quiddities and agonies of the ruling class - a rolling new york times thread

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otherwise i feel like the paper is getting on board w/ her sense of "what syria is like"

max, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

lucas should build this low income housing and name it "Syria"

lag∞n, Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Anastasia, do you have any idea how much money I make?”
I flush, of course not. “Why should I? I don’t need to know the bottom line of your bank account, Christian.”
His eyes soften. “I know. That’s one of the things I love about you.”
I gaze at him, shocked. Love about me?
“Anastasia, I earn roughly one hundred thousand dollars an hour."
Fifty Shades Darker, p. 78.

For some reason this reminds me of:

it was a dark and stormy genitals. (Phil D.), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:47 (2 years ago) Permalink

Six hundred million dollars isn't a funny enough number.

raw feel vegan (silby), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

Should've gone for seventy billion. Plausibility be damned.

raw feel vegan (silby), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

A. Stanley was off to a promising start there: "One of the good things about divorce is that you get to see less of your children."

(sorry I'm late, I read the less obviously ridiculous parts of the Times first)

World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

So the crossword?

raw feel vegan (silby), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 15:53 (2 years ago) Permalink

My own erotic novel, "Entry Level," about a handsome, mysterious and domineering data entry clerk has seen disappointing sales.

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 16:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

she likened it to syria, not "syria"

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 17:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

like it's a mogwai album track or something

us papers not real comfortable with reported speech in general though i've noticed, cf 'valentine said his bullpen was "terrible"' (yes) 'valentine said his bullpen was terrible' (no)

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Wednesday, 23 May 2012 17:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

idk exactly what this is about but i think it needs to be here

http://www.fuckedinparkslope.com/home/who-handed-out-these-hilarious-fake-menus-at-googamooga-over.html

was crying at some of these tbh

goole, Thursday, 24 May 2012 16:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

kinda think it could have been executed better

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Thursday, 24 May 2012 16:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

I'm also reminded of this, which, while derivative in a super corny way, nonetheless has some moments:

http://vimeo.com/35314812

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Thursday, 24 May 2012 16:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

it's back!

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/05/23/dining/easy-homemade-mayonnaise.html?hpw

“DON’T you know the mayonnaise trick?”

My friend Dori and I were standing in front of Empire Mayonnaise in Brooklyn, the city’s first and only artisanal mayonnaise shop, ogling its wares: flavors like lime pickle and, of course, bacon, when she asked me that.

j., Thursday, 24 May 2012 17:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

ogling its wares

jump them into a gang - into the absurd (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 24 May 2012 17:49 (2 years ago) Permalink

tbf this article contains good practical advice

lag∞n, Thursday, 24 May 2012 17:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

The first time I tried it, I achieved the lightest, most ethereal mayonnaise I’d ever made. It tasted deeply of the good olive oil I used, seasoned with lemon and mustard. We ate it with roasted asparagus, dunking the spears two, three and four times into the tasty sauce until we swabbed the bowl clean.

NYT or 50 Shades of Grey: You Make the Call

jump them into a gang - into the absurd (forksclovetofu), Thursday, 24 May 2012 17:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

And what a trick — a potential game-changer, the kind that turns homemade mayo from a special-occasion recipe into an everyday endeavor, ending our dependence on subpar, corn-syrup-filled commercial stuff.

BULLSHIT *sounds airhorn*

judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 24 May 2012 17:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

from http://old.cbbqa.org/recipes/Mayonnaise.html

The Hellmann's Mayonnaise ingredients label shows that it contains the following ingredients, which are listed in the quantity order in which they occur:

Soybean oil, whole eggs, vinegar, water, egg yolks, salt, sugar, lemon juice, natural flavors, calcium disodium EDTA (used to protect quality).

The Best Foods Mayonnaise ingredients label shows that it contains the following ingredients, which are listed in the quantity order in which they occur:

Soybean oil, whole eggs, vinegar, water, egg yolks, salt, sugar, lemon juice, natural flavors, calcium disodium EDTA (used to protect quality).

I mean, why would you even put corn syrup in mayo

that is a weird thing to bring up over lean cuisine (DJP), Thursday, 24 May 2012 17:57 (2 years ago) Permalink

thickening agent + preservative

mh, Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

EXACTLY, that's why we have to help these little artisanal shops stand up to big corn syrup whenever we can

j., Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

"corn syrup" is a metonym for "shitty processed food" i guess

judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

if they only used natural corn syrup instead of whatever this horrible "calcium disodium EDTA" is then you wouldn't even have to stir it when reopening

the bias against corn syrup in mayonnaise is ruining what could be a great product

mh, Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

don't worry I've started producing my own small batch corn syrup, will be aging it in whiskey barrels and opening a storefront soon

I DIED, Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

is "supermarket mayo has corn-syrup in it" the foodie version of "bubblicious is made from spider eggs"?

judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

good plan

I really need to stop making jokes along this line at work, it probably violates some sort of ethics thingy

mh, Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

delicious, delicious spider eggs

mh, Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:14 (2 years ago) Permalink

Maize Syrup

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

teosinte tincture

mh, Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

it was a dark and stormy genitals. (Phil D.), Thursday, 24 May 2012 18:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

you don't use olive oil in mayonnaise! philistines!!!!!!

TracerHandVEVO (Tracer Hand), Thursday, 24 May 2012 19:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

that mayonnaise article is goofy, it's like the least complicated thing ever if you have a hand mixer and a modicum of patience

call all destroyer, Thursday, 24 May 2012 19:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Olive oil mayo is actually really, really good.

it was a dark and stormy genitals. (Phil D.), Thursday, 24 May 2012 19:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

It is! I feel weird having to defend it, but there you go.

Respectfully, Tyrese Gibson (Nicole), Thursday, 24 May 2012 19:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

if you use strong olive oil it turns out too bitter, but its good w/light stuff or blended

lag∞n, Thursday, 24 May 2012 21:58 (2 years ago) Permalink

one weird trick to make delicious home made mayonnaise [CLICK HERE]

chris paul george hill (dayo), Friday, 25 May 2012 00:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

agree with icey on the straight EVOO; doesn't taste right at all. Canola or veg blend for me--maybe I'd put in a little olive oil, but would not make it the primary.

quincie, Friday, 25 May 2012 01:03 (2 years ago) Permalink

Compare the advent of digital recording to an event in the history of food or agriculture.

Mayonnaise is as it is now known a bastardization of the Sauce Mayonnaise every saucier learns to make his first season as an apprentice. Pre-packaged mayonnaise sold in jars is almost nothing but tasteless vegetable oil and water, emulsified by gum and gelatin. I think this product is analogous in many ways to the CD, and it's introduction has degraded the standard of eating in much the same way digital recording has degraded the standard of music.

atlas arghed (brownie), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:33 (2 years ago) Permalink

-steve albini

atlas arghed (brownie), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:34 (2 years ago) Permalink

ha, great dn brownie

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

oh steve

its

mookieproof, Friday, 25 May 2012 01:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

“The sauce was invented as a new sensation for jaded palates at court by the duc de Richelieu, at first known as mahonnaise after Mahon, the chief port of Minorca, the scene of the duc’s dubious ‘victory’ in 1756 over the ill-fated Admiral Byng. Basically Louis’s drug dealer and pimp, Richelieu, known for opium recipes to fit all occasions, is also credited with the introduction into France of the cantharides, or Spanish fly.” She gazed pointedly at Kit’s trousers. “What might this aphrodisiac have in common with the mayonnaise? That the beetles must be gathered and killed by exposing them to vinegar fumes suggests an emphasis on living or recently living creatures — the egg yolk perhaps regarded as a conscious entity — cooks will speak of whipping, beating, binding, penetration, submission, surrender. There is an undoubtedly Sadean aspect to the mayonnaise. No getting past that.”

Kit was a little confused by now. “It always struck me as kind of, I don’t know… bland?”

“Until you look within. Mustard, for example, mustard and cantharides, n’est-ce pas? Both arousing the blood. Blistering the skin. Mustard is the widely-known key to resurrecting a failed mayonnaise, as is the cantharides to reviving broken desire.”

s.clover, Friday, 25 May 2012 03:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

emulsified by gum and gelatin

again with the invented bullshit ingredients, i don't get it

judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Friday, 25 May 2012 14:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

I mean homemade mayo does taste way better, but yeah the ingredients list on Hellman's is surprisingly non-scary, all things considered.

"Holy crap," I mutter, as he gently taps my area (silby), Friday, 25 May 2012 14:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

*holds flashlight under face*

as she read the ingredients... she realized... that the mayonnaise...

contained CORN SYRUP

judas, a homo (elmo argonaut), Friday, 25 May 2012 15:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

noooooooooooooooooooooooo

lag∞n, Friday, 25 May 2012 17:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

children of the corn syrup

jump them into a gang - into the absurd (forksclovetofu), Friday, 25 May 2012 19:35 (2 years ago) Permalink

THE CORN SYRUP IS CALLING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE

quincie, Friday, 25 May 2012 23:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

Incidentally, I have wanted to start a separate thread for obnoxiously terrible writing in the nytimes:

“Kids are nicer than psychopaths,” he chirped in his English accent.

He "chirped" in "his English accent"? As opposed to the French accent he likes to put on when discussing other matters?

this guy's a gangsta? his real name's mittens. (Hurting 2), Wednesday, 30 May 2012 14:22 (2 years ago) Permalink


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