i started posting on ilx as "al" shortly before November 2001 so every time this thread is revived i do a double take wondering if i started it
― some dude, Monday, 30 April 2012 03:35 (1 year ago) Permalink
xpost ehh, just ignore that big chunk of text I wrote. On further inspection, I think you're right.
― Spectrum, Monday, 30 April 2012 03:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
Man, do I ever know that feeling of looking at others and feeling bitter that they have it so damn easy. It's true most everyone has a story (eg Veg OTM); OTOH some definitely have had it easier than others.
It can be real tough when you're trying to turn things around to see any of the progress you've made. Therapy takes a lot of effort and working through feelings and experiences and shit can take years and years. That you're doing it is courageous. You're planting seeds now that will be harvested in the future. It's hard to be patient, but keep going.
Also to the world that says therapy is for losers (esp men I guess, wtf?), I say, "Fuck that." Thousands and thousands of people do it every year, and it helps make people better. It's a better use of time and money and energy than dozens of inane things society approves of, like shopping.
― Dale, dale, dale (Abbbottt), Monday, 30 April 2012 03:56 (1 year ago) Permalink
I want to say I support you and your feelings are real and ok!
― Dale, dale, dale (Abbbottt), Monday, 30 April 2012 03:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
I'm going back into therapy as soon as I have the money or insurance (whichever comes first) to do so, even though I'm generally in a better place mentally than I've been in almost two years. It's like doing upkeep on a car: you let that shit slide too long and you pay through the nose when you have a breakdown.
― O Aquaman (Deric W. Haircare), Monday, 30 April 2012 04:11 (1 year ago) Permalink
Thanks, Abbottt. It's nice to feel that I'm not alone in this. Right now is the first time I've become aware of why and how I fall back into bad habits and patterns whenever something big or stressful happens, and that's when all progress is completely reversed. It's like becoming aware you're living in the Matrix or you're the Prisoner or something. So that's good at least.
My question is: now what? I'd like to go to therapy but it'll take 3 months for my benefits to kick in, and I don't have much of a support network to rely on. Confronting the honest truth is like a wave of molten lead crashing on top of me and it's hard not to get sucked in and down (or, uhhh, burned alive), especially without any support. Positive side is life is far better than years ago, and my career is starting to kick off after two extreme changes in course, so I'm lucky in that regard.
― Spectrum, Friday, 4 May 2012 22:23 (1 year ago) Permalink
i basically did 12 weeks of this, which was state sponsored, and the dude was v good but at the end was all "make the investment in your happiness" meaning go private and pay 50 quid a week, and i just can't justify that. 200 quid a month, just insane.
i didn't really work everything out, though my 12 weeks helped a lot, and lol now i'm doing an acting class instead which was considerably cheaper. not a deliberate like for like swap but that's how it's panned out.
― ooooiiiioooooooooooooooaaaaaaaaoooooh un - bi - leevable! (LocalGarda), Saturday, 5 May 2012 00:33 (1 year ago) Permalink
I just called one of those "stressed? griefy? etc? call us" employee assistance hotlines and the guy tried to talk me into seeing a counselor again –––––––––––––––– and he correctly identified (and helped me realize) that I have developed an extreme distrust of counselors/therapists over the years. Looking back over the years, I can see where it got fucked up with every single one of them. I have this little narrative that therapy helped me out but it's not so simple as that.
The anonymous phone guy was VERY easy to talk to, mostly because I'll never have to see him again! Or that he has a copy of something dumb like THE COURAGE TO HEAL that makes me judge him. Just, ok, I got problems, bye, let's never do this again!
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 01:22 (8 months ago) Permalink
Maybe you are looking for reasons to reject them in the end? The by-far best therapist I ever had used to quote Tony Robbins, so I had to let go of my anti-self-help-book prejudice. Anyway, sounds like you are going through some really hard stuff and I feel for you. Seeing someone sounds like a good idea.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 02:08 (8 months ago) Permalink
I think it breaks down to:- the truly bonkers therapists detailed upthread (eg the one who made me call my dad w/Michael Medved trivia questons mid-session)- got misdiagnosed w/bipolar and was on like extreme (and extremely expensive) medications for years and years and did not start having anything like a normal work life or normal emotional life until AFTER going off meds- they gave me a guy therapist after I got raped and I was too much like 'hmm I must not judge humanity for its many penises' Polyanna to say no, and eventually I would go home imagining him masturbating while thinking about our sessions (I think this is called 'transference' and also 'awful')- I did have a good marriage counselor because she saw through all our bullshit but it did lead to a divorce- didn't really help that my former mom-in-law is a therapist, and insane, and when I got raped she told me it was MY fault because I repressed a memory of my dad molesting me (my dad never molested me (this is why I would get judgey about someone having THE COURAGE TO HEAL))- and now ILX is my therapist, sorry everyone!!
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 02:51 (8 months ago) Permalink
ugh. therapy can be kind of dangerous really. It's so crucial when it's good, but it can be so terrible when it's bad.
FWIW both of my mother's parents were therapists and she played therapist with me (to an inappropriate degree) my whole life. So I can relate to mistrusting therapists.
in re the guy therapist, though, (and here I'm going to go playing therapist I guess) -- I think there are times when you can actually benefit from trying to sit with those awful and uncomfortable transferrence feelings about a therapist, and that's supposed to be part of the process and all, although obviously I don't advocate doing it to the point of nauseau and trauma
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:18 (8 months ago) Permalink
ps I didn't know that's what "The Courage To Heal" was -- yuck
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:21 (8 months ago) Permalink
yeah seeing a male therapist for that was a MISTAKE
thanks for listening Hurting. Want to say I hope you don't think I was going ham on you on the feministy thread. Sorry for being such a ridiculous and petulant provocateur.
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:29 (8 months ago) Permalink
nah I didn't figure you were talking about me specifically, I was just trying to provide some context for at least some instances of "the woman seems to be doing all the child-rearing." I mean other times there's just stupid male expectations at play, for sure.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:35 (8 months ago) Permalink
One thing I can say is that you're probably right about how you'd feel if you had kids -- that sounds very much like what new moms, including my wife, have told me about the rage they often feel, so if you ever do it, at least you won't have unrealistic expectations.
― look at this quarterstaff (Hurting 2), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:37 (8 months ago) Permalink
I mean not all the child-rearing but all the child-CHASING. Like I go out with friends – mom, dad, and toddler – dad's playing mandolin and drinking whiskey with the boys, mom's the one following the little making sure she's not falling into the pool. Or doing all those child-time-occupying games. "Can you count how many fallen apples there are on the ground, sweetie?" And when moms needs to use the bathroom or take a break with some wine, it's not dad that's swapped out to watch the kid, it's me. Which, I love their kid and don't mind. But that is the face of liberal hipster parenting I've seen play out at a lot of parties.
― ms fotheringham (Crabbits), Thursday, 13 September 2012 03:40 (8 months ago) Permalink
I must not judge humanity for its many penises
sorry i lol'ed
― real men have been preparing manly dishes for centuries (elmo argonaut), Thursday, 13 September 2012 13:25 (8 months ago) Permalink