Depression and what it's really like

well

(oh man i am completely kickass at practical solutions that would be so far beyond me personally)

i don't want to poop on yr wife, but you have done your decade-plus and you are miserable. if you are aware of something that would make you happy (i am not, which is a problem), i would suggest doing it.

I know they're just 1's and 0's here, but (hugs) for u, W

you will find yr way, I think

I tend to think that depression is an appropriate response to living in the world.
--how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel)

I agree with this. Sorry to hear abt yr problems WMC, even tho I don't really know u. It sucks to feel trapped and unsure whether any changes you make will be effective. In my case the uncertainty lies in the fact that no matter how much you change, you will still be yourself...will I be depressed no matter where I go? Sometimes I think that would be even more depressing, to make this big change only to find that nothing has really changed. But on some level I think that is my fear talking to me.

Thank you all -- it feels good to unload a bit and not be told I'm the most miserable poster on ILX.

nah you're awesome apart from the braves thing

hahaha, thanks dude

Sometimes I think that would be even more depressing, to make this big change only to find that nothing has really changed.

I have lived in 6 cities in the last 8 years, and this is truer each time. Which is not to discount the fact that some places suck and others don't. Your day to day can change and significantly improve (or get worse) with a move, but it doesn't touch the core stuff at all. Can't run from yourself, etc.

Sending good thoughts, WmC. It's not much but if you need a bottle of sriracha or something I'll be happy to ship it along.

really sad to hear you're feeling this way WmC, you seem like a good dude.

what is your wife's definition of 'country'? could there not be some sort of compromise?

xpost -- Can you believe The Great Satan (Walmart) sells that stuff here in Amory? And I can get the other Huy Fong products at Kroger in Tupelo. High cotton! (Thanks, Ned.)

just1n3, our little NoCal adventure was sort of a compromise, but it didn't work out at all -- Redding at 80K people was still too big for her, and 225 miles was too far from the Bay Area for me to be able to really enjoy the music, art, baseball, etc as much as I wanted. I managed about three trips down per year during the 3+ years we lived there. This booming metropolis of 6500 is where she wants to be.

wmc, i send you kindest wishes, and i think it sounds as if it's your emotional and mental health's turn to be given a higher billing. i really hope things improve soon.

hang in there!

maybe you could move somewhere hip and fly out to see your wife every three months. my grandmother's sister's husband has been doing that for 20 years from his base in chicago. he was the first adult i was ever on a first-name-basis with. like flip the sign to "back in 20 minutes".

is it really hot and humid right now where you are?

maybe you could move somewhere hip and fly out to see your wife every three months.
or the other way around
have you considered separate vacations? lots of people do this, i even know some of them.

Wrt not being as nice a person as you thought, I'm going insist on my own experience, which is that I'm a not-very-committed poster who was a bit nervous of shuffling into the outloud room and had no good music to even contribute and you were welcoming and friendly. All the very best to you.

maybe you could move somewhere hip and fly out to see your wife every three months.

We have considered this! It's not out of the question. (The heat is starting to kick in this week, though evenings are still pleasant. 93 degrees today.) LL, aside from the occasional joint vacation, I do go off on my own regularly -- the Vegas/New Mexico trip, Amsterdam a few years ago, etc.

Thanks again everybody -- I feel a little embarrassed bogarting this thread.

What the thread is here for imo.

(almost feel like saying "feel better" is hypocritical given my usual state but I really do hope you feel better)

Don't be! Your problems are as worthy of attention as anybody else's. What threads like this are for.

Ha, WC. You should ask sunny how she copes with moving from one of the largest cities in the Southern Hemisphere to North Little Rock, Ark.

But her plan for escaping from the Bible Belt is to move to Utah. I'm all "Oookay, but o_O?"

sunny just wants to ski

Utah?!

mookie otm.

well, my fantasy is to leave the worldly metropolis and go a small town in maine. as the shaggs said, you can never pleeease any-boh-hoh-dee in this worrrrld.

paul le page has no use for your enlightened ideas, alas

what about paul lekakis?

dude can dance

boom boom

yo wmc, sending ~good vybes~ yr way.

Utah, man, living that big city dream of hanging out with 18-year-olds with fake IDs, drinking 3.2% beer at Kilby Court.
WmC, also sending good vibes. I don't have any solutions but I am really glad you shared, like everyone said, that's what this thread is for.

Kilby Court!!!

Kilby Court is basically my favourite place in USA

WmC, I wish you lived close so that we could make each other go out and get vitamin D and sunshine and exercise! I've been feeling a lot like this lately - realized this week that I might actually be depressed again instead of just sad/tired which is how I would previously have described myself. Usually summer cures it but this year feels different. I'm trying, passively*, to wiggle out of my slump and I hope you can too. :) But until then, bitch and moan with the rest of us - that's what the board is for.

http://everyonesanidiot.files.wordpress.com/2012/03/snn2502gx3-532_1459446a.jpeg

*I take vitamins and sometimes force myself to take dog or bike to park. Living life, right here!

Good wishes to you, WmC. I really enjoy your posts, particularly the food-related stuff!

Thanks to everybody for the good vibes. Ironically, one reason it's so easy to spend all day staring at the internet is because, for the most part, ILX is a good community for people who desire community. If World FAP were to ever actually happen, I'd buy you all a round.

I'm officially inviting you to join me for a meal here anytime http://tank-noodle.com/index.php
it's my favorite!

Done!

I haven't given up trying to make it to Chicago! Maybe after the current issue of this accursed magazine goes to press...mid/late July?

Keep chilx informed, we also still want to have giant southern meal -- just don't come the same weekend as my in laws.

I have some friends who really love that place too, LL! I think we should commiserate over anti-depression noodles if I am around when it is colder outside.

done

anti-depression noodles are the best of ideas.

we don't interact much but you've always seemed a good sort to me, WmC, and i'm hoping you find a way to get yourself happier.

I almost feel like depression isn't the opposite end of happiness, but a malaise that saps the emotional impact and energy out of all things other than depression.

that's anhedonia, one of many aspects of depression

Guys I think I'm slowly coming to the realization that happiness is not the right goal? I mean it seems like a losing battle to strive towards something that is fleeting or temporary at best, right? I think maybe there is something else to aim for and happiness is a symptom of that thing but what is it?

Sure, happiness is just shorthand for "able to enjoy the world & things when you choose to." Kind of.

The "something else to aim for" has to be different for difft people, and also could get New Agey really fast, but I would hazard one thing is...utility? Connectedness? To know what your place (probably, roughly, hopefully) is in the world, and to inhabit it.

Absence of loose ends and general contentedness for me, thanks.

Guys I think I'm slowly coming to the realization that happiness is not the right goal? I mean it seems like a losing battle to strive towards something that is fleeting or temporary at best, right? I think maybe there is something else to aim for and happiness is a symptom of that thing but what is it?

I think this is true -- my goal basically boils down to a combo of "fully present and conscious in the moment" + "doing one's best on the task at hand"

xposts

Guys I think I'm slowly coming to the realization that happiness is not the right goal? I mean it seems like a losing battle to strive towards something that is fleeting or temporary at best, right? I think maybe there is something else to aim for and happiness is a symptom of that thing but what is it?

― Has someone else's face gotten in the way of yr foot or elbow? (sunny successor), Wednesday, June 20, 2012 3:51 PM Bookmark Flag Post Permalink

Remind me to lend you my well-worn copy of The Gospel According to Peanuts.

Kilby Court is basically my favourite place in USA

― hot knives, wind was blowin' (Ówen P.), Wednesday, June 20, 2012 7:01 AM (8 hours ago)

<3 <3

Guys I think I'm slowly coming to the realization that happiness is not the right goal? I mean it seems like a losing battle to strive towards something that is fleeting or temporary at best, right? I think maybe there is something else to aim for and happiness is a symptom of that thing but what is it?

I think it's better to think about the next thing, or the things you like doing. In the last few months I've been doing an acting class which literally started the week I stopped being eligible for public healthcare funded therapy (and actually was as helpful and in-depth.) I've also been running a lot. It's not that these things make me automatically happier, just that I dunno, knowing I'm unhappy or have unhappiness has been a very peaceful realisation.

I feel like I've stopped thinking about happiness as that unattainable goal or thinking "will I ever be happy" and started trying to just know my own unhappiness and the rest of me as best I can.

It's not like some miraculous transformation but I feel sometimes lately that it's harder to distinguish negativity from positivity, eg tonight I did a big scene I'd been working on at my class and on the way home I just felt entirely quiet and sort of melancholy, but completely relaxed and calm.

Some vague point emerges here which hopefully someone else might relate to...

PS: I had a crush on the acting teacher too.

now it all becomes clear :)

Yeah for me, satisfaction is an aim, rather than happiness. Being satisfied, content, with each moment. Of course, I'm far from that a lot of the time, but thats really my own fault, especially lately. I do worry that I set my bar too low out of disillusion, sometimes.

Rock, I wish you good cheer, many a pleasant sunset evening in your summertime, and a hope the fog clears soon. You've always been a steady hand this board sorely needs at times, and I always note and appreciate it.