Depression and what it's really like

infj iirc

no way man, voicing that shit is *important*

yeah but i'm seeing my therapist in 24 minutes, surely it could have waited

I gotta take my Myers-Briggs over again to figure out what I have to say if I have to say anything

I'm probably here in this thread right now because I saw my therapist/med-prescriber a couple hours ago

meyers briggs has done poorly in empirical studies iirc

keep making mixes

not sure what your leanings are or thought style is, but reading about buddhism helped me put the crack in my life-long depression. it's not a cure-all, but the noble path, insight and breathing meditation, and nature of self and reality stuff is pretty damn useful as you figure things out.

helped me see how untrue the negative self-talk was cuz values are subjective and there is no objective truth re: our emotional selves and interpersonal/social shit, my equal place in humanity, etc. etc. dunno if this is just my own stuff, but regardless it's a good stepping stone to expanding your mind ... that's what it feels like getting out of each piece of depression, a totally unknown but actual reality becomes apparent in the mind. sorta a weird feeling ... maybe closest comparison is culture shock where going to a foreign country for the first time blows away your whole idea of how society can function.

then again my current therapist has a freudian orientation which iirc also "discredited" and she's in charge of a clinical mft program and has been amazing so who knows maybe the meyers briggs will be useful anyway

you're INFJ and I'm INTP.
how much of a J are you? Like, how much do you desire control and routine?

does this picture make you smile?
http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/imdemo.gif

no no we know faces can't turn into those

i really like buddhism, i used to read the heart and diamond sutras often and i've read a lot of pema chodron, and i like her, and i particularly like dt suzuki and alan watts even though that's not quite exactly the same thing

but even though i find that stuff has been useful for clarifying my intellectual ideas about life philosophy and reality and being and nothingness it's not really translated into a sense of contentment

then again i suppose they'd all say i need meditation too

are you really smart?

it's never too late to get stupid. and stupidity does have something to do with happiness

at least for me

i am definitely a creature of habit, down to warhol-esque eating habits

control maybe not so much but i do hate uncertainty ... i guess though that's more of an EJ vs IJ thing?

like i find my lack of self-control distressing and i have trouble rolling with the punches

am i really smart?

well i am posting to ilx on a macbook pro.

I think lack of self-control would be a good topic for you to bring up to your therapist. It seems like a topic that could be quite rewarding

idk man it's good to have some impulsivity
what 'perfect self-control' looks like is anorexia

imo imo imo

that's a truth bomb

am i really smart?

well i am posting to ilx on a macbook pro.

― teh late great

lol, I'm not really sure how to respond to that

http://www.geek.com/var/www/geek.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/05/mac_vs_pc_2.png

late great otm

except that i didn't go to grad school and never had a dog

i really like buddhism, i used to read the heart and diamond sutras often and i've read a lot of pema chodron, and i like her, and i particularly like dt suzuki and alan watts even though that's not quite exactly the same thing

but even though i find that stuff has been useful for clarifying my intellectual ideas about life philosophy and reality and being and nothingness it's not really translated into a sense of contentment

then again i suppose they'd all say i need meditation too

Really? I never thought of Buddhism as an intellectual thing, so maybe that's the dif in effect (sure it's a billion other factors, too). What I got from it is that it's about our reality, but I'm a weird dude and hv been obsessed with death and existence since I was a kid, so maybe I'm doing something else with it, I've only read one book and just jumped off from there. Try and apply Buddhist ideas to daily life like a scientist performing and studying experiments, some of the stuff in there is pretty cool... I mean, it's evident without Buddhism, but it's like a trade study manual, I guess. YMMV, though, dunno how much of this is me. just wanna help.

I used to think I made my shitzu into the insecure catlike creature she is today... but dogs are stupid. telling myself that makes me forgive the way I act around them

there have been times when I've mixed absurdism with the buddhist teaching of *nothing matters* to great affect

loosely using effect/affect here is pleasing to me. now that's where we might differ (***J vs. ***P)

I think absurdism has been fundamental in my development, even before I knew what it meant

yeah i actually have been talking about that, we agree that my relentless negativity and self-criticism is a way to control the emotional stress of living w/ ups and downs by just making sure i'm always down

the late great, i would never have imagined you were a depressed guy. your online presence has always made you seem so sorted, interesting, creative and, yes, cool. i've always enjoyed your posts x

ps i'm on a massive downer myself "lol" but it's more to do with loneliness. i'm a p. social guy who has somehow ended up so closed off from people.

I'm in yr shoes jed :( I've let myself become really housebound, uninterested in "going out", I dont drive so I never do anyth8ing much spontaneous. I think living with an ex is offputting to new guys, and I'm sick of being single. Its ... getting to me a lot. Recently tried a few times to do things to fix this, only to fall on my face in humiliation.

oh i'm interested in going out! it's just that no one really contacts me to do so and i have made a concerted effect to be proactive it's just kinda fallen on deaf ears. hopefully it will pass. for you too trayce. i have a job interview tomorrow. at least, i think it's an interview? it might just be a chat...

Recently tried a few times to do things to fix this, only to fall on my face in humiliation.

perspective, tho -- i look at it more as dudes f'ing up.

i was going to go into a whole thing here but i'll refrain. suffice it to say that you needn't be coupled and you needn't settle for something half-assed just to be coupled.

Dats true. I dont know why of all things I'm letting *that* get to me when I could be improving myself practicing piano/drawing/catching up with friends. Gluh.

mookieproof is right

a lot of things have compounded on you of late and things feel are starting to feel futile and the mean voice in your head is getting more of an audience because you feel so down

it's worth it to the ppl out in the world who haven't met you yet to keep trying. and whether or not you meet boyz or beaus, you are not the sum of the bad voices in yr head

<3

-- the things other people point out to cheer me up are barely-disguised colossal failures (grad school)

i identify with this (and much of everything else you said, late great)

good news! i feel great this morning!

:-D

yay!

Awesome :)

I came back to this thread to say that the person whom suggested restarting a bicycle routine was otm

Yeah the main thing I notice in common amongst people who attest to white-knuckling this shit w/o meds is a fervent commitment to eating right and exercising a lot.

yeah even w/ meds exercise and diet are very helpful, but OTOH if i can push back on that, you don't want to break your ankle and then slide back into depression, so i don't think it's necessarily the silver bullet

i read about a recent significant study that questioned the efficacy of exercise in improving mental health but obviously there are a whole stack of other reasons why exercise is a good idea

My GP told me to get exercise. I was just all, now look.

http://www.pulsetoday.co.uk/newsarticle-content/-/article_display_list/14089616/exercise-does-little-to-help-depression-says-study

but whether this proves to be accurate or not, if i was a GP i wd be telling people to exercise and not smoke and etc

lol pplains

yeah, i always seem to swing back into dep when i stop eating right and exercising. i can never hold down a good routine for more than 3 weeks. whether it is the exercise or just having something to do...

suspicious of that study to say the least

Always feel a GP saying "get more exercise" is like an IT on the phone saying "Have you restarted the modem?"