. It would be his pleasure to serve you that bowl of melted cheeses.

Maria: Vat O'Cheese! With sofa bits for mopping.

David: That way you can get some pre-cheese in before you move on to your after-cheese.

Maria: They try to grate it all over everything. Flailing the grater over everything. The soup, the salad, your head.

David: That app opt-out happened to me at a TGI Friday's recently and I was sort of taken aback. Just like, "No, that's not the way it goes at all. I was consciously not sending you any messages suggesting that I wanted the Malibu Rum Slathered Shrimp Jammers you just described."

Maria: Yelling with the grater, at every table. "Everybody up for cheese?" I wrote it down exactly because I was just, "NO you did not just say that." I sense they must get home and just collapse in despair at all they've been saying. All the mounds of endless cheese they've been grating. It's a hell of endless cheese-misery. Cheese Miz.

queso fundido >>>>>>>> whatever the fuck "fonduta" is

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_1tJ336ZJqOM/S2KDaz6ZirI/AAAAAAAACLc/e0KW6KbRJ40/s400/IMG_5293.JPG

maggoty slime cheese

would eat

Last night I went to a comedy show. Before I left for the show I received a text message from a friend of mine saying that she was all dressed up and ready to go out but that nobody had contacted her back. She looked like a david bowie song about love in white bordered blue. She looked like a heartache bordered by pale brown hair. I told her I had to go to a local comedy show, but I'd much rather take her out to a diner to push around a piece of pie on a plate and talk about damn good coffee.

The comedy show was the kind of thing that you tell other people about over cigarettes outside a bar. My housemate, his guest, and I were pretty hungry though, and walked to sip n bite on the way back home to fell's point. The air was cold and crisp, and I imagined if I breathed deep enough I might breathe out a plume of smoke the color of my soul.

Sip n Bite has changed quite drastically in the last year or so[...]

people who yelp are scumbags

same guy:

I have many fond memories of this library. I used to come here after school to study before my mom picked me up, and as it was a popular pick up spot for various other high schoolers, I have a few stories that just came to mind. Let's see:

1)Emily Gould(currently writing for gawker, can be seen being made a fool of by Jimmy Kimmel on youtube) getting fingerblasted in the stairwell, cheating on her boyfriend(who was one of my friends) with this 13 year old swimmer dude.

2)Meeting this girl I had a super huge crush on, after she woke me up while I was napping in a library chair. With a vintage playboy covering my face. While I was drooling. Needless to say, I did not get anywhere with said girl, although she is still famously hot to the point where girls that went to other MoCo schools still know who she is when I say her name.

3)Some dude showing me some child porn in the stacks. He was like "Yo, check out these naked kids" and I was like "why are you showing me this" and he was like "it's art", which I found dubious.

4)This dude who is now a famous DJ in DC and NYC used to work there as a teenager. At one point he asked me to loan him 100 bucks so he could run away to new york. I was like "how would I get the 100 back?" His response was "I'll become a teenage male hooker. I can make a lot of money like that". I did not give him the 100 bucks.

Also this library has a good collection of movies and books and whatnot, plus the attendants are quite nice and polite, and helpful. If you are going to go to a library, why not here?

The arc of the sun is an inverted pendulum above that swings with the complacency of the sure and the true. The sky is a pale, bleached sapphire and mirrored in the pool in front of me. I am sitting in a small courtyard with the thick, cloying presence of nature like soldiers emanating from all around me - I am a prisoner at bay. I have a hangover that hides behind thick black sunglasses, but it rises from me in clouds of steaming agony. This is a Sunday morning, and I am firmly within it[...]

So the weather was grim today. My dad and I were in the office, trading, watching Ben Bernanke kill the market and then bring it back to life again, like a financial Jesus. The sky was grey as ash, like lukewarm coffee in my mouth. As the market turned red, then green, then red, then green again, we decided we had enough. It is the right of every man to decide that work, that business in all of its startling complexity, is less important at some point during the day than a well cooked piece of grouper[...]

have you ever just wanted to kill someone