how to take a poop at work.

guys wtf are we doing at home on a saturday night talking about this

(i know, i know, but like, god)

We are sad folk.

I've been drinking like seven days out of the last 10, I'm home taking a break and saving money. Plus tomorrow I start packing to move.

I'm watching Battlestar. And drinking. And pumping brick.

That last is a freeweights thing, not a poop ref.

I haven't left the house since Thanksgiving evening.

I have taken about ten shits since then.

ha I took my one of my post-tging bear shits in the atlanta airport

did you see any undercover cops?

I have to power down the active surveillance when I evacuate ballast

Best not to take poops, but leave them.

"It's an Abba turd!"

I don't understand. Why does the authour of this piece think "escapees" and "jailbreaks" are embarrassing? Outside of a bathroom such noises may be rude, but the whole point of a bathroom is to relieve bodily functions.

-- fletrejet, Thursday, 9 January 2003 20:10 (4 years ago) Link

It's not that I think they're inappropriate, but I just don't care for farting around strangers regardless of context. Not that it's rude, but still kind of embarrassing.

On another matter, my work bathroom is a one-seater that is off the reception area, which would be bad enough if it weren't for the fact that the toilet makes absolutely no sound when it flushes--it's eerie and annoying.

Oops! I was going to say-- The other function of a courtesy flush is to mask the violent results of a drunken trip to Taco Bell for the (grrrr) "Fourth Meal."

Srsly though what the hell is it with people who try the cubicle door even though it clearly says ENGAGED? What are they hoping? That the lock will give way and they will burst in catching you in flagrante delicturd (weak pun soz)

http://img66.imageshack.us/img66/9186/imageuploadimagemk5.jpg

I'm usually only embarassed at work if there are co-workers I know, but I one time went to a pizza place where the bathroom was a one-seater. UNISEX.

And I had the worst diarrhea of a lifetime. I mean if I was a boxer, I woulda changed weight classes. My friends could kind of tell with the repeated facial clenching so I excused myself and I mean...the bathroom is RIGHT NEXT to a goddamn table. Seriously, this three top is like not even 100 feet away.

Of course the door is kind of old and weak and I hear someone pull on it twice and have horrors of the door coming free and everybody seeing me farting and dumping with my pants around my legs and a sheepish, scared look on my face.

It didn't happen. But I guarantee once I flung that door open and the scent wafted outwards, there were at least 3 patrons who no longer had an appetite.

I've had worse. When I was in seventh grade I had a bout of explosive diarrhea that decided to commence *as soon as I entered the stall* (note before I managed to pull my pants down or sit on the toilet). I got shit all over the place including my clothes. I ended up sitting there for half the day not knowing what to do. I eventually managed to get someone to bring me my gym clothes and a plastic bag and get a hold of my mom.

^^^I'm freaking glad I didn't have the egg salad I'm eating in my mouth at the time I read that, because I would have spat it all over the cpu. rofl.

I would have shits with all this white girls.

a sexy shit party?

black-pants girls with blow-outs

what is this please?

http://img48.imageshack.us/img48/1438/lw2toiletkj1.jpg

^^ The Reverend in junior high.

Fo realz.

Black pants blow-out = the mainstream young lady's office uniform. Unexceptional in all ways: black pants, black shoes, few accessories (very modest ones, possibly a silver Elsa Peretti necklace from her parents), blow-dried hair, unobtrusive but always acceptable. Not too stylish, but with just enough expenditure showing.

Conversation I just had with my friend Kevin:

me: Kevin, do you poop at work?
kevin: Heck yeah I do. Pooping at work is fantastic.
me: Why?
kevin: Because it takes up time I'd otherwise have to spend working. Make an event out of it and don't do it at home so I can save up my morning shit. I even print out some reading material and take it in there with me. It's awesome.

He did admit to waiting until he's the only one in the bathroom until leaving. So I guess he's kind of an out of the closet pooper. In any event, he's my hero.

The teachers and staff of my high schools liked me so I was able to use their bathroom for most of a year until one nasty teacher put the kibosh on it. Then I had a serious stomach issue in the middle of the day and had to use the fucking students bathroom. Where the stalls had *no doors.*

Still not as bad as one school I went to where the toilets didn't have stalls separating them--just 3 toilets in a line. Grrr.

Still not as bad as one school I went to where the toilets didn't have stalls separating them--just 3 toilets in a line. Grrr.

Inhuman!

kevin: Because it takes up time I'd otherwise have to spend working. Make an event out of it and don't do it at home so I can save up my morning shit. I even print out some reading material and take it in there with me. It's awesome.

^^^ 4-4-2

thanks laurel. i thought it might be that but the blow-out part threw me off.

So have any of you GIS "2 girls and a cup" yet?

I wonder what the record for "longest ass-wiping duration" is. my record has to be 45 minutes

Did you get a chapped anus?

I got splinters...damn pine cones

okay, no

Be a man, use your hand, Bo.

I used smooth rocks when I lived in Wyoming. Best wipes ever.

Aspen leaves on all my camping trips. Resourceful...?

JW unless your hand is made of smooth rocks, you are not a Man according to the above couplet.

I use my shit to wipe. Is that man enough?

doesn't that just mash it in there more?

Not if you dry it out first.

the Chimay ale is about to come back out of my mouth in heaves

PP wins.

huh huh, you said peepee

how about on a cruise ship?

I had to do that this weekend (or else wait 3 days) and found due to the faulty vaccuum flushing that bits of the....material were still lodged in the toilet. took about 12 flushes to fix

Starboard ho, DUH!

haha!

captain's log

make a sailor flush

port'a'loo

must be nice. today someone pulled the ol' peep thru the crack in the stall to see if it was truly occupied but i'm not psychotic enough to hang a strip of toilet paper over the crack while i go

The single stall/handicap bathroom at work (unknown people would come from other floors to poop in it lol) had the worst design. The lock was one of those that you weren't ever sure if it was fully locked, when you went to test it, it would unlock. And the toilet was far from the door, so if the door was indeed not locked and someone walked in, you would have to stand up and run three steps to the door to shove it close. I understand that the room needed the space but that f'ing lock.

A bar I used to go to in Prague had a single toilet in a long room, with a door with a broken lock that opened up to the whole room. And that wasn't even the worst thing about the place, it was a skinhead bar we only ever went to because we knew we could buy weed there.

xp I discovered a while ago that the cubicle doors at my work are easy to unlock from the outside. luckily I feel like I do not work with anyone who would do such a thing and I'm usually paranoid enough to make sure nothing would be visible by default anyway, but still not ideal

(the lock indicator was in a halfway position and I'd already checked the cubicle was empty but for some reason decided to push the outside of the lock gently with my finger, and in fact the entire lock could move all the way from locked to open and back by swiping the outside vacancy indicator)

current peeve: the sanitary bin is taller than the toilet seat and barely an inch away from it so if you are a larger lady you have to arrange yourself quite carefully on the seat to avoid the bin touching your bare thigh

I keep thinking about complaining about this and then thinking of the horror of writing to the facilities guy to say "hello, here is how fat I am, now think about my bare thighs. signed, a fatty"

splashback solution:

https://i.imgur.com/iLMx1kU.png

i used to be self conscious about doing this but now I just fucking dump it out. don't even care.

better than letting whistlers fly at the desk

boss makes a dollar, i make a dime
that's why i poop on company time

I go to other floors so I won't run into my direct coworkers. It's not shame, specifically. Nor is it a denial that I have bodily functions, it's more like... I want to preserve an arm's length distance between me and my immediate coworkers.

I prefer to be a bit of a mystery, and to retain a zone of privacy. I don't even like to eat in the office if I can possibly avoid it. I don't want to go to lunch with coworkers, or drinks after.

I am here to work and that's it. I already have friends. I already have a family. I don't need work peeps to be either entity.

or work poops amirite

Wokka wokka

I poop at work every day and it’s been pretty amazing lately, just word class poops that leave me weak-kneed

Been desperate to tell someone

congrats, getting paid to poop is the best

Pooping at work is mandatory. What is the key here is not getting splashed with yr own deuce juice by a zealous auto-flush.

i will admit, before I was virtual, i definitely milked bathroom time. it was the best. a 20-30 minute break, bring the boombox into the can and play your fav jams