Somehow the fucking doctor she has been getting x-rays and cat scans from for the last five years completely missed the huge tumor crushing her heart.
due to the time, i am assuming you are US based pepper, cos this scarily similar to our situation.
3 years of 'problems' that were ignored cos it would have cost a few quid to send bh for a CT scan ..
so, yes fuck you incomp. doctors and fuck you tory policy to make doctors even more important in the decision making process.
once bh was escalated to the next level of care then it has to be said, the care was absolutely fantastic, but the fact of the matter is that he problems were ignored by the the GPs for 3 years .. and the GPs defence : 'bh is too young to get stomach cancer'
ok, time for more wine ..
― mark e, Monday, 30 April 2012 21:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
hang in there, also check out the revive on the Steve Albini thread, very inspiring.
― sleeve, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 00:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
I was told just today that my aunt was in the final stages of her cancer, so I feel you. It's amazing how much money + resources gets pumped into research and how it's still such a crapshoot of who survives and who doesn't.
― musicfanatic, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 00:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
Here's the link. It's about a musician with terminal cancer staring the fucker down until the very end.
― pplains, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 02:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
pp i had no idea, i always avoid this thread. rooting for you.
― like Joe Pasquale and Gandhi (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 1 May 2012 06:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
same here PP. And Mark e,Sleeve,musicfanatic good luck to you guys too. Sorry to hear about all this. Good vibes to you all.
― Algerian Goalkeeper, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 08:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"he made a choice between two options, undergoing a regimen of treatment that might extend his life at the cost of its quality, or a less invasive course that would allow him to continue living more-or-less normally by suppressing some of his symptoms and alleviating his pain, without increasing his longevity. He chose that second course."
I must confess, if this is the appropriate place to say so which it may not be, that this will be my path, should it happen.
― fix it with like some music glue (Trayce), Tuesday, 1 May 2012 11:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
just to clarify, my tests have been clean since 2008, though I'm still in the system and they still dig out polyps every year that could turn into something worse.
I usually don't post in this thread because my story hasn't taken the turns others have made here.
Cancer is such a random unstoppable killer and it's very frustrating because some get better and some get worse. At least when you get eaten by a shark, the doctors don't go, Hmmm, let's try some of these painful treatments for the next six months and see what happens next.
There's nothing anyone can say here to mark or anyone else that can make the pain of losing someone any easier to take. Cancer's biggest sin isn't that it takes one person, but that it can infect entire families, the people left behind.
― pplains, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 14:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
I feel like a jerk even saying anything, but I'm having such a hard time getting used to my mother-in-law's cancer.
It's basically going to be a fact of life for her. The cancer is small and slow-growing. She decided that she does not want to have chemo, since the doctors were not convinced that it would help and with her being upwards of 75 it could have pretty bad effect on her. She's not a candidate for surgery, which would have removed part of her stomach and left her in chronic pain for the rest of her life. So, the way it stands now, without any treatment the prognosis is 5 years. (And I know they don't mean much but still, hearing it in numbers like that is just, ugh).
She's decided to try a nutritional approach, using the Gerson diet? I'd never heard of it but apparently it's kinda popular among people in her situation, or with ppl who do not want to go down the chemo road at all. So she's gotta eat loads of fruit and veg and juices...and have enemas :/ ... but she figured it can't make her feel any worse, and her doctor basically told her to do nothing at all.
all of that aside, the hardest thing for me is that I haven't been through anything like this, not with anyone close to me. the last time a family member was even sick was my grandma when I was teenager. I was incredibly close to her, and she died when I was 16 -- my relationship with my MIL is very similar, because she's the same age my grandma was when she passed, and she's the most intelligent, caring, loveliest woman I know and I cannot get down with the idea that FUCKING CANCER is inside her now.
I know none of what she's going through now necessarily means that she has a death sentence, and yes we all die. but these past few weeks, I'm okay when I'm around her and we talk and everything's just like it always has been but if I think about her for too long on my own I just start crying because I really really don't want to lose her. She's like my second mom.
ugh even crying now as I type, goddammit. I just need to find away to settle into this, I need to get to some kind of acceptance, stay logical and not be scared and it's so hard.
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 24 May 2012 21:24 (11 months ago) Permalink
― mookieproof, Thursday, 24 May 2012 23:41 (11 months ago) Permalink
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:10 (11 months ago) Permalink
ditto mooks here. sending good thoughts your way. fuck u cancer, and all illness, really.
― quincie, Friday, 25 May 2012 01:18 (11 months ago) Permalink
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:40 (11 months ago) Permalink
Hoping this will help, if only ever so slightly: my dad was diagnosed with throat cancer...crikey, almost two years ago. He felt fine and was in generally good shape and was expected to live at least a few more years upon initial diagnosis. However, he went in for some extreme chemo treatments which killed him in less than a week. Although, obviously, not all situations are the same, it is helpful to remember that modern medicine sometimes doesn't know shit about dick. On the other hand, I know a friend of a friend's dad who, afaik, continues to do fine years and years after his cancer diagnosis as a result (one assumes) of undergoing a diet change much like the one you describe. So...hope for the best, I guess. It's all you have the power to do in your shoes. Strongest of wellwishing, VG.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:59 (11 months ago) Permalink
that means a lot, Deric, and it really does help to read that. Thank you <3
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 02:19 (11 months ago) Permalink
However, he went in for some extreme chemo treatments which killed him in less than a week.
OMG I'm so sorry, Deric. That must have been so awfully hard.
― wolf kabob (ENBB), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:20 (11 months ago) Permalink
I used to talk with this older woman who took chemotherapy with me. While my treatments were once every two weeks, for six months, hers were to go on perpetually once a week. She said that she wasn't ready to give up on life, despite the discomfort and spoke fondly of the Whippets she was raising.
I'd lay in bed for the next couple of days and think, man, that woman must sure love Whippets.
In other words, you'll never hear criticism from me about older people saying to hell with chemo, I'm going to stock up on vegetables and head for Mexico like Ambrose Pierce.
― pplains, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:08 (11 months ago) Permalink
Had thyroid cancer in 2000. Every time i am about to get the green light on no more six month follow-ups, something suspicious turns up. Then it's another few years of watching and testing and nothing really turning up, which is great. At what point do you say fuck the follow-ups? Because this can go on forever.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 19:29 (11 months ago) Permalink
Sorry to hear about your MIL and what you are going through, Vegemite. I have heard really great and miraculous things about the Gershon diet. Only, in fact. My uncle has been following the diet on his own, without the proper juicer and has leukemia but has been in extremely good health since. Being pro-active and making decisions like that, I feel, is a very good sign.
When doctors says a cancer is slow moving, you can bet then then it is slow moving. It does mean that they want you to come in for follow-ups and testing pretty often. What this does is keep cancer on everyone's mind even when things are not progressing or even looking up.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 19:47 (11 months ago) Permalink
Thanks tera, I'm glad there's good stories about the diet -- honestly it sounds like a cross between a genius idea ie the nutrional approach, but also quackery with all those enemas but I definitely admire her being so pro-active. And she has a lot of support within the family, plus a family friend has been on the Gerson diet for a year or so now post-breast cancer, and is also a GP so she's been very good at helping get my MIL get good information.
I talked to Mr Veg about it last night, and he said that there's no reason I shouldn't just talk to my MIL, instead of trying to come to terms on my own. We have always had a very close relationship so it might be a good approach. idk. We'll see.
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 20:17 (11 months ago) Permalink
Talking things out can help tremendously.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 21:09 (11 months ago) Permalink
forgive the question, but "MIL" ?
is that a US thing ?
this thread just underlines the sheer fucking evilness of cancer.
something i never really appreciated until it crashed into my world
(i know i know, ignorance is bliss, and in my case, it really really was bliss as we genuinely had a perfect life)
oh, and its one month since the evil lump changed our lives forever.
2 weeks ago i buried my wife.
so image how i felt when @ 9:30am this morning, my boss called to see if i was coming to a meeting this afternoon with HR to discuss my situation re returning to work !
my answer : "i'm still filling in the f*ckin' paperwork .. "
so a quick question for anyone else who has been through similar situations to me : how long before you went back to work ?
― mark e, Friday, 25 May 2012 22:19 (11 months ago) Permalink
MIL = mother-in-law
― how's life, Friday, 25 May 2012 22:29 (11 months ago) Permalink
I couldn't imagine ever going back to work, tbh. I guess at some point you have to, but damn.
So very, very sorry Mark.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 22:32 (11 months ago) Permalink
this is where my head is, so it was not easy as when boss called i was on the verge of an outburst along these lines.
the problem is : the company have been great, and my boss has been and is great.
just that my official sick note ran out a mere few hours before, and they were on the phone checking my whereabouts, despite the fact that last week i went into the office to tell them 'i'm f*cked up, and there is no way i'm coming back for a while'
hey ho, paperwork and forms are the foundations of the modern world i guess.
― mark e, Friday, 25 May 2012 23:06 (11 months ago) Permalink
I'm so sorry man.
― how's life, Friday, 25 May 2012 23:08 (11 months ago) Permalink
@ VGirl, it might sound sappy to say so, but in you it sounds you've got a fortunate mother-in-law.
― poxen, Saturday, 26 May 2012 00:05 (11 months ago) Permalink
one month on.the big question : how long is it when i no longer see my wife die everytime i close my eyesits ripping me to pieces.cant remember any of the good stuff due to the sheer intensity of the last 12 months.this shit really hurts.think i need to see someone and get some advise on how to deal with this which is not easy given that on the surface all appears ok ..
― mark e, Saturday, 26 May 2012 21:58 (11 months ago) Permalink
Mark, I'm sorry for your loss and I sympathize deeply (although I could never understand exactly what you're going through).
I thought I was just coming back home to support my mom while my dad was in hospital with a sudden downturn related to his chemo treatments, when in fact I managed to get into town and to the hospital just in time to actually watch my dad die. It's a horrible thing to experience, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. As I mentioned upthread, this was almost two years ago and I'm still shaken by it. The best advice I can give: seek a grief counselor, or any kind of therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist. Someone who you (or your insurance) are paying to be there on a regular basis to listen to you. As helpful as friends can be as a shoulder to cry on, they might not be there when you need them to be or as much as you need them to be. It's important to remember that some people feel more helpless than others with respect to helping you cope with such a huge weight and also that this isn't a weight you should expect anyone in particular to help you shoulder if that person isn't a professional.
All I can tell you with any certainty is that when I was confronted with tragedy (my dad's death was only one of a number of deaths and heavy events that transpired over the course of several months), I tried the "shaking it off" method for as long as I could, pressing forward and hoping that day-to-day life would take my mind off of it. It only worked for so long, and I completely turfed out after I stopped seeing my psychiatrist at the time. I'm only starting to get back on track now, two years later, so I think it's really important that you take care of yourself now and continue taking care of yourself for as long as it takes until you are well. And possibly quite a bit after you think you're well. Most importantly, though, don't try to carry the weight yourself.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 27 May 2012 00:01 (11 months ago) Permalink
Ohhhh, and thank you, Erica, I didn't see your post yesterday. As evidenced by my most recent post, it really was and has continued to be a pretty rough road. And my dad and I didn't even particularly get on that well. You just never know how it's gonna hit you until it hits you.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 27 May 2012 01:00 (11 months ago) Permalink
― mark e, Sunday, 27 May 2012 08:17 (11 months ago) Permalink
went to my gp today.
she toyed with the idea of upping the dosage of my anti-deps, but i resisted that.however, i will be referred to the relevant people to talk about my issues around the death, to try and help me get to the next stage.best thing = my gp telling me that this shit can take a while to get over, and she will help out in anyway she can.i.e. ongoing sick notes.as getting a call at 9:30am on friday morning from my boss (2 weeks to the day after i buried my wife, 4 weeks to the day after she had died), asking where i was as my official sick leave ran out on the day before.
him : "HR have organised a meeting for you this afternoon" me : " i aint going to be there"
not the most helpful of attitudes.
so hearing someone tell me that they can swing, and that my boss will just have to wait for me to get over this was a massive boost that i needed.
― mark e, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 20:53 (11 months ago) Permalink
That's great to hear. A lot of people are really dense when it comes to the grief of others.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 20:59 (11 months ago) Permalink
deric (of the most amazing facial hair !) : that seems to have become very apparent in recent days.
old school macho attitude british seems to be at the fore - 'stiff upper lip', and all that crap.
head of HR = wife of high ranking bloke in the forces therefore one suspecst has a more clinical/cold 'tude towards dealing with death.
problem is that i'm not of that type of breeding.
this is the first time i have had to go through such an experience (and hopefully the last), and given certain aspects of the death, i'm struggling to reconcile various issues (all appears ok to the outside world as i have to function on a day to day basis for the Lads, but this stuff goes way deeper than being able to do the ironing).
― mark e, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 21:16 (11 months ago) Permalink
my feeling is when you go through something like this, work may as well be another planet. Like, if you're a person who needs to throw themselves into work to cope, that's one thing...but yeah, I would feel no guilt at all for thinking your boss can sodd off and cope without you for a while.
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 21:20 (11 months ago) Permalink
"my feeling is when you go through something like this, work may as well be another planet. Like, if you're a person who needs to throw themselves into work to cope, that's one thing...but yeah, I would feel no guilt at all for thinking your boss can sodd off and cope without you for a while.
indeed * 1000
yesterday i was walking to school to pick up small and one of the mums asked me re returning to work.
my answer : 'i couldn't give a shit re work'
to which after a moment of raised eyebrows, she eventually answered : 'well there's your new priorities'
which summed it all up for me ..
― mark e, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 21:26 (11 months ago) Permalink
but it's like, this is your *life*. it's right to feel all those messy feelings and emotions and sadness...how could you not. I think onlookers just have a sort of weird shelf-life for empathy, where they're sympathetic for a week or two and then they just don't want those tendrils of sadness in their life anymore so they want to shove you back into your normal routine so they don't have to talk about it. maybe not as blunt as all that, but something like it.
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 21:32 (11 months ago) Permalink
they're sympathetic for a week or two and then they just don't want those tendrils of sadness in their life anymore so they want to shove you back into your normal routine so they don't have to talk about it.
ringo bingo to the power of infinity.
― mark e, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 21:36 (11 months ago) Permalink
i've been thinking about you a lot. i'm very sorry for what you've lost but also for what you have to go through next. it's going to be difficult and it might take a long time and i really hope you've got kind people in your life who will keep loving you and accepting you no matter how angry and sad and mean you get at times. one of my good friends lost her husband suddenly five years ago and had a terrible time of it but she is finally happy again and is amazed to be because for ages and ages she thought her grief would never end. meanwhile, other people's lives were continuing as usual and they didn't have to work incredibly hard to just get through a day and yet some of them were horribly judgmental.
― estela, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 22:11 (11 months ago) Permalink
but she is finally happy again and is amazed to be because for ages and ages she thought her grief would never end.
i rarely open up on ilx, but this thread has been a vital resource in recent times.
thank you all.
― mark e, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 22:14 (11 months ago) Permalink
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 22:19 (11 months ago) Permalink
and estela otm.
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 22:20 (11 months ago) Permalink
mark, I am so sorry.
― carl agatha, Tuesday, 29 May 2012 22:34 (11 months ago) Permalink
Hey Mark, I've got nothing particularly useful to say, but just wanted to wish you all the strength for soldiering on for however long it takes to get through to the other side.
― You can do it Sun Myung Moon (NickB), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 22:44 (11 months ago) Permalink
Hi Mark -- I want to offer my thoughts to you too. Strength is hard to come by in people, and I admire what I see of it in you. Fuck cancer.
― game of crones (La Lechera), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 23:12 (11 months ago) Permalink
mark, I can't imagine what you're going through, but i'm thinking of you, and i'm glad your gp is supportive.
― dethklok piccalo (c sharp major), Tuesday, 29 May 2012 23:14 (11 months ago) Permalink
i just found out that a friend i hadn't talked to in years and years just died of cancer. he was a real joker and had strong attractive teeth. iirc he's the first person my own age who i've known to die of a disease (rather than accident/od/suicide/other). sucks. RIP, man.
― game of crones (La Lechera), Monday, 18 June 2012 00:05 (11 months ago) Permalink
I'm sorry to hear about your friend La Lechera. My mom was diagnosed with stage IV ovarian cancer two years ago. She beat it with two surgeries and chemo. Unfortunately, we recently learned that it has metastasized to her bones. Since we caught the initial cancer so late, I'm a big believer in the Canary Foundation's emphasis on early detection. I'm hopeful for new technologies advancing early detection. But until we get there, I'd just like to join the chorus here on ILX and say FUCK CANCER.
― Eccsame the Photon Guys (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 28 October 2012 06:28 (6 months ago) Permalink
I can't call Indiana. Radiation either worked or it didn't on Oct. 31. And I'm too much of a coward to call and ask. Girlfriend knows something is up. I'm just defeated, and I don't know what to do but shout it into the abyss of the internet.
― Eccsame the Photon Guys (Sufjan Grafton), Sunday, 11 November 2012 05:09 (6 months ago) Permalink
My condolences, goon.
― A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 18 May 2013 17:01 (4 days ago) Permalink
condolences to you and yours, dear fgti.
― ballin' from Maine to Mexico (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 18 May 2013 19:03 (4 days ago) Permalink
― um, airhead (darraghmac), Saturday, 18 May 2013 19:44 (4 days ago) Permalink