Come get revolted at anything and everything to do with ROCK OF AGES

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Would like to see Tom Cruise and Alec Baldwin do The Odd Couple.

caro's johnson (Eazy), Monday, 7 May 2012 17:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

i <3 trainwrecks

hope it goes full on scientology-thinks-this-having-fun-stuff-is-bad,yo-also-ps-tom-isnt-gay-look-there-is-a-lady

Thoughts? You must have loads. (a hoy hoy), Monday, 7 May 2012 17:44 (2 years ago) Permalink

Fuck this shitshow for making me feel sorry (if only for a second) for Axl Rose.

'scuse me, while I Rim the Sky... (snoball), Monday, 7 May 2012 18:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

someone here has seen this.

there is R&B in it -- Mary J Blige?

World Congress of Itch (Dr Morbius), Wednesday, 13 June 2012 04:36 (2 years ago) Permalink

http://deadspin.com/5918024/so-who-embarrasses-himself-the-most-in-rock-of-ages

The key part of course being:

Tom Cruise. I had to save the guy everyone really wants to know about for last. This'll come as a surprise, but it shouldn't: Cruise is without question the best thing about Rock of Ages and certainly the only reason to see it. As Stacee Jaxx, the aging, "tortured" oversexed rock god, Cruise isn't convincing exactly—it's tough for anyone who legitimately loved Def Leppard as a teen to listen to Cruise wail out "Pour Some Sugar On Me" and not want to die a little bit—but you cannot say he doesn't devote himself to the part. For all his undeniably creepy intensity and general craziness, Cruise never goes halfway and never mails it in: He gives you more than you were asking, more, probably, than any sane actor would or should. Watching him just go balls-out over-the-top—including a bravura, oddly hypnotic, holy-shit-is-he-really-doing-this rendition of "Wanted Dead Or Alive" that has more sincerity in it than Jon Bon Jovi has expressed in 20 years—is, in a batshit way, sort of inspiring; Cruise just fucking goes for broke. It's not necessarily good, but it's insanely watchable, and every scene he's not in, you keep waiting for him to come back. (Fortunately, Shankman obliges, basically ceding the whole second half of the film to Cruise.) It's impossible not to admire him for it. And that probably tells you all you need to know about Rock of Ages: Tom Cruise is the best, and probably most metal, part of it. Rating: 8.

(The answer to the URL question is the male lead, whoever he is.)

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 14 June 2012 02:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

Oh wait this is a MOVIE version? FOr some reason all this time, Ive been assuming Cruise was doing the stage musical somewhere. Not sure how I got that impression.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Thursday, 14 June 2012 02:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

The only R&B in the movie is a parody of Color Me Badd-style New Jack lite. Mary J. Blige usually just sings choice lines from big "West Side Story"-ish character montages. Of which there are at least six or seven by the end of the movie.

old people are made of poop (Eric H.), Thursday, 14 June 2012 03:01 (2 years ago) Permalink

Cruise's performance is like a lot of things he does. He seems to be consciously embracing the ridiculousness of his performance and, at the same time, winking to the audience as if to say: "Yeah, I know this is outrageous but, hey, I bet you're pretty surprised I'm as sexy as I am doing it."

old people are made of poop (Eric H.), Thursday, 14 June 2012 03:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

His is the only performance that's trying to work on both levels, tho.

old people are made of poop (Eric H.), Thursday, 14 June 2012 03:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

L.A. geography in movies is always pretty funny, but it's uniquely funny here since a bunch of CGI-matte stuff had to be created. The main girl gets off a Greyhound bus at Hollywood and Vine, with the Roosevelt Hotel next door, then rounds the corner and she's on Sunset and San Vicente... it was nice to see a Ben Frank's cameo, though, even if it was digital!

Walter Galt, Thursday, 14 June 2012 09:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ha Melbourne cops those anomalies a lot in films - we're like vancouver, they film here for "generic big city thats cheap to film in" and people run into arcades and come out 4 streets over, its hilarious. There was a jackie chan film that was dreadful for it, I forget which one now. Mr Nice Guy I think.

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Thursday, 14 June 2012 09:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

80s mainstream rock + tom cruise = my least favorite musical genre meets my least favorite actor. oh joy

(REAL NAME) (m coleman), Thursday, 14 June 2012 09:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

lovebug otm

Can we be shown Zardoz + Nick Lowe? (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 14 June 2012 10:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

anomalies, yeah:

Watching "Blow-Up", and thinking:

"He saw something in a park in London, and has driven to find his friend in a club in Windsor? mm.. I guess he might do..."

Mark G, Thursday, 14 June 2012 10:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

For some weird reason my brain parsed that as "Rex Manning".

Pureed Moods (Trayce), Thursday, 14 June 2012 11:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

I saw "sex man."

old people are made of poop (Eric H.), Thursday, 14 June 2012 11:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

Pretty hyped about Russell Brand performing Starship's We Built This City. That's the spirit of rock'n'roll right there.

Get wolves (DL), Thursday, 14 June 2012 11:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

Wait until you see him split duty on "Can't Fight This Feeling" with Alec Baldwin.

old people are made of poop (Eric H.), Thursday, 14 June 2012 12:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

most deserved repurposing of bad music since Pierce Brosnan sang ABBA

Pangborn to be Wilde (Dr Morbius), Thursday, 14 June 2012 13:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

I thought PBros sounded like Bruce Springsteen! Oh, wait..

Mark G, Thursday, 14 June 2012 13:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

It doesn't help this movie at all in terms of what they're supposed to be aiming for that whenever I hear/read Tom Cruise's character's name I just start humming this:

Ned Raggett, Thursday, 14 June 2012 14:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ha. I always think of that song too.

Can we be shown Zardoz + Nick Lowe? (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 14 June 2012 14:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

I was in a waiting room yesterday and the TV was playing a talk show with a blonde woman and a Generic Handsome Dude and they were mugging so hard and being so relentlessly inane that I was sure it was a sketch comedy show parody of a morning show. But then the sketch just kept going, and it went to commercial and it came back as the same show instead of a new sketch and it turns out it's a real show and the blonde woman was Kelly Rippa and my whole view of the world shifted just knowing that this show is real and it's out there and presumably has a viewing audience.

That's how I feel about this movie.

carl agatha, Thursday, 14 June 2012 14:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

And then it happened on a Tuesday Morning.

Mark G, Thursday, 14 June 2012 14:39 (2 years ago) Permalink

it was nice to see a Ben Frank's cameo, though, even if it was digital!

Aw yeah!

Elvis Telecom, Friday, 15 June 2012 00:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

Tom Cruise in a big flop. My cup runneth over. Now, if we can only get Mel Gibson to disappear in a puff of demonic smoke.

Aimless, Saturday, 16 June 2012 16:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

Eh, Tom Cruise is not the star, and the last film he lead was a global smash, so ...

Josh in Chicago, Saturday, 16 June 2012 21:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

Plus the only one person who is getting good notices from this unholy mess is Tom Cruise.

old people are made of poop (Eric H.), Saturday, 16 June 2012 23:50 (2 years ago) Permalink

Aimless surrenders to the passion:

Ned Raggett, Saturday, 16 June 2012 23:55 (2 years ago) Permalink

he has been in ensemble flops before, or have you forgotten the Redford film where TC played a conservative senator?

or Knight and Day?
(tbh I had forgotten that existed)

Pangborn to be Wilde (Dr Morbius), Sunday, 17 June 2012 02:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

tracy jaxxx is a very hummable song!

brödinger's cat (Pillbox), Sunday, 17 June 2012 02:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

Knight and Day was way better than I thought it was going to be

wack nerd zinging in the dead of night (upper mississippi sh@kedown), Sunday, 17 June 2012 03:32 (2 years ago) Permalink

Is the title an Animal House reference?

If There's a POLL Below, We're All Going to Vote (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 17 June 2012 04:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

he has been in ensemble flops before, or have you forgotten the Redford film where TC played a conservative senator?

Yeah, this was around Cruise's personal/commercial nadir: the couch jumping, the Scientology infomercial leaks, divorce/Holmes, then "Lions for Lambs," "Valkyrie," and "Knight and Day" (with "Tropic Thunder" in there, with tons of make-up and good reviews). But the dude never stays down for long.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 17 June 2012 13:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's like he picks his flops well. They're always forgettable, or he's a support player.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 17 June 2012 13:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

He could be in a movie with Chevy Chase and still have a career, to paraphrase Chris Rock.

If There's a POLL Below, We're All Going to Vote (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 17 June 2012 13:38 (2 years ago) Permalink

"These songs suck" aside, almost all of those bullet points fall into the Ebert "it's wrong, but it doesn't matter" territory.

old people are made of poop (Eric H.), Sunday, 17 June 2012 19:23 (2 years ago) Permalink

I have a feeling this movie sucks for reasons that have absolutely nothing to do with lack of historical accuracy.

Josh in Chicago, Sunday, 17 June 2012 20:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

'hugely dislikable' says the usually cheery and fun-loving Philip French in The Observer.
http://www.guardian.co.uk/film/2012/jun/17/rock-ages-review?newsfeed=true

piscesx, Sunday, 17 June 2012 20:48 (2 years ago) Permalink

10. Oh, and the songs are no good.
While I will concede that some of the songs have aged better than I expected, the fact remains that I count five good songs among the 32 in the film.

For the record, and I'm feeling generous when I make this list, the five are "Paradise City," "I Love Rock 'n' Roll," "Pour Some Sugar on Me," "Rock You Like a Hurricane" and "I Want to Know What Love Is," which is pretty much ruined by being used as the basis for a jokey sex scene.

Blimey, if that's the five good songs, what are the shite ones? (dnanswerthat)

Mark G, Monday, 18 June 2012 09:42 (2 years ago) Permalink

xpost the review is very short, one of the comments is actually a better review!

Mark G, Monday, 18 June 2012 09:45 (2 years ago) Permalink

The posters for this are all over town, huge and relentless. Everytime I see them I think of the question posed here:
TS: Most Retarded-Looking Barenaked Ladies Member on This Album Cover

WARS OF ARMAGEDDON (Karaoke Version) (Sparkle Motion), Monday, 18 June 2012 16:43 (2 years ago) Permalink

my problem is the opposite -- I like...nay unabashedly LOVE all the cheesy-ass songs in this stupid movie just the way they are. Shining them up and adding more cheese just bums me out. It's the same reason I could never watch Glee.

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 18 June 2012 17:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

This is actually a lot of fun! You need not to be sober, and you also need to bring booze into the cinema to be honest. But it's funny, it's fun, there's a lot of likeable actors having a good time (NB neither of the "leads", but there's not all that much of them in it) and Tom Cruise is amazing - though I'm curious what Axl's lawyers thought of it. It helps a lot that it's not really concerned with the transformative power of rock as much as hey these songs are fun to hear when drunk.

Andrew Farrell, Sunday, 24 June 2012 00:11 (2 years ago) Permalink

Despite this convincing argument, do not think I will be seeing this anytime soon.

Stumpy Joe's Cafe (James Redd and the Blecchs), Sunday, 24 June 2012 00:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

Also from the Wrap above:

The creators of "Rock of Ages" talk a lot about authenticity and attention to detail in the press notes for the Tom Cruise rock musical, which re-creates the world of the Sunset Strip circa 1987.

The creators, then, are epically trolling - there is nothing this film is less interested in than authenticity.

Andrew Farrell, Sunday, 24 June 2012 17:59 (2 years ago) Permalink

6 months pass...

okay my mission to watch all of the golden globe/oscar nommed films before the ceremonys happen is currently at risk of failing. 39 mins through this tsunami of liquid shit and i've just run out of booze :-(

Jamie_ATP, Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:12 (1 year ago) Permalink

my hat is off to you

I have no idea if I will ever sit through this without some kind of anesthetic

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:15 (1 year ago) Permalink

so julianne hough is the one with the recording career here right? so why does her voice sound so much more autotuned than Tom Cruise's? anyone? why am i just asking this question, of the millions i could be asking right now? people buy tickets to see this thing live? why does humanity still exist?

Jamie_ATP, Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:23 (1 year ago) Permalink

recording career? she had a dancing career as a pretty badass ballroom dancer, but I dunno about recording. i thought this was her first singing gig

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:28 (1 year ago) Permalink

oh wait she has 1 album and a holiday album from 2008
I had no idea

shrug

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:29 (1 year ago) Permalink

yeah this was pretty awful. tom cruise was about the best thing in it.

it just wasn't 'fun' at all - it was boring as fuck, and the two young leads were just so lacking in charisma or chemistry with each other, and had the most generic singing voices of all time. at least cruise sounded like cruise?

just1n3, Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:34 (1 year ago) Permalink

This movie marginally > Les Mis.

Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:36 (1 year ago) Permalink

no way

I don't believe you

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:37 (1 year ago) Permalink

I didn't say it wasn't terrible.

Zero Dark 33⅓: The Final Insult (Eric H.), Thursday, 27 December 2012 00:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

hough is just a ridiculously bad actress throughout. after seeing Blake Lively
in savages the other day this is some bad bad deja vu.

Jamie_ATP, Thursday, 27 December 2012 01:01 (1 year ago) Permalink

I don't know if I should applaud or woefully shake my head at the choice you've made in trying to watch this

GIMME SOME REGGAE (DJP), Thursday, 27 December 2012 01:37 (1 year ago) Permalink

gave up 80 mins through for the sake of my own pride and sanity

Jamie_ATP, Thursday, 27 December 2012 10:20 (1 year ago) Permalink

Guys, don't forget the good Rock of Ages

Albee Thousand (James Redd and the Blecchs), Thursday, 27 December 2012 14:45 (1 year ago) Permalink

set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 27 December 2012 16:26 (1 year ago) Permalink


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