my first live-in boyfriend was obsessed with momus and used to correspond with him over email, his band recorded a cover of one of his songs and he posted about it in his blog salivating of the asian girl vox of his band member...of course.
― bene_gesserit, Monday, 21 May 2012 00:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
I remember my first bf was talking about a Creation records video compilation I had, back in the late 80s, and he said "Hairstyle of the Devil" "sounds like a shitty pet shop boys song".
that woman mentioned that song but all i could think of was the similarly-named beck song
i really like some of momus' early music (the earlyish creation/el stuff i guess), never delved into his later stuff but more from underexposure. also i never quite understood why people gave him such a hard time on here.
― dell (del), Monday, 21 May 2012 00:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
that woman = my friend's gf.
― dell (del), Monday, 21 May 2012 00:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
well there was that whole thing about him marrying a 14 year old...
― bene_gesserit, Monday, 21 May 2012 00:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
ok, i missed that
― dell (del), Monday, 21 May 2012 00:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
i remember him marrying and there were some legal issues but i don't remember it having to do with the age of the bride
― dell (del), Monday, 21 May 2012 00:40 (1 year ago) Permalink
anyways, i have decided i want to date myself. i'm really awesome on my own. i played music for like 5 hours this weekend and wrote several new songs, downloaded ableton live and am trying to figure it out, made some seriously amazing food, read some sci-fi in the park, and hung out with a cool cat. what else do i really need?
― bene_gesserit, Monday, 21 May 2012 00:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
eh, cat was okay
― mookieproof, Monday, 21 May 2012 00:43 (1 year ago) Permalink
i beg to differ!
― bene_gesserit, Monday, 21 May 2012 00:45 (1 year ago) Permalink
"being in a relationship is really UNDERRATED"
no, i'm not sure if that works...
― dell (del), Monday, 21 May 2012 00:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
anyways, i have decided i want to date myself. i'm really awesome on my own.
Pretty much where I'm at. Well, more like, "if I'm gonna give up me-time, it's gonna be for the benefit of friends who I know well and trust and who probably aren't just gonna up and ditch my ass out of the blue".
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 21 May 2012 00:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
haha i know she's p. cool xps
― mookieproof, Monday, 21 May 2012 00:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
i mean being close to someone is obv. really amazing at times and you know, there's a reason there's a whole body of popular culture centered around it which can't be completely attributed to exploiting ppl's vain desires or crass economic motives. but, people are really complicated... if you are presented with maddening aspects of yourself, just living solely by yourself on a daily basis, then how can you possibly expect to get on that close with others? i mean there's always hopefully room for some great alchemy and complementariness but tbh at times i don't understand why everyone who gets married doesn't end up killing their spouse. i want to believe and in fact do honestly believe that many of my friends or family who are married are largely happy/healthily so wrapped up, but also i can't help but think they are diplomatic and mature and unselfish in ways that might forever elude me in this life
― dell (del), Monday, 21 May 2012 01:00 (1 year ago) Permalink
but this is a good cat-dragging thread, i will agree
I've become so cynical that I've started to believe that a lot of people get married to make it harder for their partner to leave them.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 21 May 2012 01:07 (1 year ago) Permalink
yeah to be honest there was a period of time for about a year and a half where i was miserable with myself, was not treating my depression or anxiety, and dating was just a nightmare - i would always end up being either rejected or faded out and it would always be excruciatingly painful. of course it would mean that i must be a worthless human being. since i got on a better medication/therapy regimen and have pretty much kicked my depression's ass (and working on anxiety) i am both much more easy going about dating - i let things roll off my back, if something doesn't work out it doesn't work out and it doesn't make me a horrible person just because one specific person doesn't realize how awesome i am. it's so amazing to be at this point where my relationship ended and the person treated me pretty crappily and is probably already dating the model he was hitting on at the party and i'm not feeling down on myself about it. this would not have happened a year ago.
― bene_gesserit, Monday, 21 May 2012 01:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
i'm actually optimistic about being single, for a change.
i feel like i have nothing to be worried about. i don't really see myself getting married or having children ever so it's ok for things to fail - there's no deadline for me.
― bene_gesserit, Monday, 21 May 2012 01:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
― mookieproof, Monday, 21 May 2012 01:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
you finally figured it out
― Lee971 (Lee626), Monday, 21 May 2012 03:34 (1 year ago) Permalink
A small part of me wonders if I was against kids not because I didnt want any (tho thats also true) but because I knew I'd end up a single mum if I had've. And I would have, so.
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 21 May 2012 05:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
Are you just trying to jinx it with this "didn't" and "would have" stuff?
― mh, Monday, 21 May 2012 14:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
I'm not sure if I follow you but am I inferring rightly that you think I may still change my mind on children? Because hahahahahaaaaaaaaa no.
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Monday, 21 May 2012 23:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
So I'm trying this and I think I'm not very good at it bcz all I've got is stupid-ass neg messages which I've replied to with total scorched earth ripostes, Abbott don't play that game, you know???
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
I did have a nice talk w/a guy about PRINCE tho
― Word of Wisdom Robots (Abbbottt), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:05 (1 year ago) Permalink
I'm even worse, I never reply to any messages I get even when the guy is just trying to be nice, cos I think "ehhhh". I'm useless and too fussy :(
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:14 (1 year ago) Permalink
I guess I just cant do half assed stuff.
thats not a bad thing on a dating site. i did swing a 2nd date btw :D (that's probably the last i will post about it.)
― bnw, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
I totally think I might want a kid, eventually. It does seem to add a level of stress.
― homosexual II, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
I'll usually reply to a message if it's at all clear that someone has actually read my profile beforehand but not so much when it's from someone I don't seem to have anything in common with who's all like, "OOH, WE HAVE SO MUCH IN COMMON!" I mean...yeah, I guess we're both breathing and survive largely thanks to the consumption of food, so I guess it's all a question of perspective at the end of the day...
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
I've met and wasted time on more than enough "THANK GOD, ANOTHER WARM BODY!" low-expectation ladies in my time, thank you very much.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
Yeah thats another thing that puts me off a bit, is ppl who you cant work out *why* they messaged you. I got one the other day from a rather normal, country-lookin feller, nothing offensive.... he said he'd been looking at my profile heaps and his curiosity was "peeked" (aaaargh), but DIDN'T SAY WHY. Our match was low, I couldnt see anything in HIS profile that caught my eye, and I was left baffled.
Oh also, I think he had kids.
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Tuesday, 22 May 2012 03:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
"I noticed you were female..."
― nickn, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 05:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
2 years.. still havent met anyone from this stupid fucking thing
― billstevejim, Tuesday, 22 May 2012 07:22 (1 year ago) Permalink
And people wonder why I have given up on OKC....
"you prefer young men and I prefer old. Where have you been?"
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 25 May 2012 04:46 (1 year ago) Permalink
- if you meant old men, I think yr barking up the wrong tree- if you meant old women, WHO YOU CALLING OLD, SMARTARSE?!
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 25 May 2012 04:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
I think the biggest problem with OKC is that the user base can be (very roughly) divided into two camps: a) people who are generally functional but just have trouble meeting potential dating partners and b) people who specifically frequent online dating sites because they're offputtingly dysfunctional and know that delaying face-to-face interaction is the only chance they have at dating. And then, of course, there's a good number of people in group b) who can't even make it past the online pre-interview without setting off all kinds of alarms.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Friday, 25 May 2012 04:53 (1 year ago) Permalink
Short of living in the boonies, I don't get why the first camp would have trouble meeting potential dating partners IRL. Meeting people IRL and striking up conversations >>> flipping through carefully-honed online profiles methinks.
The best three relationships I've ever had in my life were all with women I wouldn't have given a second glance to if I'd only known them from an online description. It's only after getting to know them IRL that I realized how amazing they were.
― Lee971 (Lee626), Friday, 25 May 2012 06:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
Short of living in the boonies, I don't get why the first camp would have trouble meeting potential dating partners IRL
...seriously? I mean, I'm a single, reasonably laid back gal with plenty of friends and social connections and fucked if I've been able to find any dates in about a year now. I mean everyone male and single is "potential" I guess but that doesnt help much when you constantly think "well Im not going to ask this person I know out because it will ruin our friendship/they will think I'm a creep/they really dont lke me much probably/etc etc
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 25 May 2012 06:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
I mean my social life, such as it is (and it hasnt been much which admittedly is my own fault lately) is the same group of people all the time, there isnt much new blood in the mix when you hit 40 and your friends groups have become fairly established.
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 25 May 2012 06:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
I dunno, I kinda appreciate Lee's "meet people IRL" suggestion. I've never tried it myself, but it's kind of ingeniously straightforward. Like, if it gains steam, it could really put all of these dating sites out to pasture overnight. I'll try it and let everyone know how it works!
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Friday, 25 May 2012 07:19 (1 year ago) Permalink
It just fits my real-life experience and that of my friends. Dating sites try to match you up with ppl who you think you'll like, who have most of the attributes you're looking for. But IRL, I've found such people make great friends but dull romantic partners. There's something intrinsically unromantic about meeting someone you already know has the same interests, likes the same music, and is as close as possible to your imaginary man or woman of your dreams. Real romance is unexpected, unscripted, and occurs when you last would have dreamt it would happen. How many dating-site profiles have you passed by because s/he was "not your type"? Show me two people who are madly in love, and I'll show you two people who aren't each other's type. It's even true in fiction, whether we're talking Romeo and Juliet or Jack and Rose or anyone else. How interesting would these have been if the latter's families were friendly cohorts and the latter were both wealthy first-class passengers?
I learned all this the hard way, or at least after too much time. Falling in love isn't about finding someone who most closely fits what you think is your ideal mate; it's about finding a seemingly ordinary person whom only after spending some time with you discover how amazing they really are. They'll probably be nothing at all like you, but that only serves to make getting to know them more interesting, as you find yourself becoming fascinated with walks of life you had completely ignored before you met your new bf/gf, and never would have dreamed you'd ever care a whit about. You can't get that flipping through match.com profiles.
― Lee971 (Lee626), Friday, 25 May 2012 10:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
I mean my social life, such as it is ....... is the same group of people all the time, there isnt much new blood in the mix when you hit 40 and your friends groups have become fairly established.
So you join or strike up conversations at the coffee shop, the pub, waiting in line for a concert, at luncheons, parties, or any vaguely social occasion. If you only go places with your friends and only talk with them, you won't meet many new people.
― Lee971 (Lee626), Friday, 25 May 2012 10:09 (1 year ago) Permalink
That involves being at the coffee shop, pub, concert, party... (getting in saying this before sic or S- do)
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 25 May 2012 10:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
PS dont mind me I'm just being self-deprecating as usual ;)
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 25 May 2012 10:52 (1 year ago) Permalink
It's my job to deprecate other people!
FTR, I've met several dates online, but not on dating-specific sites. Some were from reading blogs, and thinking, "wow, this person seems interesting", then messaging her that I'd like to meet her in real life. (downside to this approach: I've had way too many long-distance relationships). I met one woman on forums discussing psychological maladies we were both inflicted with, divorce law (I love irony), and appliance repair. It can happen anywhere.
― Lee971 (Lee626), Friday, 25 May 2012 11:01 (1 year ago) Permalink
Oh dont get me wrong thats how Ive met most of my partners actually! But that comes from being heavily online since BBS days in my mid 20s.
― Pureed Moods (Trayce), Friday, 25 May 2012 11:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
oh i'm not.... (should've italicized "my" - it's so easy to be misconstrued if you leave out the emphasis in online discourse; I was being facetious, or at least somewhat so...)
― Lee971 (Lee626), Friday, 25 May 2012 11:41 (1 year ago) Permalink
Lee, you do realise that your experience is not universal, nor is it necessarily the ideal? It might be how it works for you, but believe me, it is not how it works for everybody (unless you want to turn around and tell me that I'm not really in love because my partner is too similar in attitudes and interests, in which case, uh, fuck off).
― emil.y, Friday, 25 May 2012 12:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
Lee, FTR: 95% of my social life revolves around people whose internet presence consists of updating Facebook every other week. And while I was still in school/living in my college town, 95% of my dating pool was just people I'd met IRL under a variety of circumstances. However, in a twist of fate that I know is not in any way unique to me, once I was living in a new city and spending a large chunk of my time in a relatively asocial environment (i.e. working an office job vs. bumming around campus and running into familiar people all the time) and had to find a whole new series of activities and routines and hangouts independent of the huge network of people I'd grown accustomed to, it suddenly became much harder to meet new people. Not to mention that I suffer from mild social anxiety that really only affects me wrt meeting new people (specifically when I'm doing it on my own, without having the comfort of people I know around me). So once it became clear that I wasn't meeting many people with whom dating was an option (lots of platonic-type people, though), I warily turned to online dating. Which I've admittedly had limited success with (to the extent that I've dated and been in LTRs with a number of those people but clearly none of those things have lasted).
BUT (and here's the part you maybe wanna pay real close attention to) I have continued to date (and make attempts at dating) people I've met IRL, with the same degree of limited success. Which, yeah, might seem to suggest that the problem lies with me or my choice of dating partner...but that's all beside the point. When you go into a thread where people are talking about listening to music and suggest that people might be more fulfilled if they actually played music, you run the risk of offending by just assuming that there aren't some people in the thread who do play music and some others who are perfectly happy just listening. Now think about how suggestions like that are likely to go over in a thread about how people are managing their romantic life. I'm sure I speak for everyone when I say I'm very happy to hear that everything is going swimmingly in your IRL dating life, but an important thing to realize as you walk through this world is that your life experiences are not universal, and you will go a long way with other people by not expressing incredulity towards the fact that their experiences are different.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:15 (1 year ago) Permalink
There's something intrinsically unromantic about meeting someone you already know has the same interests, likes the same music, and is as close as possible to your imaginary man or woman of your dreams. ]
What?! Fuck that, no way. Please weed out people who like the Red Hot Chili Peppers and long walks in the park as quickly as possible, that's the ticket. In person, people's clothes and speech modes and stuff can tell you a lot about them and how they identify. You don't get those cues online, necessarily, but you get other stuff instead, and I like getting that stuff. I think that's valuable.
― how did I get here? why am I in the whiskey aisle? this is all so (Laurel), Friday, 25 May 2012 14:12 (1 year ago) Permalink