people that YELP are scumbags

maybe it's a fried sweet pickle with dill sauce? O_o

a fried taco with ground up bits of taco and mayonnaise on it

a fried apple covered in applesauce

a fried chicken thigh covered in pureed chicken mash

a french fried potato covered in salty mashed potatos

last one actually sounds not so bad

I'd have taco with taco bits and mayo.

yummy poo delish

I went in here one time a couple years ago and there was Chinese New Year stuff hanging EVERYWHERE. Paper lanterns and everything red. I asked the Asian dude at the counter when the Chinese New Year was scheduled and he got pissy, rolling his eyes, and said "I wouldn't know! I'm not Chinese!" in that hey-asshole-not-every-asian-person-is-chinese tone. He totally pulled the race card at a time that didn't qualify. Just sayin'. I should be able to ask him info about what his store is celebrating. That's like having a shitload of "HAPPY KWANZAA!" banners in my house and when someone asks me when Kwanzaa is, I go "I'm not African!" Jackass.

Wait

Kwanza, the well-known African holiday.

I'm so confused.

I really wanted this to knock my socks off as I was a Jeni's virgin.

Upon entering the store to try this mega-awesome icecream and see what all the fuss was about I was immediately put off by a passel of yuppie Mommies and their rude, unruly brats. As one snooty booty teeny still in her soccer finery with entitlement etched all over her face cut in front of me, I bit my tongue as the expletives fought to get out. I don't normally hold back,(I majored in acerbic sarcasm in college) but this time I did as I didn't want death by glaring from a pack of self righteous pretentious yups who no doubt just blew Northstar. Now I love Northstar for the food, I just can't stand the crowd.

Jeni's, like Northstar is way overpriced. The portions are way small. The scoop is the size of a large MELON BALL for gawd's sake. The interior is cold and unappealing. On the other hand, the girls behind the counter were very nice and helpful, allowing me to try whatever I wanted.

I settled on honey banana cuz I adores me some bananas and violet meringue. The banana honey tasted washed out but the violet m tasted like a blast of spring. I imagined the flowers blooming, the bees buzzing, the sun warming my skin and the breeze gently moving through my hair. Ahhhhhh, yesssss. A glass of coldeality was thrown in my face when the clerk asked for 4 dollas for the miniscule amount of spring ecstasy. Alas, I coughed it up and left. Maybe it was worth the few moments of bliss.

From now on, it's DQ or the frozen section of Giant Eagle for me. Or maybe I'll get my own ice cream maker. Besides I can do without some spotty faced metal grilled sports biotch cutting in front of me. The next time I will hurt her feelings.

I'm sorry Jeni's, while some of your flavors are wonderfully creative, your clientele and prices make it prohibitive for me. Ugh

to summarize: the food is delicious and the staff are great but they charge you the prices that are posted on the wall and some other people in line sucked, therefore two stars

If it ain't Baroque, don't fix it! Get it? No? You will once you go inside....although it's probably more Gothic than it is baroque... I digress. It's nice and dark the way a bar should be. It's in my 'hood, and it's not full of students or creepy old dudes. My heart will always belong to O'Reilly's, but when a change of scenery is needed without leaving Clintonville, this place will be on the list!

(I majored in acerbic sarcasm in college)

remarkable how enraged that reviewer is about children with their parents being in an ice cream parlor

yelp mostly seems to be a venue for dull misanthropes to broadcast what they imagine to be their fascinating and entertaining and illuminative intolerance of the rest of the human race

(I majored in acerbic sarcasm in college)

that's funny cuz I majored in go fuck yourself

oh sure ill totally 'go fuck myself' <<<money well spent

I adores me some bananas

I keep daydreaming about a hipper, nerdier, less corporate alternative to yelp where you are only allowed to award zero or one stars and reviews are limited to something like fifty words. And I get to ban the scumbags.

fried apples w applesauce sounds really good

it could be a kind of chutney-ish applesauce maybe

I adores me some bananas

yeah i don't get why people think it's ok to talk like this!

also can i just say, the whole appeal of this place is that it is yuppie upscale ice cream. I get that that's not everyone's thing, but if you want to be a food snob and eat something that tastes "like a blast of spring," would Dairy Queen really be your second choice? The whole thing, ugggh

Yeah I know right, it was like "this was the most amazing ice cream Ive ever eaten wtf why was it $4".

(which isnt that much for a gourmet icecream anyway!?)

Also did not notice person wrote "4 dollas", urgh.

oh i didn't either. christ.

$4 for ritzy ice cream is industry standard now. put your game face on, whiner.

going someplace "to see what the fuss is about" has a whiff of "here we are now, entertain us." why can't you go someplace cuz it sounds good, why do you have to have people "impress" you all the time?

Yeah, it's like, already they're trying to dislike the place because the RUBES say it's GOOD or something.

I am probably biased at this point, as mentioned elsewhere on ILX my roommate works in the ice cream factory (studio? workshop? artisan creamery?) behind this place so I eat a fair amount of the stuff for free. But I have definitely paid good money for it in the past and it often has lines around the block...that last being a bit excessive in my book but the stuff is darn good. Bourbon Butter Pecan, mmmm

$4 for ritzy ice cream is industry standard

remember that on yelp "industry standard" = "unreasonably expensive"

these ppl need to get schooled--making good ice cream is expensive as hell.

also this is easy for me to say as the guy who doesn't have much of a sweet tooth at all but bitching about ice cream portion size = why don't you just stay at home eating pints of haagen-dazs

Yeah, oddly this is one of the few products where I really get behind a gourmand logic of kind of WANTING a small portion so you savor the flavors of each individual teeny ice cream bite. It's not like I really need to be eating larger quantities of ice cream, health-wise.

i always get the smallest size when i go out for ice cream/yogurt/gelato. a little goes a long way with that stuff, especially with the higher-quality product.

a lot of people on Yelp rarely have an idea of what a similar product costs at a comparable place, the following are all from reviews of a club that I'm a partner in, wildly different standards in full effect:
"You've got to love the cheap drinks at the bar."
"This is definitely the most expensive bar I have been too in D.C."
"cheap drinks"
"your drink will be overpriced"
"Their mixed drinks were a bit pricey"
"Great Drink Prices"
"the drink prices are a little high"
"Drinks are pretty cheap"
"Drinks are very expensive here"
"The drinks are not very expensive"
"The bar is pretty expensive"
"The drinks are relatively inexpensive"

hahahaha, that's perfect

I will say this. Jeni's is so expensive ($10 a pint) that even I've complained about it. So yes, even by fancy-pants standards they charge a lot. But my way of dealing with it is to not buy it that much. The place is packed, so I can't deny the price they're charging is fair. And I can't name a better ice cream I've had anywhere -- goat cheese and fig, holy crap.

But and yeah, if I'm in their store, I'm there with two kids running around. If you want to buy Jeni's ice cream and you don't want to see a child there are tons of non-ice-cream-parlor venues that sell it. And if you don't want to see yuppies, I guess stop mostly liking things that mostly yuppies like?

And if you don't want to see yuppies, I guess stop mostly liking things that mostly yuppies like?

needs to be repeated to every fucking yelper

QED -- http://consumerist.com/2012/05/diner-demands-100-gift-card-to-not-post-negative-yelp-review.html

OMFG the comments on that article:

Do I think extortion is ok if the customer was more reasonable with their request? Yes.

So if you reasonably extort a business for your favorable yelp review, its fine. Fuck these entitled assholes.

sufreak
May 29, 2012 12:04 PM

I just posted a less than stellar review of a horrible experience I had on Yelp. We'll see what happens.

I've lost a lot of respect for Yelp after the gay wedding dress debacle of '11, but I decided to give them another whirl to see if they've smartened up.

haha wut

I'm sorry, I'm still back on As one snooty booty teeny still in her soccer finery with entitlement etched all over her face cut in front of me, I bit my tongue as the expletives fought to get out.

(I majored in acerbic sarcasm in college)

snooty booty teeny

snooty booty teeny weeny yellow soccer finereeny

hahaha OTM, I was literally just typing that out

o/

\o

also dying at the transcendent description of the experience of eating the ice cream followed up with "from now on, I'm only going to DQ"

re. jeni's, that place is fucking amazing. i had a scoop of ice cream w/ gin-soaked plums and it was oh my god i can't even.

it's expensive but it doesn't set off huge alarm bells and clearly people are willing to pay the money so whatever.

there's a cafe around the corner for me that charges $4–5 for one cup of coffee. they are real prissy about making each cup individually, measuring out the water, timing the drip, etc. but the prices are so out of line with even the other prissy cafes around here that they just don't get much clientele. so they are fucking themselves over and it's almost redundant to complain. except that it can be frustrating watching a local business make poor decisions. you want to able to enjoy them, you want them to stay open, etc.....

i don't think it's inherently bad to complain about prices on yelp, esp. if they are phrased as a warning. "the coffee is great, but be warned you will pay $5 a cup."

there's a cafe around the corner for me that charges $4–5 for one cup of coffee. they are real prissy about making each cup individually, measuring out the water, timing the drip, etc.

i can't fucking stand these places. i'm not gonna yelp about it or anything but come on. the dumpy coffee place down the block from me closed and one of these artisanal one-cup joints went into the space and it really sucks.

also dying at this:

I don't normally hold back,(I majored in acerbic sarcasm in college) but this time I did as I didn't want death by glaring from a pack of self righteous pretentious yups who no doubt just blew Northstar. Now I love Northstar for the food, I just can't stand the crowd.

are you seriously insulting these people for hypothetically going to a restaurant you like

The scoop is the size of a large MELON BALL for gawd's sake.