ta for the wired tlc ..
this just goes to prove that even in this day and age of techno miracles, in the majority of cases, the powers that be really dont have a grasp on this evil disease.
we were told back in december that there was a good chance of 12 months of settled life.
to say the last 4 months have been a living hell of health related shyte would be an understatement.
we have no let up from the hospital/a&e chaos, so in some ways, i'm glad that she is now no longer suffering, but damn, its heavy on those of us left behind.
― mark e, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:49 (1 year ago) Permalink
how horrible, Mark. RIP, & I hope you too are able to find some peace in this.
― Euler, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:50 (1 year ago) Permalink
mark i'm so sorry for you and your family's loss, i hope you all get all the love and support you need
― seapunk run. run punk run! (Noodle Vague), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:55 (1 year ago) Permalink
Oh Mark, I'm so sorry to hear that. Wishing you all the strength in the world over the next few days and weeks.
― btw didn't i braek ur heart (NickB), Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:57 (1 year ago) Permalink
That is horrible to hear, take care of yourself, man.
― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 26 April 2012 13:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
Also: fuck cancer.
― Andrew Farrell, Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:06 (1 year ago) Permalink
Oh my God. I am so so sorry to read this. I can't imagine how horrible the past year must have been for you. My best wishes go out to you and your family.
― wolf kabob (ENBB), Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:10 (1 year ago) Permalink
― Ned Raggett, Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:27 (1 year ago) Permalink
mark, I'm very sorry. words on a message board don't do it justice.
I switched oncologists recently, going to the big medical center named after one of the Rockefellers. My new guy is the teacher who taught my two old guys.
We went down the list, talking about the medications I had been given, what my diet could be, drawing a DNA helix on the paper of the examination chair and saying 45 minutes of exercise based on my age x 5 - 2 or something. That last one, "What does running up and down stairs have to do with cancer?" made him literally stroke his beard and say "We don't know. Everything I've told you is basically an educated guess at best."
Now, this guy is pretty educated, but every honest doctor would be the first to tell you that plugging tubes of poison into people's veins and blasting them with radiation is witchcraft at best.
― pplains, Thursday, 26 April 2012 14:51 (1 year ago) Permalink
i have an uncle who is a highly qualified doctor in canada - and he basically told me this back last year, so while we were getting the 'we will cure you' story from various folks here, i've been quietly preparing for this outcome due to the insider information from him.
still, doesn't make dealing with the fallout any easier ..
good luck with your battle pplains - you have my heartfelt wishes and hopes for a more successful outcome.
for us, the big reveal was the discovery of an evil lump weeks after the completion of premium grade chemo that she underwent as that confirmed just how aggressive the fucker was.
(uncle confirmed that she got the best that was available .. so no complaints on that score)
― mark e, Thursday, 26 April 2012 15:08 (1 year ago) Permalink
Heartfelt condolences, mark. I'm so sorry that things turned out this way.
― that mustardless plate (Bill A), Thursday, 26 April 2012 19:03 (1 year ago) Permalink
i'm so very sorry, mark.
― estela, Thursday, 26 April 2012 19:13 (1 year ago) Permalink
Found out yesterday that mother in-law likely has pancreatic cancer. She got sick the day after we left for vacation, but apparently her doctor's been all kind of amazing and has run 6 months worth of tests in 2 weeks. From what I understand they think it's still in early stages, and possibly slow-growing though I'm still trying to make sense of everything so I don't exactly know all the details.
the worst part is that her Mum died of cancer when she was quite young, and her brother died of pancreatic cancer a couple of years ago, so it's just like AAAAAGGGGH FUCK YOU CANCER SERIOUSLY
the gallows-humor lighter side is that because of a blocked bile duct she now has a major case of jaundice. She said over the phone that she was pretty green, but when she answered the door mr Veg and I were like, 'Whoa. you weren't kidding.' Wicked Witch of the West level neon green. It's really weird!
We visited with her yesterday - she's very scared, tired, etc, but still very much herself. I love her so much...it just fucks me up that she's dealing with all of this. Ugh!
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:17 (1 year ago) Permalink
AAAAAGGGGH FUCK YOU CANCER SERIOUSLY
hope they caught the fucker in time peppermint.
― mark e, Monday, 30 April 2012 20:30 (1 year ago) Permalink
I know. I'd like to have her around for a lot longer :)
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:38 (1 year ago) Permalink
btw, my condolences to you, mark...a big DOUBLE FUCK YOU CANCER
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:42 (1 year ago) Permalink
borderline alcoholism + v. loud music helps.
― mark e, Monday, 30 April 2012 20:48 (1 year ago) Permalink
<3 <3 <3
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Monday, 30 April 2012 20:58 (1 year ago) Permalink
my mother in law was diagnosed with terminal cancer on Friday. Somehow the fucking doctor she has been getting x-rays and cat scans from for the last five years completely missed the huge tumor crushing her heart. My wife had to take an emergency red-eye last night and fortunately made it home before her mom died. now they're waiting for more tests.
fuck you, incompetent doctors, fuck you cancer, etc.
― sleeve, Monday, 30 April 2012 21:31 (1 year ago) Permalink
Somehow the fucking doctor she has been getting x-rays and cat scans from for the last five years completely missed the huge tumor crushing her heart.
due to the time, i am assuming you are US based pepper, cos this scarily similar to our situation.
3 years of 'problems' that were ignored cos it would have cost a few quid to send bh for a CT scan ..
so, yes fuck you incomp. doctors and fuck you tory policy to make doctors even more important in the decision making process.
once bh was escalated to the next level of care then it has to be said, the care was absolutely fantastic, but the fact of the matter is that he problems were ignored by the the GPs for 3 years .. and the GPs defence : 'bh is too young to get stomach cancer'
ok, time for more wine ..
― mark e, Monday, 30 April 2012 21:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
hang in there, also check out the revive on the Steve Albini thread, very inspiring.
― sleeve, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 00:36 (1 year ago) Permalink
I was told just today that my aunt was in the final stages of her cancer, so I feel you. It's amazing how much money + resources gets pumped into research and how it's still such a crapshoot of who survives and who doesn't.
― musicfanatic, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 00:47 (1 year ago) Permalink
Here's the link. It's about a musician with terminal cancer staring the fucker down until the very end.
― pplains, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 02:20 (1 year ago) Permalink
pp i had no idea, i always avoid this thread. rooting for you.
― like Joe Pasquale and Gandhi (Noodle Vague), Tuesday, 1 May 2012 06:18 (1 year ago) Permalink
same here PP. And Mark e,Sleeve,musicfanatic good luck to you guys too. Sorry to hear about all this. Good vibes to you all.
― Algerian Goalkeeper, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 08:12 (1 year ago) Permalink
"he made a choice between two options, undergoing a regimen of treatment that might extend his life at the cost of its quality, or a less invasive course that would allow him to continue living more-or-less normally by suppressing some of his symptoms and alleviating his pain, without increasing his longevity. He chose that second course."
I must confess, if this is the appropriate place to say so which it may not be, that this will be my path, should it happen.
― fix it with like some music glue (Trayce), Tuesday, 1 May 2012 11:04 (1 year ago) Permalink
just to clarify, my tests have been clean since 2008, though I'm still in the system and they still dig out polyps every year that could turn into something worse.
I usually don't post in this thread because my story hasn't taken the turns others have made here.
Cancer is such a random unstoppable killer and it's very frustrating because some get better and some get worse. At least when you get eaten by a shark, the doctors don't go, Hmmm, let's try some of these painful treatments for the next six months and see what happens next.
There's nothing anyone can say here to mark or anyone else that can make the pain of losing someone any easier to take. Cancer's biggest sin isn't that it takes one person, but that it can infect entire families, the people left behind.
― pplains, Tuesday, 1 May 2012 14:39 (1 year ago) Permalink
I feel like a jerk even saying anything, but I'm having such a hard time getting used to my mother-in-law's cancer.
It's basically going to be a fact of life for her. The cancer is small and slow-growing. She decided that she does not want to have chemo, since the doctors were not convinced that it would help and with her being upwards of 75 it could have pretty bad effect on her. She's not a candidate for surgery, which would have removed part of her stomach and left her in chronic pain for the rest of her life. So, the way it stands now, without any treatment the prognosis is 5 years. (And I know they don't mean much but still, hearing it in numbers like that is just, ugh).
She's decided to try a nutritional approach, using the Gerson diet? I'd never heard of it but apparently it's kinda popular among people in her situation, or with ppl who do not want to go down the chemo road at all. So she's gotta eat loads of fruit and veg and juices...and have enemas :/ ... but she figured it can't make her feel any worse, and her doctor basically told her to do nothing at all.
all of that aside, the hardest thing for me is that I haven't been through anything like this, not with anyone close to me. the last time a family member was even sick was my grandma when I was teenager. I was incredibly close to her, and she died when I was 16 -- my relationship with my MIL is very similar, because she's the same age my grandma was when she passed, and she's the most intelligent, caring, loveliest woman I know and I cannot get down with the idea that FUCKING CANCER is inside her now.
I know none of what she's going through now necessarily means that she has a death sentence, and yes we all die. but these past few weeks, I'm okay when I'm around her and we talk and everything's just like it always has been but if I think about her for too long on my own I just start crying because I really really don't want to lose her. She's like my second mom.
ugh even crying now as I type, goddammit. I just need to find away to settle into this, I need to get to some kind of acceptance, stay logical and not be scared and it's so hard.
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 24 May 2012 21:24 (11 months ago) Permalink
― mookieproof, Thursday, 24 May 2012 23:41 (11 months ago) Permalink
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:10 (11 months ago) Permalink
ditto mooks here. sending good thoughts your way. fuck u cancer, and all illness, really.
― quincie, Friday, 25 May 2012 01:18 (11 months ago) Permalink
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:40 (11 months ago) Permalink
Hoping this will help, if only ever so slightly: my dad was diagnosed with throat cancer...crikey, almost two years ago. He felt fine and was in generally good shape and was expected to live at least a few more years upon initial diagnosis. However, he went in for some extreme chemo treatments which killed him in less than a week. Although, obviously, not all situations are the same, it is helpful to remember that modern medicine sometimes doesn't know shit about dick. On the other hand, I know a friend of a friend's dad who, afaik, continues to do fine years and years after his cancer diagnosis as a result (one assumes) of undergoing a diet change much like the one you describe. So...hope for the best, I guess. It's all you have the power to do in your shoes. Strongest of wellwishing, VG.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Friday, 25 May 2012 01:59 (11 months ago) Permalink
that means a lot, Deric, and it really does help to read that. Thank you <3
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 02:19 (11 months ago) Permalink
However, he went in for some extreme chemo treatments which killed him in less than a week.
OMG I'm so sorry, Deric. That must have been so awfully hard.
― wolf kabob (ENBB), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:20 (11 months ago) Permalink
I used to talk with this older woman who took chemotherapy with me. While my treatments were once every two weeks, for six months, hers were to go on perpetually once a week. She said that she wasn't ready to give up on life, despite the discomfort and spoke fondly of the Whippets she was raising.
I'd lay in bed for the next couple of days and think, man, that woman must sure love Whippets.
In other words, you'll never hear criticism from me about older people saying to hell with chemo, I'm going to stock up on vegetables and head for Mexico like Ambrose Pierce.
― pplains, Friday, 25 May 2012 14:08 (11 months ago) Permalink
Had thyroid cancer in 2000. Every time i am about to get the green light on no more six month follow-ups, something suspicious turns up. Then it's another few years of watching and testing and nothing really turning up, which is great. At what point do you say fuck the follow-ups? Because this can go on forever.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 19:29 (11 months ago) Permalink
Sorry to hear about your MIL and what you are going through, Vegemite. I have heard really great and miraculous things about the Gershon diet. Only, in fact. My uncle has been following the diet on his own, without the proper juicer and has leukemia but has been in extremely good health since. Being pro-active and making decisions like that, I feel, is a very good sign.
When doctors says a cancer is slow moving, you can bet then then it is slow moving. It does mean that they want you to come in for follow-ups and testing pretty often. What this does is keep cancer on everyone's mind even when things are not progressing or even looking up.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 19:47 (11 months ago) Permalink
Thanks tera, I'm glad there's good stories about the diet -- honestly it sounds like a cross between a genius idea ie the nutrional approach, but also quackery with all those enemas but I definitely admire her being so pro-active. And she has a lot of support within the family, plus a family friend has been on the Gerson diet for a year or so now post-breast cancer, and is also a GP so she's been very good at helping get my MIL get good information.
I talked to Mr Veg about it last night, and he said that there's no reason I shouldn't just talk to my MIL, instead of trying to come to terms on my own. We have always had a very close relationship so it might be a good approach. idk. We'll see.
― Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 25 May 2012 20:17 (11 months ago) Permalink
Talking things out can help tremendously.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 21:09 (11 months ago) Permalink
forgive the question, but "MIL" ?
is that a US thing ?
this thread just underlines the sheer fucking evilness of cancer.
something i never really appreciated until it crashed into my world
(i know i know, ignorance is bliss, and in my case, it really really was bliss as we genuinely had a perfect life)
oh, and its one month since the evil lump changed our lives forever.
2 weeks ago i buried my wife.
so image how i felt when @ 9:30am this morning, my boss called to see if i was coming to a meeting this afternoon with HR to discuss my situation re returning to work !
my answer : "i'm still filling in the f*ckin' paperwork .. "
so a quick question for anyone else who has been through similar situations to me : how long before you went back to work ?
― mark e, Friday, 25 May 2012 22:19 (11 months ago) Permalink
MIL = mother-in-law
― how's life, Friday, 25 May 2012 22:29 (11 months ago) Permalink
I couldn't imagine ever going back to work, tbh. I guess at some point you have to, but damn.
So very, very sorry Mark.
― *tera, Friday, 25 May 2012 22:32 (11 months ago) Permalink
this is where my head is, so it was not easy as when boss called i was on the verge of an outburst along these lines.
the problem is : the company have been great, and my boss has been and is great.
just that my official sick note ran out a mere few hours before, and they were on the phone checking my whereabouts, despite the fact that last week i went into the office to tell them 'i'm f*cked up, and there is no way i'm coming back for a while'
hey ho, paperwork and forms are the foundations of the modern world i guess.
― mark e, Friday, 25 May 2012 23:06 (11 months ago) Permalink
I'm so sorry man.
― how's life, Friday, 25 May 2012 23:08 (11 months ago) Permalink
@ VGirl, it might sound sappy to say so, but in you it sounds you've got a fortunate mother-in-law.
― poxen, Saturday, 26 May 2012 00:05 (11 months ago) Permalink
one month on.the big question : how long is it when i no longer see my wife die everytime i close my eyesits ripping me to pieces.cant remember any of the good stuff due to the sheer intensity of the last 12 months.this shit really hurts.think i need to see someone and get some advise on how to deal with this which is not easy given that on the surface all appears ok ..
― mark e, Saturday, 26 May 2012 21:58 (11 months ago) Permalink
Mark, I'm sorry for your loss and I sympathize deeply (although I could never understand exactly what you're going through).
I thought I was just coming back home to support my mom while my dad was in hospital with a sudden downturn related to his chemo treatments, when in fact I managed to get into town and to the hospital just in time to actually watch my dad die. It's a horrible thing to experience, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone. As I mentioned upthread, this was almost two years ago and I'm still shaken by it. The best advice I can give: seek a grief counselor, or any kind of therapist/psychologist/psychiatrist. Someone who you (or your insurance) are paying to be there on a regular basis to listen to you. As helpful as friends can be as a shoulder to cry on, they might not be there when you need them to be or as much as you need them to be. It's important to remember that some people feel more helpless than others with respect to helping you cope with such a huge weight and also that this isn't a weight you should expect anyone in particular to help you shoulder if that person isn't a professional.
All I can tell you with any certainty is that when I was confronted with tragedy (my dad's death was only one of a number of deaths and heavy events that transpired over the course of several months), I tried the "shaking it off" method for as long as I could, pressing forward and hoping that day-to-day life would take my mind off of it. It only worked for so long, and I completely turfed out after I stopped seeing my psychiatrist at the time. I'm only starting to get back on track now, two years later, so I think it's really important that you take care of yourself now and continue taking care of yourself for as long as it takes until you are well. And possibly quite a bit after you think you're well. Most importantly, though, don't try to carry the weight yourself.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 27 May 2012 00:01 (11 months ago) Permalink
Ohhhh, and thank you, Erica, I didn't see your post yesterday. As evidenced by my most recent post, it really was and has continued to be a pretty rough road. And my dad and I didn't even particularly get on that well. You just never know how it's gonna hit you until it hits you.
― Quiet Desperation, LLC (Deric W. Haircare), Sunday, 27 May 2012 01:00 (11 months ago) Permalink
hi mark, happy for you that it went so well, but at the same time it's heartbreaking that such a day ever came to pass for you. sounds like you got a real feeling of togetherness out of it, glad that there are some very real positives for you to find solace in.
― dschinghis kraan (NickB), Friday, 26 April 2013 22:42 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
sorry if that sounds a bit overfamiliar btw, but i think that anyone who reads this thread knows what a nightmare you've been through and is rooting for you and yours for the future
― dschinghis kraan (NickB), Friday, 26 April 2013 22:45 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
re togetherness : that's actually spot on nickb ..
after all the evilness of the lump, it has taken a while to come to realise such simple truths, but hey, would like to think we turned a corner today.
well, i most certainly did.
xpost : behave re your concerns re being overfamiliar ! i would not post here if i were worried re such things ..
― mark e, Friday, 26 April 2013 22:49 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
Surgery over, drs happy, results whenever, we'll take the interim as a happy gift
Best wishes mark. Survive as a unit before worrying about meta consequences im
― The Finnish Question........after question......after question....a (darraghmac), Friday, 26 April 2013 23:34 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
genuinely hope things go to plan ..
― mark e, Friday, 26 April 2013 23:53 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
With genuine admiration with yr having dealt with what you have
― The Finnish Question........after question......after question....a (darraghmac), Saturday, 27 April 2013 00:00 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
Mark e, best wishes to you and your boys. I'm so glad your day was nice. I have learned that celebrating a person can feel wonderful, even when their absence still hurts. My sister's funeral was one of the most positive experiences of my life, in addition to being the most terrible. A very strange mix of feelings.
Have resolved to volunteer for the Cancer Society when my babies are a bit bigger. They were a wonderful source of support for my family through everything, and anyone going through this shit deserves as much help from as many people as possible.
― franny glass, Sunday, 28 April 2013 00:53 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
A couple of Mondays ago I learned a very close family friend, Julie, (she lived with us when I was growing up and was like a second mom) died from the lung cancer she had been fighting for about 6 months. About half an hour before I got that news I learned my best friend's nephew, who has been fighting leukemia for 10 years (first diagnosed when he was 5), made a completely unexpected recovery shortly after the doctors had finally admitted defeat. So it was an evening of oh my god Noah is well there is hope yayayayay!!!! to oh my god Julie is dead.
― (from a bottle you dicks) (sunny successor), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 19:02 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
A funny story about Noah - when he got the all clear all he wanted to do was get his drivers license . So his dad took him to get his learners permit. First thing he did? Drove the car straight into a wall. He was fine of course but damn chill Noah.
― (from a bottle you dicks) (sunny successor), Wednesday, 1 May 2013 19:05 (3 weeks ago) Permalink
All clear iirc
― i gave ten pounds and all i got was a lousy * (darraghmac), Friday, 10 May 2013 19:58 (1 week ago) Permalink
oh that's good news dm, glad to hear it
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Friday, 10 May 2013 19:59 (1 week ago) Permalink
― Ned Raggett, Friday, 10 May 2013 20:12 (1 week ago) Permalink
I'm dutifully assisting a mother-in-law's request that she receive home care through the late stages of her cancer even though it means mopping up stomach acid from g-tube holes and changing a diaper. Every time we bundle her up and take her to hospital for some new complication she seems ready to be admitted to palliative, which would be an enormous relief and a huge benefit to her health instead of having her cared for by her talentless children. Then, they apply the right cream and/or install a new thing and she "rallies", imagines she'll be walking again by the next morning and we're lifting her back into the front seat, taking her home. Happily she's still got her sense of humour and it's pretty easy to get a smile out of her even in the worst of times. Tough lady.
― flamboyant goon tie included, Tuesday, 14 May 2013 16:58 (1 week ago) Permalink
She died yesterday. Happily she settled down and didn't keep up with the Unwise Rushing Around and died peacefully and intact instead of some rupturing sepsis bullshit. Lots of family here. I can't get out of bed. I was only looking after her two days a week but my bf was doing it full time, a superhero.
― flamboyant goon mayor denuded (flamboyant goon tie included), Saturday, 18 May 2013 15:36 (4 days ago) Permalink
I'm so sorry to hear that. my thoughts are with both of you. <3
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 May 2013 16:13 (4 days ago) Permalink
Best indeed to all, and my deep condolences.
― Ned Raggett, Saturday, 18 May 2013 16:30 (4 days ago) Permalink
Grisly but lol: my favourite cousin, a nurse, 70, remarked "happily we don't have to worry about a drawn-out cancer with ~you~. You Palletts are gifted at dying. Aneurysm *pow*! Heart attack *pow*! Out like a light! Very respectful." <3
― flamboyant goon mayor denuded (flamboyant goon tie included), Saturday, 18 May 2013 16:49 (4 days ago) Permalink
Thanks for the kind words. Feeling stunned but ok. Worried bf will crash next week so I'm making sure he's got massages and madeleines
― flamboyant goon mayor denuded (flamboyant goon tie included), Saturday, 18 May 2013 16:57 (4 days ago) Permalink
both v essential
― set the controls for the heart of the sun (VegemiteGrrl), Saturday, 18 May 2013 16:59 (4 days ago) Permalink
My condolences, goon.
― A deeper shade of lol (Alfred, Lord Sotosyn), Saturday, 18 May 2013 17:01 (4 days ago) Permalink
condolences to you and yours, dear fgti.
― ballin' from Maine to Mexico (Dr Morbius), Saturday, 18 May 2013 19:03 (4 days ago) Permalink
― um, airhead (darraghmac), Saturday, 18 May 2013 19:44 (4 days ago) Permalink