'John Carter,' aka the Edgar Rice Burroughs 'A Princess of Mars' adaptation

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do you think any of the others are clearly 'better'

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:05 (2 years ago) Permalink

tim burton's candy land

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

^ what we're all thinking

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

tho that would suck hard

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

Monopoly could be great. Candy Land also if done similarly to Mr. Show's take on the Kroffts.

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

xxxpost

Axolotl with an Atlatl (Jon Lewis), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:07 (2 years ago) Permalink

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:08 (2 years ago) Permalink

they should have bought risk and made a four-hour the longest day kinda thing that just cross-cuts between 500000 a-list names shooting each other in ten different locations. AROUND THE WORLD.

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:09 (2 years ago) Permalink

...in a teal & orange steampunk napoleonic cgi style? please?

goole, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:10 (2 years ago) Permalink

soundtrack is just fake gregorian chants and a couple songs from smash

the "intenterface" (difficult listening hour), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:17 (2 years ago) Permalink

i can in my mind's eye imagine good movies of all of them but battleship but maybe i'm being contrarian at this point

― goole, Wednesday, March 21, 2012 5:08 PM (11 minutes ago) Bookmark

well i mean their concern wasnt what will be good, it was what can they sell. and it's easy to sell a big budget transformers knockoff

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

LIFE: people getting born, growing up, going to college, making out, getting married, raising kids, getting jobs, starting businesses - all from inside their cars. kind of like taste of cherry, but more cheerful. shot entirely in pink and blue.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:21 (2 years ago) Permalink

it was Battleship, Candy Land, Clue, Magic: The Gathering, Monopoly, Ouija, and Stretch Armstrong

read: CGI action movie, CGI kids film, thriller, CGI fantasy, adult drama, supernatural thriller/horror, CGI action comedy

pretty obvious why they chose the one they did - biggest potential ROI

the sir edmund hillary of sitting through pauly shore films (Shakey Mo Collier), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

Ouiji could be a genuinely neat movie. Think: supernatural comedy/romance

aka vanilla bean (remy bean), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

Didn't you see Witchboard back in the 80s?

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

a Tawny Kitaen classic

EZ Snappin, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

It was more than just a matter of too much talk. It was that as soon as I'd get into the mythology a little bit, there'd be this rushed, chaotic action scene which really showed the limitations of the director's abilities, cool as what I could catch in all the commotion seemed to be. Also, they failed to illustrate the parameters of John Carter's Mars powers. Like, how many times was he chained up in this movie until he was just motivated enough to break his chains or something? And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

I did love all the stuff I recognized from numerous movies that have mined this material before. Did not love seeing that kid from "World's Greatest Dad," who once I realized it was him took me out of his bits

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:40 (2 years ago) Permalink

I should stress that all these complaints have little to do with the material and more to do with how it was incorporated, or how the story was told. Which again, lays it at the feet of the director.

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

And the movie really should have started with John Carter and earned him his Oz moment when he woke up on Mars, not with a great Mars aerial battle. Given how little the blue-eyed people stuff made sense to this neophyte, they really didn't need to show McNulty getting his magic blue electro arm thingy. Or rather, they could have easily slipped that in somewhere else, later, once the movie got its legs.

yeah, i objected to the same thing upthread. there was just no reason to start the movie with sab than getting the 9th ray armband thing. we could easily have found out later that the therns were guiding him to victory.

Fozzy Osbourne (contenderizer), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 21:56 (2 years ago) Permalink

I was a little worried by that intro, I was like..oh wait maybe it isn't that great? The Onion review was otm about that, it was pretty much everything everyone fears about scifi movies

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Wednesday, 21 March 2012 22:04 (2 years ago) Permalink

It felt like the start to a cable mini-series, not a feature film. Maybe they should have gone with a scroll? "A long time ago ..."

Josh in Chicago, Wednesday, 21 March 2012 22:24 (2 years ago) Permalink

I really liked the electro arm start! Just jumping straight in there.

kinder, Thursday, 22 March 2012 00:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

don't tell anyone this...but i totally just dissed d@viD D^nby in my emp thing i'm reading at nyu on friday. if you are morbz you shouldn't miss it...

scott seward, Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

i couldn't help myself...

scott seward, Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:19 (2 years ago) Permalink

and i make fun of old people but morbz should come anyway...

scott seward, Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

:D

Peppermint Patty Hearst (VegemiteGrrl), Thursday, 22 March 2012 03:20 (2 years ago) Permalink

I liked some of the design work and visual effects, but really this was a complete and utter mess. I have nitpicks by the ton, but overall it just failed to engage me. I was, at times, completely lost as to what was going on, which I put down to horrible writing. It was all muddled plot, no story.
The source material was written 100 years ago, and it felt like it. All the good ideas in this have been used in greatly better movies throughout the years, and now the well is dry.

DavidM, Friday, 23 March 2012 17:16 (2 years ago) Permalink

I loved it. Given the amount of utter shite that does well at the box office it is shocking that a film as entertaining as this did so badly.

The New Dirty Vicar, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 13:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

for people who don't follow ILM stuff, my Denby slam is here:

http://skotrok.blogspot.com/2012/03/2012-emp-pop-conference-paper.html

its in the last section. maria said she actually sensed some dismay from the crowd, but i didn't hear any from where i was. i didn't think anyone would care, but it is new york. maybe his mom was there.

scott seward, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

It was pretty beautiful, that moment.

Ned Raggett, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:28 (2 years ago) Permalink

Wow Scott! Can't wait to read this. You go on about some of my favorite records as a clubbing kid in the late 80s. Chep Nuñez was God.

Lawanda Pageboy (Capitaine Jay Vee), Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

haha, yeah, that line is great and I had a very similar reaction to his review

stan this sick bunt (jon /via/ chi 2.0), Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:31 (2 years ago) Permalink

Wow! Heady rush reading that Scott. Kudos and ashamed I missed seeing it in person.

EZ Snappin, Tuesday, 27 March 2012 14:37 (2 years ago) Permalink

was that a speech for a conference or something?

these pretzels are makeing me horney (Hungry4Ass), Tuesday, 27 March 2012 15:27 (2 years ago) Permalink

3 weeks pass...

My father, joking to some Disney suits after overhearing them talking about the failures of "John Carter": "John Carter from Mars? Who wants to see that?? 'Jimmy Carter From Georgia' would've made more money." They laughed.

Cunga, Monday, 23 April 2012 06:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

1 month passes...

how, how did this get made?

Number None, Friday, 25 May 2012 01:22 (2 years ago) Permalink

Dude from Pixar who's shat gold several times for Disney + his genuine (if obsessive) enthusiasm for John Carter + it is genuinely an Olde Venerable Property from the dude who who wrote Tarzan / Land That Time Forgot + a miscalculation as to the extent to which the geeks rule the world.

There's a good article on it here (admittedly back when it was expected to be ne of History's Greatest Mistakes) The Inside Story of How John Carter Was Doomed by Its First Trailer

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 May 2012 06:51 (2 years ago) Permalink

+ a miscalculation as to the extent to which geeks enjoy genuinely Olde Venerable Properties. This was fun silly, a horrific mistake. Geeks want emo Kinkade silly.

Jedmond, Friday, 25 May 2012 07:12 (2 years ago) Permalink

Well yeah, there's depth but not breadth of geek geeks and breadth but not depth of "I am a geek, I have seen Iron Man 10 times".

... Who is Kinkade? Not the painter, I assume?

Andrew Farrell, Friday, 25 May 2012 08:15 (2 years ago) Permalink

The design was very nice, the action scenes were quite good. I think it failed because a) there was never a real sense of threat, just a lot of vague 'I think something really bad is going to happen if I marry this guy' and b) both of the leads were really boring. The best characters were all animated, ergo Stanton is rubbish at directing actual people.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 12:06 (2 years ago) Permalink

it did look really nice. Dialogue/romance was Star Wars prequels level to me though

Number None, Friday, 25 May 2012 12:18 (2 years ago) Permalink

It's not that stories with lots of made up words and names flying about can't be compelling and popular - look at Game of Thrones. This movie just didn't give us any particular reason to care about deciphering all the fantasy nonsense.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 12:25 (2 years ago) Permalink

I usually love deciphering fantasy nonsense given the chance, but in John Carter I really couldn't be bothered.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 12:29 (2 years ago) Permalink

But what exactly needed deciphering? Admittedly I had a few "what was that guy's name?"/"who are they talking about?" moments, but what was going on was never really obscure.

the fey monster (ledge), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:13 (2 years ago) Permalink

I found it pretty tiresome to keep up with what was what to be be honest. I did fall asleep for five minutes at one point though.

I wish to incorporate disco into my small business (chap), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:41 (2 years ago) Permalink

+ a miscalculation as to the extent to which geeks enjoy genuinely Olde Venerable Properties. This was fun silly, a horrific mistake. Geeks want emo Kinkade silly.

― Jedmond, Friday, May 25, 2012 3:12 AM (6 hours ago) Bookmark

cmon this is crap. people just want a good movie. this one sucked

Hungry4Ass, Friday, 25 May 2012 13:46 (2 years ago) Permalink

i don't think it sucked. it was probably better than a lot of these big would-be franchise movies, if not top rank.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:52 (2 years ago) Permalink

in general people read too much into box office failures.

flesh, the devil, and a wolf (wolf) (amateurist), Friday, 25 May 2012 13:53 (2 years ago) Permalink


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